Neither said anything for a long time, but Sam finally muttered into his chest, “I’m sorry. I know you were looking forward to going out, but I don’t think I’m up for it.”
“I know, and it’s fine. Let me check you over to be sure you aren’t cut, and then how about we order pizza and find a movie to watch?”
It’d been eight days since he had lunch with Kirsten, but Ethan still hadn’t initiated sex. Sam thought it well past time for them to at least start fooling around, but he’d brushed her off the few times she’d tried to bring it up. He was the Dom and it was supposed to be his call, but he seemed to be waiting for her to let him know she was ready. She wasn’t actually sure she was up to it yet, but she thought she should be. Whether she was ready or not, she wanted to be, and that had to count for something.
She kissed his cheek and said, “Why don’t we order pizza and then take a bath together? Maybe we can even fool around?”
When he realized what she was offering, his eyes turned serious. “Are you sure?”
“Honestly? No, but it’s past time we tried, I think.”
“I’m not convinced you’re ready, Sam.” He shook his head and sighed. “Or maybe I should say I’m not certain either of us is ready. I haven’t enjoyed watching your pain these past weeks, and even after talking to Kirsten I’m not sure I have it in me to give you more.”
Relieved they seemed to be on the same page and at least talking, she admitted, “To be honest, I don’t know for sure how I’ll react to more pain, either. Let’s go for vanilla and see what happens.”
He looked doubtful, which was pretty much the way she felt, too, but she said, “Look, we’ve cuddled and had lots of touch, but we need to connect.” She blew out a breath and said, “We’re newlyweds, dammit, I’m not letting him take this from us, too.”
He kissed her and gently helped her up.
“Stand still for me and let me look you over.”
She did, and he found a few tiny nicks he insisted needed alcohol. When he finished he tossed the cotton ball in the trash and said, “Okay, let’s order pizza and then maybe open some wine to drink during our bath?” He looked into the bathroom and added, “Why don’t you go down and order the pizza and find a movie for us to watch while we eat it, and I’ll grab the vacuum and clean up in the bathroom.”
Sam looked into the bathroom and her face heated with shame. The vacuum wasn’t going to pick up the big pieces. Ethan was trying to make it sound like no big deal, but glass was everywhere.
“No,” she said. “I made the mess, I should clean it up.”
Ethan’s face took on a no-nonsense look. “If you ever do it again, you’re damn straight you’ll clean it up, but I’ve got it now.” His voice softened. “You’re human, Sam. You’re allowed to lose control occasionally. Now, go order the pizza and figure out what we’re watching.”
“I already know what we’re watching. I’ll order the pizza and then I’ll help clean. Maybe I’m allowed to fall apart every once in a while, and I love you for wanting to take care of me, but I can’t let you clean up my mess by yourself.”
They talked companionably as they worked, with both wearing hiking boots and protective gloves.
“So, you’re ready for your first day back in court Monday?”
“I think so. If all goes well I may even try going to the dojo Tuesday afternoon for another first.”
“Your physical therapist cleared you for it?”
“He said no sparring yet, and I’ll have to adjust the katas to fit my range of motion, but he thought it would be good for me to train with my friends again.”
“I have to admit, it’ll be nice having you back. It isn’t the same without you.” He grinned. “You still haven’t told me what we’re watching tonight.”
“Oh, the first Rocky.”
Ethan smiled as if she were joking, then realized she was serious. “Any particular reason?”
“Yeah, but we’ll talk about it later.”
Before she’d gone back to work, Sam had watched all six Rocky movies back to back over three days while she kept moving in the workout room. She had an idea of something she wanted to do, a goal to strive towards, but she wanted to explain it to Ethan after they watched the first movie.
She wouldn’t make him sit through all six.
Ethan poured their wine once the pizza was gone and they were well into the movie. Sam took a small sip and considered how much she dared drink. She’d stopped taking pain pills at night unless she pushed harder than she should and hurt too much to fall asleep. However, she felt fine now, so a little wine shouldn’t be a problem.
She hadn’t had anything to drink since she’d been shot. Alcohol generally intensified whatever mood she was already in, so it was best to avoid it when she was upset or depressed. However, she understood Ethan’s intention of loosening them both up for sex, and hoped it worked.
They made comments on the movie as they watched, both positive and negative. Sam and Ethan could relate to some parts, but others were just ridiculous since they knew what it was like to truly train for a fight.
When Rocky made it to the top of the steps after his lengthy run through town, Sam paused the movie as he finished his air-punches and the music faded.
“I want something to work towards. A goal, so I can say, ‘When I’ve done this, I’ve recovered.”
“You want me to take you to Philadelphia, so you can run up the stairs? Maybe we can see the art museum while we’re there?”
Sam looked at him, momentarily speechless. Finally, she said, “That’s an art museum?”
“Yeah, it’s the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Why?”
She laughed. “Just a huge coincidence, I mapped out a route in town, a goal for me to run, and it’ll end at the Hunter Museum of Art.”
He smiled and caressed her cheek. “What’s the route?”
Sam detailed an almost five-mile run that would take her across two bridges and up four times as many steps as Rocky’s emotional route. “I want to leave the house and head towards the Veterans Bridge. I’ll cross it, run down Frazier, come back over the Market Street Bridge and circle around the aquarium to the Riverwalk.” She took a breath and continued, happy Ethan was letting her talk without interrupting. “Take the steps up to the Walnut Street Bridge, run up the hill, climb the steps up to the glass bridge, go across it to the Hunter, run to the top of the hill, and then climb on top of one of the horizontal pieces of that hideous pick-up-sticks-sculpture on the Museum’s front lawn and do handstand push-ups.”
He pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I was on board until the handstand push-ups. You don’t have to do them to be recovered.”
She shook her head and the hair went right back where it’d been. “I could do them before he shot me. I won’t be back to a hundred percent until I can do them again.” She hesitated and added, “When he’s telling Adrian how it feels the morning after the fight…I’ve felt like one big fucking wound for too long, and I need what he’s talking about, but when it’s my choice. I need to be a big walking wound the day after I’m victorious in an important fight, preferably with a huge audience because I want that energy behind it. I don’t know what arena or organization yet, because I don’t want to compete in the kung fu tournaments again. Maybe jiu-jitsu?” She shook her head. “I don’t know, I’ll need to research to figure out where I’m headed, but I need something to train for.” She took a breath and resolutely added, “I’m going to fight again.”
He sighed and pushed the same strand of hair out of her face again. “Stubborn-headed woman. Do you have any idea how much I love you?”
“Are you reminding yourself again?” She grinned.
“Maybe a little.” He rolled his eyes and returned her smile. “But mostly just making sure you know I love all of you, even when you’re being so hard on yourself.”
When the movie ended and they finally went upstairs, Sam drew water into the bathtub while Ethan went to his tablet.
Within moments, romantic music was playing over the speakers in their bedroom and bathroom, and she looked at him questioningly as he stepped into the bathroom.
He shrugged and said, “I put together a playlist last weekend, with the idea we might try romance instead of kink, but then I wasn’t sure it was time, and...”
The knowledge he’d been battling with himself made her heart hurt. They both wanted this, and he’d always been protective of her.
“It’s okay,” she told him. “I’ve felt the same way. It may not be time yet, so if it doesn’t work we shouldn’t beat ourselves up. Okay?”
He pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one reassuring you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “You’ve always been in control of this part of our lives, and if it doesn’t work you’ll see it as your fault, but it won’t be. It won’t be anyone’s fault; it’ll just mean we tried too early.”
“Then maybe we should wait?”
She shook her head again, ignoring how it made her chest, shoulder, and back feel. “No. We have to try or we won’t know. Right?”
She poured some bath oil into the tub and he poured more wine into their glasses and settled the ice bin near enough to the tub he’d be able to pour refills.
Sam had expected they’d sit facing each other. The tub’s faucet was centered on the long side, which allowed two people to sit at either end comfortably, and it was usually how they started out when they bathed together. However, he sat first and motioned for her to sit between his legs.
She leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around her. They hadn’t been able to spoon in bed at night, and she thought she missed that most of all.
“How long do you think it’ll be before I can sleep on my side again?”
“I don’t know, Darlin’.” He ran his hands down her arms and rested them on her thighs. “I believe you should be focusing more on range of motion and strength training, but the surgeon still has your physical therapist holding back.”
She sighed and said, “The last ultra-sound didn’t show I was ready to go all out. He’ll do another in two weeks, and says he thinks the muscles will be healed enough by then, but we won’t know for sure until he takes a look.” She paused and asked, “Am I going to have to go through all of that stretching again before I can handle you in my backside?”
“I honestly don’t know.” He kissed the top of her head. “We’ll need to work you up to it again, but it shouldn’t take as long as it did the first time.”
“If Masterson weren’t dead, I think my focus during rehab would be to get strong enough to beat him to a bloody pulp.”
Ethan leaned down to kiss her temple this time. “You’d have to wait in line behind me, Darlin’.”
Sam took a breath and said what she’d been thinking for weeks, but had been afraid to ask. They needed to clear the air, though, so it was past time she brought it up. “If our roles were reversed, and I’d been warning you about someone and you’d ignored my warnings and almost died and left me, I’d be pissed at you for getting yourself shot.”
He stilled behind her. “I came so close to losing you, how can I be mad at you?”
“You aren’t mad because you came so close to losing me?”
Ethan turned the water off, and Sam turned the jets on with her good hand. She rubbed his right thigh beside her hip, to try to reassure him she could handle whatever he said.
To her surprise, his voice broke and he sounded as if were on the edge of tears as he said, “God help me, but yes, I am. I’ve tried to push it down because it’s wrong to be so angry at you for getting yourself hurt, but I want to ring your neck and scream and yell.”
She tried to turn, but he’d wrapped his arms around her torso and held her firm so she couldn’t turn to look at him, and couldn’t hold him.
“Let me go, Ethan.” Her voice was a soft request because making demands would just make him dig his heels in. His arms loosened and she turned to her left and sat up on his thigh, careful of her left side as she reached up with her right arm to pull his head down until they were cheek to cheek.
“You have every right to be angry with me. We had this perfect life and I fucked it up by not listening to you. I know this has been hard on you, and I wish there was something I could do so you don’t have to take care of me. It kills me to have to ask you to open jars, and don’t think I haven’t noticed you opening them when they’re new so I won’t have to ask. You’re being too nice about it, dammit. We have to be honest with each other, even when we’re pissed.”
He pulled his head up. He hadn’t actually cried, and he’d regained control of his voice, but his eyes were watery and he couldn’t hide his grief. “What good can it do to be mad at you? You’ve gone through so much pain because of your bad judgment, because you refused to take the threat serious.”
“Because you can’t help how you feel, and burying your feelings doesn’t resolve anything.”
His eyes closed a few heartbeats, and opened to show the raw anger he felt. “Well then. I’m pissed at you. There, I’ve admitted it. Now what?”
She’d forgiven herself for provoking Masterson, but she needed Ethan to forgive her for not taking the threat seriously. She couldn’t lie to get his forgiveness, though.
“Now I say I’m sorry. I admit you were right, and I tell you if I’d known what he was capable of I probably still wouldn’t have dropped the case, but I’d have taken better precautions. I admit I was too cocky; I thought I was safe because I could kick his ass.”
His eyes drew together. “You still wouldn’t have dropped the case?”
“Would you’ve fallen in love with me if I were the kind of person who cut and run when things got dicey?”
He didn’t respond, but the look in his eyes showed his displeasure.
“You have to take the good with the bad, Ethan. You married me because I’m hardheaded and strong, which means you have to accept those qualities even when they’re the reason I make decisions you don’t approve of. It’s fine to be angry with me for making those decisions, though.”
His lips descended on hers in a punishing kiss. His hand moved to the back of her head as he forced her mouth open with his, and his tongue didn’t ask permission before invading and taking control.
She hadn’t been truly horny for six weeks. She’d been needy and had wanted release, but hadn’t been able to work herself up. She’d even tried to get things going with a vibrator a few times, but had stopped in frustration when she wasn’t turned on.
But now, it was as if gasoline had been poured onto dry wood and his kiss was the match. She turned her hips towards him more, to try to relieve the cramp in her chest, but he didn’t let up on the kiss.
When he finally released her lips, she thought they might be swollen but she wasn’t complaining. She’d had a glass and a half of wine, but she shouldn’t feel this lightheaded and happy from so little alcohol. Her gaze met Ethan’s and his eyes were a shade of green she hadn’t seen in far too long. He reached for the soap and lathered his hands before saying, “Open your legs.”
Strong fingers spread her open and rubbed soap around her clit and between every fold. He lathered his hands again and washed around her asshole, even sticking a soapy finger inside. He rinsed his hands and turned her, finally settling her on the other end of the tub, facing him. He stepped out long enough to get her submersible electric shaver from its charger, and joined her in the tub again.
He’d helped her shave her legs the first few weeks, but she’d managed it since. She’d trimmed her pussy enough to keep it short, but hadn’t kept it perfect. He took the time now to shave her from ankles to bellybutton, leaving only the thin strip she preferred on her mound. He even had her raise her arms so he could be sure her armpits were smooth.
When finished, he sat back and said, “Out of the tub, Samantha.”
Oh, how she’d missed his Dom voice, and that tone.
He helped her
up and out, and followed right behind her after turning the jets off and pushing the button to drain the tub.
He ordered her to stand still as he dried her with the soft towel. He paid special attention to her torso, arms, and shoulders, but she moved as she was told and didn’t try to rush him.
However, she wanted him to hurry so they could get to the good stuff. Ethan was all she wanted or needed, and he was being much too careful and patient for her tastes.
He only spent a few seconds drying himself when he finished with her, but she wanted to scream when he took the time to hang the towel and make it neat and tidy on the towel bar.
When he finally led her to the bedroom she’d have done anything he asked, but his instructions were simple.
“Sit on the edge of the bed and wrap your arms around your rib cage, like they’re both in a sling.”
She followed his instructions, and her eyes boggled when he pulled an ace bandage from his nightstand drawer and began wrapping it around her arms and torso. She’d had him do this to her left arm when she wanted it stabilized so she could work out, trying to regain her stamina, so he knew she could handle her arm bound in this position. Her heart swelled with love and she wanted to kiss him for thinking of a way to restrain her without hurting her injuries, but he’d taken control and she didn’t want to try to take it back.
“Thank you.”
He didn’t look at her, only shook his head and said, “Let’s hold off on the accolades.”
He finished binding her arms and helped her lie back, and her heart skipped a beat when he pulled her ankle cuffs out of his drawer. She welcomed the adrenaline kick as he buckled them onto her and fished the restraint straps from between the mattresses. She worried for a moment that he’d pull her legs up in the air, as she’d tried to work on her abs and overall flexibility, but it seemed every movement hurt either her chest or her upper back. Or, more often, both. Until her doctor gave her the all clear, she was supposed to assume pain meant damage, which meant she hadn’t been able to push, yet.
Ethan settled her feet beside her ass, with her knees pointing up. He ran soft rope around her ankle and thigh a dozen times, and used a pretty shibari knot to secure it before connecting her cuff to the strap at the side of the bed. Sam sighed in relief; she should have known he’d find a painless way to secure her.
No Safeword: Matte - Happily Ever After (Safewords) Page 11