“I hope you two don’t mind, but I took the liberty of making a small cake and fixing some punch,” Helen announced. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go get it.”
“May I help you?” Emily asked anxiously.
“I’d be delighted for you to keep me company in the kitchen if you’d like,” Helen answered.
Once in the kitchen, though, Emily sat down. She was relieved to have the ceremony over and to be away from Steven for a moment.
“You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble for us, Helen,” said Emily. “But I really do appreciate it. You have made this day much more pleasant.”
“You are very welcome, my child. I’m just so sorry that this day isn’t more special for you in every way,” Helen remarked. “Now let’s go join the menfolk and enjoy some of my cake.”
The cake and punch were delicious. The conversation on the other hand was lacking. The judge excused himself as soon as he finished his refreshments. Lon then began questioning Steven about east Texas and his farm. Emily learned for the first time that his place was near a town called Tyler. Steven said Tyler was about the same size as Abilene. She also learned that it would take them almost two weeks to get there. At least now she had a little more information about her future.
Steven announced that it was time to leave and turned to Emily to ask, “Would you like me to walk you back to the boardinghouse or do you want to stay and visit with your friends for a while?”
“I think I’ll just stay here,” she said, fighting back the tears. He seemed so cold and unfeeling.
“Okay. I’ll pick you up at sunup in the morning.” He thanked Lon and Helen for their hospitality and left. He said no more to Emily.
It was a few moments before Emily could gain her composure and speak. “I want to thank you both again for everything you’ve done. I’ll be going now. I just wanted to say good-bye to you in private.”
Lon wished Emily well, gave her a big hug, and walked into the kitchen. Helen just stood there a moment before she spoke. “I’m afraid you’ve cut a very rough road out for yourself. Please remember we love you and are here for you if you ever need us. I know Steven said he didn’t expect you to be a wife to him, but you’ll be on the road for almost two weeks. You never know what can happen in that length of time. You take care of yourself and be prepared for anything.”
“I believe Steven will hold true to his word about this being a business deal instead of a marriage. I’ll just take it one day at a time and leave it all in the Lord’s hands,” Emily assured her. “I love you both, and as soon as we get there, I’ll write you. I’ll send you my address because I expect you to keep in touch.” Emily hugged her friend, then turned and walked out the door.
She could no longer hold back the tears as she walked toward the boardinghouse. She wondered what people would think about a bride staying alone on her wedding night. This was not the normal chain of events, but this had not been the normal wedding.
Back at the boardinghouse, Mae inquired if her husband would be joining her later.
“No,” Emily replied, trying desperately to hide the fact that she had been crying. “He still has some things he has to finish up at the ranch. We’ll be leaving at first light in the morning. I probably won’t see you then, so let me say good-bye now. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve always gone above and beyond a landlady’s call of duty.”
They wished each other farewell, then Emily walked up the stairs to her lonely room one last time. It was early, but she was very tired and didn’t feel like eating any supper. As she changed into her night clothes, the tears that had just started to flow on the walk home began to come in a storm now. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so lost and alone; no one should feel this way on their wedding day, or any day for that matter. Lying across the bed, she sobbed and tried to pray, but the words would not come. Night had fallen when she finally drifted into a restless sleep.
CHAPTER 2
Emily awoke with a start, disoriented for a moment. She shook her head and wiped her eyes to clear the cobwebs away. Maybe she had just had a bad dream. But no, letting her eyes open, she realized she was in her room at Mrs. Jenson’s boardinghouse. And the cold hard fact was that she was married to Steven Barnes.
She stood and walked over to the window. Gazing out over the sleepy little town, everything looked the same. Nothing much ever changed here, but she knew her life was changing completely.
The sun was just barely appearing over the horizon, and she knew Steven would be there soon. She still couldn’t believe she was Mrs. Steven Barnes. Her stomach churned. She couldn’t remember ever being this frightened. God, she prayed, please give me strength for whatever lies ahead.
Hearing a buckboard pull up, she raced down the stairs, hoping to let Steven in without waking Mrs. Jenson. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, however, she heard Mae greet Steven.
“Come in, Steven,” Mae was saying. “You certainly are out early this morning. I guess you’re anxious to pick up your bride and be on your way.”
“Yes’m, I am. We have a long trip ahead of us. Is Emily up?” he asked.
“I’m here. I heard you pull up.” Emily came into the hallway. “Mae, I’m sorry we got you up so early.”
“You didn’t wake me,” Mae replied. “I wanted to see you off. I have breakfast ready if you’ll eat a bite.”
“You shouldn’t have gone to all that trouble,” Steven responded. “I had something before I left the ranch.”
Mrs. Jenson turned to Emily. “Well, you haven’t eaten, and you need something in your stomach before you start off on such a long trip.”
Emily could tell by Steven’s expression that he didn’t want to wait while she ate breakfast. And as nervous as she felt, she was afraid that food would just make her sick. She turned to Mae and tried to smile and sound excited. “You really shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble. I’m so excited this morning, I’m afraid I couldn’t eat a thing.”
“I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll just wrap up some biscuits and bacon for you to take. You may get hungry in a couple of hours.” Mae headed for the kitchen.
“That would be wonderful,” Emily said. “Steven, I’ll show you where my trunk is.” They turned and started for the stairs.
Emily opened the door to her room and pointed to her trunk. “Is this all you have?” Steven asked.
Emily chuckled and said, “Yeah, I travel light.”
Steven apparently failed to notice the humor in her statement, as he ignored her. This is going to be a very long trip, Emily thought to herself.
Steven picked up her trunk and left. Emily looked around one last time, then walked out and closed the door. She silently said farewell to Emily Johnson and hello to Emily Barnes. Whoever Emily Barnes was or would turn out to be was still unknown.
Mrs. Jenson was waiting on the front porch with a small basket. Emily hugged her, thanking her for all she had done.
Steven looked impatient when Emily finally walked out to the wagon. He helped her up onto the seat and then climbed up beside her. Popping the reins, he started the horses down the street. Emily turned and waved good-bye to Mrs. Jenson and to her life in Abilene.
The March morning was clear and bright as they started their journey. A nice breeze was blowing, and Emily was grateful that they were traveling now rather than during the blazing hot summer. After they had traveled several miles, however, Steven still had not said a word. Emily tried to decide how to start a conversation with him.
“How long do you think it will take us to get to your place?” asked Emily.
“Barring any trouble, and if we don’t have to stop too many times, we should be there in about twelve days,” he replied.
“Tell me about the place. What’s it like?” Emily hoped this question would lead to more than a one-line answer.
“Not much to tell. It’s a farm.”
Emily was very frustrated. She could not bear sitting next to this man for twelve days in
this wagon and not at least be able to carry on some kind of conversation. She continued to ask questions, and he continued to give as brief answers as possible. Finally the sun was high in the sky. Her stomach was beginning to let her know that she hadn’t sent it any food since the wedding cake and punch yesterday.
“It must be about noon,” Steven finally said. “I guess we can stop and rest a spell and have a bite to eat. I need to water the horses.”
“That would be wonderful,” Emily replied. “I would really like to stretch my legs. And I am getting hungry.”
There weren’t a lot of trees in this part of Texas, but they stopped near a small patch of grass by the side of the road. Emily was glad for time to walk around. Steven said he was going to take a walk down the road a little piece, and Emily decided that was very considerate, since it allowed her a little time to herself.
By the time Steven returned, she had spread a blanket in the small shade cast by the wagon and gotten out the food that Mae Jenson had fixed. Steven sat down on the edge of the blanket and helped himself to a biscuit without saying a word. She wondered if it was her or if it was just the time and place; maybe he was so used to spending time alone out on the range that he had forgotten how to converse with another human being.
The afternoon was the same as the morning: They rode in silence. It would have at least been nice if she could have enjoyed the view, but there wasn’t much to see here, for the land was flat and empty. Occasionally she would see a jackrabbit or a tumbleweed would blow by, but that was about as exciting as it got. It was a long afternoon, and Emily decided she would have to find some way to occupy her time or she would go crazy before they arrived in east Texas.
At sundown, Steven stopped for the night. He gathered wood for a fire, and Emily started to prepare supper. She fixed a small stew, and they enjoyed it with the last of the biscuits from Mae. Much to her surprise, Steven did tell her the stew was good.
“You can sleep here,” Steven said, laying out a bedroll close to the wagon. “I’ll be over there if you need me.” He walked over about fifty feet and laid out the other bedroll.
Emily pulled her Bible out of her trunk and sat down. She was reading the Bible through as she had done several times before, and tonight’s passage was Psalm 23. The verses had never meant so much to her or seemed so real. Tonight she thought she knew just what David had felt when he wrote this psalm; this trip was like walking through “the valley of the shadow of death.” David couldn’t have felt any lonelier when he wrote those words than she was feeling right now. Lord, please be my Shepherd, Emily prayed. Please follow me all the days of my life.
Every day was the same. Emily tried desperately to carry on a conversation and each time failed miserably. She had known loneliness before, but nothing compared to what she was feeling now. Emily realized that loneliness seemed to intensify when you were with someone who apparently didn’t want to be with you.
To occupy her time, she began to keep a journal, recording her thoughts and observations along the way. On day seven of their journey, she observed that at least the scenery was beginning to change. There were trees along the roadside and a lot of grass. The green was beautiful, and the wildflowers added a sprinkle of color here and there.
Emily had been so caught up making entries in her journal that she almost didn’t realize Steven was speaking. “We should get to Fort Worth late this afternoon. I thought we would get a hotel room and spend the night there if that’s okay with you.”
Emily couldn’t believe her ears: Steven was talking to her! She was sure he didn’t actually want her opinion, since she knew he had already made up his mind. “That sounds great to me!” she responded almost too enthusiastically. “To tell you the truth, it won’t hurt my feelings at all to get to sleep in a real bed for a night. And a bath sounds like heaven.”
They arrived in Fort Worth about four-thirty that afternoon. The town was bigger and busier than Abilene, with lots of shops and, of course, a saloon or two. Steven stopped the wagon in front of the hotel, then helped her down, and they walked inside. It wasn’t fancy, but it did look clean and well-cared for.
After Steven registered, Emily followed him up the stairs and into a room. She looked at the big double bed. One room, one bed.
“I’ll go get your trunk and bring it up.” Steven started toward the door.
“There’s no need to bring the whole trunk,” Emily replied. “There’s a small blue cloth bag on top that has everything in it that I’ll need.”
Steven was back in just minutes with the bag Emily requested. “I’m going to take the wagon to the livery stable and get the horses taken care of. The clerk said the bath was two doors down, and he already had the girl fill the tub with clean hot water. You get cleaned up, and I’ll be back later.”
Steven left, and Emily immediately headed to the bath. She locked the door and took off her clothes. Quickly, she climbed into the tub. She couldn’t remember ever having felt so dirty, and it was heavenly to sit in a tub of hot water. She lay back in the tub and closed her eyes.
She couldn’t help but wonder about the one room and the one bed. What did Steven have in mind? He had talked to her more since their arrival here than he had the whole trip. Could he have decided that he would exercise his rights as a husband after all? He certainly had made no attempt out on the trail. What would make him decide to now? She couldn’t help but be a little nervous about it, but right now a bath and getting her hair washed was all she cared about.
When she got back to her room, the bed looked so inviting she decided to stretch out for a little while. She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, when she heard a knock at the door. Sleepily she asked, “Who is it?”
“Steven,” answered the voice from the other side. “May I come in?”
She walked over and quietly replied through the closed door, “Steven, I’m sorry. I fell asleep. I’m not dressed.”
“Well, I’ll be in the dining room. Why don’t you get dressed and join me there,” he invited.
“That would be nice. I won’t be long.”
She listened as he walked away. Did he just ask for my company, she wondered. Don’t be silly, he just knows you have to eat, and you can’t very well cook for yourself in a hotel room. Emily dismissed her thoughts as she hurriedly dressed and fixed her hair. She looked in the mirror and was not too displeased with what she saw. Seven days on the road had given her a rosy complexion.
She walked into the dining room and saw Steven sitting at a table alone. As she approached the table, he stood and pulled a chair out for her. She noted he did have good manners and also that he had taken a bath and shaved. She couldn’t help but notice how nice he looked, and she got that strange feeling again. A kind of nervous, jittery feeling. When she came back to reality, she realized the waitress had approached and Steven was giving her his order.
“Emily, what would you like?” Steven asked.
“Oh, a steak sounds good to me, too,” she replied, then added, “with potatoes and greens.”
The waitress left, and Emily looked around the room. “This is a nice place. It’s much larger than our little café back home and much nicer.”
“I guess so,” Steven stated. “I just hope the food is as good. I hate to spend money on bad food.”
Emily watched him for a moment and realized he appeared as nervous as she felt. Her mind began to play tricks on her. Did Steven get the same little funny feelings she got from time to time? Could he be thinking about her as a woman?
Stop it, Emily, she thought to herself. You knew from the start this was not a real marriage. Don’t start kidding yourself now. He’s never given the slightest indication that he’s interested in you as a woman. Yet he did get just one room with one bed, and after all he is a man…. She was once again lost in her own dream world when the food arrived.
They exchanged very few pleasantries over their meal. The food was good, and Emily just enjoyed the fact that she didn’t have to
cook or clean up afterwards.
“How much farther to your farm?” Emily asked.
“It’s still about a five-day journey from here,” he replied. Looking at his watch, he noted, “It’s getting late, and we need to get an early start in the morning. I’ll see you to the room.”
Steven pulled her chair out, and she stood and started toward the door. That funny feeling was back again. Was he just walking her to the door or was he planning on going through the door? Her hands were sweating and her knees were weak. Her heart was racing like crazy. She could handle sleeping fifty feet from him in the wide open spaces, but sleeping only a few feet or possibly a few inches from him was something else entirely. Why was she feeling this way? This is not a marriage—it’s a job, Emily reminded herself. She had never had any special feelings for Steven Barnes. He was just a man who came into the café from time to time. Why was she feeling this way now? Maybe simply because it had been a terribly long time since a man had held her in his arms, and she ached to be held and loved again.
They arrived at the door, her heart still pounding. What should she do? What was he going to do? “You get a good night’s rest, and I’ll call for you first thing in the morning,” Steven said. “Be sure and lock the door,” he added as he walked away.
Emily walked inside and locked the door. How stupid of me, Emily thought. Of course Steven had no intentions of coming into the room and staying the night. The man barely speaks to me. She slowly got ready for bed, on the verge of tears, though she really didn’t know why. Was she relieved he didn’t come in? Or was she disappointed?
She lay in bed and tried to figure out what was going on with her. All those years she had known Steven, she had thought of him as a married man and therefore unavailable. She had never looked at him with romantic eyes—but now she was married to him. Although he had made it perfectly clear that theirs was a marriage in name only, her lonely heart apparently had not totally accepted that.
She remembered her marriage to Jim and how much in love they had been. She remembered how very special those first few days and weeks were and how they could not get enough of each other. That was the only standard for marriage she had, and this was nothing like that. She guessed her heart just remembered and wanted that kind of relationship again, but she seriously doubted she would ever know that kind of love with Steven Barnes. Apparently, it would take a miracle to even get him to carry on a conversation with her.
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