I trailed off, realizing how much I sounded like a battered woman making excuses for her abuser. But in this case it was true.
“We were practicing,” I said. “And I wouldn’t stop, even when he told me it was enough.”
“It doesn’t matter—”
“It does,” I said. “I was on a manic high. Nothing I did was rational. Nothing. I…”
“What is it?” he said, looking at me intently.
Was I really going to say this, right here, right now?
“I kissed Cole,” I said, then bit my lip, wishing I could suck the words back.
I thought his face had been dark before.
“You what?” his voice was quiet, seething.
“I’m sorry,” I said, near tears. I reached for his hand, but he pulled it away. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t myself. I was…”
“Manic,” he said, sounding resigned.
“It didn’t mean anything,” I said. “And Cole was really pissed—he didn’t talk to me for at least a day.” I was pleading, and I took his hand, heedless of whether he wanted me to or not. I had to make him understand. And I had to make him believe that it would never happen again. “He’s in love with someone else—there’s nothing to worry about. I promise, Taren. There is nothing between us—”
“Stop,” he said, his jaw tight. “Stop explaining.”
“But—”
“I believe you,” he said. “I don’t like it. I hate it, actually, but I believe you.”
I exhaled audibly. As long as he believed me, I could make it up to him.
“I want you to stay away from him,” he said, and my stomach tightened again.
I didn’t like being told what to do, but more than that, I couldn’t stay away from Cole even if I wanted.
“It’s not that simple,” I said.
“Make it that simple,” he said, his expression hard.
“We need him” I said, back to pleading. “He’s powerful and he knows things that I don’t. Besides,” I said, finding my backbone, “he’s my friend. And I’m not going to stop talking to him just because you tell me to.”
I’d swear I heard his teeth grinding.
“There’s something else,” he said. “What is it? What aren’t you telling me?”
Damn that connection I cherish. Very inconvenient sometimes.
“Do you know how you got back to the Institute after you were hurt?” I asked.
“No idea,” he said. “I assumed it was a member of my Guard set.”
“It wasn’t Guardians,” I said. “It was Dahraks.”
His eyes widened. “Dahraks saved my life?”
“I know,” I said. “It doesn’t make any sense. Except, it sort of will when you know everything.”
I quickly told him about the three Dahraks that were healing outside of his parent’s cottage and the plan that Annys and Master Dogan had for them. And I told him about the Chasm turning Daemons into Dahraks, but not the part about Cole keeping it from me.
“Jesus,” he said when I’d finished. “Is anything going to make sense anymore?”
“I think the days of things making sense are behind us,” I said, doing my best to smile.
“And you…you’ve used the Chasm, are you…?”
“No,” I said. “Apparently it takes using much more power than what I’ve used so far.”
Relief took over his face. “Thank God we found out in time,” he said, and I felt a pang of guilt for not telling the whole truth. But not enough to actually tell it. “So no more Chasm, then, I guess.”
“Yeah…” I said, not wanting to fight. I sent a flood of calm through our bond so that he wouldn’t sense my doubt. When the time came, I’d do what I had to do.
42
I was getting ready to leave Taren and get some sleep when Kat came in.
“Hey,” I said. “What happened to you yesterday? You made a whole speech about not letting me out of your sight and then you disappeared.”
I meant for my tone to be playful, but the look on Kat’s face told me she hadn’t taken it that way.
“I told you,” she said, her gaze flat. “I don’t do puke.”
“Got it,” I said, getting up from my seat.
I couldn’t blame her for being on edge—everyone was these days.
“I’ll come by later,” I said, leaning down to give Taren a kiss.
I practically zombie-walked back to my room at the dorm. I waved off anyone who tried to talk to me. I stumbled up the stairs and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
I woke up disoriented, the events of the past two days coming back to me in pieces. I sat up and gave myself a sniff, which left no doubt to the question of whether I needed a shower.
I opened the standing wardrobe to see that my things were exactly as I’d left them. I grabbed my robe and shower caddy and padded down the hall.
It was mid-afternoon, which meant the dorm was quiet, all of the students in class. It wasn’t until the water hit me that I realized it was the first shower I’d had in months. It was a far cry from the sweat tents in the Oasis. At the Colony, I’d managed a bath in large stone bathtub, but nothing beat a shower with good water pressure. And the water pressure at the Institute was great.
I stared at the drain and was reminded of my first shower when I’d gotten here, how I’d wanted to slide down the drain and away from all that was happening. I couldn’t have known then how much more complicated things were about to get.
The rest of the afternoon passed in a fog. I went to check on Cole, who was doing remarkably well. He even cracked a few jokes. Cole. Cracking jokes. Michele had been in contact with Aldous, and word was that everyone from the Oasis was faring better, which was the best news I could have gotten. Taren texted while I was sitting with Cole and Michele to say, They’re letting me go home, but I’ll be back later tonight.
“What is it?” Cole said in response to my goofy smile.
Master Dogan had shown Michele how to used a microwave, and she’d gone to heat up some soup for Cole.
“Oh, um…just a text from Taren,” I said, putting my phone away.
“How is Mr. Wonderful?” he said with a smirk.
Back when Cole had helped me escape from Alexander, he’d made it pretty clear that what he’d seen of Taren had left him unimpressed.
“He is wonderful, actually,” I said. “I told him about what happened when I was manic and he’s dealing with it.”
“You told him that?” Cole said, incredulous. “You know, there are some things you can keep to yourself.”
“Taren and I don’t work like that,” I replied. “We don’t keep secrets. Like I said, he’s dealing with it.”
“If someone had kissed Zoe—even if it was completely not his fault—I’d want to kill him. Let alone…” He shook his head. “You couldn’t have waited until after we’d saved the world?”
“Sorry,” I said. “Timing isn’t my strong suit.”
Michele came in then, carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of soup with a side of crackers.
“I need to steal Michele,” I said. “Will you be OK by yourself for a while?”
“I think I can manage,” he said between bites of soup.
43
Taren
I watched as Ember crossed the lawn with a dark-haired girl. Was that the Daemon she’d told me about?
I waited until they were out of sight and then strode toward the meditation yurt.
The doctor had wanted to keep me one more night, but I’d refused. I felt fine—even the headache had gone away. My left shoulder was still bandaged where a Monkey had taken a bite, but I was better with my right hand anyway. There were other Guardians on patrol with worse injuries; it was a sign of the times.
I stepped into the room where hundreds of people had meditated over the years and felt anything but peaceful. In the corner of the room, napping, was the man who’d beaten up my girlfriend.
I crossed the room and kicked his foot, just har
d enough to get his attention.
“Wha…? Oh,” he said, and blinked. “I’ve been expecting you.”
“Oh yeah? Is that some sort of Daemon thing?” I asked. “Are you reading my mind?”
If he was, he was getting an earful, and none of it pleasant.
“It’s a guy thing,” he said. “If anyone had done what I’d done… Like I said, I’ve been expecting you.”
“So it was your doing?” I said. I knew it. Ember claimed she’d baited him, made him hit her and then been an innocent bystander in the kiss, but I knew guys. And no guy would be an unwilling participant if Ember kissed him.
“I did what I had to do,” he said, and my blood began to boil.
“What you had to do? You had to bruise the hell out of her and then kiss her?” I said, my hand balling into a fist.
“Wait, you’re talking about…?” he seemed genuinely confused, but then recovered and said, “I didn’t mean to hurt her that day. She wasn’t herself and I let her goad me into practicing longer than we should have—that’s my fault. But the kiss…that was all her whether you want to believe it or not.”
“What was it you thought I meant?” I was tired of not knowing what was going on. Being saved by Dahraks, the danger of Ember using the Chasm. I was sick of being the last to know.
He cursed and muttered, “She said she’d told you everything.”
“What?” I said. “Tell me or I swear to God—”
“The Chasm,” he said. “It turns Daemons into Dahraks. And I knew. I’ve always known. And I didn’t tell Ember.”
His words hit me like a blow to the gut and before I knew what was happening I’d crossed the distance between us and grabbed him by the collar. It was all I could do not to strangle the life out of him.
“When you are back on your feet, I am going to kick your ass until there’s nothing left of it,” I said through clenched teeth.
“You’re going to try,” he said, completely unfazed. “And that’s fine—from your perspective I deserve it. But ask yourself, what would you be willing to do in order to save your people?”
“I wouldn’t sacrifice—”
“Yes, you would,” he said, “and deep down, you know it. Hate me all you want. Fight me if you have to. But don’t pretend you aren’t capable of everything I’ve done.”
44
Ember
Michele and I crossed the lawn, headed toward Annys’s office, and I filled her in on my plan.
“If we could just strengthen the power of the Sanctuaries, and maybe even expand them, it might buy us more time. Not to mention, the Institute is starting to look like a refugee village.”
“I see what you mean,” Michele said, surveying the tents.
Annys readily agreed to letting Michele teach the songs that had brought the Sanctuaries to life in the first place. We were given the green light to recruit as many students as we could handle. I asked about full-fledged Keepers and Guardians, but Annys explained that they were spread too thin as it was.
I started with Callie and her roommates, of course. She and Crystle were especially happy to be useful—both were afraid that if their Marks faded completely they’d be drummed out of the Institute. By late afternoon we’d handpicked fifteen students to begin with, and Michele gave a brief lesson.
She taught us what she called “seed sounds,” and had us practice harmonizing. I couldn’t tell if it was doing anything to the land, but I certainly felt more peaceful when we were done.
“We’ll meet back here at three every afternoon,” I said as the lesson was breaking up. “And feel free to teach what you’re learning to anyone you want. If they’re interested in joining us, all are welcome, as long as they’re ready to work.”
Michele went to check on Cole while I wanted to see how things were going with the healing Dahraks.
I was crossing a wide stretch of lawn when Kat came hurrying up.
“I’ve been looking for you,” she said, her voice urgent. “Taren needs to see you. Now.”
“Really?” I said, pulling my phone from my bag. “Why didn’t he text me?”
“He didn’t want you to worry,” she said, glancing around. She seemed nervous which made me downright scared.
“What is it?” I said. “What’s going on?”
“He just needs to see you, OK?” She gave me another one of her flat-eyed stares. “Does everything have to be an argument?”
“No…” I said, unsure what was going on. “Are you mad at me?”
“Not everything is about you,” she muttered.
Her words stung and I wanted to question her further—find out what I’d done to upset her—but she set off toward the practice yard. “Taren is this way. Come or don’t.”
I went. I just hoped that whatever Taren had to tell me wasn’t bad news—I wanted at least one day of only positive developments.
The practice yard was quiet as we approached. What would Taren be doing here? He wasn’t well enough to be even practicing fighting.
“Are you sure this is where we’re supposed to be?” I asked when we’d confirmed the weapons shed was as empty as the practice yard.
Kat turned, and my blood ran cold. Around the rim of one green eye glowed a sliver of red. My fear must have been plain because she flashed a predatory smile and said, “Yes, this is exactly where we are supposed to be.”
I backed up as far as the tight quarters would allow.
“Kat, what’s going on?”
Her smile didn’t falter as she plucked the green contacts from her eyes, revealing her true eye color. Red.
My mind spun in multiple directions at once. She hadn’t always been a Red—she was inside the Sanctuary all the time. Was that why she’d had to bail last night?
“Kat, you’re my friend,” I said, scanning the walls for a quarterstaff. It would be better to knock her out physically so that I could get help and figure out what to do. The thought of using the Chasm scared me more than Kat did.
She snorted. “Friend? You’re a pain in my ass.”
“OK…well, I’m sorry about that,” I said, locking on to my weapon, which happened to be just behind Kat. I didn’t dare reach for one of the swords near me—I’d more likely stab myself than her, and I wanted to avoid bloodshed if possible.
I reached out with my mind as gently as I could. I could do small things without the Chasm, but this would be the heaviest thing I’d ever tried to levitate. The staff rattled in its holder and then flew across the room, about to reach me when Kat, without even looking, knocked it aside.
The smile was back. “I’ve been coming into my own these past two days.”
Two days. That wasn’t much time—this had to be reversible. Had a Red ever even been saved? I had no idea. If I could just get her to a Sanctuary. Just because it hadn’t been done before didn’t mean it couldn’t be done. Weren’t we proving that every day?
“You done trying to figure a way out of this?” Kat said, drawing a long blade from the wall.
“Not really,” I said. “Can I have another minute?”
“Sorry,” she said. “Time’s up.”
The blade arced in the air, and as it swung toward me, I dove for the staff laying on the floor. I rolled, the weapon now in my hand, and came to my feet, still crouching low.
“I was hoping you’d fight,” she said, a feral quality in her eyes. I jumped to avoid her blow. “Of course, you don’t dare really fight, do you?”
A diving somersault and I came up, spinning the staff in a low circle, knocking Kat’s feet from under her. She made even that appear graceful—the powers that came with becoming a Red enhancing her already-deadly skills.
“Poor little Ember, afraid if she saves the world she’ll destroy herself.”
This blow landed, cutting a thin strip the length of my bicep. I hissed, but kept telling myself, Embrace the pain, embrace the pain.
She hadn’t gone for a killing blow yet. She was toying with me. Was some part of her resi
sting hurting me, or was she trying to bait me? Trying to anger me enough that I did something dangerous to all of us? I couldn’t bite—no matter what she said.
“Taren can’t love you, you know.” She circled me, sword pointed to my heart. “Not the way you are now. He’s the kind that needs to be needed. Look at you—so tough, so capable. Too bad you’re as crazy as your mother.”
Before I could think, I acted, the staff coming up and knocking her sword away. I kicked her in the gut and followed with a crack to the head, but damn her, she would not go down. If anything, my actions seemed to convince her that she’d better skip the taunts and get down to business.
Her attack got more focused and consequently more deadly. It was all I could do to fight her off. I didn’t dare send blades her way—I still had hope I could get my friend back—but I sent every blunt object in the room flying at her, but she dodged most, and the ones that did land seemed to barely make an impact. Soon I was backed against the wall, Kat’s blade to my throat.
“What now?” she said. “Shall I give you a moment to loosen the bolts—make the ceiling fall down upon us?”
Instead of answering, I said, “Please…”
“Yes, that’s right, beg for your life.”
“Please,” I said again. “Don’t make me do this.”
For just a split-second, she looked uncertain, wondering what I was planning, and the sword moved a fraction. It was the fraction I needed and I leapt to the side, launching myself through the window.
Glass shattered around me, shards piercing my flesh and causing rivulets of blood to run down my bare arms. Kat jumped through after me, sword raised. I rolled out of the way and sprang to my feet, running just twenty yards before spinning to face her.
“No, no more running, let’s end this,” I said.
Again, Kat was taken aback, but she quirked an eyebrow. “Me with a sword and you unarmed, I’m pretty sure I know the ending already.”
“Best get to it, then,” I said.
I circled her as though I was the one with the weapon. She raised her blade, and as she did, I dove straight at her, my hands wrapped around her waist and sending her reeling back just far enough.
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