Trina’s eyes widened. “Really?”
I didn’t move. “And she got tired, really tired. I want to ask Zac if she’s okay.”
Trina narrowed her eyes and then cupped her hands around her mouth. “My friend’s gotta pee. Spread out!”
For a moment, all the nice church chatter stopped.
Grandpa sighed. “Good heck-a-mighty.”
I could feel the rising red tide of embarrassment flush my cheeks and I knew I’d have to endure a lecture on good manners.
Trina scrunched up her face. “Happy to help.”
Her father cleared his throat and backed up so I could get past. “Go ahead.”
I bustled through the aisle, taking care not to stumble over the scriptures left on the floor.I pushed into the foyer, relieved that at least Zac hadn’t heard Trina’s outburst.
The bishop stood next to the door. He stepped into my path. “Maddie Haven, I’m glad you could make it.” He pumped my hand dutifully. “Hope to see more of you.”
I relinquished to the Bishop grip. “Did you see where Zac went?”
He searched my face for a moment and it felt like he was trying to decide something about me before answering. “Do you need directions to Young Women's?”
We dropped hands.
“I just need to ask him a question about Grace.” I didn’t want him to think I liked Zac or anything completely ridiculous.
He frowned. “I think it best to leave the Lockhart’s be. Zac’s a good boy. He needs to get off on a mission right after graduation. He doesn’t need complications in his life right now.”
I didn’t know what he even meant. Did he think that I would be a complication? I paused for a second and moved for the door that led to the parking lot.
The roar of Zac’s green Jeep raced past me. His father sat next to him. Neither of them noticed me as they passed.
Dang.
Then the Jeep stopped.
Zac backed up. His father had the window down next to him. Zac leaned over him.
All of a sudden, having his dad there, made me nervous. “H-hey.”
Zac seemed to recognize my anxiety and lifted the side of his lip. “Project meeting tomorrow—my house. 7pm. ” His truck lurched forward and rounded the corner out of the parking lot.
My heart slowed. I watched them go. Zac—so angry. Angrier than me. I worried about Grace. Worried she was hurt. Worried she was trapped inside with her crazy mom. Worried I was the cause of another Lockhart problem.
I twirled back to the building.
Trina propped the door open with her pink high heel. “You-are-such-a-liar.”
I pushed past her. “Whatever.”
Trina pushed my shoulder. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
***
I rushed out of my third period biology class. The stank of janitorial clean permeated my nostrils and increased the headache I already had. I’d always been sensitive to any type of chemical. Plus, I hadn’t slept well. I’d checked the neon red clock next to my bed every two hours, almost on the dot, the entire night.
I hadn’t seen Grace in the halls, which didn’t mean anything—I had never paid that close of attention, really—but I knew she’d be in the cafeteria at her table. She was always there.
The lunch room buzzed in a storm of activity. I caught a pointed glance from Bonnie. It wasn’t a glare, but it definitely didn’t have any traces of smile in it, either. She had her perfectly twirled curls around her head. She looked away from me and I felt grateful. Too much pressure. We’d both been smiley, borderline fake smiley to each other in front of Chance, but I didn’t think it would be good to push the niceness levels. I scanned the lunch line for Grace and realized my hands had a shaky kind of thing going on.
Trina appeared next to me, her black hair pulled back into a ponytail and ghost white skin, purple lips, and an inordinate amount of mascara making her look like the Trina I’d first met. Her lips set into a straight line and she tugged at the metal ring, now back, in the side of her lip. “Where we sitting?”
Thoughts of something happening to Grace because of our little jaunt had my stomach in knots, but I didn’t want to argue about sitting with her. It had become the thing we did. Some friends in life were made because you really liked them. Some friends were made because they were always there. At this point, Trina fell into the latter category.
We shuffled through the line and paid Howie without any delay.
I balanced my tray and turned to Trina. “Have you seen Grace?”
Trina tugged blankly at her lip. “No. Please tell me where to put my tray.”
I pushed past her and went for the cheerleader table. I tried my best ‘play nice’ smile. “Hey, have any of you guys seen Grace today?”
Bonnie’s friend, Jessica, the one that didn’t make any bones about letting me know she didn’t approve of me, frowned and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “I have first period with her and she wasn’t in class. Why, do you really think she’s going to let you sit by her?”
Some of the other cheerleaders laughed.
Trina glowered over them. “Well, we know Grace doesn’t want to sit with any of you.”
The way she said it, in that scary I’ll totally mess you up type of way, made them stop laughing.
Gratitude surged through me. “It’s okay, Trina.”
Trina kept her glare on them and then looked back at me. “I’m going outside to eat.” She went for the double doors.
I wanted to follow her, but I had to find Grace. My cheeks tightened and I tried not to look as rubbery as I felt. My head pounded harder as I inhaled the assorted perfumes that reeked from the table. Lack of sleep, and the fact I hadn’t eaten anything, made controlling my temper at the wannabe Bonnies extra hard.
Bonnie gave me a pitying look. “Has anyone else seen her?”
The girls looked up at me with that bored look that said ‘excuse me—why are you talking to us—we are the cheerleaders.’
“Yo Madds, what’s up?”
Chance held his tray to the side with one hand and gave me a pat on the back. “You doing okay?”
I stared up into his playful smile and bad camouflage hat. “Have you seen Grace today?”
Chance looked completely baffled. “No. Now that you mention it, I haven’t seen her.”
I lowered my voice and tried to keep the worry out of it. “Chance, do you think she’s okay?”
Chance pointed his hulky arm across the front of me. “There’s Zac. Go ask him.”
At that moment, Zac’s eyes met mine.
I immediately felt worse, the knots in my stomach clamped down tighter.
Raw anger brewed in those gray eyes. The gleam of his shark tooth and the menacing look that washed over his face made him look like one of those ancient boy warriors that could take his shark tooth and use it to gut me like I fish. He stood. “I thought I told you to stay away from her.”
I retreated.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Chance called after me.
I stumbled into another football player that held a stacked tray. He recovered. “Watch it.”
I dumped my tray and jogged out of the cafeteria. I tightened the straps on my backpack, grateful I had opted for black Mary Janes today and not the stiletto boots.
“Hey!” Zac called after me.
I went to a full throttle run. I just wanted to see her—not him. My heart erratically skipped beats. I tried to stop the tears that started to build pools in my eyes. Where was she?
“Wait!” I heard him behind me.
I stopped.
He took in a long breath behind me. “What’s your deal?”
I glanced back at him then kicked one of the hall lockers. I didn’t want to explain to him how I’d stayed up all night and how I couldn’t eat. It seemed ridiculous. I didn’t even know her. It wasn’t my right. “Is she okay? Is Grace okay?”
He didn’t answer and his breathing turned soft.
Finally,
I turned around. His eyes were closed, his fists balled at his sides. Every part of him appeared on edge, like the slightest touch would set him off.
I stood there and waited. I couldn’t do anything else.
He opened his eyes. “She had an appointment today.”
The appointment. The appointment. The one Grandma had told me about. The one that would determine—everything. “Oh.”
Zac watched me. “She’s coming back though.”
My heart rate leveled.
He took a step closer. “I don’t know what your deal is, but she could have, she could have gotten really hurt."
“It was stupid. I know that now. I’ve been torturing myself with it.”
He looked away and I caught the way he tried to compose himself.
I couldn't imagine the pressure he felt. The pressure in knowing your twin sister was coming back from the thing that would determine everything. Unexpectedly, I wanted to comfort him. I blinked. “I wanted to take her because I thought it would suck to be stuck in that chair. But we laughed. We had fun. We laughed so hard you would . . .” I wiped at my face and thought about Grace’s brilliant smile. I wouldn’t apologize for that. I couldn’t.
Zac studied my face.
“Zac.”
Zac and I both jumped.
Grace wheeled toward us.
The knot in my stomach lessened at the proof in front of me that she was okay.
Zac shot to her side. “Hey.”
She gave Zac a speculating look. “What’s this?”
Zac glanced at me. “Nothing.”
Grace lifted an eyebrow at me.
“Hey.”
Zac kept his back to me. “What did they say?”
Grace kept her eyes on me. “Zac, can I have a minute.”
He turned away. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”
I moved closer to her. I wanted to know too. What had they said? What would they do? But . . . I couldn’t ask. “Hey.”
Grace wore a floral dress and her hair had been curled around her face. She looked pretty. Really pretty. The edges around her eyes looked older somehow, wiser. The way Grandma’s always looked when she pulled off her reading glasses in the evening before bed. “Hey.”
I swallowed and relief coursed through me. At least I had that. A ‘hey.’
She sniffed in loudly and her brave face shifted for a second. She looked down. “Look, about the other night. I-it’s just I can’t . . .” Her voice broke off and crackled into her throat.
I wondered if she would cry. My mouth went parched and dry. I wanted to say something, anything, but nothing would come.
She sniffed in again. She blinked and smiled at me, the kind of smile that I’d seen when I’d teased her about the bodies. She relaxed and leaned back into her chair. “Why should life be simple, right?”
A strangled laugh choked out of me. “Yeah.” I looked away and tried to calm the forced pounding in my rib cage that drowned out everything else. She’d gotten bad news. She had. I just knew it.
And she was trying to be brave.
“Grace, what did the doctor say?” I had no right to ask. She had no reason to tell me. But I wanted to know.
She cast her eyes down as though she were in trouble.
“I know it’s none of my business . . .” I back tracked.
“There’s nothing.” Her voice was a whisper.
I blinked. Nothing. Like nothing, nothing or nothing . . .
Her face stretched back up. “It’s the ugly, Maddie.” Her tone carried a challenge.
I tried to keep my face normal. Sudden emotion caught in my throat.
“Why don’t you come over and help Zac with that project tonight, then we’ll talk.”
Chapter 14 The Picture
When Grace’s mother answered the door, she didn’t even look at me. Not really. She reminded me of one of those zombie chics on an end of days show. “He's not here. You can wait upstairs in his room. It’s at the end of the hall.”
I nodded.
She sat at the table and stared at nothing.
I looked around. No one. I went for the stairs.
At the top, a flicker of light and the low hum of a television came from one of the rooms. Maybe Grace’s room—did she go to bed already? She hadn’t been at the football field after school. I’d looked for her as I’d picked up trash. I wanted to see her, talk to her, but I didn’t want to wake her or bother her.
I slowly pushed open the door at the end of the hall and turned on the switch.
An arrow painted on the wall stared back at me—judge, jury, executioner.
I shivered.
The sleek black lines curved flawlessly. The string taut. The target—nothing and everything. Heat radiated off it like an old, medieval torch. I knew it wanted to slice the air. It wanted to rip free. It wanted out.
I moved deeper into the middle of his room. There were no sports posters or country rock stars like in Chance’s room. No. He definitely had a nature thing going on. Almost every part of the walls contained different trees, flowers, and animals. And there were framed canvases.Hand-painted portraits. I squinted and moved closer. One of Grace and Zac in pencil, his arm draped over her shoulder. A professional-looking one of his family in front of their home. A home freshly painted. I squinted and stepped closer. The way his mother looked so normal. So happy.
Before.
They had their own before.
I frowned. Today would be another one of those days for them.
I stepped closer to a photograph of Zac in a frame next to his bed. It had to be fairly recent. Zac had his arm around another guy, they both wore the shark tooths around their necks. I didn't recognize the other guy from school. I pressed closer.
“Hello.”
I jumped around. My hand went to my chest.
The scarred side of his lip cocked lightly. He put his backpack on the floor.
“H-hey.”
He looked at the photograph and then back to me.
The electric zing in the air reminded me of that first day at the stoplight. “I guess you’ve made yourself at home.”
I swallowed—the kind of swallow that didn’t go all the way down. “Your mom told me to come up.”
Zac took a breath and shook his head. “Did she?” He went straight to a small desk and pulled two books off of a stack. He held one out to me.
I took it. I could smell the faint smell of shampoo from his wet hair.
“This will help you do the bio.”
I didn’t know what to say. “Okay.”
Zac gestured to his floor. “I guess we’ll work here.”
I took a step back and sat. Another smell, his aftershave, made a gooey layer take over in my stomach. I tried to focus on the book. Mozart.
He sat. His face tired.
My heart clutched inside my chest. It felt pointless to work on this when everything was so bad.
I tried to think about something else. Anything else. Except Zac. I surveyed the double bed with a simple blue bedspread, the shelves in the corner across from his closet, the paints that littered a small, wood desk, a tall, covered easel, a chair that his football jersey lay across. It all formed around Zac and became all the things that filled in the gaps. I looked back at the photograph. “Who is in the picture with you?”
Zac tensed. “Someone who left.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“You didn’t mean to? It sure seemed like that’s exactly what you meant to do.”
“Man you’re a jerk.”
He let out a surprised laugh. “Right—back to the witty verbal skills.”
My heart pounded. I knew his day sucked. I got that. But still. “Stop it.”
He clenched his jaw and his lips pressed into a line.
I stood and looked down at the book on Mozart. “Look, it’ll be fine. The project’s not due for two weeks, anyway. I’ll read this and put something together.”
His eyes fluttered. “No. I
prepare for things. I don’t just light a match and hope it all works out.”
I tucked my tongue into the side of my cheek. I wouldn't do this right now.
He let out a loud sigh. He stood and took the book out of my hands then chucked it onto his bed. “Never mind. I’ll write it all up and give you a sheet. Think you can NOT be a disappointment?”
I stared at him.
“I mean, that’s what you’re good at, right, disappointing people?”
The words swirled in my mind. Angry words. Words that would crush him.
A glint of happiness tugged up the edge of his eyes. “What? Is it too much for you, Fire Girl?” He took a step closer and shoved his face into mine. “Is your past going to consume you?”
I suddenly recognized what he was doing. He wanted to fight. He wanted to take it all out on someone. “Whatever.”
“Yeah—whatever.” He turned away and lifted a hand in dismissal. “Get out.”
A light knock sounded on the door.
“Zac.” Grace called out.
Zac wiped his face and went for the door. He flung it wide.
“How’s it going?” Her face—pale, tired, thin.
Zac transformed back to the boy wonder smile from the first day. “Hey.” He gently placed his hand on her shoulder. “Mom said you were sleeping. Are you hungry?”
Grace smiled at me. “No, I just wanted to hang out, can I come in?”
My legs wanted to protest and flee, but I forced them to hold still. If she wanted to hang out, if she needed a distraction, I would stay.
Zac blinked. “Of course.”
She pushed her hand controls and inched forward.
Zac bent to pick up his backpack. He lost his balance for a second and then fell back into the easel.
It crashed to the floor; the sheet on top of it tumbled away.
And that’s when I saw it.
Me.
I didn’t know how the oxygen instantly shut off to my brain.
Zac covered it and glared at me.
I rushed forward and ripped the sheet away.
My parents were etched in behind me. Mom’s face—happy. I remembered that day with perfect clarity. The last musical performance I’d ever attended. My mother insisted that my dad and I hold still long enough for one of the other students to get us all together. Christmas-time. It had been our Christmas card.
Fire Girl Part 1 Page 12