by Ashlee Sinn
“I think it’s time for burgers,” Rhys said, patting me on the shoulder. “Micah will need food.”
“Thank you,” I said to my friend. I heard the shifters fire up the grill and offer to help, and I fought back the tears in my eyes. I loved my home and I loved every damn trouble maker in it.
“I am hungry,” Micah’s tiny voice said.
I chuckled. “Good, because this crew really knows how to cook burgers. Rare and bloody.”
“Mom always burns them.”
“I do not,” Sarah said, kneeling beside us. She’d been crying and she still smelled afraid. “How are you?” she asked Micah.
He said nothing as he scrambled off the ground and crawled into her lap. Hugging her tight, she rocked him back and forth and hummed a song. I could feel Micah’s animal retreating further into him, which helped my own panther settle. He was definitely going to need the support of the entire crew if he was going to learn how to live in a world where humans knew about shifters and were still afraid of them.
After a few minutes, Micah stood and kissed his mom on the cheek. Then he leaned over to me and wrapped his arms around my neck. He didn’t say anything, even as I hugged him back. Instead, he rubbed his head against my face and then ran off toward the deck in the middle of camp where everyone was starting to prepare lunch.
Wiping my eyes, I did the best I could to hold back the tears. I wasn’t a crier. I didn’t shed tears over anything. And god dammit, I certainly didn’t get all emotional over a kid.
Sarah reached over and squeezed my hand. She started sobbing again and I instinctively wrapped her up in a hug. “It’s okay,” I whispered. “He’d going to be fine.”
“I just don’t…I can’t help him. You know?” She continued to cry as though it was the first time she could admit the words she was saying out loud. “He scares me, Max. But I love him so damn much.”
“Shh,” I said. “He’s got all of us now.”
Her shoulders heaved up and down when she cried even more. I didn’t know what to do, so I simply held her close until she stopped. It must have been hard for Sarah—she wasn’t that old and raising a boy on her own, well, that took guts.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for him earlier.” The words slipped out before I could stop them.
But Sarah let out a sigh and kissed me on the cheek, just like Micah had done to her. “You didn’t know. But you can be here for him now.”
I nodded. I would do that. I would be the father I needed to be.
A raven shrieked overhead, but when I looked up, I saw nothing but blues skies. Had that been Fawn? No, she was at work for a few more hours. She wasn’t home yet.
But she was coming home and it was going to be a home where we opened our hearts to one more little panther. That’s what we’d decided last night. Fawn still agreed to marry me, kid and all.
“I should go,” Sarah said, pushing away from me.
“Go?” I asked, panicking for a moment. Was she leaving leaving? Was she taking my son with her?
“To help Micah,” she said with a small laugh. “He’ll pile five burgers on one bun if I don’t stop him.”
“Well, he is a shifter. He’ll always have an appetite.”
Sarah brushed her hand along the side of my face and smiled down at me. “Thank you.”
I swallowed the giant lump in my throat, hating how those tears started to appear again. It wasn’t that I had feelings for Sarah—I didn’t. I loved Fawn through and through. But Sarah was strong, and if I would’ve ever had to pick a mother for Micah, it would’ve been her. She’d raised him well so far. Micah was perfect.
I stood, searching the skies for my raven once more. I wished Fawn was here right now. I wanted her by my side to see how well I was doing with Micah. She would have loved to play against me and him in the game, and I bet she would have helped her team win.
Fawn was amazing. She was everything I needed in this life. She was mine forever.
And I couldn’t wait to make it official and welcome Micah into our home, together.
I’d watched Max for an hour from my perch in the tree before making my decision. He’d been playing ball with Micah and the other shifters and then he’d done something amazing—he’d talked Micah out of his change.
Had I been in human form, I would have cried proud tears. For a man who’d been scared to death that he needed to be a father, he was certainly a natural. I’d watched him snuggle with his son until the shaking stopped. And then I watched him comfort Sarah, who seemed to be at the end of her rope. Jealously had taken hold, but for only a moment. Because I knew, that no matter what life threw at us, Max loved me and had chosen me.
And that’s why the decision to leave cut right through my soul.
I cried the entire way on our private jet from Fairbanks to Lexington. And then in the town car Roman had waiting at the airport for our drive to Frenchburg. By the time we’d landed, I knew Max must have seen my note. But he hadn’t called and that tore me up from the inside out. I had a plan for us, and I’d told him as much in my letter. Although, maybe he didn’t want to share me. Maybe living in Kentucky and asking him to hide in the shadows while I played fake wife to Roman was simply asking too much.
The tears streamed from my eyes, even though I felt like I’d shed every last one. At what point would the pain go away? Never. My raven was right. She was just as heartbroken at leaving Max and Alaska as I was. I hated my parents right now for putting me in this situation. I really hated Mrs. Kaplan, who had destroyed all hope of happiness I’d ever had. I hated every single person in this world…except for Max.
The car pulled to a stop in front of the familiar brick house. The Marlow’s sign swayed back and forth from the gated arch announcing the funeral home. The flowers were just starting to bloom—tulips and lilies—happy colors sitting outside a place people only came to when they were sad.
But I wasn’t fucking sad.
I was heartbroken.
I was sick to my stomach at what I’d been forced to do. Max not calling me meant that Max didn’t understand. Or he didn’t want anything to do with me. Touching my finger where that beautiful ring had sat for a few days, I started crying again. I felt so alone and so broken…being here to help save my parents didn’t even begin to help me cope. I might have been doing a good thing for them, but I felt like shit doing it. And I vowed that they would know it. I wasn’t going to be the good, compliant little daughter they wanted. I couldn’t do it because I was so fucking sad. I would marry Roman so they could salvage their lives, but I wasn’t going to pretend that I enjoyed any minute of it.
Roman opened my door and waited. He’d sat next to me for almost twenty-four hours now as I mourned the life I left behind. And he’d said nothing. Aside from a few fleeting moments on his phone, he’d stared out the windows in a daze and deep in thought. I tried to remember that this wasn’t his choice either as I stepped out of the car and sucked in the humid spring air.
“You ready?” Roman asked.
I swiveled my head to give him a glare. “What do you think?”
“I think you and I are about to get royally fucked.”
There was no humor to Roman’s words. He didn’t want to marry me either. He didn’t want to leave his girlfriend in the shadows while his parents planned out his life. I was pretty sure he hated everyone right now, too.
The entrance to the funeral home part of the house opened, and Mr. and Mrs. Kaplan walked outside. They stood there, a few steps above, glaring down at both of us. “You found her,” Mrs. Kaplan said.
Roman didn’t respond, so she eyed me up with an air of distaste swarming around her look. “You’re a mess.”
“Fuck you,” I growled. Roman tried to hide his laugh with a small cough.
“Young lady,” Mrs. Kaplan snapped, “You are about to become a part of this family and you will never, ever speak that way again. Do you understand??”
I glared at her and opened my mouth to say somethin
g even nastier when my mom pushed past them and ran down the stairs.
“Oh, my god,” she breathed as she threw her arms around me. “You came.”
“I didn’t have a choice,” I snapped, not hugging her back.
“Of course you did, sweetheart.” My mother kissed me on the cheek. “You always had a choice.”
“Really?” I asked, knocking her hands away.
“Fawn,” she breathed. “Please don’t act like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like a child,” she said coolly. “You are a grown woman. You have made the choice to support your family. You can’t be angry at me for that.”
“Oh, yes I can,” I shouted. “And believe me, I will be angry for a long time.” Crossing my arms, I stepped away from my mom. I didn’t want to detest her so much right now, but I did. I glared at Mrs. Kaplan too, a moment before my focus was interrupted by an old man in a dark purple cloak.
“Are we ready?” He spoke only to the Kaplans.
“The elders are here?” I asked Roman, who seemed to be just as surprised.
He shrugged and asked, “Mom?”
She waved her hand like this was no big deal. “Only one of them. Cristobel came so he could perform the binding ceremony.” Then, with a pointed look at me, Mrs. Kaplan added, “Happy twenty-fifth birthday, Fawn.”
When she turned to walk back inside, I immediately jumped forward. I didn’t know if I was going to hit her, tackle her, or rip off her arms. I just knew I wanted to hurt her so bad. But as soon as I took one step, a barrage of men jumped out from the landscape around us, guns pointing at my head. I froze, unable to process everything at once. But Roman had, and he immediately took action.
“Stop this!” he yelled at the men. “Mom, what is this?”
“It’s my security detail,” she said calmly.
“And you’re going to allow them to shoot my future wife?” His voice trembled with anger and his face reddened. I could smell his raven and a tiny part of me wished he would let it loose. Ravens could be scrappy little fighters when we needed to be.
“Oh, stop being so dramatic,” his mother said. “Of course, I won’t let them shoot her.” She examined the situation in front of her, and with one nod, the men stepped down. “Come on, Cristobel has to leave soon.”
My mom followed the Kaplan’s inside, wiping tears from her eyes as she did. I couldn’t care about that right now. I was the one that should be crying. Hell, I had been crying for an entire day. She didn’t get the right to be sad when I was the one sacrificing my happiness. And I replayed that argument over and over in my head as we marched into one of the viewing rooms where the chairs had been cleared and small alter stood alone in the front. I planned on staying angry for the rest of my life…until I saw my father sitting in a wheelchair in the corner.
“Dad?” I whispered, rushing to his side. Before I even got close, I could smell the sickness. He was dying. His body was shutting down. I’d never seen him look like this in my entire life.
His glazed eyes found mine as I bent forward to see him better. Struggling with the tube in his nose, he tried to pull the oxygen away from his face. But I shook my head and put the tube back in place. Holding his thin, graying cheeks, I searched his eyes.
“Dad?” I asked again.
“Fawn,” he breathed. “My little Fawn.” He started coughing so bad it sounded like he was choking. I looked over my shoulder in a panic at my mom, who was now rushing to his side. She started hitting him on the back so hard the sound echoed out of his mouth. It took several minutes before he calmed down enough to speak again. And during that time, my tears returned and that deep-rooted hate I had gnawing at my gut refocused on the Kaplans.
“You two did this to him,” I snarled. “You should be ashamed of yourselves.”
“Fawn,” my mother warned, but I ignored her.
“Is this all really worth it?” I stood and walked directly in front of Mrs. Kaplan. “Is my father’s life really worth getting your son to Washington?”
She ground her jaw together and narrowed her eyes. “Yes, it is.”
“Well, fuck you always,” I spat. “I will never forgive you for this.”
Mrs. Kaplan shrugged when Roman rested his hand on my shoulder. I pushed it off and waited for her response. But she stayed silent, instead deciding to turn her back to me and ask the elder to start the ceremony.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered to myself. My hands trembled with anger and sadness and fear of what I was agreeing to. But then my dad reached out to me and I knelt to grab his hand.
“I’m sorry, Fawn.” His eyes welled up, and a single tear fell down his cheek.
I watched it move slowly over his wrinkled skin until it dropped to his chest. My father was better than this—I knew it. He may have messed up with his gambling, but he didn’t deserve to suffer this kind of stress. He fucked up but he’d always been a good father. “Will he get better?” I asked my mom.
“The elders think it’s possible. He just needs to…well, he needs to—”
“Settle his debt?” I suggested.
“Be removed from the stress, yes,” my mom said quietly.
“And if I marry Roman, it’s all taken care of?”
“Yes.” My mother’s voice shook. Was it possible that she realized what her and dad were forcing me to do? Did she feel guilty? Remorseful? Relieved? Perhaps I’d never know.
“Roman and Fawn, please stand before me.” Cristobel was ready to start the binding ceremony and that meant I needed to make a decision once and for all.
Roman walked over to me and held out his hand. He didn’t say anything, as his jaw was so clenched I didn’t think he could speak. I glanced at my father and then at my mother and shook my head. Then, sucking up all that hate and sadness, I took Roman’s hand and let him pull me over to the alter.
My mom cried, my dad coughed, and Mrs. Kaplan gave me a menacing glare. Lovely. Two days ago I’d been planning a wedding for me and Max. And now, here I was getting married with no love in the room at all.
Life fucking sucked.
Roman held up our hands over top of the alter as we faced the center of the room but didn’t look at each other. The elder wrapped a purple piece of fabric over our clasped hands and started to read from his book. Sucking in my sobs, I did my best to hold my head high. Even as Cristobel read from the ancient book, the world around me funneled into a memory of me and Max. Like the time we built the picnic area together. Or the time he took me to his special place where we finally consummated the relationship. Or the other night when he was so distraught over learning about Micah, that I finally got to see his vulnerable side. Max was a real man with real feelings. What you saw is what you got, and I absolutely loved that about him.
Max was my mate. He always would be. Even as the elder kept blathering on about commitment and raven traditions and pure bloodlines, I smiled at the thought that I’d at least had some time with Max. No one would ever compare and no one would ever replace him.
“Fawn?” Roman shook my hand, trying to get my attention.
“What?”
“Are you with us?”
Dropping my gaze to the ground to hide my watering eyes, I stayed silent. Cristobel continued, blessing the purple fabric and saying something about life bonds and serving each other. I tuned it out again…until I heard a familiar scream outside.
The screech, wild and feral, could have only come from one animal.
“Max?” I breathed.
The shouts from the guards followed the hisses and growls, but then Max let out a pained howl a moment before the dreadful silence settled in.
“Max!” I screamed, running toward the door. I was blocked by two large men, who pushed me aside as though I was nothing to them. “Mrs. Kaplan. We caught this…this outside trying to get in.”
Four men dragged a dark, furry body through the door and threw Max, still in panther form, on the ground. His head thumped off the floor and I imme
diately lost control. Jumping on the back of the closest guard, I sunk my teeth into his neck.
“What the fuck?” he screamed, spinning in circles and trying to knock me off.
“Fawn Marie Marlow!” My mother shouted. “Stop acting like an animal!”
Roman pulled me off the guard and I immediately pushed him to the side. Dropping to the ground next to Max, I examined his body. A large, pink feather dart stuck out of the side of his neck. “What did you do to him?”
“It’s a tranquilizer,” Roman answered for me. “It shouldn’t harm him.”
“It better not fucking harm him!”
“Fawn!” my mom shouted again.
“I’m serious!” Standing and pushing Mrs. Kaplan in the chest, I warned, “If he dies, I will be the last pair of hateful eyes you will ever see.”
One of the guards yanked me away from Roman’s mom, who stumbled backward herself as though taking my threat seriously. Good. She should.
“Let her go,” Roman said. “Now.”
My arms fell to my sides and I sat next to Max again. He was asleep, but his body was starting to shift back to human. I laid my arms over his back and snuggled against him like he’d done for Micah. “It’s okay,” I whispered.
My mom stood over top of me, eyes wide as she took in the sheer size of Max. “Who is this?” she snapped.
“This is Max,” I growled. “Max is a panther, a father, and the most wonderful man I know. He’s my fiancé.” I looked up at her before I said that last four words, “And he’s my mate.”
I would tear the fucking world apart.
I’d read Fawn’s letter over and over on the plane, wishing I could get to Kentucky faster. She’d decided to marry Roman in order to save her family’s business. She still wanted me to be in her life, but panthers didn’t share. And I certainly wouldn’t sit back and wait for her to be done playing wife to Roman before I could have her.