“Thanks, Graham.” The second Graham closed his eyes and laid his head back in the chair by the window, I slid the bedside chair up to my motionless sister and unloaded, my guts spilling out all over her. Allie had to merely exist for my world to feel somehow anchored. Even though the pieces were smashed and shattered, there was hope. Allie could fix anything, even if she couldn’t fix herself just yet.
I confessed the whole story about Philip, and how he was the same guy who stole her away from her life. We’d both fallen for the same mirage. I told her about September, and the horrible birth that scarred me deeper than I liked to admit to the others.
But it was Allie. She could see right through me, even with her eyes closed. I’d never seen much point in lying to her or holding back.
Telling her about Von took longer. I started from the beginning, letting her in on the ups and downs, the passionate collisions and the separations that were always horrible and without good reason, but then somehow with good reason when the full story came out. I showed her my ring, knowing she’d gawk at the rock that still felt obnoxiously big to me.
Since we were in no hurry, I delved into the beginning – my introduction to Terraway, and all of its magic that had only dimmed my world in the end. I told her about my awakening, about Mason and Von binding themselves to me. I took her through each world, introducing her to my friends and enemies.
My version of Dagat wasn’t colored with all the sordid details, but I did mention that Finn and I had indulged a little before Von and I got together for real. I tried to make the whole visit G-rated, but after a few almost lies, my conscience got the better of me. I’d never been able to lie to Allie.
“Okay, fine!” I threw my arms up, exasperated that as usual, she could still see right through me with her eyes closed. I covered my face with my hands, embarrassed. “I fell hard for Finn. I let him suck on my toes because he’s got a foot fetish. And you know what? It was amazing! But it wasn’t always about the physical connection. I didn’t realize what a sucker I am for a guy reading to me, but man, I totally am. But it’s long over, okay? I was torn, but I haven’t been for a while.” My voice lowered. “And that’s the whole truth. I’m a whore. I let Finn suck on my toes once, so I’m a giant whore! Just say it!” I shook my head at myself. “Okay, twice. Maybe a few times when I was staying at his place. But Von and I weren’t together, and I put a stop to things the second it got real. Does it make me a skank if I liked it?”
A low chuckle escaped Graham, making my head shoot up in his direction. He tried to stifle the mistake, but it was clear he’d been listening in. I gasped in horror, standing with heat coloring my cheeks. “You said you wouldn’t listen!”
Graham belted out a laugh as I ran around the bed to swat at him over and over. He held up his arms to shield himself from my wrath. “To answer your question, yes. Only the skankiest skanks like their toes licked. You’re one filthy vixen!”
I straightened, horrified. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Graham stood, a wicked grin on his face. “Captain Finn has a foot fetish, eh? I guess that makes sense. Boy, it’s a good thing you’ve got your shoes on. I don’t know if I’d be able to control myself.” He laughed when I swatted at him again. “Does Von know about your unusual preference?”
I gasped, scandalized. “You’ll not mention a word of this to Von. Finn would be so embarrassed if it got out that he... If you value your life, you’ll keep your mouth shut about everything you swore you wouldn’t hear. And by ‘life’, I mean ‘your testicles’.”
Graham turned to the bed and shot Allie a conspiratorial look. “What are we going to do with her? Asking military men to suck on her toes in broad daylight! What’ll the neighbors say?”
I huffed, throwing my hair over my shoulder. “Hush, you. Allie, I’ll be back without this joker next time. Hang tight, girl. I’ll figure this out. I’ll bust you out of this hospital in no time.”
Graham stifled his laugh and tried to present a sober nod to my sister, which I appreciated. He popped out his elbow to me. “Shall we?”
“Are you kidding me? After that skank crack? You can escort yourself.”
Graham bowed his head with a snigger as he opened the door. “After you, Lady October. Until we meet again, Lady Allison.”
Twenty-Three.
Put the Lotion in the Basket
We were home long before dinner, but Von wasn’t. I was proud of him for getting out, and grateful Ezra had insisted Alton go with him. The Vandershot brothers were on glorified babysitting duty, but I knew they preferred the boring chauffeuring moments to the harrowing attacks that tore their family down.
I’d stopped with Graham at a store to pick Von up some gum in hopes he’d smoke a little less. I sat down at the dining room table with Ezra, upset with myself that I hadn’t helped Lynna in the kitchen at all. I made a mental note to wash the dishes to give her a little break later.
Ezra asked simple questions, keeping it light so I didn’t retreat back to my bedroom. I heard the front door open, but only Alton came in to join us at the soup course. He flopped in his chair, pushing his gold-rimmed glasses up on his nose as his dark hair swung into his face. “We’re trading tomorrow. You get the basket case, and I get the pretty girl,” he said to Graham.
“What’s wrong? Is he alright?” I asked, suddenly worried my plan to reintroduce the outside world to Von had gone terribly south somehow.
“He’s carrying in his purchases. I’ll let that be a terrifying little surprise for you later. If there’s ever any doubt that Von loves you, I hope it’s cleared up when he shows you all he bought.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Okay. So long as he’s alright, that’s fine. I don’t care what he bought. I just wanted to get him out of the house.”
“Mission accomplished. No more letting him make simple decisions, though. He can’t handle the stress of it.”
I frowned, worried I’d pushed Von too far. “Stress? I didn’t mean for that. Is he alright? Is he coming down?”
“After he unloads the car by himself, yes. And don’t anyone volunteer to help him. He’s got to learn his lesson. He’s cracked, Ezra. Absolutely batty.”
Von joined us when the roasted chicken and sides were served, scooping me up from my chair with palpable relief. “You came back,” he breathed, pressing his lips to mine briefly. “I was so worried.”
I’d never been a fan of public kissing, especially since our kisses were more psychedelic than your standard run-of-the-mill makeout. Von’s lips captured mine a second time, grateful and filled with relief that I hadn’t been stolen away, that my body wasn’t lying in a ditch, and that I hadn’t up and left him. I heard the tinkle of bells greeting us, and the swirls of blue and gold dripped down the dining room walls like slow-melting glittery wax. I lost myself for a solid ten seconds in the transformation of worlds that happened when Von made me see stars in the home of his lips.
I pulled away, my cheeks pink as I kept my head down. “Sorry about that, guys. Have a seat, Von. You must be hungry. Come eat dinner with us.”
Instead of taking the open seat next to Alton across the table from Graham, Von brought the chair next to me, sliding his plate and everything, so his thigh could smoosh to the outside of mine while we ate. He kissed my temple and barely paid attention to the others at the table. He ate a few bites with his arm wrapped around me, holding me tight and checking behind himself occasionally, as if he expected a monster to come flying in and snatch me away from him.
I tried to stay engaged in the normal dinner conversation. I answered Ezra’s questions about our afternoon, and accepted his invitation to go to a museum with him on Wednesday – like, you know, an actual social life. When Von opened his mouth to say that he didn’t feel up to a trip to the museum, Ezra cut him off with, “You’ve got a visitor coming on Wednesday, Von. Danny wanted to take you out. He needs your help with something. Alton will be guarding Mariang with Boston while she rests.�
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“What help does Danny need?”
Ezra shrugged evasively. “He didn’t say.”
“Just for a little bit?”
“I believe it was only a couple hours.”
“Okay, fine. And you’ll be with October the whole time?”
“Graham and I, yes. I promise to look after her with my life.”
Von watched Ezra as if studying him for false moves. “Okay. I guess that would be alright.” Von agreed, but his grip around me tightened. I felt terrible for him. I could see fear beneath the suspicion, and knew that when we’d lost September, it changed him in a way that wouldn’t be possible to undo anytime soon.
After dinner, Von wasted no time corralling me upstairs. He shut the door and leaned against it, exhaling with relief. “That took forever. I don’t like being separated from you.”
“I missed you too, babe.” I looked around the room and found ten overlarge shopping bags from the nearest mall. “I guess you needed to hit the store, too. What’d you get?”
“You told me you needed socks and lotion, so I got you socks and lotion.”
“Thanks, sweetheart. But what’s the rest of it?” I walked over to the nearest bag and peeked inside.
“It’s all socks and lotion. I didn’t know which kind to buy, so I just kept going.”
My mouth fell open as I dug into the bag, revealing dozens of pairs of fuzzy socks, along with every kind of lotion imaginable. “Are you serious? Von, I needed like, one pair. Two, at most.” I gasped at the next bag that was filled to the top with big bottles of various lotions, each a different brand in the same lavender scent. “Oh, honey. This is... Thank you, really, but we have to take these back.”
“Do what you want with them. You said you needed lotion and socks, so I brought some home for you. This way you’ll never have to leave me to go buy them.”
My mouth went dry as I began to see the psychosis seeping into his pores. I moved slowly around the room, opening each bag that solidified what I should’ve seen a mile away – Von was cracked. “These are my favorites.” I picked out a pair of socks at random. For good measure, I selected six more pairs and laid them on the bed. Then I chose three bottles of lotion with the least annoying smells. “The rest can go back to the store though. Sorry I wasn’t more specific. I didn’t mean you had to buy all the lotion in the whole mall.”
Von shrugged. “It’s no trouble.” His earlobe was still red and swollen, perhaps even more so than when I’d left that morning. Von pulled off his shirt and kicked his pants to the floor. He climbed into the bed and held his arms out to me. “It’s been a long day. I need you here. I don’t like when I turn around and you’re gone.”
I quirked my eyebrow at the switch in our roles. Now I was the one “stepping out”, and he was the one feeling abandoned.
“Okay, hun. I’ll be right there.” I grabbed pajamas out of my drawer and moved to change in the bathroom. I came out a few minutes later, and Von was biting his nails, eyes darting around the room to accuse the shadows of foul play. I sank into the bed with him, though it was barely seven o’clock, and let him gather my body greedily to his. His lips found mine in the darkness. Our bodies were lit only by the twilight that seeped through the edges of the beige curtains. It took mere seconds for him to sweep us away from the mansion and transplant us smack in the middle of our park, the beautiful colors dancing around us to celebrate our return to the fanciful life that was far prettier than reality.
Von was desperate and handsy; it wasn’t like him to be so frantic, erratic and uncontrolled. I slowed him down with long, languid kisses, reminding him that I wasn’t going anywhere, and we had all night in our dreams.
Right when I’d slowed down his pace to a less harried and fearful romp, Von’s emotions crested. He crashed down atop me in a fit of tears that overtook him without warning. It was so strange that I scrambled to hold him, hoping to give him an anchor when he was so very lost. “It’s okay, Von. Let it out.”
“It’s not okay!” he roared into my shoulder. “It’ll never be okay. I wanted a daughter who was mine. Penny’s brilliant, and I love her, but I know her eyes belong to some other bloke, and that her mum and I will never be together. She’s not even mine on paper! But September would’ve been mine. The first child that’s mine, and she’s broken! I couldn’t save her. What good is vampire blood if it does absolutely nothing when you need it to? What good am I if I can’t save a little girl?”
The entire night and the next few days were a lengthier version of that. Von was terrified every time I left the bedroom, so I stayed mostly locked inside to pacify him, since it seemed he was in the throes of a mental breakdown. Then slowly, me just being in the same room as Von wasn’t enough; we had to be touching, cuddling, kissing. I left him to use the bathroom (and you know, breathe), and after a minute, he pounded on the door, frantic that I’d cracked my head on the porcelain or some nonsense.
I understood crazy better than most, since I’d been on the brink of it much of my life. I stayed with him for days, locked in the bedroom with no hope of release. Von vented his grief while I held him. I kept my own anguish locked up tight, where no one would bother me about it. It wasn’t as if I could lean on Von; he could barely hold himself upright with his own misery. I decided to save my agony for Allie, knowing she would keep my secrets.
Twenty-Four.
Fresh Air and Suffocation
It was a long debate to get Von out of the bedroom when Wednesday morning finally rolled around. “You need to eat before you go out with Danny. It’s important you have some blood in your system. Come on, babe. It’s been at least two days since you’ve had any blood at all. That can’t be healthy.”
“I’m not hungry.”
I harrumphed, pulling on a hoodie that made my deflated body shapeless, so I didn’t feel so strange in my own skin. “Well, I am. I’m going downstairs to eat now.” Lynna had been bringing our meals up to our room, but I wanted to eat at an actual table this time.
This moved Von off his chair that overlooked the backyard grounds. “I’ll come with you.” He hadn’t showered in at least three days, and the cigar smoke was practically leaking out of his pores, permeating the room and making me a little nauseous. His swollen earlobe was getting fatter for no reason I could tell, making it look unnaturally elongated, despite the antihistamine I’d been giving him regularly. His hair was matted in parts and stiffly stuck up in others, making him look just as unbalanced as he was inside. His white undershirt had stains on the armpits, but he didn’t care. Von was broken.
I’d broken Von.
I held tight to his hand, leading him through the house to the dining room. I sat him at the table, like a doll who couldn’t move without my permission.
Ezra and Graham ate silently, afraid to look at the mess that was Von, in case eye contact might make him retreat back to the bedroom. As discreetly as I could, I banded his fingers around the hilt of his fork, silently reminding him that we were here to eat.
Von took a few bites, not even looking up when Danny entered the room, nodding his condolences to both of us. “Are you ready, mate?” Danny asked as he snuck a piece of bacon off the platter.
“Huh? For what?”
Danny looked to Ezra with his thick eyebrows pushed together. “Didn’t you tell him I’d be over?”
“I did. October Grace, might I see you in the living room with Danny for a moment?”
Von snapped to life when my chair moved back and I stood to leave. “Wait! Where are you going? It’s not safe for you to be running off today.”
I placed my hand atop his head. “Hun, I’m not running off. I’m just going to talk to Ezra in the kitchen. I’ll be back in like, five minutes. I’m not even leaving the mansion”
“Fine, then I’ll go with you.” Von stood, knocking his chair back and causing the guys to hold up their hands with “Hey, hey!” kinds of noises. “What? It’s only a chair. I turned my back for one second, and she was gone the
other day. I blinked and my daughter died right before my eyes. I’ll not take chances with October’s safety.”
My hand slid into his, and I refused to look up at the guys, who would only confirm what I already knew. Von had lost several very important marbles from his brain.
Ezra placed his hand on Von’s shoulder and slowly drew him into a hug that started out soft, but tightened gradually. “Son, there’s nothing you could’ve done. You were outnumbered. I’ve already put in a motion for Mulvano to be removed from his interim throne in Lumipad. It takes time for justice to be served.”
“I don’t care about justice. I just want...” Von’s voice caught, and I could tell by the look on Danny’s face that he hadn’t expected Von to burst into tears in Ezra’s arms in the middle of the dining room. Graham was unsurprised, and drank his orange juice as he watched the scene unfold.
“I know, son. Today’s going to be difficult, but I should like to spend a little time with my daughter. October needs a break. Don’t you want her to have a day out, where she doesn’t have to think about the awful incident?”
Von squeezed my hand while Ezra held him. “I don’t want her to go. I know something bad will happen. I’ll never forgive myself if she gets attacked while I’m not there to keep her safe.”
Ezra held tight to Von. “Do you trust me with your treasure?”
Von hesitated, clinging to my hand in fear. I could feel his indecision, knowing that he was too lost for concepts as grand as trust. He couldn’t find the words, so he stuck with one stiff nod into Ezra’s shoulder, followed by more tears that made Danny back away with wide and wary eyes.
I squeezed Von’s hand before releasing it. “I’m going to go upstairs and change into something that screams ‘museum’. I promise I’ll be right back.”
“No! I’ll come with you.”
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