by Dana R. Lynn
Once outside, he slipped the sunglasses on and headed for his truck, without any real idea of where he was going.
“Parker! Yo!”
Ryan’s head jerked up and glanced back. He’d been so deep in his own thoughts that he’d walked right past Jackson. The back of his neck heated up.
“Sorry, Jackson. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Yeah, guess so.” Jackson put his hands in his pockets and sauntered over. “So have you heard from Elise lately?”
Way to turn the knife, buddy. Only that wasn’t Jackson’s style. He was blunt, but he wasn’t cruel. If he was asking, it was because he was concerned. Or knew something.
“Okay. Out with it. What do you know?”
Jackson raised his hands. “Now, don’t get sharp, Parker. You know that I want you to be happy. And you have been moping around here something pitiful. What’s going on?”
A sigh he hadn’t even realized was there whooshed out of his lungs. “Nothing’s going on. That’s the problem. The woman won’t return my calls. I haven’t heard from her for a week. I stopped in at the 911 center and was told she’d taken some time off. I get that. I’d want a break, too, if I’d been through that. But to shut me out? Clearly, I misunderstood what was happening between us.”
Jackson hesitated, which was unusual. “Okay. I know this isn’t my place. I’m not good with the emotional stuff. I gotta ask, though...do you love her?”
“Yeah.”
That one word hung in the thick summer air.
“Man, you can’t just let her go. Talk to her. In person. You know where she lives.”
True. But part of him hesitated. It would be easier to have his arm cut off than to have to hear her say she didn’t love him and didn’t want him around. He wiped a hand across his mouth, giving himself time.
“Hey, guys!” Lily called with her Chicago accent, approaching them. It was good to see her up and about. Today was her first day back on the job. “You guys having a party? Why wasn’t I invited?” She flipped her short dark hair out of her eyes as she came to a stop before them.
“Hey, Lily. What do ya know?” Jackson gave his standard response.
She stared at Parker, a meaningful look in her eyes. “What I know is that I drove past Elise St. Clair’s house this morning and there was a for-sale sign in the yard.”
“What?” Ryan exploded. She was moving?
“You gotta go see her.” Jackson put a hand on his shoulder. “Ryan. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t try before she leaves.”
Ryan froze. The truth in those words struck deep. And more than that. He could sense the regret flavoring the tone. Jackson had experience with regret. Ryan had almost forgotten it. The other man was so good at playing casual.
“You’re right. Thanks, guys. Say a prayer for me.”
“Will do.” Jackson nodded. Lily grimaced. Faith was a touchy subject with her. They’d have to keep working on that.
Right now, though, he needed to see his Elise and convince her to stay and give him a second chance. Give them another chance. Heart pounding with his new purpose, he got in his truck. When he pulled around the curve before her house, his gut clenched at the white-and-blue sign set up near the base of her driveway. He swallowed. Lord, please help me to handle whatever happens.
A few seconds later, he was driving up the long lane to her house.
He was glad he hadn’t hesitated.
Elise’s car was there. The trunk was wide-open, and there were already suitcases and boxes inside. Apparently, she wasn’t waiting for the house to sell before she left. Slowly he left his truck and moved toward the car. Muffled strains of music drifted from the house. It was so soft he could barely hear it. It sounded like a lullaby. He could see some of Mikey’s toys had already been stowed away. Would she really have left without telling him? Obviously. The proof was right in front of him.
The music grew louder briefly. Then the screen door slammed. Whipping his head around, he stepped away from the car as Elise marched around the corner, holding another box. She halted when she saw him, her hazel eyes widening. If her looks were anything to go on, the past week hadn’t been easy on her, either. Dark purple smudges were under her eyes. Her shoulders were slightly slumped. She looks so tired. At that moment, Ryan forgot the anger that had started to build. All he wanted to do was go to her and take her in his arms, to comfort her and support her as a man in love should be able to do.
He couldn’t do that, though he still didn’t know why.
“Elise.” Even her name was like a balm to his weary soul now that he saw her. If only he could touch her. Not yet. “What’s going on?”
Lifting her chin, Elise’s lips tightened. His own shoulders tensed in response.
“I think it’s pretty clear what’s happening.” Her words sounded hard, but he caught the slight wobble. She wasn’t as sure of herself as she trying to appear. “I’m moving. I put my house up for sale—”
“Elise, please—just talk to me. I can’t believe you would think I would be okay with you leaving like this, without even an explanation.” Okay, now he was starting to sound too emotional. He couldn’t seem to stem the words, though. They’d been brewing all week. “I thought we had something growing between us. I thought that we had become friends, and more. Close enough for you to return my calls. Instead, I hear from someone else that your house is for sale. You were going to leave without even saying goodbye to me? Did I mean nothing to you? You couldn’t even tell me yourself that you wanted nothing to do with me?”
His last words erupted in a strident tone, almost a shout. Man, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten himself so worked up.
Elise was shaking. Her eyes glistened.
He’d made her cry. Great. Now she’d tell him to go.
But she didn’t.
“I do care for you, Ryan. I love you. That’s why I have to go.”
* * *
She’d just told him she loved him. She hadn’t meant to, even though it was the truth.
Another tear slipped down her cheek. She’d cried far too many of them in the past week. Cried for the dreams she couldn’t have. And for the knowledge that the only way to spare his dream of his future home and family was to leave. It had crushed her more than anything she’d ever gone through.
Then she’d walked around the corner to see him standing there, and the lost look on his face had broken her heart. The desire, the need to fly to him and wrap her arms around him had overwhelmed her. She probably would have done it, too, if not for the heavy box in her arms, reminding her of her resolution.
That box was growing heavier by the second. She shifted it. Ryan moved forward and took it from her. The scent of him made her throat ache. If only...
Setting down the box, he took her hands in his. She tried to pull them back, but he held on. “Elise, darling Elise. I don’t understand. If you love me, then why? Don’t you know I’m in love with you, too?”
“That’s why I have to go.”
He gave a half shrug, shaking his head. “That makes absolutely no sense.”
Sighing, she dropped her head, allowing herself the brief joy of resting her forehead against his chest. Surely, once she’d explained, he’d see that she was right. He might not like it, but he’d see that a future together would never work.
He was right, though. She’d been wrong to decide she could just leave without explaining. She owed him better than that. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head and stepped back, ignoring the disappointment on his beloved face.
“Mikey’s taking a nap. Let’s go in the house so I can explain. I want to leave when he wakes up.”
He didn’t like that. She could see by the way the frown dug into his face. But he nodded, letting go of her hands. Her instinct was to reach out and grab a hand back. She didn’t, though. She
needed to sever the connection between them. Squash those impulses. Her sanity depended on it.
Once in the kitchen, she turned down the CD she’d been playing for Mikey. He was having trouble sleeping when it was quiet. Then she sat at the table, waving her hand to the other chair. Instead of taking her hint, he stalked to the counter and leaned against it, arms crossed across his chest.
“How about that explanation? Tell me how you can say you love me and leave.”
Ouch. She had really hurt him. That hadn’t been her intention, inevitable as it was.
“I told you about my past, but I didn’t tell you everything. You know how I told you about my surgery?”
“Honey, what does that have to do with us?”
Lord, help me. This is so hard.
“When my appendix ruptured, followed by the infection, there was internal damage. And it caused scar tissue. A lot of scar tissue. Which means that I can’t have kids.” She sucked in her breath. “That’s the real reason that my fiancé left me. He couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t give him children. It wasn’t good for his image. So he found someone who could.”
Ryan’s face grew somber. She braced herself. “Your fiancé was an idiot. I’m a little offended that you would compare me to him. You can’t get pregnant? So what? I knew that was a definite possibility.”
Wait—what?
“You knew it was a possibility?” How could he have known and still come after her? Shouldn’t he be running in the opposite direction?
He laughed, a short barking laugh without humor. “Elise, I was raised in a family full of doctors, remember? Surgery issues and scar tissue were normal dinnertime conversation. Of course I knew.”
Pushing back her chair, she stood and began to pace, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. “It’s more than a possibility, Ryan. It’s a fact. I can’t have kids of my own. Not ever.” She turned to face him, holding out a pleading hand. “How could I do that to you? I know how much you want to be a father. I listened to you talk to Jackson when we were at the Bylers’ house. I know you want a family. And you’d be a great father. If I stayed, we’d just grow closer. And I know you. You’d give up your dream for me. I couldn’t do that to you.”
Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she moved a step closer. “I do love you, but it would kill me to know that I was the reason you never had the family you wanted.”
Ryan straightened and closed the space between them. He reached out and placed a warm hand on the side of her face. “It wouldn’t kill my dream if we were together, Elise. It would just change it a little. And you do have a child. Mikey may not be your birth child, but you love him like he was. You don’t love him less because he wasn’t born to you, do you?”
“Of course not!” Hope started to take root. Was it true? Could he really accept this? She couldn’t go through the pain of being rejected again. “It truly doesn’t bother you?”
“Nah. Why should it? I’m adopted myself. All of my siblings are.”
Shock rippled through her, followed by a surge of joy. “Really?”
Ryan eased his arms around her and pulled her close. She relaxed against him, feeling the ravages of the past week seep away. God was so good. Why had she doubted Him when He’d brought her this man? For a few minutes, they stood, holding each other.
“Aunty Lise! Mr. Ryan!” Mikey’s cry broke them apart seconds before the youngster hurtled into the room and wrapped himself around Ryan’s legs. “Mr. Ryan, we going on a trip. I don’t wanna go.”
Ryan lifted the boy into his strong arms, a smile creasing his face, making his dimples flash into view. Elise caught her breath at the light and love shining in his expression. Not only for her, but for Mikey, too. She was so thankful that he had come after her.
That’s when the truth hit her. God had sent her someone who would fight for her. Someone who loved her enough to come after her even after she’d rejected him. Thank You, Lord.
“So you’ll stay?” Ryan asked her, hope in his eyes.
Laughing softly, she nodded. “In LaMar Pond, yes. But I’m still selling this house. I can’t live here. Not after everything that’s happened.” She looked at Mikey. “What about it, buddy? Think you’d be okay with staying close to Ryan?”
“Yay!” Mikey yelled.
“You said it,” Ryan told the little boy, squeezing him tight. “Where are you planning on going?”
“A friend from work said we could stay with her until we find a place. She has lots of room.”
Ryan flashed her a tender smile.
“I was thinking this afternoon before I left the station that I wanted to take my two favorite people in the world out to eat. What do you say? I think we have something to celebrate.”
She smiled. “I think that sounds like a great idea. What do you say, Mikey?”
Mikey whooped. Laughing, Ryan set the boy on his feet and pulled her close again.
“I’m getting my shoes!” Mikey shouted as he bolted from the room.
Elise started to laugh. Ryan smiled. “While he’s doing that...”
He smoothed her hair away from her face and leaned closer. His breath fanned her lips. “Welcome home, Elise.”
Her eyes drifted closed as he kissed her.
“Oh, yuck.” Laughing, they broke apart to find Mikey scowling in the doorway.
“Let’s go eat,” Ryan said, chuckling. He grabbed her hand. She gave it a squeeze and offered her other one to Mikey. Happiness swelled inside as she walked outside to go celebrate with her guys.
EPILOGUE
There were people everywhere she looked.
Elise hoped she wouldn’t be asked to name the people gathered together at the barbecue. It had been six weeks since she and Ryan had reconciled, and this was her first time to meet the whole family. Apparently, Ryan’s parents hosted a barbecue at their place in Grove City every Labor Day weekend. She’d been very nervous when he’d first brought up the idea, inviting her and Mikey to be his guests at the event. She’d accepted apprehensively. In her mind, she had thought family meant parents and siblings.
Little had she known that Ryan’s family could fill up a small town on their own. His mother had personally walked her around, introducing her to Ryan’s sisters and his brother and their spouses and children. And then there were grandparents. His grandmother had remarried a sweet gentleman who clearly adored her. Then there were the aunts and uncles. Both Ryan’s parents had come from large families. Not to mention all the cousins. She’d lost count. Relatives filled the house and spilled over onto the lawn. Everywhere she looked, people were talking, laughing and hugging.
There were worse places to be.
She was shy at first, but Ryan’s family seemed to be genuinely interested in her life. As the day progressed, she grew more comfortable.
Mikey had no such problems. The minute Ryan’s sister Piper had approached them with her four-year-old daughter in tow, Mikey had let go of his aunt’s hand to follow after his new friend.
Elise was gratified to hear his happy squeals of laughter blending in with the rest of the noise. He’d been quiet for too long.
“You okay?” Ryan nudged her shoulder with his arm, gazing down at her with those brown eyes that made her melt every time.
“I’m good. Your family is fantastic.”
He looked around, his face relaxed and smiling. The warm glint in his eyes sparked a silent thrill in her spirit. Especially when he looked at her. Then his smile grew tender and eyes deepened, seemed to glow from within. This is what it was to be truly and totally in love. Her hand sought his. She treasured the connection.
“Ryan.”
Ryan tensed. Although they’d greeted each other at the door, Ryan had yet to have an actual conversation with his father. Elise knew that theirs was not a comfortable relationship. Ryan’s father had been unhappy wi
th the fact that he had gone against his wishes and become a cop. His mother had made strides in coming to grips with his chosen career. But his father? The jury was still out.
Now was the pivotal moment.
The air seemed to be a bit thinner. Ryan’s hand tightened on hers. Then he let go and stepped toward his father. She fought the urge to grab on and pull him back because she knew this conversation had to happen. Or would it be a confrontation? Hopefully not an angry one—not in front of so many people.
“Dad. You look good.”
Ryan stood in front of his father. Positioned so close, it was hard to believe they weren’t related by blood. Neil Parker was a handsome man, his brown hair—almost the same shade as Ryan’s—was salted with silver threads through it. His brown eyes were creased liberally at the edges. That’s when she saw it. In his eyes there was a world of grief. And of pride.
He loved his son. His reserve about Ryan’s choices hadn’t come from disapproval, but because he feared for him. She heard Mikey’s high laugh in the background and understood. Parents wanted their children to be safe. But in the end, they also wanted them to be happy.
She relaxed.
“Son.” Neil’s voice was rusty. He cleared his throat. “Ryan. Your mother and I have done a lot of praying these past few years. About you and for you.”
Ryan dipped his head in acknowledgment but didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure what he could say to that.
“Especially in the past few weeks. Knowing how much danger you were in. And now, hearing your girlfriend there talking about how you saved her life, and the life of that sweet little boy of hers, well, I wanted to let you know... I’m proud of you, son. I don’t understand all your choices, but your mother and I have come to realize that they were your choices to make. The last thing I want to do is push you away because I am stubborn.”
Blinking, Elise tried to clear the tears blurring her vision. Ryan’s jaw was clenched. Not in anger. His throat was working, and his eyes were shiny. He was fighting his own emotional battle. Finally, he gave up and embraced his father. Elise gave up the fight, too, and let her tears fall as she watched her man make peace with his father.