With shaking hands, I snapped my gloves off. “I think that’s all I’m going to do today.” I stepped back from the bench, shrugging my lab coat off. “See you tomorrow?”
Amy glanced at the clock. It was only five, earlier than I’d ever left. “Got plans tonight?”
“No, just tired.”
She gave me a concerned look. “Okay, see you tomorrow.”
JEREMY WAS AT my apartment when I got home. I was so relieved to see him that I almost burst into tears. Ever since talking with Amy, it felt like a fire of deception burned in my gut, its flames licking and singeing my nerves to the point of combustion.
“You look like you’ve had a good day.” Jeremy sat at the kitchen table, his legs propped up on the table, a book in his lap.
I laughed shrilly.
“I’d ask you what happened, but I know better,” he added.
I plopped down on the chair beside him. “What am I doing?” I mumbled, more to myself than to him.
“You’re currently sitting at your table, looking like you haven’t slept in a few weeks.”
I almost stuck my tongue out at him.
He put his book down, pulled his legs off the table, and sat up. “Seriously, do you want to talk about it?”
I bit my lip. I knew I shouldn’t.
“Come on, Meg, what’s going on?”
I met his gaze, his coffee brown eyes open and serious, all joking gone. I swallowed. “I’m breaking the rules at the Compound.”
He laughed. “And here I thought it was something serious, like you killed someone or poisoned a co-worker with your cooking.”
“It is serious, Jer. Do you know what happens to MRI workers that break Compound policy? We get arrested and face prosecution.”
He sat back, crossing his arms. “Are you talking about the Public Health Protection Act?”
“Yes.”
“Are you doing something that would jeopardize public safety?”
I thought about visiting Sharon, giving the picture to Davin, and agreeing to pass a secret message between him and his mother. Will any of that jeopardize public safety? “No, probably not. But what I’ve done is strictly against MRI policy.”
“What did you do?”
“I can’t tell you.”
He sighed. “Okay, but will it hurt anyone in the public?”
“No, I guess not.”
“Will it hurt anyone within the Compound?”
I thought again before answering. “I don’t think so.”
“Then what are you so worried about?”
“I could still get arrested!”
“And what, get dragged down to the local police station for a couple hours of interrogation only to learn you haven’t actually broken any laws, you’ve just broken MRI policy? Last time I checked, that wasn’t illegal. Yes, you’d lose your job and any chance at working for the Compounds again, but you wouldn’t go to jail.”
“Hmm.” I frowned.
“See, I told you I should be a lawyer.”
“Yeah, but are you sure I wouldn’t go to jail?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know that for a fact?”
“Because I’ve read the Act. All of it. The Public Health Protection Act was created to keep the public safe. That’s it. It doesn’t mean your employer has absolute control over you and can prosecute you for breaking their rules. The government will only prosecute a MRI researcher or MRRA soldier if, by breaking MRI or MRRA policies, he or she puts the public at risk. As much as it feels like it, Big Brother is not watching.”
It felt like an ocean of weight lifted off my shoulders. “Thanks, Jer, that really helps.”
“Always happy to be of service. Keep in mind, though, if I ever become a lawyer I’ll be charging you for these sessions.”
21 – REVELATION
After Jer left, I fell asleep on the couch and only woke the next day because of the singing birds outside my living room window. The clock read almost seven in the morning.
Crap!
When I arrived at the Compound, I hurried to the Inner Sanctum, bypassing my usual routine. Sergeant Rose helped me into the biohazard suit. We hooked up cuffs, clicked gloves into place, twisted on the hood, and activated the respirator and electronics. When I was fully encased, we went through the final checks. He gave me the thumbs up and exited the chamber.
A few minutes later, his voice sounded in my earbud. “He’s in the Chair. Ready?”
“Yes.”
The familiar hiss of the door opening into Davin’s cell no longer made me fearful. Since Davin had willingly sat in the Chair, I anticipated we’d have another good session. Consequently, I should have felt calm and purposeful, especially since I didn’t have to worry about him ripping my head off. As for why my heart suddenly pounded, or why my breath caught when Davin’s eyes met mine, I had no rational explanation.
In my lumbering suit, I walked carefully toward his desk chair and pulled it over. I felt him watching me. Thankfully, the hood blocked most of my face, and there was no way he’d hear my heart galloping in my chest. I took a deep breath.
Seriously, this is ridiculous! So what that he’s attractive. So what that, for whatever reason, his very presence gets my pulse racing.
It was obviously just the adrenaline of what we were doing, conspiring to establish communication with his mother, that caused these feelings. There was no way I could explain it other than that. I couldn’t have feelings for someone I barely knew. And I certainly couldn’t have feelings for someone, who just two days ago, would have rather seen me nailed to a stake than seated in front of him.
I sat and met his gaze. “Good morning, Davin.”
“Morning.”
I turned slightly, making eye contact with Sergeant Rose. “Do you mind turning off the speakers?”
“Shutting off now.” A click sounded in my earbud.
Thankfully, Sergeant Rose seemed to be under the impression that it was privacy that made Davin talk. Not the fact that I’d given him something from the outside world, something that would guarantee my termination from the MRI.
“The speakers are off,” I told Davin.
“Did you give the message to my mother?”
I tried to stop the flip in my stomach. His voice was so deep and rich. “Not yet, but only because I have to tell her in person.”
The hopeful look in his eyes vanished.
I rushed to explain. “I have to tell her in person, Davin. I can’t email or call her. If there’s any trace of me contacting her, and if Dr. Roberts found out, I’d be fired.”
He studied me, his dark eyebrows knitting together. Finally, he nodded. “Okay, but how are you going to tell her?”
“I’ll drive to Rapid again this weekend.”
His eyes widened just as a lock of hair fell across his forehead. Since his arms were tied down, he couldn’t move it. “So you’re going to drive out there again this coming weekend?”
“Well, yes. It’s the only way I can get her your message.”
He just stared at me.
“If you’d rather I not see her in person again so soon, I don’t have to. I could—”
“No,” he interrupted. “It’s not that . . .” A contemplative expression crossed his features. “I guess I didn’t expect you to go to such lengths, but what you’re saying makes sense. I’m, ah . . .” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry you have to do that.”
I’d never seen him apologetic before. Angry, yes. Full of hate, yes. But sorry? No.
“It’s fine, really, it is. I like your mom, and besides, it’ll give me something to do on the weekends.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Weekends?”
“I’m assuming you’re going to have more than one message for her, so I’ll have to go there multiple times.”
“That’d be nice, but . . .”
“But what?”
He shrugged. “You probably don’t want to spend every weekend doing that.”
; “Oh.” My cheeks grew red. Davin obviously thought I was like any normal twenty-three year old. One with friends who spent her free time going to movies, hanging out at other’s homes, or doing whatever normal people my age did. Not conspiring with a Kazzie’s mother because she didn’t actually have any friends to hang out with. “It’s not a big deal, really.”
“It is.” His eyes were bright.
I wanted to sink right into them.
“Actually,” I said, clearing my throat. “Driving to Rapid to see your mom will be much more interesting than what I normally do.”
He cocked his head, or tried to, but the Chair stopped him. “What do you normally do?”
“Well . . .” I stopped. What could I say? I don’t have any friends. I basically hang out by myself in my apartment, reading research papers, and if I talk to anyone, it’s only my brother. “Um, I just work a lot on the weekends.”
“Oh. Since I’ve never seen you here on weekends, I assumed you were off.”
Does that mean he thinks about me? I shook that thought off. That was obviously not what he meant. “I do have Saturday and Sunday off, but I still do work, at home.”
“I see.”
Hopefully, he didn’t see. I couldn’t think of anything more humiliating than Davin learning I had no life outside of work. But I promised myself I’d be honest with him. “Actually, I usually spend my weekends working because I don’t have anything else to do.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Really? What about seeing your friends? Or family?”
I thought of my parents. That was not my idea of a fun weekend. I looked down so I wouldn’t have to see his reaction when he found out about the other.
“I don’t really have many friends, and my parents live in Vermillion, so I don’t see them much.”
I stared at my boots, waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t, I glanced back up.
“I never had many friends either.”
My mouth dropped. He was so ridiculously attractive I had a hard time believing that. “Really?”
“Being Native American put a stigma on me. It didn’t help that my dad drank. It fit perfectly into the stereotype of Indians, so it just added fuel to the fire when kids saw him drunk, stumbling around our lawn. All of that meant that I wasn’t cool. Usually, I hung out with my brothers and sisters. We kept to ourselves for the most part.”
His expression didn’t change, but a part of me awakened, feeling the flutter of a connection that bypassed all flippancy and trivialness. Davin also knew a childhood of loneliness.
I shifted in my seat. “I never had friends in school either. We moved around a lot when I was a kid. My only friend was my brother, and then when Makanza hit, I never saw anyone since we were locked in our home.”
He gazed at me so intently, my breath stopped. “Yeah, it didn’t make growing up the easiest.”
“No, it didn’t.”
“So you must be pretty smart then, if you got hired here and you’re only twenty-three?”
“Um, yeah, I guess.” Normally, I hated when people brought that subject up. It was definitely not normal to be my age and have all my degrees. Most people my age were still trying to figure out what they were doing with their lives, but with Davin it felt more like simple curiosity, rather than him pointing out I was different.
“You must be. Do you have an advanced degree? Like everyone else working here?” he asked.
“I finished my Ph.D.’s last Spring.”
“Ph.D.’s?”
“Yes, I have two.”
“Wow, that’s impressive.”
I smiled as my nerves slowly evaporated. It was weird how quickly I had grown comfortable with him. That had never happened with anyone before.
WE TALKED FOR another hour. I was surprised at how easily I opened up. For the most part, he wanted to know the usual things when getting to know a person. What cities had I lived in? What were my hobbies? What did I study in school? Where had I gone to school? He seemed genuinely interested.
A part of me knew that was most likely due to the boredom of his daily life, not because he found me so fascinating. When was the last time he’d met somebody who wasn’t another Kazzie? Or a researcher who wasn’t talking to him to get something? Granted, sooner or later, I’d need to obtain his sample, but that wasn’t why I was doing this, not really.
“What kind of books do you like?” he asked.
“Do you mean fiction books?”
“Or any books. I’m guessing you read a lot of science stuff?”
I smiled. “I do. Most of my reading is related to work, but when I can pry myself away from it, I usually read dramas or romance.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Romance, eh?”
I blushed. “There’s nothing better than a romance if you truly want to escape the world.”
“I’ll have to try one of those.”
“So you’re not a romance fan?”
He chuckled. “Usually crime, thrillers, or science fiction, but I read non-fiction too.”
“Like what?”
“Medical stuff, mostly.”
“Oh. Were you trying to learn more about Makanza?”
“Trying. As you know, when the virus first hit, there was no literature on it. If nothing else, I’ve learned a lot about viruses.”
“That makes two of us.”
He chuckled again. “What about your parents? Where do they live?”
“Vermillion. They’ve been there since the First Wave.”
“And you said your best friend growing up was your brother? Do you only have one sibling?”
“Um . . .” I hesitated. “Yes.”
“What’s he like? Does he live here?”
Those questions stopped my breath. I looked down and fidgeted with the belt on my suit. Do I have to answer that?
“Meghan?”
I kept fiddling with it.
“Meghan?” he said again, more warily this time.
I couldn’t meet his gaze. Tears sprang into my eyes. I blinked them back as best I could and looked up, trying to smile.
“Whoa, Meghan, I’m sorry. Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you. You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.” Genuine concern filled his eyes.
I shook my head, telling myself I was being overly emotional. “It’s okay, it’s just . . .”
“He’s dead?” he finished for me.
I looked away and thought about Jeremy, about that day. That horrible, awful day, six years ago.
The day my life stopped and time stood still.
My heart felt like it was breaking all over again.
“Yes.”
Davin nodded.
I stared at my hands. A part of me wanted to keep all of these emotions buried away. They hurt. They hurt so damned much! I hated feeling them. But the other part of me, the part I’d buried away and refused to acknowledge for the past six years, ached so much to talk about it. I’d never spoken about Jeremy with anyone.
Maybe Davin will understand. He lost his little sister, and he loved her as much as I loved Jeremy. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll understand why I pretend my brother’s still here.
I took a deep breath. I was about to tell him something that I’d never told anyone. Not a single soul.
“He died six years ago, in the Second Wave, but I still talk to him sometimes. I pretend that he’s here.”
I felt Davin listening even though he didn’t say anything.
“Sometimes when I’ve had a bad day, or when I really wish, more than anything that I could talk to my brother, I pretend that he’s in my kitchen, sitting at my table, talking to me, just like we used to.”
I couldn’t meet his gaze after I said that. It was embarrassing, and I was afraid of what I’d see in his eyes. What if he doesn’t understand? What if I just made the biggest and most embarrassing declaration in my life?
“Meghan,” Davin said quietly. “Look at me.”
I slowly looked up. Pain rimmed his eye
s. Pain only someone who’d gone through the exact same thing could feel. “I understand, okay? I really understand.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I really, really do.”
My shoulders shook as more tears streamed down my face.
From what Sharon told me, Davin had been as close to Aurora as I’d been to Jeremy. It was the only reason I’d told him, and because I’d promised myself I wouldn’t lie to him. Still, for me to admit that I pretended my dead brother was actually alive was huge. I’d never told anyone how much Jeremy’s death affected me. It had been six years since it happened, yet each year on the Second Wave’s anniversary, I cried and cried and cried. I didn’t think I’d ever get over the pain of losing my only brother, and the only true friend I’d ever had.
“How did he die?” Davin asked quietly.
I sniffed, wishing I could wipe my nose with a tissue and cursing the large hood which made that impossible. “One of his friends called him. He thought it’d be fun to get a group together to sneak out one night during the Second Wave when martial law was in effect and no one was allowed to leave their homes. They didn’t think anything would come of it of course, and they were sick of being cooped up after the Second Wave hit.” I paused. I hated remembering that night. It was the last time I’d seen my brother at home. The last time I’d hugged him. The last time I’d seen him healthy and whole.
“They’d gone down to the skateboarding rink to get outside and do something. Who would have thought they could contract it there? But they did. After they’d been out for a few hours, they got picked up by the MRRA and put into mandatory quarantine for breaking the law. I’m sure those officers thought it was all for nothing, after all, they’d been outside. How could they possibly have contracted it? Imagine everyone’s surprise, when they all started showing symptoms three weeks later. The MRRA later found a homeless man dead in the woods. He’d died from Makanza. I guess he frequented that park and constantly touched the railings when he walked back and forth. That was how they figured Jeremy and his friends got it. If they’d only gone to a different park, or if that guy hadn’t been there just minutes before they’d arrived—it was absolutely the worst luck ever.”
The Complete Makanza Series: Books 0-4 Page 27