“This came yesterday,” Loren murmured, handing it to Kai. “I’m sorry it took so long but the city labs are hella slow. I’m all clear,” he added as Kai turned the opened envelope over in his hands.
“Thanks, Loren,” Kai said quietly, looking up at his best friend. “I can’t live without you, you know that?”
Loren quirked his lips up, a little sadly. “Back atcha, baby. And you know if you need me, I’ll always be here. That will never change.” Loren leaned in and kissed Kai on the forehead, then swung up into his truck, started the engine, and was gone.
Kai got into his Jeep and took a minute to text Jeremy that he was on his way, then headed toward Jeremy’s cabin, thinking about the past two months. They’d come such a long way together, more than Kai could have hoped for in such a short time. Jeremy hadn’t been blowing smoke up Kai’s ass when he said he was truly ready to move on with his life and that he was willing to try; the new key hanging from Kai’s keychain was proof of that.
Still, from the beginning Kai always insisted on going home every Sunday night when possible, feeling the need to not let anything distract him from his responsibilities at school, at Krav Maga, at his own self-defense class. He hadn’t wanted to overwhelm Jeremy with too much togetherness either, and he himself wasn’t quite ready to turn his back on his own independence, the house that meant so much to him and symbolized more than anything else what Kai had overcome and accomplished.
The relationship was definitely working, and except for sometimes feeling like Jeremy was smothering him a little with irrational concern about his safety, Kai was very happy, and he felt like Jeremy was too. And tonight, after he showed Jeremy these test results, things would move to another level altogether.
Snow was falling as Kai navigated the forest roads leading to Jeremy’s cabin. The wind was blowing briskly, keeping the snow from sticking to the roads. It was supposed to get a little worse by tomorrow night, and as he drove Kai went over the week’s lesson plans in his head, wincing at his busy schedule. He was planning to start a voluntary after-school tutoring session two nights a week to help prepare the kids for the state testing that was coming up in a month, and he resigned himself to getting an early start for home tomorrow so he could get some grading done and enter in the students’ records before his crazy week started.
As the turnoff for Jeremy’s driveway came into view, Kai firmly pushed away thoughts of work and kids, and focused his mind entirely on the upcoming night with him. Heat pooled in his abdomen, and he enjoyed the sense of anticipation that was building, making his nipples tingle and his cock harden in his jeans. Their Saturday evenings were usually explosive, coming together after a week apart. It all depended on Jeremy’s mood; sometimes Kai found himself pushed belly-first against the wall and fucked to within an inch of his life seconds after stepping in the door, and other times Jeremy let the tension build through dinner to almost an unbearable pitch before fucking Kai into a sobbing, begging mess.
Jeremy was an unapologetic top, and Kai had no problem with him taking the lead, although he and Jeremy got off hard on those few occasions where Kai turned the tables and pounded Jeremy into the mattress, or took him bent over the lip of the Jacuzzi with water sloshing wildly around them. That was an incredible night. Kai was amazed sometimes at how much he craved Jeremy’s dominance, how much he loved the way Jeremy held him down and made him take it. Considering Kai’s past, that was nothing short of a miracle, but yet to Kai it was more evidence of the way he had taken his body and his sexuality back from the ones who wanted to destroy them.
Kai parked at the top of the driveway and made his way carefully through the snow to the front door, using his new key and letting himself into the warm, bright cabin. Jeremy was nowhere in sight, although Kai could smell something delicious wafting from the kitchen. He hung up his coat and toed off his boots, padding in his thick socks toward the sound of music and the smell of food.
Jeremy was at the island slicing up some vegetables, and Kai drank in the sight of him, long, lean, and graceful, his body swaying gently to the beat of some soulful R&B. Kai came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Jeremy’s waist and nuzzling his neck.
“Hey, Gorgeous,” Jeremy murmured, setting down his knife and turning in Kai’s arms. “You hungry?”
Kai didn’t bother to answer, preferring to kiss him instead, which he did, thoroughly, until they were both breathing hard and Jeremy was clutching Kai’s shoulders. Kai pushed his hips into Jeremy’s, pressing him back against the island, and Jeremy gasped, dropping his hands to Kai’s ass and digging his fingers in, encouraging his movements.
“Yes, I’m hungry, and it smells fucking delicious,” Kai whispered against Jeremy’s lips, rotating his hips, letting Jeremy feel how hard he was. “But feel how much I need you, baby. I need you so much.”
Jeremy moaned and tilted his head back in surrender, giving Kai access to his throat, and Kai placed little nipping kisses up and down the straining tendon, finally pressing his open mouth to the hollow of Jeremy’s throat and sucking lightly.
“But I’m sweaty and dirty, and I smell like glue,” Kai said ruefully, starting to pull back, only to gasp as Jeremy’s hands tightened on his ass and yanked him close again.
“My hardworking man.” Jeremy’s voice was a guttural rasp, and he roamed his lips over Kai’s face, peppering it with kisses. “I want you right now, just like this.” Kai groaned and took Jeremy’s mouth again, loving the way he wrapped around him, and they started moving toward the stairs, Kai having to stop once and pull Jeremy’s hands out of his pants.
“Ain’t gonna fuck you on the goddamn stairs,” he growled, letting his accent deepen and his speech coarsen, knowing how much that turned Jeremy on. “Want you spread beneath me, knees in the air, while I take you. Let’s go.” He herded Jeremy up the stairs with little stinging slaps to his ass, and when they reached the bedroom, Kai ordered hoarsely, “Naked, on your back. Now.”
Jeremy pulled his T-shirt over his head and pushed his jeans down, wincing as he eased the rough denim past his enormously swollen cock, kicking the pants and his underwear off to the side before crawling onto the bed and flopping onto his back.
“Lemme see you,” Kai hissed, groaning aloud as Jeremy planted his feet flat on the bed and let his knees fall far to the side. “So fucking hard for me, aren’t you? God, I love your body.”
Kai knelt between Jeremy’s legs and smoothed his hands up the inside of his thighs, pushing them wider apart, letting his gaze roam over the jutting cock, the fluid beading up on the tip and running freely down the thick shaft, veins prominent and pulsing. Kai reached down and fondled Jeremy’s heavy balls, hefting them in his palm, riding the movement of Jeremy’s hips as he lifted into the touch, begging with his body.
Kai stood back up and started to strip his own clothes off, and as he pushed his pants down, a telltale crinkle of paper from one of the pockets reached his ears. Loren’s test results. When Kai was naked, he crawled back up Jeremy’s body, this time gentling his touch, dropping the coarseness from his voice and letting it deepen into a seductive purr.
“This isn’t how I wanted it to be the first time, Jeremy,” he whispered, coming down fully over top of him, kissing him softly. “I don’t want to just fuck you.”
Jeremy raised his legs and wrapped them around Kai’s hips, lifting against him, his hands clutching Kai’s shoulders. His eyes were questioning, and Kai cupped his cheek.
“I got the results,” he said quietly, watching as comprehension flooded Jeremy’s face, and Kai leaned down to drag his tongue along Jeremy’s full lower lip before nipping it lightly. “I want to make love to you. Let me?”
In answer Jeremy let his eyes drift closed, and he slid his fingers up to tangle in Kai’s hair, tightening his legs about Kai’s hips. Kai kissed him for long minutes, slowly, deeply before making his way down Jeremy’s incredible body, taking his time, worshipping him with hands and mouth until he was writhing beneath him
and neither of them could wait another second.
When Kai was slicked up and ready, he notched himself against Jeremy’s entrance, groaning at the feel of the fluttering muscles against the bare head of his cock, and he grasped Jeremy’s chin in one hand, not even recognizing his own voice as he rasped, “Look at me, sweetheart. Jeremy. Look at me while I push inside you.”
Jeremy’s eyes flew open, wild and glazed with desire. Kai pulsed his hips until Jeremy’s stubborn muscles spread to accept him, and they both groaned as Kai slipped inside, their gazes locked.
“Oh God,” Kai gasped. “You’re so tight and hot. So fucking hot.” Jeremy’s lips were parted as he panted, breathing through the initial pinch and burn, and Kai kept thrusting until he was fully seated in Jeremy’s ass. Kai broke their gaze and buried his face in Jeremy’s neck, feeling Jeremy’s knees gliding along his sides until he locked his ankles together high on Kai’s back.
“Oh, Kai,” Jeremy whispered. “I feel you, so deep. You’re so deep.”
Kai slid his arms under Jeremy’s shoulders and held him close as he flexed his hips, giving Jeremy long, exquisitely slow strokes, base to tip. Jeremy writhed beneath him, bringing his hands down to grip Kai’s ass and encourage him to move faster, take him harder, but Kai resisted, wanting to draw out this feeling of being skin to skin, of sharing something with this man neither of them had ever shared with anyone else before. As much as he accepted Brent owned a part of Jeremy’s heart Kai could never have, this was something that would always be Kai’s, a closeness only Kai had achieved with him, and Kai didn’t want it to end.
Before long, though, the feel of Jeremy’s strong muscles massaging Kai’s bare cock, the heat, and pressure like nothing Kai had ever experienced before, along with Jeremy’s pleading moans for more, eroded his control, and his thrusts grew sharper, harder.
“Kai, oh yes, Kai,” Jeremy whimpered, his fingers digging into the shifting muscles of Kai’s back as he lifted his hips, using Kai’s flexing abs as friction for his own rock-hard cock.
“I’m going to come inside you, Jeremy,” Kai growled in his ear. “I’m going to fill you full. Are you ready for me?”
“Please, Kai. I want to feel you. Please.”
Kai tightened his arms around Jeremy’s shoulders as he drove into him, and he heard Jeremy cry out an instant before warmth suddenly flooded the space between them. A split second later, Jeremy’s ass clamped down on Kai’s cock, strong, rhythmic contractions milking him, and Kai was helpless against it, groaning as his balls tightened painfully. He pushed up on his hands, giving Jeremy a last series of hard, rough thrusts, making him sob before he slammed himself deep one last time, his body spasming as his cock pulsed deep inside Jeremy’s body, making Jeremy jerk and cry out from an overload of sensation.
Kai could hear guttural moans ringing off the walls, and knew they were coming from him, helpless words welling into his throat, and as he collapsed on top of him, they spilled over hotly into Jeremy’s ear, “Baby. I love you. Oh God, I love you.”
Jeremy clutched him tight, caressing Kai’s face with his lips as he murmured nonsense to him, sweeping his hands soothingly up and down Kai’s back as Kai’s broken moans slowly died away.
Kai finally pulled out and collapsed at Jeremy’s side, and Jeremy immediately rolled into his arms, burrowing in, kissing Kai gently. Kai clutched him close, delving his fingers into the cleft of Jeremy’s ass, growling as he felt the slickness there, another ragged exclamation bursting from him. “Mine.”
This time he heard an answering whisper: “Yours.”
JEREMY SAT back and sipped his glass of wine, watching as Kai cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher. He had insisted, saying the one who cooks shouldn’t have to clean too. Seeing Kai doing these mundane domestic tasks reminded him of watching Brent do the same thing, and it was a pleasant memory, bringing a wave of nostalgia, not pain. Jeremy was finding more and more thoughts of Brent were like visiting a beloved old friend, although every now and then a song or a smell brought the feeling more sharply and painfully into focus. It usually didn’t last long, though.
Jeremy drank in the sight of Kai in loose sweatpants and a tight T-shirt, his feet bare. He looked completely and utterly at home, the bare feet almost more intimate than if he had been completely naked. Thinking of Kai being naked made Jeremy think of what they’d done just a short while earlier, and he shifted in his chair, feeling the soreness in his ass, knowing deep inside him some of Kai still remained; it was a strange, heady feeling. Kai had claimed him inside and out, and even though Jeremy was still reeling from Kai’s declaration of love, he felt sated and mellow with happiness.
Kai finished cleaning up and topped off his own wineglass, and Jeremy stood and held out his hand, leading Kai to the patio and pulling him down to sit with him on the overstuffed loveseat. A fire crackled merrily and Kai curled into him, his head on Jeremy’s shoulder as they watched the snow falling outside, the wind whipping it up into little eddies and swirls. Jeremy wrapped his arm around Kai and relaxed back into the couch, sipping his wine. Their feet were propped on the small coffee table, and Jeremy smiled as Kai’s bare toes flirted with his own sock-covered ones.
“How was your week?” Jeremy asked, kissing the top of Kai’s head. “Did that girl you were worried about come back to class? What’s her name? Sheila?”
“Shauna,” Kai answered, “and yes, she was back. I’m still worried about her, though.”
Jeremy listened as Kai articulated his fears about Shauna’s home life and what she must be going through trying to protect her son from a violent bully.
“I get why she can’t make school a priority when she has Dante to take care of,” Kai said, frustration in his voice, “but that’s what’s going to give her the best chance of escaping this life, the cycle of poverty and violence. Nursing is a well-respected, well-paying job, and I know she’d be good at it. If only she hadn’t gotten pregnant.” He sighed heavily. “But she did, and I know she’s doing the best she can. All I can do is be there for her.”
Jeremy was silent, and then he asked quietly, “What about your own parents, siblings, if any? You never talk about your family.”
Kai rubbed Jeremy’s feet with his own. “My father was killed in a drive-by shooting when I was a toddler, and my mom had to work three jobs to support me and my older brother. I think it got to be too much for her because one day she just never came home, and it was easy for us to be recruited into the same gang that my father had been in.”
“That’s right, you did say you had an older brother. Where is he now, still in prison?”
“God, Jeremy, I don’t know if he’s even alive, and it’s been more than ten years since I last saw him. He was arrested in the same sting that I was: drug sting. A whole bunch of us went down, my brother especially hard since he was the supplier’s main pipeline to the street. I was just a mule.”
“You carried drugs?” Jeremy stroked Kai’s arm and kissed the top of his head again.
“Yeah. I was skinny and quick, knew the neighborhoods like the back of my hand, never got pinched by the POPO. That’s why my gang name was L’il Slick.” Kai snorted softly.
“How did you get caught?”
“Typical Vice scenario: round up a bunch of low-level players, lean on them a little, see who or what they give up in exchange for promises of a reduced sentence. They said they just wanted names in exchange, and a lot of the crew gave me up, seeing as how I was a juvenile and they thought I’d get a lighter sentence than any of the rest of them.”
Kai took a sip of his wine, then continued, “They set me up, and I was caught with a large amount of cocaine, enough that it took the charges beyond mere ‘possession’ to ‘possession with intent to distribute,’ several counts. I actually got six years, supposed to be put away until my twenty-first birthday, but I got out in two due to overcrowding and good behavior. But when I was first caught, my brother went into hiding.”
“You said he was
caught, though, too. Did you give him up?”
Kai laughed mirthlessly. “No, it was actually his baby mama. She was one of the ones rounded up in the first wave, and I heard that an asshole Vice cop leaned on her hard, threatened to kill my brother in front of her and their daughter, then take the daughter away and give her to another family. The girl was only eighteen years old, scared, didn’t know any better. She told the cops where to find Antonio. He went down hard, sentenced to fifteen years, had lots of priors.”
“Jesus, Kai. Do you know what happened to your niece?”
“No,” Kai said softly. “I didn’t even know the girlfriend’s real name. Antonio always called her Babyface. Or bitch or ho behind her back,” he finished bitterly. “Gang groupies were a dime a dozen, and all the girls were shared between them. I can’t be sure that Isabela was really his daughter.”
Kai suddenly sat up straight, setting his wine glass down on the coffee table before facing Jeremy squarely.
“Why don’t you ever mention your own child, Jeremy? I don’t even know if it was a boy or a girl.”
Jeremy swallowed with difficulty, setting his own glass down next to Kai’s and scrubbing his hands over his face roughly. Kai looked at him steadily, not retracting his question, but he put his hand on Jeremy’s knee, giving Jeremy that touch, that connection.
“He was a boy,” Jeremy finally said hoarsely. “Zachary Evan.”
Kai rubbed his hand gently over Jeremy’s knee, and Jeremy threaded their fingers together, staring down at their joined hands.
“He was a lovely dream, Kai,” Jeremy whispered. “A dream that wasn’t—that wasn’t real to me, not yet. Do you understand? I hadn’t seen him. I didn’t know what color hair he had, or whose nose he had, whose mouth. He was an abstract, a beautiful idea, but not real.”
Signs of Life Page 20