“I don’t want to hear how great you were at lying to my sister. I already know you’re good at that.”
He smiled at me as the Ferris wheel stopped halfway down, still nowhere near being close enough to the ground for me to hop off. I tried to make the wheel move again, but it was stuck. With each jolt that didn’t move the giant structure, Philip grew more and more relaxed, if not smugly happy. His wide smile showed off his perfect teeth as he turned his head to grin at me. “Having some trouble, dear?”
“I’m not talking to you. Get out of my dream.”
“Oh, but this is our dream now. This is exactly how it was with Allie before I gained total control.”
“What are you yammering about?”
“Your monster tried to eat me the last time we met. Unfortunate. Each time you try to kill me in your mind and I escape, I only grow more powerful. Each time you lose, I win. It’s how Allie was toward the end. She started fighting me off, but each time I lived, she grew weaker. Her mind, and then her body. Eventually she couldn’t lift her head or move her mouth to speak for herself. That’s how she ended up useless to me. Her body wouldn’t respond when I put my seed in her over and over again. She couldn’t conceive anymore. But I’m smarter now.” He reached over and palmed my belly, smirking at my horrified expression. “You can try to kill me right now, if you like. I’ll only come for you more. And trust me, my fantasies are far different than yours.”
I gulped with dread at Philip’s laughter. “Ollie’s bringing her home, and we’ll fix her.”
Philip’s arm coiled around my shoulders. He thumbed at my face, as if I was being childish and told him I wanted to live on the moon and eat green cheese. The laugh I’d once thought charming was only evil now as he looked on me with amusement. “Of course you will.”
“Tell me how to get Allie back. Ollie said she’s still in a coma.”
“And she’ll stay that way until I set her free, which I have no intention of doing.”
“What’s she to you? Let her go. She needs me, and I need her.”
“You’ve gotten along just fine without her.” He shook his head. “She knows too much, so you can move her body as often as you like. I gave you her body as a gesture of goodwill. I told you I wouldn’t lie to you, and I didn’t. But she’s not waking up until I say so.”
I wanted to push him off the Ferris wheel. I wanted to conjure a knife and gut him right then and there, but I was afraid. If I missed, he’d be more powerful and haunt my dreams until I was only a shell.
I wouldn’t be a shell, so help me.
Philip laughed again at the conundrum that was so obviously displayed on my face. “Oh, hani. You’re so easy to read. You want to kill me, but you know that would only bring me closer to getting everything I want from you whenever I feel like it.” He traced the modest V-neck dip of my shirt, smirking at my disgusted shiver. “We can have a whole castle filled with children. My master tried to curse me so I would always be alone, but I found a way around it. Then Allie tried to send me away after she lost our first baby, but I found a way around that, too. I’m smarter now. You won’t kill me because you’re a fighter. Because you’ll do anything to stay in control of your mind, even if it means losing a little of your say-so.” He sucked my earlobe into his mouth and chewed, which would’ve driven me crazy before, but now only sent a chill of cold death through me. He released my earlobe with a pop and nuzzled me from my ear down my neck so he could press a kiss to the top swell of each breast. “Couldn’t have picked a better woman to mother my children.”
I hated myself, my body and the world as I uttered the next words that tasted like vomit in my mouth. “I want my sister back. Give me Allie, and I’ll give you anything.”
He tsked me, taking his time teasing my body that was no longer responsive to his ministrations in the way he wished me to be. I was rigid and repulsed, but he didn’t seem to mind. “You’ll give me anything because you have no choice and can’t fight back. You can have Allie’s body; it’s useless to me anyway now. But I’m keeping what’s left of her mind.” He touched where he wasn’t allowed, laughing at my scream as I shoved him back.
“Get off me! My body doesn’t belong to you!”
Philip gripped my face and tugged me close, mashing his lips to mine almost as if in punishment. “I think I’ll keep your body until you lose your control and give me your mind, as well. I’ll have you as I wish, as often as I wish.”
My blood ran cold as I fought to stay sane through what I hoped would be the worst moments of my life. I couldn’t kill Philip. My mind ran through the short list of possibilities, flipping through dead ends like a Rolodex, searching for the right fit that would get me out of the nightmare.
Von. My brain settled on Von trying to wake himself up after we’d met in our dreams when I’d been held by the Manas in that awful basement. He’d needed to get out of our dream, but couldn’t until I’d punched him across the face.
Maybe I couldn’t kill Philip, but I could sure do some damage to myself. Years of self-mutilation had trained me for just such an occasion. In a motion that had more control than I felt, being scared as I was, I swept Philip’s hands from my body. Before he could magnetize them back on me, I gripped the iron bar that held us in place and cracked my forehead down on it.
Philip shouted in surprise and grabbed at me to stop the madness. Little did he know, madness was my specialty. “Stop! You’ll hurt yourself and our baby!”
I was strong enough to get in a second bash.
The first one dazed me. The second one brought me home.
Eight.
Ezra’s Promise
I awoke to my own screams, which is probably the worst alarm clock a girl could ask for. Arms were everywhere, and I fought them off with punches and kicks as I rolled haphazardly in the bed, unable to see my foe to get a good look at his face.
“Stop it, October! Calm down!” Boston’s voice was clear in the dark, but I didn’t understand why he was holding me down.
“Danny, help!” Graham called as he wrestled with my arms to pin me down.
Fear lit me up like a quick-burning fire, heating my veins and reigniting my terror afresh. I let out a scream that scared even me, not knowing why Graham and Boston had turned on me, and were now holding me down for who knows what purpose. “Let me go! Let me go! It’s my body! It’s mine!”
Danny barreled into the bedroom, hair askew and no shirt on. He flipped the light on and tried to assess how best to be helpful. “Stand back, mates,” he ordered his brothers, wiping his hands off on his pajama pants.
Graham was distraught as he held me down as best he could. “We can’t! She woke us up clawing at her body like she was having some sort of fit. She’s going to hurt herself, Danny!”
“Trust me on this, Graham. I know her. Let her go.”
The moment Graham and Boston released me, I went from screaming to trying to catch my breath. My eyes were wild as I scrambled to the head of the bed. I needed to put as much distance between myself and them as possible.
Danny held his hands up as a silent promise he wouldn’t touch me. “Tell me what happened. Just a nightmare that got out of control? Do you need that medicine in the needle Ollie gave you when you were touched in the head?”
I clutched my shirt to my chest to ensure it was still there. As the world became clearer, I looked at Boston and Graham’s scared expressions, realizing that they would never pin me down unless I actually was hurting myself. I covered my chest as much as I could and whispered a terrified, “Sama.”
Danny’s shoulders tightened. “He’s still visiting you?”
I nodded. “He knows how to heal Allie, but he won’t tell me. She’s got dirt on him or something.” I pulled the comforter tight around my chest to add one more layer of protection, feeling as if Philip’s hands were burned on my skin. “I tried to kill him in my last dream he showed up in. Come to find out, that only makes him stronger. It’s how he was able to put Allie in a coma
. She tried to kill him so much that he started to be able to control her dreams, and then he got so powerful, he could tell her body not to move anymore. It’s how she has brainwaves but can’t get up.”
Danny rubbed his forehead, trying to catch up. “So he wants you to try and kill him so he gets more powerful?”
I nodded. “He knows I won’t try to kill him anymore, so he’s having a little fun.” I swallowed hard, unable to look at any of the men in the room as I clutched my shirt tighter to me. “Could I just have a minute alone? It’s been...” I wished for Ollie to be there. He would know what to do.
Danny nodded in understanding. He shooed his brothers out, sending Graham to sleep with Mariang, and locked us in the bedroom together. He moved slowly and deliberately, making sure I knew he was safe. He went into my dresser and pulled out one of Von’s hoodies, laying it on the bed so I could put it on and cover myself with something comforting. The material felt like armor and a hug all wrapped up in one. Though I knew I couldn’t count on Von, his scent was a balm to my body. I looked around my bedroom, feeling like something was missing, but as I took stock of my modest possessions, everything was there.
But Mason wasn’t here, and neither was Von. I’m not sure at what point it was a given to me that they belonged here, but now that they were both gone, my home felt empty, and I felt hollow along with it.
I looked up at Danny, lost and without that crucial hope that someday things would all work out. “My home doesn’t feel like home anymore.”
Danny seemed to understand, motioning with a jerk of his head for me to get under the covers. “It’s going on three in the morning, kid.”
“Could you just go?” I asked through my tears. “Seeing Philip was... I just need some time by myself to sort it out.”
“Believe me, I wish I could, but you know we can’t let you alone more than a couple minutes before you go into labor. Even though it’d probably be safe for September to come now, we’re not in a hospital, and Von’s not...” Danny cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Pretty soon you’ll be able to get a little space. But for now, I’m nonnegotiable.” He turned off the light and moved to the side of the bed, sighing as if gearing himself up before he slid in under the covers. He situated himself on Boston’s pillow, his hand finding my back as I sat next to his supine body. Danny’s voice was quiet, without the edge of antagonism he’d been doling out. “So Sama forced himself on you this time?”
I didn’t want to answer. I closed my eyes and wished for anyone but my sister’s fiancé to be in the bed with me. “Is Ollie back yet?”
“Not yet. He’s settling Allie in at the hospital here. I imagine he won’t be home for another day or two.”
“I won’t be able to see Allie until September’s here because of the whole stupid bedrest thing.”
“Lay down, kid. I’m tired, and I know you are too.”
I shook my head. “I can’t fall asleep. He’ll come for me. Sama isn’t going to let me keep September. He wants her in Terraway. Then he wants more children.” I gulped. “A whole castle full.” I started tearing at my arms when the angst grew to be too much. The fear welled up in me. “He’s going to rape me and knock me up over and over again, Danny!”
Danny sat up, blinking and forcing himself to wake up so he could be on his game. “He said that?”
“That was pretty much the gist.” I shook my head and hugged my belly as I rocked maniacally back and forth, wishing I knew for sure September was Von’s. “Danny?”
“Yeah, kid?”
“I can’t do this!”
Danny’s arms banded around me, drawing my head to his bare chest in the dark. He swore a few times, no doubt working through possible solutions that would get Philip out of my head, but coming up empty-handed. “We’ll figure this out. I don’t know how yet, but we’ll set this right.” He reached over and turned on the lamp to give his skin a slight glow. “Until then, try to stay awake.”
I couldn’t have slept right then if he paid me, but I knew eventually I’d need to sleep. I scraped at my hands, the healthier skin not tearing as easily. Eventually I broke through, sighing with relief as pinpricks of blood dotted my arms.
“Okay, you have to stop this.” Danny leaned against the headboard and separated my hands, holding one so it didn’t misbehave. He squeezed my fingers and leaned his cheek to the side of my head. “This stuff worries me more than Sama. You tearing yourself up? You’re bent, and I don’t know how to set you right when you do this.” He reached for my phone on the nightstand, calling one of my speed dials. “Ezra? Sorry to wake you. We’ve got a bit of a situation here.” He explained the problem as best he could before handing the phone to me.
Just hearing Ezra’s voice brought about a sense of relief I couldn’t find otherwise. I spent the next ten minutes letting Ezra comfort me, tell me he’d find a solution so I could sleep, and that of course the baby was Von’s. Of course Von would be home soon. When Ezra started groveling about trying to eat September and morphing into a ginormous lion, I cut him short. “You didn’t know what you were doing. I know you love us.”
“I do!” Ezra insisted with a note of pleading. “I’ll never forgive myself for losing control like that. I’ll never be able to apologize enough. I only hope that one day you let me see my granddaughter.”
“Oh, jeez. I was never thinking of keeping her from you beyond that first month you asked me to.”
His outpouring of relief made me smile. I waited until he was finished, and as I was tucked in Danny’s strong arms I whispered, “Ezra?”
“Yes, darling?”
“I’m so scared.”
There was a promise in his voice that made me rally. “I will fix this. Try and stay awake for the night, and perhaps take a nap mid-morning. He’s not likely to stay asleep during the day. Rest up, and I’ll make it better. I won’t close my eyes until you can rest without fear of him coming for you.”
“Dad?” I whispered.
I heard the softness of joy in his voice that came whenever I claimed him as mine. “Tell me how I can help you.”
“Do you know where Von is?”
“I wish I did. I’ll send out some notices to bring him home straightaway.”
“No. Don’t. He shouldn’t be here if he doesn’t want to be. I was just curious. I haven’t been able to find him in my dreams.”
Ezra’s voice was grave. “Let’s not give up hope, shall we? Give me the day, and I’ll find us a solution, so Sama never comes into your mind again.”
“Thanks, Dad. I love you, you know.” As I said the words, I realized how true they were. I did love Ezra, and trusted that if he promised a fix, he’d deliver on it.
“Oh, darling. I love you too, and I’ll make this better for you. I’ll make it all better.”
I ended the call and handed the phone back to Danny, expecting him to release me from the hug so at least he could get some sleep. Instead he held me tighter, his hug mutating into a shield of protection from the outside world. We were somber and silent a few minutes before he worked out a quiet, “So tell me about Allie.”
Nine.
The Labor of Love
Danny and I spent the rest of the night telling childhood stories and talking about the future we hoped for our children while he held me. In the solace of the night, we realized that we had actually started to become friends at some point in our strange arrangement. When morning came, Danny was grumpy, but not surly. I felt terrible for him, but he didn’t complain about having to go to work on half a night of sleep to reap with Mariang.
Mariang was a ball of emotion, excited to meet her new sister, scared for me, and on and off tearful that Sama’s plans for me were only just beginning. Girlfriend hugged me no less than a dozen times before she left with Danny, who cupped my head to his hip in lieu of a hug before they left for work.
I ended up taking a nap with Graham, who held me protectively in slumber. The uneventful sleep was exactly what I needed, a
nd I awoke in the evening refreshed.
Graham and I made dinner for everyone, moving easily around each other in the kitchen while the others played video games and read out in the living room. Danny didn’t even get on my case about the whole bedrest thing. We all ate without talking about the thing that had kept everyone up, and tried to enjoy what little of life that was still permitted to be enjoyable.
After dinner, Danny sent me back to bed with Boston, who talked on his phone with a girl from London, subjecting me to nearly twenty minutes of “What are you wearing?” and sexy talk that devolved from there. I entertained myself by dramatically pretending to barf all over him.
I sat up straight when the front door banged open and the voice I didn’t expect to hear wafted through the house. “Baby? November, I’m home!”
I wanted both to run to and away from Von, so I compromised and stayed put. Boston hung up the phone and stood, wincing when he heard the sound of fist on flesh, followed by a steady stream of Danny shouting. “Shite. Danny’s defending your honor.” Boston cracked open the bedroom door, letting the voices in more clearly.
“You left that poor girl, you waste of space! You walked out on your responsibility, just like Dad!”
“What are you on about? I’ve been searching for the man who gave her the himila weed. Finn’s soldier, Thad. Finn and I found him and brought him to Ezra for questioning. Why would you think I left her?”
Danny was incredulous. “Because you left her! No explanation, no word on where you were or when you’d be back. Nothing!”
Graham joined in the argument. “She could’ve had the baby while you were gone. Were you planning on missing that?”
“Of course not! I was planning on eliminating Sama’s access to my fiancée. If Sama’s got a man in Finn’s army in his pocket, he can get to October more easily. I have no plans to leave October ever. I asked her to marry me!”
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