“Why?”
“Jason loves me! He’s always loved me.”
“You told him you wouldn’t marry him. I heard you myself.”
Miranda had also said that she still loved Jason, and would agree to marry him when he “came to his senses.” Had Jason returned to her after that night, repeating his proposal? Would she ever know?
The buttons and lace on the front of Miranda’s gown rose and fell rapidly. “What kind of friend are you, that you would marry him?”
“The kind of friend who will not turn him down because he plans to stay on his parents’ farm and care for his family.”
“Have you no pride? Jason would marry me even now if I’d have him.”
She was right of course. The knowledge of it hadn’t left Pearl for a moment since Jason admitted theirs was only to be a friendly marriage. She’d never give Miranda the satisfaction of knowing she believed it. “If you prefer Jason to Mr. Tyler, then I encourage you to tell Jason so. It’s not kind to either man to marry Mr. Tyler if you love Jason.”
Miranda rose swiftly. “And live on a farm with a ready-made family? I should say not!”
Pearl stood slowly, her gaze never leaving Miranda’s flashing brown eyes. “No,” she said quietly, relief mingling with her pain. “I didn’t think you would.”
CHAPTER 9
Boston patiently joined the myriad of tiny buttons that ran up the back of Pearl’s white chiffon bodice while Pearl stared at her reflection in the freestanding, full-length mirror in her bedroom. Her fingers played with the orange blossoms that trailed down each side from the large bow at her neck to the hem of her skirt. The blossoms’ scent surrounded her.
“The gown is lovely, Mother Boston.”
Mrs. Strong turned her around and fussed with the pale yellow that edged the waist of the white brocade satin skirt. She stepped back, a satisfied smile slipping across her face beneath the coronet of still-thick chestnut brown hair streaked with gray. “Yes, I dare say it is.”
Pearl gave her an impulsive hug. “Do you feel cheated out of planning a large wedding?”
“Not for myself. But a wedding planned on two days’ notice…” Boston wrinkled her nose. “It’s not what I have always wanted for you.”
“You didn’t have a grand wedding, and your marriage has weathered the years beautifully.”
“Yes, life with Matthew has been very good.” The tender, faraway look in her mother’s eyes made Pearl’s chest ache.
“Jason is a fine boy,” Mrs. Strong continued, fitting a plain, filmy, floor-length veil on Pearl’s head. She began anchoring a row of orange blossoms across the top with hairpins. “But your decision to marry was made in such haste.”
Pearl kept her gaze determinedly on the high lace collar of the mauve gown that lent a lovely shade of rose to Boston’s face.
“There!” Her mother stepped back. “What a beautiful bride!” She took Pearl’s hands in her own. “I don’t wish to pry, dear, but I do so desire your happiness. Do you love Jason?”
Pearl returned her gaze steadily. She didn’t have to avoid the truth to give the answer she knew her mother wanted to hear. “Very much.”
“Does he return your love?” Her voice held an apology.
Pearl picked up the bouquet that was laying on her bed. “He’s never said so.”
She heard Mrs. Strong’s shaky breath. “Then why are you marrying him?”
“He needs me, he and his family.”
Pearl could feel the love emanating from the woman who had raised her. “My dear, have you any idea how difficult life will be, married to a man who doesn’t love you?”
Pearl picked at the blossoms of her bouquet restlessly. “You’ve always taught me to trust God’s Word. Remember I Corinthians 13:7? Charity ‘beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.’”
“The verse does not imply that these attributes of love come either easily or painlessly.” Boston’s lifeworn hands bracketed Pearl’s face, and her voice gentled. “Marriage is sacred and meant to last a lifetime. That’s a long time to be unhappy.”
“I refuse to be unhappy with Jason. We’ve always been fond of each other. Perhaps one day that fondness will grow to love.”
“Loving someone doesn’t ensure that love will be returned. If it could, everyone on earth would return God’s love.”
Why won’t she stop? Pearl wondered desperately. “Sometimes, loving someone can bring love in return. Doesn’t the Bible tell us in I John 4:19 that ‘We love him, because he first loved us’?”
The tears in her mother’s eyes hurt her. She slipped her cheek next to the older one. “I want to be strong and cheerful for Jason always. With God’s help, I can be. It’s my wedding day. Be happy for me, please.”
Boston gave her a quick squeeze before pulling back to look into her face. “When you and Johnny became part of our lives, I was afraid you would never heal from the pain of losing your parents so young. It became Matthew and my prayer that one day you would not only be healed, but that God would use you to heal other lives. Now Johnny helps heal lives by managing the poor farm, and you are to be part of God’s healing for Jason and his family.”
Pearl felt Boston’s hands tremble as she ran her fingertips along the veil where it framed her cheeks. “It appears God has answered our prayers. But I wonder if I would have been brave enough to ask it if I’d known the cost it would demand of you.”
Pearl’s blue eyes met Boston’s brown ones. “Would you have me be otherwise?”
Boston shook her head slowly. “No. Matthew and I couldn’t be prouder of the lovely, Christlike woman you’ve become.” A tender smile filled her eyes, and her hands rested on Pearl’s shoulders. “If you can believe God will fill Jason’s heart with love for you, then I will join you in your prayer and believe with you.”
The ceremony was mercifully quick, Pearl thought, looking about at the small group of people chattering cheerfully in the flower-filled parlor. Except for her bridesmaid, Amy, only her own family, Jason’s family, and Rev. Conrad’s family had been invited. She was glad. It was difficult enough acting as though this was a normal wedding. The strain of it was getting on her nerves.
“You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen!”
Pearl smiled at Maggie’s wide eyes and eager compliment, remembering well that all brides look beautiful to a twelve-year-old girl.
“I’ll second that.”
Heat flooded her face at Jason’s words. He laughed and raised his eyebrows. “A blushing bride. Now that’s a pleasant sight.”
She turned away amid Maggie’s giggles. If she weren’t the object of his jest, she’d be glad to see him teasing and laughing again, like the man she knew before his parents died. His arm slipped possessively about her waist, and her heart raced.
He’d been acting the part of the happy bridegroom since she’d joined him in front of Uncle Adam to exchange their vows. Why? Did he want people to think they were like any normal couple, wildly in love? If that was what he wanted, she would go along with it.
Johnny and Jewell were suddenly beside her. Jewell’s blue gown was styled to demurely hide the evidence of the child she and Johnny expected soon. The couple glowed with love when they looked at each other. Pearl envied them that.
When Pearl first met Jewell, she’d thought her brother’s quiet, gentle, brown-haired wife plain. Pearl had soon changed her opinion. Jewell’s sweet nature won Pearl’s heart and transformed Jewell from plain to beautiful in Pearl’s eyes.
Now Johnny leaned down to give her a peck on the cheek. “My little sister married. Thought I’d never see the day.”
“Well, I like that!” Pearl said indignantly, her hands propped at the waist of her satin skirt.
“Johnny!” Jewell reproved softly at the same time.
Johnny ignored their outbursts. “Remember a couple years ago when I tried to give you some advice on men, little sister?” He grinned broadly at Jason. “S
he told me in no uncertain terms that she could judge men just fine herself. Have to admit she’s done a better job of it than I thought she would.” He held out his hand to Jason. “Welcome to the family, old man. No one I’d rather see Pearl marry.”
“Couldn’t agree with that sentiment more.” Jason pulled her even closer to his side. She forced herself to relax against him as though she was accustomed to being there. “I only hope we’ll be as happy together as you two.”
She wished that, too! If only he meant it. Of course he wanted them to be happy together, but not truly as man and wife.
“Are you ready to leave, Mrs. Sterling?”
Her new title on Jason’s lips sent shivers dancing along her arms. He was smiling into her eyes, with a warmth tinged with laughter. Anyone who didn’t know better would think he actually cherished her as a new husband would be expected to do.
At Pearl’s suggestion, Maggie took Grace upstairs during the leave-taking. She and Jason feared the girl would be upset if she saw them driving away. Maggie had been told that Grace could have her choice of Pearl’s dolls. They hoped the gift would keep the girl calm for the evening.
He guided her toward the door, family members from both sides stopping them every couple steps for a reminder or a hug or words of well wishes.
Rev. Conrad rested a hand on Jason’s shoulder and held one of Pearl’s hands. She looked up into his kind, deep-set eyes. His voice rumbled in its usual deep manner through the dark beard tinged with gray. “Proverbs 18:22 says that ‘Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.’” He gave them one of his rare smiles.
Mrs. Conrad, slightly plump but stylish, slipped a dainty hand through his arm. “Does the Bible say it’s a good thing for a woman to find a husband?”
His large hand cupped hers, and the tender look he gave her caught at Pearl’s heart. “Not that I’ve found, I’m afraid.”
“I thought not. However.” Mrs. Conrad glanced up at her husband from the corner of her eye. “I’ve found a husband to be a good thing, just the same.”
Matthew leaned down to hug Pearl. “I hope you find it so, too,” he said in a low voice. He straightened and reached to shake hands with Jason. “See you’re good to her.”
“I’ll do my best to make her happy, sir.”
It sounds like a solemn vow, the way he said it, Pearl thought. Her emotions had been swinging like a chandelier in the wind all day, but for the first time, tears filled her eyes.
“See that you do,” Matthew said gruffly.
Pearl hugged Boston good-bye, and then Jason was helping her into the decorated carriage; and they were moving swiftly down the street behind Angel, the younger family members running along, calling cheers and good-byes.
They were at the edge of town before the well-wishers dropped back. The farther they moved out into the prairie, the more strained the silence became between the two. Pearl wished fervently that Jason hadn’t arranged for his brothers and sisters to spend the evening at her home—that is, at her adoptive parents’ home. More of his charade that their marriage was normal.
They hardly exchanged two words on the drive, and Pearl was glad when they finally arrived at the farmstead. Twilight had faded, and she remained in the carriage while Jason went inside to light some lamps.
When he returned, he helped her down, then reached for her alligator valise. Frank would bring the rest of her things when he and the others returned the next day. The valise looked so small, carried so few of her belongings, that she felt vulnerable.
“You’ll have Mom and Dad’s room,” Jason said, leading the way upstairs. “Maggie readied it for you.”
He held the door to the room, and she entered timidly. She’d never been in this room. Always when she’d been in the house, the door had been closed. Maggie had told her none of the family wanted to disturb it, feeling it would be too painful, too final.
“Are you sure you want me to stay in here?”
Jason set the valise on the end of the bed, not looking at her. “Yes.”
The room was larger than the other bedchambers and had a matching set of fine cherry furniture. The bed was veiled in Nottingham lace and a lace scarf lay across the dressing table. A china pitcher trimmed in gold with delicately painted violets sat in a matching bowl on the stand beside the lace-covered windows. Mauve-colored, patterned paper warmed the walls.
“It’s a lovely room.” She recalled Jason telling her how his father had loved to give his mother beautiful things. He’d certainly filled their personal room with beauty.
Jason had lit the lamp on the dressing table, and the flame shone through the etched glass of the globe to reflect off the mirror, multiplying the light. A porcelain vase stood beside the lamp, filled with wildflowers whose fragrance scented the room. She touched one of the blossoms, aware of Jason standing in the doorway watching her. “Did Maggie pick these, too?”
“I did.”
Something he’d done unbidden, just for her. Not to fool their families, but to welcome her. She wanted to gather the vaseful and hug the flowers close to her chest, burying her face in them. “Thank you.”
He nodded and crossed the room to open the doors of the large clothespress. She was surprised to see it empty. “Maggie packed up Mom and Dad’s things so you can put your clothes wherever you please. The room is entirely yours.”
“It must have been difficult for Maggie, putting away your parents’ things. I’d have helped her if I’d known.”
Jason was beside her in two steps, sweeping her into his arms. “I think the reverend was right.” His husky voice set her nerves tingling. “A wife is a good thing.” She felt his lips press against her neck, and then he released her, moving to the door so quickly that she almost lost her balance.
He stood silhouetted there a moment, staring at her. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I’d best put Angel up.”
But he didn’t leave, and Pearl wished she could see his face clearly in the lamplit room. What had he meant by taking her in his arms that way, chasing her breath away?
“I’ll be sleeping in the same room as always, with Frank and Andrew across the hall. If you need anything, just call.”
He pulled the door shut behind him. She stood where she was, listening to his footsteps go down the stairs and fade. The outside door slammed a moment later.
Shakily she sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to catch her breath. Though his arms had been around her so briefly, she could still feel their warmth and strength. Was he sorry he’d embraced her so intimately in her bedchamber?
She reached for her valise and removed the white muslin bridal set her mother had purchased for her the day before. Her fingers drifted lightly over the tucks and fine embroidery and Hamburg lace. She hadn’t had the courage to tell Mother Boston there wouldn’t be any need for new nightwear.
Part of her was relieved that Jason was sleeping elsewhere, but she hadn’t expected to feel so incredibly lonely. It was silly, considering she’d been sleeping alone most of her life.
Is Mother Boston right? Had she been a fool, marrying a man who didn’t return her love?
She wrapped her arms about herself tightly, trying to relieve the pain inside her. “Please, Lord, help me. Help me to keep loving Jason, and hoping and believing and enduring, as Your Word says. Help me to be a good wife to him. And please, please take away some of this pain.”
She brushed a tear from her cheek impatiently and began to change. It took her a full half hour to undo the six dozen tiny buttons at the back of her bridal gown. A number of times she considered asking Jason to assist her, but the memory of his lips against her neck warned her that it wouldn’t be wise.
In her fine new chemise and drawers, she folded back the covers of Jason’s parents’ bed, then turned to put out the lamp. Something on the wall above the bed caught the corner of her eye, and she looked back.
It was a sampler. She leaned across the bed, trying to read it, but the
lamplight didn’t reach that far. Picking up the lamp, she lifted it in front of the embroidered piece.
“‘Charity hopeth all things,’” she read. A chill shivered through her, and the roots of her hair felt as though they were charged with lightning. A phrase from the verse she’d quoted to Mother Boston earlier that day!
She returned the lamp to the dressing table. Before putting it out, she pulled a stem from the vase of wildflowers. A sweet peace filled her as she slipped between the clean, crisp sheets and drew the soft, fragrant blossom lightly across her cheek.
The tightness that had made her insides feel like coiled wire all day long began to release. Surely God was showing her through Jason’s mother’s sampler that He would answer her prayer for Jason’s love. She was to continue believing and hoping. God would make this strange, funny marriage right. She just had to continue hoping….
CHAPTER 10
Jason tugged at Angel’s lead, pulling her into a stall, oblivious to the crunching of straw beneath his best shoes, his work team’s welcoming whinnies, or the sound of mice scurrying in the corners.
He’d had it all planned out—to go slowly, keep things casual and cheerful between himself and Pearl as they had always been, to allow her to become comfortable in his home and with his constant presence. Then slowly, let her know of his love, as though they were courting.
Instead he’d pulled her into his arms with no warning at all. Her eyes were huge when he looked back at her from the relative safety of the bedchamber door. Had he frightened her? Did she think he was going back on his word?
Well, he wouldn’t. God help him, he’d stick to his original plan. He’d never take her to his bed unless she loved him as a wife loves a husband.
Leaning against the fence beside the barn, he stared moodily at the house. My wife is there. Wonder filled him at the thought. She’d been so beautiful in her wedding dress. Her eyes and voice hadn’t wavered as she’d taken her vows. It was up to him to see she didn’t regret those vows. Life wasn’t going to be easy for them, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be good.
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