The Cat on the Mat is Flat

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The Cat on the Mat is Flat Page 2

by Andy Griffiths


  But Harry Black

  just turned his back

  and kept on walking

  down the track

  until he saw

  a big haystack.

  ‘I think I’ll have a little nap

  and rest my sore and aching back,’

  said the very tired Harry Black,

  as he climbed the haystack

  with his sack.

  But while Harry Black

  enjoyed his nap,

  Jack the Yak

  snuck into the sack

  and ate up all of Harry’s snack.

  Then Jack the sleepy,

  snack-filled Yak

  fell fast asleep

  in Harry’s sack.

  ‘Alas! Alack!’ cried Harry Black

  when he woke up—

  opened his sack—

  and found Jack the Yak

  in place of his snack.

  ‘Alas! Alack! What a setback!

  My snack has been stolen

  by a snack-stealing yak!’

  said the very angry Harry Black.

  ‘I’m going to give that yak a whack!’

  But Jack the Yak

  jumped out of the sack

  and yelled, ‘Get back,

  I’ve got a tack!

  And it’s a SHARP one,

  Harry Black!’

  ‘Alas! Alack!’ said Harry Black.

  ‘I cannot give that yak a whack!

  Or he’ll attack me with that tack!’

  And then Jack the Yak

  with his sharp tack

  jumped out of the sack

  and fled on horseback.

  So ...

  if you’re ever walking

  down a track

  carrying a snack in a sack

  on your back

  and you meet a snackless yak

  called Jack,

  don’t hold back:

  open your sack

  and share your snack—

  for Jack the sneaky,

  snack-stealing Yak

  might just have

  a very sharp tack

  and you could end up

  like poor Harry Black—

  alone and hungry

  on a haystack

  with nothing but

  a snackless sack.

  DUCK

  IN A

  TRUCK

  IN THE

  MUCK

  There was a duck.

  His name was Chuck.

  Chuck the Duck

  drove an ice-cream truck.

  But one wet day Chuck’s

  truck got stuck.

  ‘What bad luck,’

  said Chuck the Duck.

  ‘My ice-cream truck

  is stuck in muck.’

  But just then

  along came

  his friend Buck

  in his brand-new

  shiny

  muck-sucking

  truck!

  ‘Hey, Buck,’ said Chuck,

  ‘my truck is stuck. My truck is stuck

  in all this muck.’

  ‘You’re in luck, Chuck,’

  said Buck the Duck.

  ‘I can get your truck unstuck.

  I can suck up all the muck

  with the muck-sucker-upper

  on my muck-sucking truck!’

  ‘Thank you, thank you, Buck,’

  said Chuck.

  ‘What are friends for?’

  said Buck to Chuck.

  Buck’s

  muck-sucker-upper

  began to suck.

  It sucked

  and sucked

  and sucked

  and sucked until all the muck

  had been

  sucked up.

  ‘Hooray!’ cried Chuck

  as he ran to his truck.

  ‘Get back, Chuck!’

  yelled Buck the Duck.

  ‘I haven’t yet shut my muck-sucker up.’

  But it was too late

  for Chuck the Duck—

  he got sucked up into the truck.

  And then the muck-sucker

  sucked up Buck!

  The muck-sucker-upper just

  kept on sucking.

  It sucked

  and sucked

  and sucked

  and sucked …

  until Buck the Duck’s

  brand-new truck

  got too full and

  it

  blew

  Up!

  Out flew Chuck.

  Out flew all the sucked-up muck.

  ‘Boo-hoo,’ cried Buck.

  ‘My brand-new truck!

  My brand-new shiny

  truck blew up!’

  ‘Don’t cry, Buck,’

  said the kind duck Chuck.

  ‘We can share my

  ice-cream truck!’

  ‘Do you mean it, Chuck?’

  said Buck.

  ‘What are friends for?’

  said Chuck to Buck.

  So Buck hopped up

  with Chuck the Duck

  and they drove off together

  in their ice-cream truck.

  UNLUCKY LOU,

  A KIND KANGAROO,

  A HOLE IN A SHOE

  AND SOME

  EXTRA-SUPER-FAST-STICKING

  SUPER-ROO-GLUE

  There once was a girl

  called

  Unlucky Lou:

  the unluckiest girl

  that the world

  ever knew.

  One day while visiting

  at the zoo,

  Lou found a hole

  in the sole of her shoe.

  ‘Boo-hoo!’

  cried Lou,

  ‘what

  will

  I do?

  If only

  I had

  some

  Superglue!’

  ‘Don’t cry, Lou,’

  ‘said a kind kangaroo.

  ‘You can borrow

  some of my

  super-roo-glue!

  It’s even more super

  than Superglue

  AND it’s extra-super-fast-sticking too!’

  ‘Oh, thank you, thank you!’

  said Lou to the roo.

  ‘Thanks to you

  and your super-roo-glue

  now I can fix

  the hole in my shoe.’

  But while super-roo-gluing

  the hole in her shoe,

  Lou slipped and spilt

  almost all of the glue,

  and then she tripped

  and fell in it, too.

  ‘Boo-hoo!’ cried Lou,

  ‘now what

  will I

  do?

  I’ve fixed the hole

  in the sole

  of my shoe,

  but now I’m stuck

  in all this goo!’

  But the kangaroo

  knew just what to do.

  It jumped over the fence

  and kicked poor Lou,

  as hard as only a roo can do.

  Out of the glue

  flew Unlucky Lou.

  Up into the air

  she flew and flew!

  She flew right over

  the walls of the zoo

  and landed head-first

  where a prickle-bush grew.

  Poor old prickle-headed

  Superglued Lou:

  the unluckiest girl

  that the world ever knew!

  BILL

  AND PHIL

  AND

  THE

  VERY

  BIG HILL

  There was a man.

  His name was Bill.

  Bill had a friend.

  His name was Phil.

  One day Bill and his friend Phil

  climbed to the top of a very big hill.

  ‘I dare you to roll

  down the hill,’

  said Bill.

  ‘I will if
you will, Bill,’

  said Phil.

  ‘I will if you will, Phil,’

  said Bill.

  So Bill and Phil

  rolled down the hill.

  Faster and faster

  rolled Phil and Bill.

  ‘Help!’ said Bill.

  ‘I’m feeling ill!’

  ‘Me too,’ said Phil.

  ‘It’s a VERY big hill!’

  But Bill and Phil

  kept rolling until

  they landed in a puddle of

  smelly pig swill!

  ‘Yuck!’ said Bill.

  ‘Yuck!’ said Phil.

  ‘Do you want to do it again?’ said Bill.

  ‘I will if you will, Bill,’ said Phil.

  ‘I will if you will, Phil,’ said Bill.

  So …

  once more they climbed

  that very big hill

  and rolled back down

  into the swill.

  And then they did it again …

  and again …

  and again …

  and for all I know

  they’re doing it still.

  ANDY G,

  TERRY D,

  THE BRAVE TEA-LADY

  AND

  THE EVIL BEE

  One day while out walking

  by the sea,

  I saw a sign saying,

  ‘BEWARE OF THE BEE.

  YOU’LL GET STUNG

  UNLESS YOU FLEE!’

  But before I could flee,

  I saw the bee.

  And, even worse,

  that bee saw me.

  I had to run.

  I had to flee.

  As fast as my feet

  could carry me.

  As I ran I saw Terry D

  and he looked up and he saw me.

  ‘Why do you run so fast?’ said he.

  ‘Where are you going, Andy G?’

  ‘The bee!’ I cried.

  ‘Can’t you see?

  That evil bee is after me.

  From that bee I must flee

  or it will surely bee-sting me.’

  ‘I see, I see,’ said Terry D.

  ‘I see the bee.

  I see that I must also flee.

  I’ll come with you, Andy G.’

  And so Terry D ran after me.

  We ran and ran quite speedily.

  We passed a lady selling tea.

  ‘Why are you running

  so fast?’ said she.

  ‘Won’t you stop and have some tea?’

  ‘No time for tea,’ said Terry D.

  ‘We’re being chased by an evil bee.

  From that bee we must flee

  or stung by the bee

  we’ll surely be.’

  ‘I see,’ said the lady selling tea.

  ‘I see the bee.

  I see that I must also flee.

  Jump aboard my trolley with me.

  It’s a super-fast trolley

  that is powered by tea.’

  And so we fled.

  We fled, all three.

  As fast as we could—

  pursued by that bee.

  But just as we were almost free

  the tea-trolley crashed

  into a mighty tree.

  ‘Quick!’ said Terry,

  ‘climb up the tree.

  As fast as you can,

  because here

  comes the bee.’

  Up we climbed.

  One, two, three!

  Terry D, the tea-lady and me.

  We climbed and climbed

  and climbed, we three.

  We climbed right up

  to the top

  of that tree

  until there was

  nowhere left to flee.

  I turned to face our enemy—

  that evil, nasty, stinging bee—

  and said to it most angrily,

  ‘Why do you seek

  to sting us three?

  Just buzz off and let us be.’

  But the bee just buzzed

  with evil glee

  and made a bee-line

  straight for me!

  But I didn’t get stung

  by that evil bee

  thanks to the tea-lady’s bravery.

  She quickly jumped

  in front of me

  and waved her teapot

  threateningly.

  ‘STOP!’ she cried,

  ‘you nasty bee!’

  But STOP

  that nasty bee

  DID NOT …

  and so she

  trapped it in her pot!

  ‘Yippee! Yippee!’ cried Terry D.

  ‘No longer will that bee fly free.’

  ‘Now,’ sighed

  the tea-lady

  cheerfully,

  ‘how about

  that cup of tea?’

  So we all sat down

  at the top of the tree

  and shared a pot

  of fresh bee tea.

 

 

 


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