Graham tried to put his hand on my shoulder again, but I shoved it away. “I said don’t touch me. Go help Danny. Go help Ezra. I want to be alone.”
Graham stood, tapping his heart. “It hurts you when Von clings too hard? Well it hurts me when you push us away like this. I want to be your friend.”
“You want to be my friend?” I sniffled, trying to think a little more rationally, now that there was one less person in the room and on my case. “You are. I just want some space. I freak out less if people leave me to deal. It’s a lot to take right now.”
Graham nodded. “I can get onboard with that. Is there anything I can get you while you take some time for yourself?”
“No, thanks. But could you make sure someone visits Allie? I told her I’d see her today, but I don’t feel up to driving.”
“Of course. If Ollie can’t step away, I’ll go myself.”
I breathed, feeling the difference immediately as oxygen and just a little bit of space helped to clear my head. “Tell Ezra not to give Von any more of the antihistamine if he’s going to have him locked up for more than a day or so. I’ve been giving him a daily dose, but his ear’s not getting any better. Maybe he’s allergic to the medicine or something, because he started getting super nuts right around then. I’m grasping at straws.” I shook my head at myself. “I don’t even think it’s possible to have a psychotic reaction to an antihistamine.”
“His ear?”
I turned back to my corner, so I didn’t have to look at anyone. “It’s swollen. He should have it looked at.”
“I can do that. Anything else?”
“Just a little quiet. That’s all I want.”
“Of course, little sister.” Graham left, and I closed my eyes, letting the tears flow freely, now that I didn’t have an audience. I kept my body cuddled into the corner of the room, my eyes shut as I clawed at my arms slowly. I needed to feel the deep pain that made me focus on the physical and not the emotional. Physical could heal. Physical pain was fixable.
“I really wish you’d stop that,” Finn said from behind me.
I straightened and whirled on him, furious that he’d been watching me and hadn’t vacated the room like I’d asked. “If you don’t like it, then you can leave.”
But he didn’t leave. Finn walked over to my dresser and pulled out one of the books he’d given me. “I can’t remember where we were. Do you?”
“Where we were what?”
“In the story. Had Lissima’s parents killed Ricardo by ripping his heart out of his body yet?”
My mouth dropped open in shock. “I can’t believe you just did that! Of course we haven’t gotten there yet. Are you serious? Did you really just ruin the ending of a series I translated by hand?”
Finn cracked a smile at me. “I’m only kidding. I know where we are.” He took the book, shut the bedroom door and locked it. Then Finn grabbed a blanket from the bed, covered my shoulders with it, and sat down two feet from me, leaning his back against the wall. He didn’t look at my face, and part of me appreciated that he knew me well enough to understand that I didn’t want anyone to see me so broken. He didn’t address the assault, but made a show of breathing deeply in and out, setting the tone for the level of tranquility he willed into the bedroom. He wasn’t going to treat me like a victim, which for some reason reminded me that I was stronger than crying in a corner. “Now, where were we? Are we to the part where we find out Lissima’s really the daughter of the wicked sea king?”
“You make jokes now, but you’ll be the one eating that book if that turns out to be the case.”
“Let me read to you,” he offered, rolling his shoulders back. “I’ve had a long day.”
I chuckled, which I didn’t think myself capable of doing. “You poor guy. All that surfing grow tiresome?”
“Shut up and relax. Let’s deal with life another day.”
I looked over at his face finally and saw sleeplessness etched into the corners. I could tell he needed the break just as much as I did. I shifted my body and held myself on the floor, my knees pushed to my chest, cuddling into the blanket he was kind enough to get for me.
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall as Finn began reading, drenching us in the details of another world with fictional problems far more complicated than ours. After he flipped the page, he kept reading, but reached his free hand out between us, palm up in invitation. I didn’t know what to make of the offer, and let it rest a few paragraphs before tentatively stretching my arm out to lay my hand in his. It wasn’t flirty or laced with the blush-worthy tawdriness our non-relationship was famous for. It was kindness – pure and simple. Beneath the attraction and the intention that never went anywhere, Finn and I had a friendship that was worth holding onto.
I thought I knew how much I appreciated Finn’s offer to be there for me through a pretty confusing time. I thought I’d reached full velocity on my emotional rollercoaster where he was concerned. Then my palm grew damp, and I realized that Finn was washing my hand for me while he read. He didn’t say a word as he washed away the germs that clawed at my flesh; he simply rinsed away my demons and held my hand until the madness passed. Tears welled in my eyes, and each one that spilled was a tribute to my gratitude for our budding friendship. I don’t know how I got so lucky that after all the shake-ups and fights, I somehow got to keep part of Finn in my heart, and got to hold him tight in my hand.
Finn read an entire chapter before resting the open book facedown over his shin. “How’s your eye?”
“Feels awesome. My whole life feels awesome,” I deadpanned.
Finn chuckled at the bitter note in my voice. “I admit, I never thought Von would lay a hand on you. Maybe you’ll feel better once you’re back in your home.”
I took a steadying breath. “I don’t have a home. That was supposed to be my safe place, and my daughter died right on my bed.”
Finn took a chance and pulled me and the blanket closer, so he could loop my arm through his. “My home is always yours. Nothing romantic. Just while Ezra sorts Von out. I really can’t believe Von would hit you in his right mind. When he came to Dagat to find the mole in my battalion, I saw it.”
“Saw what?”
“I saw how much he loves you. I love you, make no mistake, but Von? That’s a whole other level of devotion.” He shook his head and scratched his chest. “This whole conscience thing is rough.” He cleared his throat. “I promise not to make a move on you until you and Von figure out where you stand. That being said, I want you to come stay with me for a little while. I’ll keep you safe.”
I kept my voice barely above a whisper. “I was molested right outside your house. And if you remember, you blacked my other eye once upon a time in my dark fairy tale. I’m not safe anywhere.”
Finn winced. “I’m different now. We’re different. You broke my curse and gave me the chance at growing a conscience.”
I shook my head, too messed up to think clearly. “You have to stop. I’m barely a person anymore. I can’t process more than this. Thanks for the offer, but I need to stay Topside. You and I are dangerous together, and I’ve had enough danger in my life.”
Finn held me tighter. “Okay. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Sometimes nothing is the perfect thing to say.”
Finn looked down on me with too much love, too much adoration. My heart broke that I was never in the right place at the right time, that I wanted something simple, but the options were messy and crumbled when I got too near. I stilled as Finn brought my fingers to his lips, kissing each one slowly, lacing each blessing with a silent promise that not everything broken would always be thus. His full lips brushed the burgeoning bruise on my cheek. “I love you,” he whispered, “and I want more for you than this.”
“How can you look at me like that?” I marveled, staring up at him in confusion. “My body’s all messed up, I’m gross from crying, and...”
“I see you,” Finn answered si
mply. “You’re still in there, even if you can’t feel it. I see you.”
I swallowed, wishing I could see the me he did, that I could be the girl worth looking at like... like that. “You shouldn’t be nice to me. I’m a wreck.”
The corner of his mouth tugged up in half a smile. “I know you. You’ve got miles to go before someone like you’s wrecked.”
The sweetness of his declaration pinged in my fragile heart. Of all the things we’d whispered to each other during our alone time, I prayed for that one note to ring true.
Twenty-Seven.
Mangkukulam
The knock on the door couldn’t have been better timed if Jiminy Cricket himself wasn’t right outside the door, orchestrating the whole thing to make sure Finn and I stayed friends after he let me lean on him so beautifully. “October Grace? Might I have a word?”
Finn kissed the back of my hand, and then stood to open the door for Ezra. “She’s resting.”
“She needs to hear this straightaway.” Ezra moved into the room, sizing up my expression to see if I was already cheating on Von. “Has anyone taken any of Von’s hair, fingernails or saliva?”
“Huh?” I listened as Ezra repeated himself, but even the second time around, it didn’t sound any less weird. “When?”
“Right before Von started devolving. Think hard. Anything at all would be helpful.”
Finn gasped. “You don’t think Sama...”
“What?”
Ezra nodded at Finn gravely. “That’s exactly what I think. He’d need the blood of a queen, though, and Sylvia died long before this. She’s the only queen in Terraway.”
The image of the purple corset Manas with the orangy-red hair stood out in my mind. “Well, in the fight where the Manas broke in and fed me that poison, there was one who flew in, ripped out a chunk of Von’s hair and flew right back out. I thought it was weird she didn’t stick around to actually fight. One of the other Manas even called after her, but she didn’t come back. Susa? Suzie? I’m not sure. Would that count?”
Ezra hung his head. “Yes, dear. Thank you. That confirms it for me. Sama’s a Mangkukulam, which is our version of a sorcerer. He’d need the hair of his victim, the droppings of a sigbin and the blood of a queen. I don’t know how he got ahold of Sylvia’s blood, but I’m willing to go to the mat on this.”
I swallowed hard. “He didn’t take Sylvia’s blood. He sent out his spirit and had Serena killed. He had her carved up for what she did to me. That’s who got to her and killed her before you found her, Ezra. If Serena was in charge of Lumipad after she killed Sylvia, then wouldn’t she be the queen?”
Ezra pressed his hand to his forehead. “That would be good enough for the spell, I believe. I mean, clearly Von’s being controlled, so however Sama managed the magic, it’s done.”
“Wait, controlled? By Sama? And you’re saying it’s done? Von’s stuck like this?”
Ezra rolled back his shoulders and straightened. “No, darling. We can set him right. It’ll take a few days, and I’d rather you weren’t here for it. It can get messy, and I’m afraid you’ve had enough of that in your life. I insist you go to your home, or to the hotel with Mariang.”
I stiffened. “I think you know me better than that by now. If Von’s being messed with, I’m not leaving him.”
Ezra moved over to me and pulled me up off the floor. “Von can sense you in the house. He can feel that you’re nearby. Sama’s bewitched him to crave you. He’ll try to break out of the cell to get to you. Undoing the magic takes time, and it’ll be easier for Von to focus on healing if he’s not worried about getting to you.”
“Can’t I just kiss him?” My mouth drew to the side when I realized we’d been kissing for days, and he was still like this. “My kiss is supposed to break curses, right?”
“This isn’t a curse, dear. It’s simply magic. But thank you for offering your help.”
I nodded, unable to place my feelings in the right category. “Do I have time to take a shower? I kind of want to wash this day off of me.”
“Of course, darling. Quickly, though. I’ll have one of the boys pack you a bag. I’ll send someone with you, of course, to watch the house and pull for you.”
I shook my head. “No, thanks. I don’t want pulling.”
Ezra tilted his head to the side. “You need it. You need it in spades.”
“Everyone needs something like that. I can handle myself. I’ve always been able to deal, so that’s what I’ll do. Besides, it sounds like you’ll need all the help you can get here.”
Twenty-Eight.
The Firefighter and the Fire-Breathing Dragon
It turns out that Ezra was almost as stubborn as me. Almost. He consented to no pulling at my insistence, but ruled that I still needed someone to watch the house. “I’ve summoned Mason again, letting him know that he’s to drop whatever’s distracting him from his duties and come Topside straightaway. Captain Finn will stay with you until Mason relieves him.” He turned to glower at Finn in silent warning. “Which I pray will be any moment. I’m sending Captain Finn instead of one of the boys because, safe as I pray we are, if anything should arise, he’s to port you down to Silo first thing.” He narrowed his eyes at Finn. “Silo, not Dagat.”
“Yes, your majesty.”
“Thanks. You sure you don’t mind?” I asked Finn, hefting my duffel over my shoulder. I’d taken a long shower, washing myself three times, just the way I preferred. I felt a little more clarity, now that I was clean and dressed in comfortable clothes that hid the shape of my body.
“Of course I don’t mind. The council’s duty-bound to make sure the Omens are safe and can do their job. Without you and Mariang, we all starve. Besides all that, we’re friends, right? Friends are supposed to help out when the other’s knocked down.”
I nodded, glad he was being cool about it all. Though it was probably unwise to be alone with Finn, I knew if I took Graham, he’d keep trying to pull the stress from me. I knew I couldn’t run from the awful feelings forever. I needed to deal and move on.
Ezra cuffed Finn’s bicep on the way out. “You’ll conduct yourself like a gentleman around my daughter, or I’ll see to it the council hangs you for every one of your crimes. Do not underestimate my temper. The lion in me is nothing to the man, once provoked.”
Finn said nothing to this, but nodded once.
I hadn’t driven in a while, and was grateful for the opportunity to give Terence the Taurus a go. I’d spent a lot of time with Terence, and I knew the only pulling he did was the organic stress relief of speeding slightly on the freeway. I loved going a solid five miles over the speed limit. There was something a little rebellious in me that smiled at bending the rules just enough for a thrill, but not enough to get caught.
Finn was watching me, leaning back in his seat with his too long legs sprawled open next to me. He was dressed in his standard military black pants and black t-shirt, looking every bit himself. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll teach you how to swim if you show me how to drive.”
I glanced over at him, noticing that he loved the thrill of the high velocity, too. “I can teach you to drive, sure. But I have no desire to learn how to swim. I don’t plan on getting back into the water ever again.”
Finn’s jaw tightened. “But it’s my world, and I want to share it all with you.”
“I don’t belong in Terraway, Finn. You and I both know it. The last time I was underwater, it didn’t go so well.”
“I can teach you in a pool or something, where there’re no Mermen at all.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” That was my polite way of saying, “Thanks, but never. Not ever. Quit asking.”
We reached my house that still had too many cars parked in front. I don’t know why I’d thought the work would’ve been done in a day. “Um, so in there are a bunch of Ollie’s friends. You’ll have to wear your scarf. They’re doing us a solid and helping clean up the place. It might not be all that restful here, but we can give i
t a shot. I kind of want to help, too.”
“You’re the boss.”
I smirked, feeling one-tenth more myself. “I’ll remember you said that.” I got out of the car and moved toward the back to retrieve my duffel, but Finn already had it slung over his shoulder. We walked into my house and I let out a gasp, stopping two steps in. “Whoa! What happened here?”
Jordan and Beto looked up from the paint pans. Their rollers were dipped in a light silverish lavender color they had been spreading on the living room wall. “Bait’s here!” Jordan called through the house, clearly forgetting that Graham had asked him not to use that nickname ever again. He dropped his roller and came over to give me a sweaty fist bump. “You like the color?”
I nodded, surprised at how good it looked. “You guys even fixed the holes in the drywall? That’s awesome! Who knew you were so handy?”
Jordan flexed his muscles before shaking Finn’s hand. “Do I even want to guess at who this is? Another guard from your mysterious paternal benefactor?”
“Finn’s my friend. Finn, this is Jordan and Beto. Hi, Gabby. And that’s Gabby, Jessica and Rachel.” I noticed the absence of Katrina and relaxed. Finn gave a perfunctory nod, but offered nothing in the way of conversation.
Jordan thumbed my face, so I batted his hand away on instinct. “Whoa, is this new? Who kicked in your face, Bait?”
“Work,” I explained. I wasn’t sure if they knew I’d left the prison, and prayed that succinct explanation would suffice. It had served me quite well in the past.
“Rough. Good thing he’s already behind bars, or I’d have to mess him up for ya.” Jordan pounded his fist into his palm to demonstrate just how down and dirty he was prepared to get on my behalf. I knew it was all a joke, but I was so upside-down on my emotions that I took the front as truth and threw myself into Jordan’s sweaty arms. “Whoa! Hey, you alright?” Jordan took the small window of me silently admitting that I was falling apart and hugged me tight, his hand rubbing in circles on my spine. When I didn’t answer, Jordan lowered his voice. “I’ve got your back, kid. Maybe I go with Ollie to talk to the warden this time. See what I can’t straighten out.”
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