He nodded, slowly. “That’s the bond,” he said. “The magic. I feel it too—all of it.”
Emma put her head against his chest. “I hate feeling like I don’t have a choice,” she said, her voice muffled in his chest. She felt him stiffen, and she pulled back. “It’s like this magic, this bond thing, grabbed hold of me and made me feel things I don’t want to feel. That I shouldn’t feel for someone I just met.”
She could feel Jace wanting to pull her close again, but he dropped his arms and let her step away. She felt cold again, and she rubbed her hands across her upper arms.
“Is that really what it seems like to you?” he asked. She could hear the hurt in his voice.
She shrugged, hating to hurt him, but not knowing what to say.
He was quiet for a long time, but then he spoke very softly. “The way shifters see it, the magic doesn’t make us feel what we feel. It just recognizes a bond that already exists—that once-in-a-lifetime chance to be with the person who’s perfect for you. Who loves you and inspires you, and makes you the best version of yourself.”
Emma yearned to step into his arms again, but she couldn’t quite let herself do it. It sounded so amazing—a for-real soulmate. But it was too good to be true. That just didn’t happen in real life.
Jace was studying her. “Come on,” he said finally. “It’s getting cold. Let’s build a fire.”
She nodded, grateful that he wasn’t going to push her on this right now. It was too much to take in.
There was a fire pit already built near the back of the cave—a rough circle of rocks just below a crack in the wall where the smoke could escape. She helped Jace stack the wood and kindling in silence. When it was ready, she moved the blanket over next to the fire while he lit it with an engraved gold lighter.
She sat down on the blanket.
“That’s a beautiful lighter,” she said, to break the silence. “It looks like an antique.”
“It is,” he said. “It used to be my dad’s, and my grandfather’s before that. It was one of the few things I saved out of the ruins of our home.”
She shook her head. “I can’t imagine what that must have been like,” she said.
He flicked the lighter with his thumb. “Yeah,” was all he said.
They both watched the flames ignite the kindling and crawl up the pyramid of wood. Huge shadows flickered behind them.
“Was your dad the alpha of your pack?” she asked.
Jace nodded, still staring into the flames. “Yeah. But he didn’t—respect the bond. With my mom. She was unhappy, and she started fucking around with a wolf from another pack. It was because of her that the protective barrier around our territory broke down. She made us vulnerable—she opened the door. And my dad was too caught up in his own interests to see it.”
He tore off a ragged strip of blanket and threw it in the fire, watching it burn. “They’re the reason our pack was destroyed. When he died, I became the alpha. The pack is my responsibility now. I can’t let them down.”
Emma didn’t know what to say. He’d been through so much, and he had so much weight of responsibility on his shoulders. Her heart ached for him—ached to be the person who could bond with him the way he needed. She just didn’t know if she could do it.
She reached out and touched his arm, smoothing her fingers down the running wolf tattoos. She understood now that they represented a real wolf pack—the family he was rebuilding. “They’re lucky to have you,” she said.
He shook his head. “I can’t do this alone,” he said. “I’ve tried, but I can’t. I need—”
He turned to face her, taking both her hands. “I know this all sounds crazy to you,” he said. “And I realize what I’m asking you to do—to leave your whole world and move into one where everything is strange to you. It would be a big sacrifice. I get that.”
He stroked his thumbs over the backs of her hands. “But I swear this to you: if you become my mate, I will do everything in my power to make you happy, every day of your life. I will love you, and protect you, and take care of you until the day I die. Just give me the chance to show you I can do that.”
Emma felt the tears threatening to spill down her face. This man didn’t even know if she cared about him, and he was opening his heart and promising her everything that he was. And he meant every word—she could feel it.
“I don’t know. This sounds crazy,” Emma said helplessly.
He nodded. “I know. It’s a lot to take in. But…” he lifted his hand to her chin and tilted her head up gently, so he could look in her eyes. “Will you…could you at least think about it?”
Emma bit her lip. “If I don’t do this, can you bond with somebody else?”
Jace dropped his eyes. After a minute, he shook his head slightly. “My wolf chose you,” he said. “You’re it for us.”
Oh, shit. This really was a one-and-only thing for him. “So if I say no,” she said, “you’ll lose your territory. Your pack would be homeless.” And he would be lonely all his life.
“That was going to happen anyway,” he said. But she could see the despair in every line of his body. And she knew it would kill him, knowing that there had been a chance. That he could have saved his pack, if only she’d said yes.
But she couldn’t just marry someone out of desperation or gratitude, or because she felt sorry for him. She’d always dreamed of love. Crazy, romantic, all-in with her heart kind of love.
But maybe…that’s what a bond was. He’d already promised her his heart and soul. Jace was already all in.
She said, very quietly, “I’ll think about it.”
The smile that lit up Jace’s face was almost enough to make her agree to the bond there and then. “Really?”
“Really,” she said. “We’ll go to Idaho together. If we get to Griz and his FBI agent and don’t die, I’ll consider your proposal.”
He still was cupping her face in his hand. He closed his eyes and kissed her, very gently, and then rested his forehead against hers. “Then I’d better try really hard to make sure we don’t die.”
Chapter 20
Under cover of the approaching night, Jace checked out the territory surrounding the cave and prepared some rudimentary defenses, while Emma dug through her bag and gathered together anything there was to eat.
The food wasn’t especially mouth-watering, but she practically started salivating when Jace returned to the cave. He’d gone out wearing only his jeans and boots, to make it easier to change if he had to. Now the firelight highlighted the planes of his chest and abs, deepening the shadows and showing off every well-defined muscle. He had more tattoos over his arm and shoulder—wolves and intricate geometric designs.
Hell’s bells, he was the most gorgeous thing she’d ever seen.
She saw his eyes flash golden at the look on her face, and that sexy smile curved the corner of his mouth. That place in the middle of her chest felt warm. The place that responded to the bond.
She dropped her gaze and gestured at the pile of junk food in front of her. “This is dinner,” she said. “Pick your poison.”
Jace crouched down and poked disdainfully at the pile. “Potato chips, mini doughnuts, chocolate bars…” he looked at her, eyebrows raised. “This can’t be what you normally eat. No way you could stay so gorgeous.”
She poked his upper arm, just as an excuse to touch him. “Wrong, suckah,” she said. “I do normally eat like this. Thus the lack of a fashionably slim figure.” He thought she was gorgeous? Woot.
Jace waved his hand negligently. “Booty is in,” he told her. “And you’re sexy as hell.”
She loved the way he said it—not trying to impress her, but like it was so obvious he didn’t need to make a big deal out of it.
He opened up a package of snack cakes and sniffed at them. “Are there any real food ingredients in these?”
She ripped open a bag of chips and started munching. “I don’t think so,” she said. “But chocolate is a food group. Try
a candy bar.”
He shook his head and gave a half-smile. “I can’t make wolf babies with you if all you eat is junk,” he said.
Wait, what? Wolf babies? “I haven’t even accepted your proposal yet,” she said. “And there was no talk of wolf babies. That’s a whole separate discussion.”
He was tearing into the snack cakes, looking smug. “You said ‘yet,’” he said, around a mouthful of chocolate cake and faux cream filling.
Shit, she had. “Did not,” she said.
He wasn’t fooled. The smug look intensified.
“Look,” she said, picking up a red and yellow package. “Here’s some meat. For the wolf in you.”
Jace wrinkled his nose. “Beef jerky is not meat,” he informed her. “And you really wouldn’t want to have my wolf babies?”
The bantering tone was still in his voice, but she sensed that the answer was important to him.
“Would they be wolves too?” she asked.
He picked apart the snack cake, peeling off the waxy chocolate frosting. “Yeah,” he said. “They’re born like regular human babies, though—usually one at a time. They don’t change until they’re about a year old.”
Well, that made it a little less weird. She thought about a little boy running around, with Jace’s tousled dark hair and golden eyes. It sent a little stab into her heart.
She bit her lip. She wanted to ask him something, and she didn’t know how he would take it.
He was watching her carefully. “What?” he asked.
“How come you don’t let me see you change?” she said.
He shrugged. “It’s so ingrained in us to hide from humans, to make sure that no one ever sees what we are. That’s partly it.”
“And what’s the other part?”
He shrugged again and looked back down at his snack cake, which was disintegrating into a pile of crumbs. “I like the way you look at me,” he said. “I don’t want that to change. I don’t want to see you looking at me like—” He broke off. “Like I’m a monster. Or a freak.”
Emma studied him for a moment. She could understand how he felt, but if he wanted her to bond with him, he had to let her see him as he was.
“Would you change for me now?” she asked.
She held her breath, wondering if he was going to refuse. This moment felt important. She’d seen him naked, but she wanted him to be naked for her in the shifter way—true to what he really was.
He glanced up and met her eyes. Slowly, he rose to his feet. He toed off his cowboy boots, and then unzipped his jeans and slid them off. God, he took her breath away.
He stood tall for a moment, giving her the chance to take in the beauty of his body. Then he backed up a few steps and crouched down on all fours. His body began to shift and melt, shimmering into a blur. His hands and feet changed to paws, and huge claws sprouted form the ends of his fingers and toes. His face lengthened into a snout, and his eyes flashed golden. Thick gray and white fur sprouted from his skin.
In moments there was a giant wolf staring at her. He was glorious and regal, with terrifying teeth and claws. Emma was uncomfortably aware that he could tear her apart in moments, if he wanted to.
“Um, Jace?” she said. “Can you understand me?” He dipped his head. Looking into his eyes, she could see the intelligence there. Human intelligence, but also wildness.
She wondered if his thoughts were the same, and if he had the same feelings. The same heart.
She wanted to run her fingers through his fur, but petting him seemed disrespectful. “Can I touch you?” she asked softly.
He gazed at her for a long moment, his head slightly cocked. “No, it’s okay,” she said. “I didn’t mean to treat you like a…”
Like a pet. This was definitely no pet, and no lapdog.
He cocked his head the other way, and then took a step toward her. And another.
She reached out slowly, like she would with a strange dog. He stayed still, so she ran her fingers over the ridges of his forehead, his silky ears.
He took another step forward and nuzzled her face. Emma slowly slid her arms around his neck and buried her face in his thick, soft ruff. For some reason, tears were trailing down her face—tears that she’d held back ever since Duke had been hurt. Since Alexander started chasing her. Maybe even longer.
Jace the wolf leaned into her slightly, letting her cry. Finally she lifted her head. “I don’t know what that was about,” she said, sniffling. “I guess I’m tired.”
Jace licked the side of her face with his huge wet tongue, golden eyes sparkling with humor. That answered the question of how his brain worked when he was a wolf. Still like a guy.
“Awesome,” Emma muttered, wiping her face and trying to hide her smile. “Sloppy wolf kisses.”
He licked her again, making her giggle, and then padded to the mouth of the cave, scenting the wind. He came back and lay down, his head resting on her leg. On guard.
They sat that way for a long time. Emma felt relaxed for the first time since last night—when Jace had held her after they made love. The warm weight of his head on her thigh was comforting, and stroking his fur soothed and comforted her.
But knowing that his teeth and claws were ready to defend her was also pretty darned comforting.
She didn’t know how long they’d been sitting there before Jace raised his head, his ears pricking up. Silently, he rose to his feet and padded to the mouth of the cave, sniffing the air once more. His body tensed.
Emma smothered the fire.
It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness; hopefully Jace wasn’t having the same problem. She strained her ears, and then she heard it. Soft footfalls, and the occasional scrape of rock.
Jace crouched down onto his belly and crept out of the cave. Staying in the shadows, she figured. Harder to see, harder to shoot. Trying to find out who was coming for them, and how many. She had a feeling it wasn’t his pack. He would recognize their scent.
It must be Alexander’s men. They’d been found.
Emma picked up the rifle from where it lay at her side, and held it at the ready. She knew Jace was outside, ready to attack, but it wasn’t in her to let him handle this all by himself. Emma Wilkes pulled her weight.
But this time, she didn’t have to.
A shadow moved across the cave entrance, and then there was a rumble from above.
A tumble of rocks rained down in front of the cave mouth. One of Jace’s carefully prepared defenses. Dust billowed into the cave, and Emma put her sleeve over her mouth so she wouldn’t choke.
She heard the man screaming as he rolled down the hill, the avalanche of boulders following him.
In a moment, Jace slipped into the cave. Emma came to meet him at the entrance and wrapped her arms around him. His eyes shone golden in the dark as he shifted back to human.
“They’re spread out below us,” he said. “Five or six.”
“What about the pack?”
Jace shook his head. “Not yet, but they should be here any time now. We need to stall as long as we can. These guys won’t storm the cave. They know we have a rifle, and we can pick them off one by one as they try to come through the door.”
“So what do you think they’re going to do?” Emma asked.
Jace didn’t have to answer. A voice came from below, amplified through a megaphone.
“You’re surrounded. There is no escape. Throw out your weapon, and then send the wolf boy out after it.” Emma and Jace exchanged glances. They knew what he was. That was not good at all. The man went on, “Once we have the wolf secure—” which obviously meant dead— “come out with the laptop. No tricks.”
“What happens if I don’t?” Emma yelled back. “I have more than enough ammo to shoot you all while you’re trying to come through this very narrow cave entrance.”
“Ah,” the voice said. “Here’s the thing. We get a bonus if we bring you in alive. But it’s not a requirement.”
Cold chills went d
own Emma’s spine.
“So if you don’t send the wolf out in one minute, my friend here is going to take his grenade launcher, and send military grade explosives into your little cave. You, your werewolf boyfriend, the laptop—blown to hell. It’s not optimum, but after the number of men I’ve lost today, it works for me.”
Emma whispered to Jace, “Can you see a grenade launcher out there?”
He edged forward until he could see, then stepped back with a grimace. “He’s not bluffing. I’m going to have to go out there.”
“No!” Emma clutched his arm. “You’ve shed enough blood for me today. It’s not going to help anything if you sacrifice yourself.”
“It’ll help you,” he said simply. He kissed her gently, whispered, “I love you,” and flowed into wolf form. Before she could utter another word, he was bounding down the slope like a shadow.
Halfway down he raised his head sharply, and sent a bloodcurdling howl into the night. Then, with a feral snarl, he launched himself at the waiting men.
Two shots rang out. Emma saw Jace’s body shudder with the impacts. He lost his footing and rolled, coming to a stop near the base of the rocky slope.
“No!” Emma ran to the cave mouth. She didn’t have Jace’s night vision, and all she could see was a dark mound lying on the ground. Not moving. Not whining. Maybe not breathing.
A man walked toward Jace, his gun barrel gleaming faintly in the moonlight, aimed at his body. Emma whipped the rifle up and let off a shot, sending the man spinning backwards. She didn’t even care if she’d killed him, she was so filled with rage.
“Don’t you dare hurt him!” she shouted. “I’ll take out anybody who tries.”
There was grim laughter from below. “You’re as feisty as Grant said you were, but it’s not going to do you any good, sweetheart,” the man with the megaphone said. “We’ve got cover, and we can shoot him from where we are. You don’t have enough ammo to hold us off. Now come on down here like a good girl.”
Fugitive Mate (Silverlake Shifters Book 1) Page 11