Find Me Series (Book 3): Finding Hope

by Trish Marie Dawson

  It only took one good shove to knock him back into the wall. He slumped backwards onto his ass and awkwardly held his crotch with both hands. Then he began to smile.

  The rage came rushing from my gut to my throat and I all but growled at him when I spoke. With a quick jerk, I lifted my shirt, exposing the bruise on my side. “Did you do this?” I hissed.

  The briefest hint of surprise glinted in his gaze, and his smile turned into a laugh. It was a low, choked sound that graduated to a chuckle before his eyes filled with tears and his bellow filled the entire floor. “If I’d done that, you would have remembered.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  He moved one hand up his stomach to hold in his laughter, and that was when I noticed for the first time, the knife that was always clipped to his waist was missing. A quick glance at the floor showed me that it wasn’t nearby. When was the last time I saw it on him? My mind began to work like a clock, pieces turning and flipping and spinning in all directions, trying to grab hold of each other. My brain became like a skeleton watch, exposing all the inner workings of each gear. I was sure Keel could see right through my eyes into my very soul and hear the hurried thoughts in my head.

  “Where’s your knife?” I asked him, just barely above a whisper.

  The grin on his face crumbled and his eyes, already naturally dark, went black.

  Keel was the resident murderer.

  * * *

  Zoey’s barking brought the fuzzy and faraway haze of my surroundings back to life. Even after blinking several times, I felt for a moment like I was floating outside of my body. Keel was talking, or at least his lips were moving, but the words sounded foreign. Alien.

  “…You don’t understand it at all. This place is not what you think.”

  My eyes blinked again and the hallway came back into focus, and there was Keel, still slumped against the wall, sat staring up at me with wide eyes. “What did you say?”

  He shook his head. “Right now you serve a purpose, but what do you think will happen when they find out you’re itching to leave this place? What do you think they’ll do with the kid? They won’t let you take her away. Not now.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I backed away from him, confused.

  “You think it was me that did that?” He pointed at my damaged side. “Believe it or not, beneath this jerkish exterior is a relatively normal guy. I don’t beat unconscious women, or kill them. I don’t get off on that.”

  My eyes narrowed until the lighting from the ceiling faded. “I never said I was unconscious, just that I never saw who did it.”

  Slowly, he pushed off the ground and stood upright. “I know you were unconscious. Because I was there. You have no clue, do you?”

  “About what?”

  “About what’s really going on here at the Ark. Not sure if you’ve noticed, but there’s a shortage of people in the world lately. If the whole ‘safety in numbers’ concept hadn’t kept me alive most of this year, I’d have left a long time ago.” He pulled on the crotch of his jeans, loosening the material that I had kicked up into his groin. “Low blow, by the way.”

  It was my turn to laugh at him. “You deserve more than what you got.”

  “I don’t, actually. That’s what I’m trying to say. Your man is gunning for me up there.” He paused to point above our heads. “And now you seem to think that because my knife is missing, I’m the slasher freak who’s killed two women. Why? What the hell have I done for you to see me as that guy?”

  It was a valid question to ask, and I shoved a section of my hair behind my ear while considering how to answer him. “You’ve been an asshole since I got here.”

  “And that makes me a killer? Bullshit.” He frowned at me from behind a long set of dark lashes.

  “I’ll tell them,” I said suddenly.

  “Tell who what? I’ve nothing to hide!”

  Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I wondered what weight my word against his would be. Probably not much, but the risk was worth it. Plus, Amanda had just been to my room to apologize. She might actually listen to me, if I had something worth telling.

  “If you don’t get me into the Tank, I’ll tell them you did it. That you killed those women.”

  His frown twisted into an expression of feigned shock. “And what makes you think anyone would believe that? I’ve been here a lot longer than you, sweetheart. Sacrificed a lot more. I’ve earned my place here. You’re just a woman. A vessel. That’s all they see you as.” With his finger, he jabbed me just below the collar bone with his last words.

  “Just a woman? Remember it was a just a woman who brought you to your knees not five minutes ago.” My body began to tremble, and to keep Keel from noticing, I shifted my weight from one leg to the next, releasing the nervous energy that felt trapped inside my muscles. I wasn’t understanding what he was saying to me, but it didn’t seem like a conversation I could have with him while standing in the hallway where anyone could happen upon us. Eventually, Keel would make a move. I just hoped it wouldn’t be lunging at my neck.

  “Right. Whatever. There’s always the exception,” he teased.

  “Was that a joke? Are you seriously joking right now?”

  He shrugged. “I kind of thought it was a compliment, but like I said…whatever.”

  Carefully, I stepped back another foot. “If you’re trying to trick me, it won’t work. I meant what I said. Get me into the Detox Tank and I’ll keep my mouth shut about your…your missing knife.”

  “You really think a missing knife is all it would take for them to believe you?” He crossed his arms in taunting defiance.

  “Just the mention of Drake’s name was all it took for Ryder to see him as a killer. Plus, I’ve heard you have a way with the ladies. A way that back in the day could have landed a man like you in jail.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Who the hell said that crap?”

  With a shrug, I licked my lips. “Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, Keel. In this world there are no background checks. No trials. Only judges and executioners. You sure you want to give them a reason to doubt your loyalty?”

  “Well, you’re a real bitch, aren’t you?”

  “Sometimes it comes in handy.” We stared at each other for a full minute.

  “I could just kill you now,” he said quietly. “Snap your neck with my bare hands. It would be easy.”

  I reached behind me for the doorknob and twisted it, pushing the door open just enough for Zoey’s snarling snout to not only be heard but seen. “You’ll have to deal with her, of course. Unless you think you can get to the stairs before she tears a hole in your throat. It would be a bloody and slow way to go. Just saying.”

  Keel looked from me to the dog’s wet nose and back again and pulled his thin lips back into a tight smile. “Fine. When do we leave?”

  “Now.”

  “Don’t be absurd. There’s a handful of men out there guarding the perimeter after what happened yesterday. We can’t just walk by them.”

  I opened the door another inch and Zoey pawed at the gap, struggling to squeeze her head through. “I’m sure you will figure something out.”

  “Just wait. After curfew starts. People will be all nestled up warm and cozy in their beds. No one will see us.”

  “Exactly. You think I trust your word, that you would leave here and not immediately come back with another gun or one of those damn flash grenades? I’m not stupid. We go now. Right now. All three of us.” With a push, I swung the door open and Zoey launched herself into the hall, stopping just an inch away from Keel’s knees. Spittle flew off her mouth as she growled at him, but she made no move to actually bite him. And she wouldn’t, not without my command.

  “Keep her away from me,” he warned. “Or I’ll kick her head in.”

  “If you do that, I’ll stand back and let her chew your face off. I highly advise you to stay put.” With the door open, I leaned in and grabbed the closest winter coat and shoved my arms
through the sleeves.

  Once back in the hall, I pointed at the stairs. “You first. That way Zoey has something nice and cushy to bite into if you decide to run.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The snow on the ground came half-way up my calves and instantly penetrated through the thick weave of my jeans, but I was too stubborn to feel the cold. I knew the dog felt it. She walked ahead of me and behind Keel, jumping like a deer through his drag marks. Her black body against the white drifts stood out, even in the whirling of the night storm. And it raged on with an angry passion, blowing at me from all sides. My nose was frozen solid, my lips pressed together to keep my teeth from chattering, but at least the cold had temporarily numbed the pain in my side. With my eyes darting between Zoey and Keel, I relied on only my hearing to notify me of anyone else out in the blizzard. We went unseen, crazy enough to be the few who dared to venture outside.

  Keel shouted something over his shoulder fifteen minutes into our walk, but the wind snatched up his words and swallowed them, leaving only a trail of sound that quickly passed over my head and vanished.

  “What? I can’t hear you!” I shouted.

  He answered by pointing just ahead and to our left. I saw nothing but snow. Keel stopped and bounced on his toes a few times to stay warm. “I think it’s that way,” he yelled.

  Moving up closer to him, but being sure Zoey was still between us as protection, I yelled back, “You think, or you know?”

  He turned his pink cheeks and red nose my way. “It should be that way.”

  “Let’s go, then,” I urged, motioning him forward.

  Zoey sneezed at my knees and I bent to give her head a quick scratch. “Almost there, girl.”

  It felt like another fifteen minutes before we reached the Tank. All three of us huddled against the outer wall and looked out at the storm. It was impossible to see more than three feet from our noses, yet Keel had found the way.

  “Wasn’t there supposed to be a guard out here?” I asked him.

  “Yeah, well, I guess they got smart and moved indoors.” He ran his hand along the wall and we followed the curve until it led us to the outer door. “Look away,” he ordered, while he flipped open the command box. He didn’t want me to see the code.

  “Nice try, but you aren’t locking me in there. Tell me the number and I’ll punch it in.” I edged him aside with my shoulder and Keel’s eyes widened in surprise. A small laughing sound escaped his mouth but he didn’t appear to be in a humorous mood.

  “Uh, no,” he said.

  “Yes.” I patted my leg, and Zoey immediately stood by my knee and growled up at Keel.

  He glanced down at her, then out at the snow, most likely judging how far he could get before she brought him down. I guessed no more than three full strides. He seemed to come to the same conclusion on his own.

  “Shit. It’s 4-5-9-8. Hit the pound button first. Don’t make me regret giving you that code.”

  I punched in the numbers and the red light on the box turned green. My insides bottomed out as I reached for the door handle, realizing I would be seeing Connor again in just minutes. Keel’s hand came clamping down on top of mine, and his face leaned in toward my ear.

  “After this, we’re even. I owe you nothing. And I’ll be armed 24/7 again. That’s something you should remember.”

  Though I heard each word clearly, even with the roar of wind and snow at my back, I refused to answer. Keel thought that things would return back to the way they were, but I knew that to be false. I’d be getting my own firearm back, regardless of how the leaders or Ryder felt about it. But first, Connor.

  The door opened with a soft click, and warm air leaked out, stinging my frozen eyes. All three of us slipped inside and slammed the door shut again before too much snow found its way in. Keel stomped his feet, startling Zoey, till most of the crusted snow fell off, and I kicked the wall to knock off the clumps that had stuck to my pant legs. The dog had balls gathered under her tail and at the backs of her legs, so with one eye on Keel at all times, I pulled off what I could in the span of thirty seconds.

  “Lead the way,” I eventually said.

  “He’ll be down in the med unit. It’s not that big.” Keel opened the inside door and we both glanced to the right, where the library was. It was empty.

  “What floor?” I asked. We entered the first floor hall and the clicking sound of the dog’s nails on the tile bounced off the walls, meshing awkwardly with the squeaking of our wet shoes.

  “2nd sub. Just below us. Elevator or stairs?”

  “Elevator.” It would be easier to keep Keel in check in a small space with the dog.

  Once inside the square box, Keel pushed a button and the elevator shimmied before lowering itself to the next floor. Keel stepped out first and gestured down the right side of the hallway. I’d not been to the med unit while in there, I realized. None of my group had, not even Skip.

  Though the smell of the place was the same for the most part - poured concrete and paint - there was something else. Something sweet that I couldn’t quite place. Even though it was warmer in the Tank than it was outside, the air was still cold as an icebox.

  The first door we passed was a utility room. The next, a restroom. The third door was open and, as we got closer, the sound of hospital equipment beeped softly out into the hall. It was followed by a woman’s even softer laugh, and then a voice I knew well.

  I ran the last few steps and grabbed onto the doorway, which spun me into the room with the grace of a toddler in new shoes. When the rest of my body caught up to my feet, I skidded to a stop and fell against the door. There he was. Connor. Alive and well. Very well, judging from the way his lips were pressed against the mouth of another woman.

  The sound my body had made as I barreled into the room startled them both, and when Connor’s eyes found mine, they widened, blinked, widened some more, and then they closed. His hand fell off the young woman’s shoulder and she shifted at his side on the hospital bed, clearly confused by my intrusion.

  “Hello,” she said, “Who are you?”

  Connor, with his eyes still closed, answered for her after a deep and ragged breath. “Riley…”

  * * *

  Zoey wanted desperately to bound across the room and greet Connor, but I had grabbed hold of her collar and couldn’t let go. My hand was fused to the braided twist of material around her neck as if it were a lifeline. I refused to allow my own dog to betray me and run to the man who was in the arms of another. But that lasted a handful of seconds before she yanked herself backwards and out of her collar, then bolted at Connor. I took in his different appearance with equal parts shock and unease. His head was shaved, and the right side of his face was discolored. The flesh was a raw salmon color, white around the edges, very clearly healing from a severe burn.

  Once Zoey’s paws rose up to the side of the bed, he opened his eyes and looked down at her and used his free hand to rub her head, being sure to scratch at the spot at the base of her ears, which he knew she loved. He talked soothingly to her, called her a good dog, and let her lick his hand and arm. The moment was interrupted by the startled woman snuggled up on Connor’s other side.

  “Um, Kevan, this can’t possibly be sanitary.” She said it to Connor but glanced up at me. And she called him by his first name. Fascinating.

  “It’s okay. We know each other…don’t we, Zoey girl?” He mumbled something against the top of her snout and she licked his chin till the lower half of his face was wet with slobber. With his head lowered, I could see more of the burns that ran from above his left temple and down the left side of his face, vanishing somewhere beneath the collar of his white shirt.

  “Don’t let her do that!” The woman gasped, then bit down on her lower lip to keep from chiding him in front of me. “You could get an infection.”

  With two snaps of my fingers, Zoey glanced over her furry shoulder at me with her large brown eyes. Sad eyes. After a few pats to my leg, she gave Connor one last l
ick before slowly returning to my side. She collapsed at my feet with an audible huff of frustration and rested her head on her front paws. Watching for him to disappear again.

  “Traitor,” I whispered down at her.

  “It’s fine,” Connor said to me, trying, and failing, to smile.

  “So. You’re alive,” I said.

  Everything I’d imagined in my head - all the preparing I’d done for the moment we saw each other again - it was all gone. The moment I wished for, with us crying from joy and jumping into each other’s arms, wasn’t going to happen. I had no clue what to say to him then.

  “And you’re alive,” he answered. His Irish voice was low. Careful. And still just as beautiful as the first time I’d heard it.

  “And you’re…busy.” I turned to leave. To escape, really. But Keel was blocking my exit. He wore a ridiculous grin on his face that stretched out his lips and showed all of his front teeth. “Excuse me,” I said, pushing at his hard chest. He didn’t budge.

  “Riley, wait,” Connor said.

  “You know her?” the other woman asked. Her glossy brown hair was already neatly brushed back, but she smoothed the top of her head anyway, and I watched as the ends moved around her shoulders like silk. She stared up at me, waiting for an answer, for me to identify who I was to Connor. Her large, almond-shaped eyes were a dark hazel, spread too far apart, and somehow filled her entire face with emotion. They rested above her small pixie nose and thin rose-tinted lips. By all accounts, she had a pretty face, and a beautiful one when she smiled. Which she tried on me. I didn’t respond in kind.

  “I more than know her.” Connor learned forward, and as his face turned more in my direction, I noted the slight grimace he made. He was in pain.

  “Don’t,” I said. My voice came out in a squeak. So, I tried again. “Please don’t get up.” I took another step into the room and he smiled. The corner of his mouth turned up and my stomach tightened. Unsure if I was going to unwillingly purge all over him or not, I stopped at the foot of the nearest hospital bed. There were six in the room. And it looked, after a quick glance around, that only a few were occupied. One bed had its curtains completely drawn around it, hiding its occupant from view, which was where the beeping sounds seemed to be mostly coming from.