Mama shook her head. “Your Vater and Herr Rothhaus have gone to look at the new piece of land. You would have to hitch Gypsy to the cart or ride one of the horses, and that would take too long. I am sure they are already on their way home. But Diedrich is here on the farm, fixing the lean-to behind the barn that was damaged in the storm. It would be gut if he came on in and washed up before the others arrive.”
Nodding her acquiescence, Regina headed out of the house. She hadn’t had a chance to talk to Diedrich in private since they learned about Papa buying the land. This would give her the perfect opportunity to find out his thoughts on the situation. The placid look that had come over his face after the initial shock of Papa’s announcement still puzzled her. She couldn’t imagine him heading to California in the fall and leaving his father alone with the debt. A tiny glimmer of hope flickered in her chest. Was it possible he might actually give up his dream of California gold and stay in Sauers? She wished her heart didn’t skip so at the thought. Diedrich was a friend, nothing more. But her rebellious heart paid no attention to the reprimand, dancing ever quicker as she neared the barn.
Skirting the barn lot, she approached the end of the barn where the lean-to that sheltered the plow, cultivator, and other farming tools jutted out from the back of the building. As she rounded the corner of the barn, a sudden, deafening crash shattered the calm. Her heart catapulted to her throat, and she jumped back. Stunned, she stood frozen in place as her mind tried to grasp what had just happened. Slowly, a sick feeling began to settle in the pit of her stomach. Then panic, like a burst of heat, thawed her frozen limbs. As if her feet had grown wings, she rushed toward the source of the din, now quiet.
When she reached the back of the barn, her mind refused to accept what her eyes saw. The entire roof of the lean-to lay in a heap of hewn logs and lumber.
CHAPTER 11
Regina felt as if someone had squeezed all the breath out of her lungs. Heaving, she managed to pull in enough air to scream one word. “Diedrich!”
Scrambling to the debris pile, she began frantically pitching pieces of wood from the rubble. Splinters became imbedded in her hands. She didn’t care. “Diedrich, where are you? Can you hear me? Are you hurt?” Sobs tore from her throat and tears flooded down her cheeks. She had to get to him. She had to! Scratching and clawing, she worked her way through the seemingly endless mountain of rubble, all the while calling his name over and over. Somewhere under the pile of wood he lay injured and unconscious… or worse. No! Her mind wouldn’t accept that. Her heart wouldn’t accept that.
“Diedrich! Tell me where you are.” Somehow she lifted beams she never would have imagined she could move. Her arms burned, and her chest felt as if Papa’s forge burned inside it, her heaving lungs the bellows feeding the flames.
Her mind told her she could not do this. She needed to get Papa and Herr Rothhaus to help. But her heart kept her tethered to the spot. She couldn’t leave Diedrich alone. “Hold on, Diedrich. I will get you out. I will. I will!” Squeezing her words between labored breaths and ragged sobs, she tugged on a giant beam, but it wouldn’t budge. The rough wood tore at her palms. She didn’t care. “Dear Lord, help me to get him out. Just let him be alive.” Grunting, she shoved her desperate prayer through gritted teeth as she wrapped her bruised arms around the enormous log. Clutching it in a death grip, she gave a mighty pull. But the timber refused to move more than a few inches. Her burning muscles trembled and convulsed with the effort. At last, her strength depleted, she could hold it no more and the beam settled back onto the pile of wood with a thud, taking her down with it. Gasping for breath and praying for strength, she tried again, but her muscles refused to respond. The dark shadow of defeat enveloped her, leaving her body limp and her eyes blinded with tears.
An agony Regina had never known rent her heart like a jagged knife. She would never see Diedrich’s smile again or hear his voice or feel his touch. She sank to her knees on the heap of wood. Somewhere from deep within her, a tortured wail tore free. She raised her face to the sky and screamed the name of the man she realized, too late, owned her heart. “Died-rich!”
“Regina.”
For a moment Regina thought she had imagined his voice. In an instant, her spirits shot from the pits of grief to the heights of joy. Diedrich was alive! But how could his voice sound so strong, so calm and unaffected from beneath the pile of wood? “Diedrich.” Her heart thumping out a tattoo of hope, she peered breathlessly into a gap between the planks that she’d opened with her digging, but she could see nothing in the dark abyss.
“Regina. What has happened? What are you doing?” Suddenly, she realized the voice did not come from within the mountain of lumber but from a spot beyond her left shoulder. Jerking her head around, she saw what she’d thought to never see again—Diedrich alive and safe striding toward her.
“Diedrich.” Since she’d found the dilapidated lean-to, she’d called his name with nearly every breath she’d drawn into her lungs. She’d uttered it through her sobs and screamed till her throat was raw. But this time it came out in a breathless whisper. She pushed to her feet as disbelief gave way to unmitigated elation that surged through her, renewing her limbs with strength. With fresh tears cascading down her cheeks, she ran to him. Blindly she ran, sobbing her joy, sobbing her relief. “Diedrich. Dank sei Gott.” This time she breathed his name with her prayer of thanks like a benediction an instant before he caught her to him.
His strong arms engulfed her, holding her close to his heart. Clinging to him as if he might vanish were she to let go, she wept her relief against his shirtfront until it was sodden with her tears. “I thought—you were under—there. I—I thought—you were—dead.” Her words limped out through halting hiccups.
“Oh Regina.” His voice sounded thick with emotion. His breath felt warm against her head. She reveled in the sensation of… Diedrich. Still holding her securely, he pushed away from her enough to look in her face. His unshaven jaw prickled against her chin as he gently nudged her head back. For the space of a heartbeat, his soft gray eyes gazed lovingly into hers. Then slowly, as if in a dream, his eyes closed, his face lowered, and his lips found hers.
Closing her eyes, Regina welcomed his kiss. For one blissful moment, time was suspended. There was no sky, no earth. Only a sweet sensation of happiness swirling around the two of them in a world of their own as Diedrich’s lips lingered on hers. Where Eli’s kisses had been rough and taking, Diedrich’s were tender and giving. Eli’s embraces had felt confining, but Diedrich’s arms were a sanctuary.
Too soon his face lifted and his lips abandoned hers. Slowly, Regina’s eyes opened as if reluctantly rousing from a beautiful dream. The wonder on his face mimicked the emotion filling her chest. But then, as if he suddenly became aware of what had happened, his brows pinched together in a look of pained remorse. Releasing her, he dropped his arms to his sides and stepped back. “Regina. Forgive me. I should not have…” He seemed at a loss for words as his gaze turned penitent.
Of all the emotions Regina imagined he might express at this moment, regret was not among them. Anger and hurt chased away all remnants of the bliss she had felt seconds earlier, and the last drop of mercy seeped from her broken heart. Forgive him? He releases an emotion within her so powerful that it shakes her to the core then asks her to forgive him as if he had simply trod on her toes? No sir! Let him wallow in his guilt. She obviously meant nothing to him. Like Eli, Diedrich simply enjoyed kissing girls. At least Eli wanted to marry her someday.
Clutching her crossed arms over her chest to quell her trembling, she glared at him. “Mama would like you to come and wash up for dinner.” Her flat tone reflected her deflated spirit. Whirling away from him to hide the tears welling in her eyes, she ran toward the house, ignoring the words of apology he flung in her wake.
Dinner passed in torturous slowness with Regina focused on her nearly untouched plate, careful to avoid looking at Diedrich. He, too, said little, speaking directly to her on
ly once when he inquired about the condition of her now bandaged hands. Shrugging off his concern, she’d mumbled that her injuries were of no consequence, though Mama had pulled four large splinters and several small ones from Regina’s palms before washing the wounds with stinging lye soap and wrapping them with strips of clean cotton. Yet in truth, she had not lied. The soreness in her hands was miniscule compared with the pain Diedrich’s nearness inflicted on her heart.
Thankfully Regina’s and Diedrich’s reticence seemed to go unnoticed by their parents, who filled the void with praises to God for delivering Diedrich from certain death or injury and discussions of how the lean-to might be more securely rebuilt. When Regina could no longer bear their conversation, which revived the agonizing moments she’d experienced atop the ruined shed, she made her excuses and fled to the clothesline behind the house.
Her bandaged hands hampered her movements as she worked her way down the clothesline, snatching the wooden pins that secured the laundry to the twine. If she worked fast enough, maybe she could ignore the tempest raging inside her that Diedrich’s kiss had loosed. But no matter how fast she worked, she couldn’t escape the heart-jolting truth she could no longer deny. She loved Diedrich. With all her heart. With every ounce of her being, she loved him. Somewhere deep inside, she’d known it even before she thought she had lost him beneath the collapsed roof of the lean-to. Yet knowing that loving Diedrich was futile, she’d lied to herself, pretending her feelings for him didn’t exist. But that pretense had crumbled beneath the soft touch of his lips on hers.
Anger shot a burst of energy through her arms, and she whipped a bedsheet from the line with unnecessary ferocity. What good did it do to love him when he didn’t love her back and didn’t even plan to stay in Sauers? Gripping both ends of the material, she gave it such a sharp snap that it cracked like a gunshot. And though the action undoubtedly sent any insects that might cling to the sheet flying, it did nothing to relieve Regina’s pain and frustration.
Why, Lord, why did You allow Diedrich to come here in the first place? Most likely, Papa would have eventually relented and allowed her to marry Eli. And until today, she could have married him and lived happily. But no longer. Now she could not imagine marrying anyone but Diedrich.
Once she had thought she loved Eli. Unpinning a shirt from the line, she gave a sarcastic snort. The infatuation she’d felt for Eli compared to her love for Diedrich was like the difference between the light from her little finger lamp and the brightest sunlight. It was as if she had lived her whole life with all her senses dulled, and now they were suddenly awakened, keen and sharp.
As she folded the shirt, she realized it belonged to Diedrich. It was the shirt he had worn when he first arrived. The shirt she had pressed her face against when he carried her from the barn lot. Another stab of pain assaulted her heart, followed by a flash of bitterness. Whenever disappointments had come in life for her or her sisters, Mama would always quote the verse from Romans: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
Regina’s lips twisted in a sneer. She dropped the shirt into the basket then finished taking down the rest of the laundry. Well, she did love God. She loved Him with all her heart and had trusted Him all her life. And what did He do? He allowed her to fall desperately and completely in love with a man who said he didn’t want to marry her. She could almost imagine God looking down on her and mocking her from heaven.
Blinking back tears, she headed for the house. As she walked, a thought struck, igniting a tiny glimmer of hope. Diedrich had kissed her, so he must hold some degree of affection for her. It was at Elsie’s wedding last fall that she’d first set her cap for Eli. And though it had taken a few months to catch his eye, she had eventually succeeded. Perhaps, if Regina tried, she could win Diedrich’s heart before harvest. With that glimmer of hope to dispel her dark mood, she stepped into the house.
In the kitchen, Mama turned from the ironing board, where she stood flicking water from a bowl onto Papa’s good shirt. She rolled up the shirt and crossed to Regina, a look of concern furrowing her brow. “Ah, my poor liebes Mädchen.” She patted Regina’s cheek. “Your face tells me you are in pain. Are your hands hurting you so much?”
“Nein.” Forcing a smile, Regina shook her head. “They are only a little sore.” How she longed to tell her mother it was not her hands that pained her most but her heart.
Mama took the basket of clothes from Regina and set it on the floor then gently turned her bandaged hands palms up. “I do see two specks of blood. You should have told me that the work pained you. I could have brought in the rest of the wash.”
Regina drew her hands from her mother’s grasp. Though tempted to blame her sour expression on her superficial wounds, she did not care to add a bruised conscience to her emotional and physical injuries. “Truly, my hands hurt only a little. The accident upset me, that is all.” Mama—always wanting to fix things. But for once, Mama couldn’t fix what troubled Regina. And the less Regina talked about it, the better.
“Hmm,” Mama murmured. “I still think it is best if tonight I make a raw potato and milk poultice for your hands. That should take out the soreness.” Then a smile replaced her serious expression. “It was a brave and good thing you did, Tochter—trying so hard to move that wood when you thought Diedrich was underneath it. After you left the table, he asked me about your hands. He said he was sehr sorry you were hurt and hoped your injuries were not severe.”
Regina stifled the sarcastic laugh that bubbled up into her throat. Diedrich broke her heart by saying in as many words he wished he hadn’t kissed her, then worried about a couple of splinters in her hand? “I hope you eased his mind about my injuries.”
Grinning, Mama gave her a hug. “I did. I also told him he is a fortunate young man to be marrying a girl who would do such a thing for him.”
How Regina would have loved to see Diedrich’s face when Mama said that! With great effort she reined in the cackle of mirth threatening to explode from her lips but allowed herself a wry grin. “I’m glad you did, Mama.” Diedrich deserved to feel a little guilty.
Mama went back to dampening pieces of clothing in preparation for tomorrow’s ironing.
“Do your hands feel well enough to put clean sheets on the beds, then?”
“Ja, Mama.” Regina gathered the sheets from the basket and headed for the interior of the house and the downstairs bedrooms. The first bedroom she came to was the one Diedrich shared with his father.
As she stepped through the doorway, her heart throbbed painfully. Though the two had been here a scarce month, this room had become very much theirs. She couldn’t imagine them not being here. She couldn’t imagine Diedrich not being here. Once he left, would she ever be able to walk into this room without thinking of him? The thought drove the ache in her heart deeper.
Her gaze went to the small hobnailed trunk at the foot of the bed. What must it be like to have to fit a few precious pieces of your life into something so small then take it across the ocean to begin a new life in a strange land? One of those precious items—the little black Bible father and son had brought from Venne—lay atop the trunk. Suddenly the need to touch something that belonged to Diedrich filled her, and she picked it up. With her finger, she traced the raised lettering embossed in the black grain of the leather. So much of the gold had worn away she could barely make out the words Heilige Schrift.
Gold. It was what Diedrich wanted, what he dreamed of.
Her eyes misted, so she closed them. Again she felt his lips on hers and his arms holding her close against him. His words may have suggested that the kiss they shared meant nothing to him. But his caresses had told her something very different. Could she convince him to give up his dream for her? Somehow she must, or live the rest of her life with a Diedrich-shaped hole in her heart.
Heaving a sigh, she started to lay the Bible back onto the trunk when she noticed a folded piece
of paper sticking up from inside the back cover. Curious, she slipped it out. Unfolding it, she saw that it was part of a map. Two circled words on the map drew her gaze. “Fort Smith.” She remembered the article about the place in the Madison Courier. She glanced at something scribbled along the edge of the map. The words she saw penciled in the margin of the page smote her heart with another bruising blow. “California or bust.”
CHAPTER 12
Diedrich swung the broadax above his head then, with a savage blow, brought the blade down on the poplar log, sending wood chips flying. A few more blows and he would have another log cut in two. After rebuilding the demolished lean-to behind the barn, he, along with Father and Herr Sietz, had worked for the past three days felling trees on this wooded land Herr Seitz had bought from Herr Driehaus. By the end of the week, they hoped to have enough timber cut to begin construction on a log house.
Though used to strenuous farmwork, Diedrich couldn’t remember feeling more exhausted after a day’s work than he had these past three days of cutting trees. Every muscle in his body ached, and he marveled at the stamina of the two older men who worked a few yards away, cutting branches from felled trees.
Despite the hard work and the long hours, Diedrich relished the labor. Anything to keep his mind off Regina. Yet however hard he worked, he couldn’t get out of his head the image of her kneeling on that pile of lumber, sobbing his name, and tugging on a beam so large it would challenge even his strength, let alone hers. And at night, as tired as he was, the memory of her tear-drenched face as she ran toward him robbed him of sleep. He could still feel her body trembling against him. She fit in his arms as if God had made her for them, and he ached to hold her again.
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