Lydia looked at me, her eyes amused. “What are you doing in your robe in the middle of the afternoon?”
“Oh, you know … I’ll be right back.”
I raced into my bedroom and hurriedly gathered my sex toys, which were laid out on the rumpled bed and stuffed them into the bottom dresser drawer. Removing my robe and tossing it on the bed, I pulled on jeans and a T-shirt, ran my fingers through my hair, and took a few deep breaths to try to stop my heart from beating so wildly. Jesus Christ! I remembered that my bong was in plain sight but it was too late to do anything about it.
Walking into the kitchen, I asked Lydia, “Kombucha tea okay with you?”
“You always did like that creepy New Age kind of stuff.”
I dropped ice cubes into two tumblers and grabbed my homemade kombucha tea from the fridge, but my hands were shaking so badly that I nearly dropped the glass jug on the floor. It slipped and landed on the kitchen counter with a thud.
Lydia relaxed on the couch, her legs stretched out on the ottoman, her dark hair cascading over the back of the sofa. I handed her the tea. She took a sip and wrinkled her nose. “This stuff’s supposed to be good for you?”
I laughed a nervous laugh. “Yeah, guess that’s why it tastes so bad.”
She patted the white sheets, which lay to her right. “I got white cotton, just like you told me to. This’ll be fun. I’ve always wanted to do one of those tie-die jobs on our bedroom sheets. Troy’ll get a kick out of it when I surprise him.”
I took a deep breath and a long sip of my drink to soothe my dry throat. “It’s so cute the way you two are like a couple of teenagers. Lucky.”
“Troy’s a catch.” Her eyes became wistful. “My heart still skips a beat when he comes into the room.” She took another sip of her drink. “What about you? Dating anyone?”
“I’ve only been here four months,” I said.
Lydia put her hand on my knee. “When you find the right man, you’ll know it.” She took another sip of tea. “That’s how it was with Troy and me. Well, you remember. He was the hot surfer boy all the girls wanted. You’re right. I am lucky.”
Leo, who had been napping on my bed, made his way into the living room, his feline body executing a lazy stretch as he yawned. Lydia’s eyes lit up. “There’s your cute little kitty! Jax told me all about him.” Leo jumped on the sofa, and Lydia petted him gently. “He’s adorable. Jax told me how he found him.” She stopped petting Leo, and looked me in the eye. “I think it’s super sweet the way Jax helped you get settled and all.” At the sound of Jax’s name, all the blood drained out of my body. “But you know Rosalyn, he’s pretty young and impressionable, and …” her eyes strayed to where my bong sat on my desk. “I know you like to smoke pot and all, but I was wondering if maybe you wouldn’t do that in front of Jax.”
My chest constricted. “But Jax doesn’t smoke—”
“I know he doesn’t,” Lydia said. “Or at least I don’t think he does.” She became extra interested in the contents of her glass, swirling the liquid around. “Troy and I have talked to the boys about drugs, but you know how boys this age are.”
I owed it to Lydia to at least tell her something truthful about Jax. “He’s seen me smoke, and it’s the funniest thing.” I tried to keep the pitch out of my voice. “He doesn’t like it. Tells me I should lay off the stuff.”
Lydia looked at me, her eyes quizzical. “He does? Well, that’s good to know. I’m so worried that Jax and Tyler will experiment with pot or whatever. You know how we were at that age.”
I put my hand on Lydia’s arm. “They’re good boys. I don’t think you need to worry. You guys raised them right.”
She smiled. “You really think so?”
“Yes, I do. Only thing Tyler’s interested in is music, and Jax is crazy about surfing.”
“Yeah well, I guess I should be happy that’s the case. I mean, it’s not like they’re running around getting involved in the two biggies, sex and drugs.” She collapsed a little and stared at the ceiling. “Every parent’s nightmare is that their boys are going to up and get someone pregnant or become addicts. Are you sure Jax or Tyler haven’t bugged you about smoking? Like they want to try it?”
I gathered myself up on the sofa, tucking my legs lotus-style. I relaxed a bit. At least this was something I didn’t have to cover up or lie about. “No. They haven’t.”
“And you’d tell me if either one of them wanted to try it?”
“Of course I would.”
“It’s just that Jax has been spending so much time helping you.” She smiled. “I guess he takes after his dad. Quite the handyman. Jax followed his dad around the garage since he was old enough to carry a hammer. It’s sweet.” She uncrossed her legs and peered at me. “You promise you’d tell me if either of the boys—Jax especially since he’s helping you with surfing and all—if either one confided in you about what they’re doing after school?”
“Why are you so worried?” I said, trying to keep the trembling out of my voice.
“Because they’re at that age. I can’t keep an eye on them all the time. And they seem to like you.”
My heart beat so hard against my chest that I hoped Lydia wouldn’t hear it. “I’ll keep an eye out. But Lyd’s, they’re good boys.”
She didn’t say anything, just stared at me. I held my breath. Finally, she said, “I know you like to smoke and all—”
“I don’t do it that much,” I lied. “And I promise, I won’t do it around the boys.” I crossed my fingers behind my back. So what if I liked to smoke the sacred herb?
She said, “Yeah, well, I don’t do that stuff anymore, but that’s mostly because I’ve got my family to raise. I don’t mean to be a killjoy. Heck, I smoked enough pot when I was a teenager to last me a few lifetimes, but I want better for my boys.”
“What’s wrong with the way we turned out?”
“Nothing.” She stared straight ahead and exhaled heavily. “I don’t want what happened to me to happen to them. I wasn’t exactly an angel, getting pregnant at sixteen. I’m so worried about Tyler or Jax getting a girl knocked up. It would ruin their lives to be saddled with a family. They need time to explore the world on their own.”
I patted her knee. “I think they’re fine. And things worked out for you. Troy turned out to be good to you and the boys.”
“It hasn’t been easy. I guess we’ve got our acts together now, though. I’m really proud of you, by the way. Pretty cool that you’re back in school.”
I studied my manicure. “Just trying to be responsible.” I looked at my friend. “When did we grow up?”
“We’ll never grow up. But don’t tell the boys I said that.” She set her drink aside and jumped to her feet. “Let’s get going on that tie-dye.” She grinned. “Just like old times. I’ve missed our creative projects.”
That afternoon, we tie-dyed Lydia’s sheets a gorgeous royal purple. The whole time we worked side by side, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d done to Jax. I didn’t want to hurt Lydia. But what she didn’t understand was that Jax wasn’t a baby anymore. Yes, he was a teenager, but he was mature for his years. Way more than I was, that’s for damn sure. But still, what I had done was wrong. It was just so easy being with him. Perverted. That’s what I was. I had to make things right.
After Lydia left, I hurried to my meditation pillow, sat in a lotus posture and took deep breaths. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw Jax’s smiling face, his athletic body, his masculine chest, and the hypnotic look in his eyes as he watched me masturbate. It was far and away the biggest turn on I had ever experienced. My heart pounded, the blood pulsing behind my eyes. My head fell into my hands, a moan escaping my throat.
Stop! Rosalyn, you have to stop this, now.
But something else was happening inside me, and it was more than an attraction to Jax’s masculine, eighteen-year old body. I’d never met anyone that I couldn’t live without, and suddenly, I couldn’t remember what my life was like be
fore Jax.
But he’s Lydia’s son.
Closing my eyes, I clutched my rose quartz, praying to the Universe for guidance. Please help me. My meditations had never failed me. Closing my eyes, willing the kundalini energy to crawl up my spine for enlightenment, a vision formed of Jax and me standing in a pure white light, hand in hand. As I watched this movie playing out in my head, Jax looked at me with those electric blue eyes and said, “I love you.”
I jerked my eyes open with alarm. No! He couldn’t be in love with me. But more importantly, I couldn’t be in love with him. This was what it felt like to finally have feelings for someone, and they were for Lydia’s son? No!
Anxiety seeped through my being. I sprang off my meditation pillow and snatched up my bong. Rosalyn, you’re going to have to lay off the pot. I slammed the bong down so hard that some of the yellowish water spilled on the rug.
I had to call it off with Jax.
The sooner the better.
Jax
“Check out this new riff I learned,” Tyler said as we lounged in our bedroom the day after Rosalyn and I had our session. His fingers moved across the fret board, and the opening guitar riff for “Smells Like Teen Spirit” erupted into the room.
Relaxing on my twin bed opposite Tyler, I said, “You think you’ve ever been in love?”
He gave me his full attention. I knew I was entering dangerous territory by talking to my brother about love. No way did I want him to guess what was going on between Rosalyn and me. But I needed to talk to someone.
“Well, there was that one girl I met the summer I went to Catalina Island. And there’s always girls hanging around my gigs these days,” he said. “But I’m too busy playing guitar.”
“I mean, do you think you know what it feels like when you like somebody extra special?”
He put his guitar down. “Remember that chick that was hanging around me the other night after the show?”
“The one with the long, red hair?”
“She cornered me when we were loading our gear into the truck, and she wanted to give me a blow job right there on the back staircase of the building.”
I sat up. “No fucking way, dude. What’d you say?”
“Told her maybe another night. She didn’t really appeal. Looked like she’s spent way too much time at Hot Topic.”
“What’ve you got against Hot Topic?”
He threw a wadded up piece of paper at me. “Dude, those goth chicks don’t do it for me.” Then he sat forward and said, “What about Jamie?”
“I already told you, she’s not my flavor.”
“You and me, bro, we need to start getting some action.”
“Guess so.”
“So, why don’t you nail her?”
“Same reason you didn’t get a blow job from that redhead? I just don’t like her. Too pushy.”
Tyler stood up and opened the bottom drawer of my dresser. “Guess you’ll have to be happy with these.” He threw a couple of my dirty magazines in my lap. He pointed a finger at me. “You are gonna go blind if you keep whacking off.”
I tackled him, and he fell back on his bed. “You better shut up unless you want me to break your precious guitar hands.”
“You wish. I’m shaking in my boots,” he said, laughing and shoving me off him. “Don’t make me hurt you. I might just break your right hand. Then you’ll have to use your left.”
From our room, I heard my mom open the front door, and next thing I knew, there was Rosalyn, standing in the doorway of our bedroom.
She said to me, “Are we still going surfing?” and then to Tyler, “Hey, sweetie.”
My face flushed with happiness just having her in the same room. Tyler looked from me to Rosalyn, then back to me, then back to Rosalyn, and when she wasn’t looking at him, mouthed, surfing? and smiled his mischievous smile.
I didn’t know we were planning on going surfing, but I followed her lead.
“Yeah, sure,” I said, springing off the bed. “Let me grab my board.”
As I headed toward the door, Tyler said in a loud stage whisper, “Don’t let her talk you into any bong hits.” I picked up a bar of surf wax from the dresser and threw it at his head. He ducked just in time.
When we got in her car, Rosalyn strapped in, barely looked at me, cranked up the Zeppelin and drove to Sunset Cliffs.
My body buzzed with anticipation as we whizzed by beach homes and palm trees. “I didn’t know you wanted to surf today,” I said. I hoped she wanted to go to her place after surfing, and well, maybe we could go a little further. “But I’m always down.”
She didn’t say anything until we got to the parking lot above the cliffs where she cut the engine.
“Be a sweetheart and grab my stuff out of the glove compartment, will you?”
I already knew the drill. She placed the joint between her lips while I struck the lighter. She inhaled deeply then went into a coughing fit. “Stuff’s strong.” She sucked in another toke, crushed the joint out, and said, “Jax, we need to talk.” Tears filled her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I said, suddenly on high alert.
She faced me, putting her warm hand on my thigh. “Sweetheart … we can’t do this. It’s not going to work.”
“But Rosalyn—”
“No, honey, I’ve made up my mind. You know I care about you, but …” Her voice trailed off and she looked out the window toward the ocean. “It’s not right.”
“It is right,” I said.
She turned on me. “Jesus Christ, Jax. What if somebody finds out I’m messing around with a teenager? You think that’s going to go over well with Lydia? With your dad?”
I took a deep breath. “Can I tell you something? I’ve never actually had sex with a woman and I wanted you to be the first.”
She stared at me with wide eyes. “You’re a virgin?” Her hands rubbed her arms rapidly. “This is all the more reason we can’t let this go further.”
“Rosalyn,” I said, touching her arm, “Nobody’s going to find out.”
She yanked her hand away. She started crying and between sobs said, “Light my joint again, will you, babe?”
The wind blew a few pine needles onto the windshield of the car. The ocean boomed in the background. Black crows squawked overhead, their cries a death sentence.
“We’ve gone far enough already,” she said. “And you have got to keep your mouth shut about what’s happened. Understand?”
I told her that I understood, but I didn’t. I’d seen my parents’ love for each other, and that’s what I felt. The way my dad looked at my mom. Every time she walked into a room, his eyes followed her, like he couldn’t believe she was really his. The thought of kissing girls from school, or any of the girls that hung around Tyler’s band, left me cold. But sitting next to Rosalyn that day, I felt a rightness, the way I saw with my parents. Rosalyn didn’t see it that way.
“Can’t we just—”
“No, sweetheart, we cant.”
“I promise I won’t tell anybody.” I was frantic at the thought of losing her. “I’ll do my homework, and I’ll surf, and then I’ll come over your house. We don’t even have to be together much if you don’t want. Maybe only an hour every day.”
She pursed her lips and looked out the window. “No.”
“Please? Is it because I’ve been at your house too much? I can cut it down to every other day.”
“Honey, it’s not going to work.”
“It will work.”
“It won’t. Please don’t push me on this.”
“I’ll do anything. Rosalyn, you’re the only one I’ve ever felt this way about. When I’m with you it’s like everything’s right. You’re all I need.” She cried softly, her face buried in her hands. I had to convince her. “All those girls at school, they make me realize how right it is because they’re not like you. You’re the one I care about.”
“You’re Lydia’s son. Stop it.”
I turned my body to face her. “If you
want to talk about my mom, she had Tyler when she was sixteen.” My breathing was coming fast. “If it’s good enough for her, it’s good enough for me. I care about you, dammit.”
“Stop it! Do you know how worried your mom is that you’ll make the same mistakes she did? I really screwed up by doing what we’ve done.”
“No, you haven’t screwed up.”
“Yes, I have. Now stop telling me that you care about me because you can’t know that.”
“But I do know it, Roz.”
“No! You can’t know that. And even if you do, you know what? I … don’t care about you. Not the way you care about me.”
It felt like somebody had thrown battery acid on me. “Please don’t say that.”
“Jesus Christ, I messed up bad. I don’t know what got into me. I’m so sorry I did this.”
“I’m not sorry.”
“Well, I’m happy for you, Jax. I really am. But you know what? We have to forget what’s happened.” Her fingers trembling, she reached for her joint, lit it, and sucked in.
I tried to touch her again, but she turned away. I said, “It’s not like we planned this thing. Sometimes things happen in life—”
“What do you know about life? You’re so young.”
“I know a lot more than you think. And I know that we’re good together.” I didn’t want to say I love you because I knew that would freak her out, so instead I said, “We’re friends, right?”
“Friends? Are you going to be my friend when your mother disowns me and puts a burning cross in my front yard?”
“Nobody’s going to find out.”
“They will, and I won’t allow it.” And then she dropped the bomb. “Do you know that you and I were within minutes of getting caught by your mom?”
“What?”
“She stopped by to tie-dye some sheets right after we … Oh, my God, what have I done? I’ve made up my mind. Jax, please don’t make this harder than it is.”
“We’ll be careful. We’ll make it work. I’ll do anything you ask, just let me—”
Peaks of Passion: Pleasure Point Series Book One Page 8