by Anna Katmore
Oh-o-o my God!
My fingers dug into the bedding. Dazed from his intense caress, I shivered, the muscles in my stomach twitching. Tony’s breath feathered on my skin when he chuckled. “I’ve wanted to do this since Saturday night,” he drawled. Then he planted a soft kiss on my belly button and moved farther up until he hovered above me at eye level. Hands braced on the mattress at my sides, he bent his elbows and leaned down to kiss me once more.
Reaching down, he pulled first one unlaced boot off my foot, then the other, dropping them to the floor, never breaking the kiss. I wanted to wrap my legs around him again, hooking my heels at his back, pulling him as tightly to me as possible. But a buzz in my pants pocket stopped me.
“You’re vibrating,” Tony whispered against my lips, amused.
“That must be one of the girls,” I replied, pulled out of my passion. From my pocket, I fished out my cell.
“Don’t answer it,” Tony begged, kissing a path from my ear to the corner of my mouth.
How could he be so distracting?
“I have to,” I groaned. “Cheerleading starts in a few minutes.”
“Ditch it.”
His hand stroked mine, then he took the phone away from me, tossing it onto the pillow. The ringing stopped a few seconds later. Turning my head, I looked at the phone, uncertain.
“Relax, Bungee.” Tony planted sweet kisses on the tip of my nose and on my mouth again. “I’m sure they can do without you today.”
I found it hard to concentrate on anything when he sucked me up in his caresses. Soon, our lips were locked in another ferociously deep kiss.
My phone started to buzz again. Tony moaned against my mouth. This time he let me sit up and get my cell. However, I didn’t get a chance to answer the call, because he snapped the phone out of my hand, briefly glanced at the display, then answered it himself. “Liz?”
I tilted my eyebrows at Tony. He mirrored the gesture, not taking his eyes off me, while he spoke into the phone.
“Sam’s at my place.” He paused, listening, then he went on, “I don’t think she’ll make it to practice today… Because we’re stuck in the middle of a project… For AVE.”
My heart sank.
Tony dropped his gaze for a moment. “No. She’s in the bathroom. I’ll tell her to call you when she gets back.” He rang off and gave me my phone. As I tucked it into my pocket, he nibbled then kissed my neck.
All the passion in me had vaporized. I felt nothing for him at that moment and turned my head away.
Tony sat back on his haunches. The holes in the denim stretched over his knees. He fixed me with a puzzled stare. “What?”
I scooted farther away from him. “Why did you do that?” My voice was flat and cold.
He reached for my hand, blinking those incredibly long, golden lashes at me. “Because I don’t want you to go just yet.”
“No,” I said sharply, moving out of his touch. “Why did you lie to Lisa?”
“Umm…” And that was all. No answer came from him.
My chest constricted, making breathing suddenly impossible. “I’ll tell you why,” I whispered as understanding and anguish choked my throat. “Because you don’t want her to know what you were just about to do with me. You’re hoping that if you stay available, she’ll come back to you one day.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Nothing has changed. You still love her. Like you have for all those years. And I was just…I don’t know…at the wrong place at the wrong time?”
I climbed out of his bed, praying I could hold my crap together until I was out of his room. As I slipped on my boots, Tony brushed my arm. “I’m sorry, Sam. It’s just—”
Whirling around to face him, I hissed, “What? It’s just what? You can’t make up your mind about her? Fine. Don’t make this my problem. Leave me the hell out of your crazy shit.”
“I would, if I could. But somehow I feel—” He clenched his teeth, his eyes narrowing to angry slits. “Like I’m addicted to you. And I just don’t know how to break it.”
“Simple!” I shouted at him. “Stop. Kissing me!”
When my vision started to turn blurry, I dashed out the door and downstairs, ignoring him as he shouted my name behind me. I slammed the front door and ran all the way home.
CHAPTER 4
I WAS A total wreck, out of breath and drenched in sweat, when I fell through the door into my room. Refusing to succumb to my tears, I clenched my teeth, kicking my clothes, which still lay scattered on the floor, out of the way.
That was it. I was done with Mr. Anthony—I was only playing with you—Mitchell! He could drop dead and I wouldn’t care. And while I was at it, he could shove those damn pictures he’d drawn of me right up his ass. Fishing them out of my portfolio, I was ready to rip them to pieces and dump them in the bin. But then my gaze fell on his black sweatshirt on the floor and I had a better idea. After all, I still had to give him that damn hoodie back.
When I was done raging and kicking things around, I started to clean my room—a good way to calm my heated temper and tamp down my anger. He wasn’t worth it, I told myself time and again. Tony wasn’t worth even a thought.
But I couldn’t deny it.
It hurt.
It hurt when I thought of him, and it hurt even more when I tried not to. It hurt when I closed my eyes. And it hurt when I breathed. Nothing could stop this pain. No one could make it go away.
I felt trapped in a dungeon of emotions that had firmly closed its gates. Finally, the first tears spilled over and burned a hot trail down my cheeks. Angry at myself, I wiped them away, sank onto my bed, and put my head in my hands. What did it take to not feel? How could I ban this ugly aching from my chest and move on?
I didn’t know.
But one thing would be different from now on. No matter how I felt, no one would ever know the heartbreak I’d suffered. I was done playing the open book of emotions for everyone to see. No, I wouldn’t tell anyone what happened today. I would smile and pretend all was right in my life.
And I started right then when Chloe shoved my door open without knocking to let me know that dinner was ready.
With my head held high and my heart in a chokehold so it couldn’t bring me down, I went to the dining room and sat down with my family. Pamela had cooked again, roast pork and veggies, and she happily served everyone.
Before we started eating, Jack rose from the table and headed into the living room. A second later, he called out, “Did you take the last two bottles of Scotch, honey?”
“No, why?” Pam shouted back.
Jack returned with a bottle of white wine instead of Scotch, a puzzled frown on his face. “They’re gone. I’m sure there were two bottles left.”
“They should be there,” Pamela answered. “I know we didn’t open the ones you got from your boss for your birthday.”
“That’s what I thought.”
I started cutting my pork, not paying much attention to their conversation. As I shoved the first bite into my mouth, though, I suddenly caught Chloe’s amused gaze on me. A scary sense of foreboding made me stop chewing.
“Sam, didn’t you take the Scotch to Lisa’s sleepover last weekend?” she asked in an overly innocent voice.
“No! I did not!” I shot back. My heart lurched to my throat at the sight of my aunt and uncle sending me surprised looks.
“Oh. My bad,” Chloe crooned. “I thought I saw you take them upstairs. But I must have been mistaken.” As if nothing had happened, she continued eating her meal, ignoring my dumbstruck expression.
“Sam?”
I turned to my aunt’s soft inquiry.
“Did you take the Scotch to your friends?”
“No, Pamela. I swear I didn’t touch those bottles. I don’t even drink! None of my friends do.”
“Oh, you sure about that?” Chloe chipped in again. “But then, you haven’t been to any of Hunter’s parties yet, so you probably don’t know. There’s always lots of alcohol when they get together.”
How the hell could she sound so calm and sweet? I knew she was inwardly celebrating that she’d gotten the chance to send me to my doom.
“Well, none of my friends brought any alcohol last weekend.” My gaze hardened on her. “What about your friends? Did you take the Scotch to celebrate with Brinna, Les, and Kirsten?” I emphasized each name explicitly.
A muscle ticked in Chloe’s jaw, but she didn’t answer.
“There, there,” Uncle Jack cut in. “Let’s not accuse each other.” Then he narrowed his eyes at me, and I knew he meant I shouldn’t have a go at his princess like that. “I don’t know what happened to the Scotch, but I want you to know, Sam, that we don’t lie to each other or steal in this family.”
My chin dropped to the floor. He was accusing me?
“I’m sure nobody in this family is a thief,” Pam came to my rescue. “So why don’t we just drop this topic and enjoy our meal while it’s still hot?” She rubbed my arm and gave me a warm smile. “Don’t worry, Sammy. We know you didn’t take the Scotch.”
From her look I knew she believed me, but she was only one third of the jury. My appetite gone, I pushed my veggies around the plate with my fork but couldn’t bring myself to eat any more.
Today sucked, and I was glad when I could finally crawl into bed and close this chapter for good.
*
Wednesday morning, I woke with a kink in my neck—I must have tossed and turned in my sleep and hung my head over the edge of the bed. After wondering for some time when the best moment to return the sweatshirt to Tony would be, I got up way too late. Confronting him today was not something I was looking forward to. I knew it was going to reopen the wound he’d cut in my heart yesterday. But most of all, I didn’t want to make a fuss in front of my friends.
Wrapping the darn thing in a plastic bag, I decided to give it to him after AVE. It was the safest moment. But it didn’t take until sixth period or even lunch to see Tony. He was waiting for me outside my science classroom.
Leaning against the wall, he focused on me as I came down the hallway, intending to ignore him and just slip into class. My heart pounded louder with every stride I took in his direction. When it became clear to him that I wasn’t going to speak to him, he lifted his arm, bracing himself against the doorjamb, blocking my way inside.
“Sam, can we talk?” he said with a low voice.
I had to stop because otherwise I would have bumped into him, but I didn’t intend to stay. “No,” I said coldly, ducked under his arm, and stalked into class. I didn’t look back as I went to my seat next to Nick, who was listening to music with his headphones plugged into his ears. He hadn’t noticed anything. And when I cast a brief glance at the door, Tony was gone.
It was hard to get through the morning pretending everything was all right, but I managed. None of my friends suspected something was off, or that I was suffering silently while putting on a smile. Lunch was the hardest part of the day, because even though I half-expected Tony to be absent again, he was there. He sat silently across the table from me. For the entire hour, I felt his burning stare on my face, but I refused to look in his direction.
Nick was a nice distraction, as always. He bantered with me about my addiction to lollipops then tried to pull mine out of my mouth. Before break was over, Lisa and Ryan announced a party at Hunter’s house the coming weekend. Saturday was their three-month anniversary. Unfortunately, it was also the day that the Bay Sharks co-ed team played the Rabid Wolves. Lisa’s disappointment that they couldn’t spend the day together was apparent, but she told me later in PE that Ryan let slip he had a surprise for her at the party after the game. It had sure lifted her spirits.
“Did you and Tony finish that art project?” she asked me after we had done cartwheels down the entire length of the gym.
Not talking about something was one thing. But I hated to lie. So I just nodded and tried to steer the conversation in a different direction. I didn’t want to be home alone again today, so I asked the girls if they were up for sundaes that afternoon.
“Sure,” Lisa agreed. “We can go to Charlie’s. Tony’s bussing tables there today so he can be free for the party this weekend. I’m sure we can get some free ice cream.” She waggled her brows at me, obviously not aware of how my stomach had slid to my feet just then.
After PE, I got really nervous, because it was time to face Tony and give him the bag with the hoodie inside. I could hardly concentrate during AVE and wondered if he was looking at me from the back or if he’d gone back to ignoring me like I was ignoring him.
When the final bell rang and everyone was packing their things, I quickly shoved my stuff into my schoolbag, then pulled out the sweatshirt and rose from my seat. As I turned, ready to walk to the back of the room, I banged against a firm chest.
Funnily enough, his mere scent from my wild girl-dreams gave Tony away without my having to look up. But when I did, I almost got lost in the depth of his sky-blue eyes. I swallowed hard, reining in my unwanted excitement.
Tony tilted his head, his lips sealed tight, but his look warm and hopeful.
“Here.” I pushed the bag at him. “That’s yours.” Not waiting another moment, I whirled around and hurried off.
Good job, Sam, I told myself, proud that I’d been cool enough not to stutter or otherwise give away my nervousness. He didn’t have to see how he affected me after all. And holy cow, he did affect me.
TONY
“SAIL” WAS PLAYING, by Awolnation. I lay on my bed, arms folded behind my head, and studied the ceiling. I’d been doing this for the past forty-five minutes. And it’d gotten me nowhere. Just like last night, when I’d done the same…for hours. Brilliant.
Lisa…Sam…Lisa…Sam…
I loved one. And I couldn’t get the other out of my head.
Nothing made sense.
“Ah, fuck it,” I growled and sat up. It was time to get to Charlie’s. Maybe working my shift this afternoon would help me stop thinking about the girls currently turning my life upside down.
I pulled my T-shirt off and draped it over the back of my desk chair. On weekends, Charlie wanted me to wear black trousers and a white shirt, but during the week, he didn’t care. Skimming through the tees in my wardrobe, I remembered the collision with Sam after AVE today. She had given me my hoodie back.
I’d wanted to grab her hand then and make her stay—make her listen to me. Apologize. But the truth was I wouldn’t even have known what to say. She’d been right with all the crap she’d thrown at my head yesterday. She’d read me better than I knew myself.
From the plastic bag on my desk, I pulled out the black hoodie she’d worn in the woods last weekend. Although the damn thing could have served her as a mini-dress, Sam had looked adorable in it. Hot. Black was her color. Not because it matched her crazy hair but because it complemented her beautiful brown eyes. Eyes that had turned soft every time she’d looked at me over the past few days.
I lifted the sweatshirt to my face and took a deep breath. The scent of the detergent reminded me of how she’d smelled when I’d carried her to my bed. Closing my eyes, I clasped the fabric tighter, burying my face in it.
I missed her.
Liz was there for me, always. She was Hunter’s girlfriend now, but whenever I needed someone, she was the first to come and listen to my shit. We still hung out a lot, the three of us—went to movies, got caught up in video game battles, went to the beach, and met at her place every Wednesday night to watch Vikings together. I saw her at school, and sometimes even at soccer. I loved having her near me. But when she wasn’t there, I didn’t think about her. There was simply no need to. I knew I would see her again the next day, or the next.
With Sam, it was totally different. I inhaled every minute with her, and when she wasn’t around, my longing for her grew even stronger. There was nothing that could stop me from thinking about her.
Why couldn’t I have told her this yesterday when she’d called me out on my lie to Liz? She
would have liked to hear it. Maybe it would have made more sense to her than it made to me right now. Because frankly, it confused the hell out of me. I knew it was possible to love two women at the same time. But I wondered if this really applied to me. It didn’t feel like I was in love with both girls. Only with one of them.
I glanced at my wristwatch. Shit. I was running late. Quickly, I pulled on the sweatshirt, reveling in the familiar scent for another second, then I rushed to put on my sneakers and tucked my cell phone and keys into the pockets. Something in there felt strange. I stopped dead, looking down at myself, as I pulled my stuff out again, tossed it on the bed, and slipped my hands into the pockets once more.
What the fuck? There were countless shreds of paper inside.
What had Sam put in there? I took out a handful, studying the shreds, trying to understand what it was. Pencil lines were on some pieces, others were totally blank.
I fished out the rest of the bits and heaped them on my desk, pushing them around, turning some over. After a few moments, I caught one with my initial on it—my brand for my drawings.
My heart gave a twinge as I finally realized what Sam had given back with the hoodie.
CHAPTER 5
SUSAN PICKED ME up later, and we drove to the café in town where I’d met Tony for the first time. My knees shook a little, but I told myself I could do this. I could spend an afternoon with my friends and not feel down because of the boy who currently bussed tables there.
Relieved when we entered and he wasn’t anywhere to be seen, I followed Susan to the back of the café, where Simone and Lisa were already sitting at a table close to a window and laughing about something we’d missed.
As soon as we sat down with them, Susan propped her elbows on the table. “Where’s Tony?”