If only for a moment.
“See you at my house,” he said softly.
“Decker,” she whispered.
“Later, Mir. Later.”
God, he was a selfish man. He knew that no matter what happened next, even if he never touched her again, he’d need to see her in his place, and see her safe.
He wouldn’t be her future. No, that couldn’t be, but maybe, just maybe, he could live to be her present. Maybe he’d take a glimpse of her happiness before she saw the truth.
Before she found out who he was.
Chapter Ten
Miranda finally relinquished Decker’s jacket once they made it to his place. She hadn’t wanted to part with it, but it would have been beyond obvious if she kept it on while they were inside and then ran away with it. She hadn’t been to his place since she’d made a fool of herself in his kitchen, but even though not much time had passed, things were different.
She wasn’t sure how, but she’d felt the shift in front of her parents’ house.
She didn’t know what it meant or even what she was doing there. He said he’d show her how to protect herself, but she hadn’t thought it would be right then. No, he’d made sure she was safe but also free to breathe again. Though she loved her family with every fiber of her being, it was difficult to not worry about how to protect them from what had happened when she couldn’t even protect herself.
“You want something to drink?” he asked, his hands again in his pockets. She’d like to think it was because he couldn’t keep his hands off her, but she wouldn’t bet on it.
Despite the fact that she knew Decker, knew his ticks, knew his past, she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did.
Yes, she still loved him, was still in love with him, but maybe if she knew him better, she could find a way to live with that love.
God, now she sounded like a pathetic, lovesick fool.
Open, honest communication would be the only way to deal with that.
That or smiling through it and ignoring her feelings.
Either way.
Gunner came to her side and leaned into her leg. She looked down at the adorably ugly dog and scratched behind his ears. His tongue rolled out, and he gave her an adoring smile.
Then she gagged.
“Dear. God.”
“Fucking dog,” Decker grumbled. “Come out here with your smelly self. Don’t you know not to stink up a room with a girl there? Have you no decency?”
Miranda’s eyes watered, and she couldn’t help the laugh bubbling from her throat. Decker took Gunner outside then came back into the room, a smile on his face. Gunner and his horrible bad case of doggie gas had broken the awkwardness between them for the time being. If only it hadn’t been such a putrid way to do it.
Decker took Miranda’s hand and brought her to the kitchen. The rough feel of his calloused hands felt like home in hers. Damn, she was an idiot. But she’d take it. For now. “You never answered if you wanted something to drink or not. I’m thirsty, and we need to get out of the living room, or we might die due to lack of oxygen.”
She laughed with him and leaned against the kitchen counter when he went to the fridge. “I’ll take a soda if you have it.”
“I have Coke. No diet.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’ve known me for how many years, and you think I’d drink diet?”
He looked over his shoulder. “No, but you could have changed when I wasn’t looking.” He wasn’t talking about the soda, and they both knew it.
“I don’t drink soda often since it’s horrible for you, but if I’m going to indulge, I’ll go with the sugar rather than the aspartame.”
“Sounds logical to me.” He held out a can then frowned. “You need a glass and ice or something?”
She let out a breath, took the can, and popped the top. “No, I’m not fussy. It’s cold, so that’s all that matters. Decker, what’s wrong? Why is this so awkward?”
Decker met her gaze, and her stomach clenched. She wasn’t sure if it was the good kind or the bad kind. Wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.
“Last time we were in this room, I pushed you against the same counter you’re leaning on right now and kissed you. Hard. Last time you were here, I had my hands in your hair and my tongue down your throat. Lot’s happened since then. Yet not enough.”
She held back a shiver at the memory of his touch, his taste. She wanted it all again, wanted more. That didn’t mean it was going to happen though. Especially when she remembered who she’d seen him with the last time she’d seen him.
“How’s Colleen?” she asked, her voice as casual as she could make it. Meaning not that casual.
Decker raised a brow. “Not here.”
She gave a little growl. “Ass. That’s not what I mean. You were with her that night.”
“Yeah, and that’s the last time I was with her. We weren’t serious before. And we’re not anything now.”
She licked her lips, annoyingly pleased at that fact. Yet… “So you just tossed her aside?” Maybe he was right, maybe she didn’t know him at all.
He sighed. “No, I didn’t. We were casual. We weren’t really friends because we didn’t have much in common.”
“Then why were you with her?” She could have bitten off her own tongue. Of course there was a reason he’d been with her. Not that she wanted to think about that particular reason in any way.
His lips twitched. “It’s not what you’re thinking.” He sighed again. “We hadn’t slept together for months, Mir.”
Her eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, or maybe it is your business if there’s a reason we’re talking about this. Colleen and I hadn’t slept together for months, like I said. I don’t even think we were truly dating since we didn’t do much but eat together every once in while. I hadn’t planned on having her come to the Montgomery thing that one time, but she sort of invited herself. She’s a nice woman, but not a woman I really wanted to be with.” He met her gaze, and Miranda sucked in a breath.
“Decker.”
“Miranda.”
She laughed softly. “I don’t know what I’m doing here.” She pressed her hands to her face then cursed.
Decker came to her side, his unopened Coke in his hand. He put it on her bruises and searched her face. “Don’t hurt yourself, Mir.”
She closed her eyes. If she took this step—and oh God, how she wanted to take this step—she might not be the one to do the hurting.
“I forgot about the bruises,” she said instead.
He took her chin in his hand and raised her face to his. “I didn’t,” he said, his voice low. “I could kill him for doing this to you.” From the promise in his voice, Miranda believed him.
“It’s over,” she said, hoping it was true. Monday morning at work would be uncomfortable and horrible, but she’d push though. She was a Montgomery.
He traced his fingers down her face while still keeping his other hand on her chin. “Not yet, but soon. I won’t let him hurt you again.”
“What are we doing?” she asked, her voice annoyingly breathless.
Decker searched her face then took a step back. She hated that she felt cold at the distance. “We’re going to drink our drinks, and then we’re going to talk.”
“About?”
“About the fact that, though I pushed you away, I can’t seem to keep you away.”
She narrowed her eyes, stung. “You make me sound like a bug you just can’t squash.”
He popped open his drink and took a sip. “Come sit with me.”
It didn’t escape her attention that he hadn’t corrected her bug description. Jerk. Hot jerk, but still a jerk. She followed him to the living room anyway, grateful Gunner’s earlier gift had dissipated.
She sat down next to him on the couch, leaving enough room so that they weren’t touching, but she could still feel the heat of him. Torture much?
He met her gaze then
winced.
“What?”
“Uh, I forgot you missed the first part of the evening. Shit. I don’t know how to put this.”
She frowned. “What? What happened? Is everyone okay?” She’d been so centered on herself she hadn’t noticed the others. Damn it. That wasn’t like her.
“Everyone’s physically okay.” He let out a breath. “I don’t know the whole story, nor has he told it to anyone it seems, but Jessica left Alex.”
Miranda set her drink down on the coffee table. “Seriously? Oh, poor Alex. I mean, we all hated Jessica even though we tried not to because she was his wife. He’s not taking it well, is he?”
Her heart ached for her big brother. He was the closest to her in age, though he was a full five years older. He’d gotten married too fast, too young, and now he had to deal with the fallout. It didn’t matter though. He was her brother, and she’d do whatever she could to help him through it. Even if he didn’t want her to be part of it.
Decker sighed and set his drink down next to hers. “No, he’s not, but he’s got enough of you guys to make sure he stays on track.” His look told her they both were thinking the same thing.
It might not be much, but she’d try her hardest to make it happen.
“I know they were having issues. It’s still hard to hear. You know?”
Decker shrugged.
“What?”
“It wasn’t too surprising, and things like this were bound to happen.” There was an edge in his voice she didn’t understand.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s nothing, Mir. Don’t worry about it.”
She shook her head. “Don’t treat me like that. Don’t treat me like a little girl who doesn’t understand.”
He mumbled under his breath and sighed. “Fine. They got married too young. Or maybe they just married the wrong people. Whatever happened, they didn’t know each other well enough, and now Alex is in hell. Sometimes you don’t know the person you’re with until it’s too late.”
At that bitter comment, Miranda let out a curse of her own. “That’s a very cynical view on relationships.”
He raised a brow. “I come by it naturally.”
Bullseye. “Be that as it may, if you’re using this as a not so clever way to talk about us, then you’re way off mark.”
He snorted. “There is no us, Mir.”
She put her hand on his arm, thankful he didn’t brush it off. “Yeah, there is. There might not be a relationship us, but there’s an us. We just need to be clear about what that means.”
He met her gaze. “You want me. I want you. Clear enough?”
She swallowed hard, warm at his words. “I’m surprised you said it aloud.”
He cupped the uninjured side of her face. “I’m not going to lie to you. Not about this. But Miranda? You want me? You’ll have to deal with all of me. Me being with you is a stupid thing to do.”
Struck, she pulled away. “Excuse me?”
“Fuck, that’s not what I meant. See? I’m screwing things up. You’re too young for me. You’re family. You’re my best friend’s little sister. We do this and we end it? We ruin everything we had and hurt more than just you and me. You get that? You get that we could throw it all away for a chance that could mean nothing?”
“It won’t mean nothing,” she whispered. It couldn’t. Not her and Decker.
“We aren’t the people we were before. We aren’t the same people we grew up with. We’ve grown up, and we’ve moved on. We’ve had lives. We’re not those shells. You aren’t the little girl I saw all those years ago, and I’m sure as hell not the boy I was then. If we do this, it will be much different. We need to get to know one another. I’m not the man you think I am. You’ve got to understand that. I’m not the dream or whatever the fuck you have in your head. You really don’t know me.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She would not get angry. You know what? Fuck that.
“Of all the condescending bullshit,” she snapped.
“What?” He looked genuinely confused.
“I’m not some young kid, Decker. You want to get to know me? Fine. I want you to. I want to know more about you, too. I want to see how we fit. I know we were good together as…well, whatever we were before, and I want to know what it will be like when we’re more. People change when they’re together.” She held up her hand. “I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, far from it. Those little changes happen when people blend into a relationship. I’m not as young as you think I am, and I think you need to learn that. You’re also not some guy I need to put on a pedestal. I’m not that dreamy-eyed girl, and we both need to know that.”
“Mir.”
“Deck.”
His eyes crinkled, and she sighed. “Decker, you don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
She cupped his face, his beard tickling her palms. “I like you. I want to get to know you. I want to know the man, not the boy I grew up with. I’m not starry-eyed.” She pointed to her face. “I’ve already seen that past the smiles and angelic looks, men can be assholes.”
Decker growled. “I’m going to kill him.”
She patted his cheek. “Stop threatening to kill people.”
“See? I’m not good people. I’m not good enough for you.”
“You just said you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. Well, that means you don’t know me well enough to know that you’re not good enough.”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “Miranda. I’ll hurt you.”
Her heart fluttered, and she had a feeling he just might. But it would be worth it. If she didn’t try, she’d regret it.
“Kiss me.”
He opened his eyes and met her gaze. “We do this, there’s no going back.”
“I don’t want to go back.”
He pulled her into his arms and onto his lap. Before she could take her next breath, his mouth was on hers, and she was lost. He nipped and sucked on her lips, her tongue. She framed his face with her hands, his beard scratchy, yet oddly titillating. His hands were tangled in her hair and holding her tight. She could feel his cock between her legs, hard, ready where she straddled him. She rocked her hips, wanting more.
He tore his lips from hers, panting, and put one hand on her hip, steadying her.
“Decker.”
“Damn, at least we know that part is good.”
She grinned, pleased. “Oh really?” she teased. “Maybe we should do it again. Just to make sure.”
“Temptress.” He leaned forward and bit her lip. Hard. The thrill that shot through her surprised her more than she thought possible.
“Good to know,” he murmured.
“What’s good to know?”
He shook his head. “Just something on my mind.”
She tilted her head. “Cagey.”
“True. Now I’m going to follow you home to make sure you get there, and then I’m coming back home to eat and go to sleep. Alone.”
She blinked. Surprised. “Really?” She wiggled on his lap until his fingers tightened on her hip.
“You want this?”
She smiled like the Cheshire Cat. “Yes.”
He rolled his eyes. “I mean this, as in us together. You want that? We go on an actual date first. We figure out what we want before I strip you down and taste every inch of you.”
She swallowed hard. Shivered. “You’re dictating how we’ll be together?” For some reason, some part of her wanted that. The other part wanted to slap him for his high-handedness.
He kissed her softly. “If that’s what comes of it. I’ll pick you up at seven a.m. tomorrow. If you still want to be with me, all of me, then be ready.” He paused. “Wear jeans and an old shirt.”
Her mind whirled. It was really happening. How on earth had it happened? One minute she was alone and in pain, the next she was sitting on Decker’s lap, listening to him talk of seeing her the next day. Maybe he was right and she needed the night to think, to
comprehend.
He tapped her chin. “See? You need to think. Wear the jeans. The sexy ones with the hole in the knee.”
She raised her brow. “You know what jeans I own?”
“Yes. And I know that they’re sexy.” He stood up with her in his arms, and she let out a squeak, wrapping her arms and legs around him. His hands cradled her ass, and she sighed. Seriously. Hot.
“What are we doing tomorrow?”
“You’ll see. Oh, and wear your old hiking boots.”
She frowned. “I’m not sure you know what dating means, Decker. This sounds a little grungy.”
He grinned then, and she held back a girly sigh. “I’m taking you out. That’s all you need to know.” She slid down his body as he set her down, slowly. When he let out a curse, she grinned.
Decker was right, at least that part worked between them.
She just hoped everything else did too.
“Hiking?” she asked, unbelieving. They’d driven to the foothills.
“Hiking,” Decker repeated. Gunner bounced around their feet, apparently ecstatic at the turn of events. “I figured you usually do the dinner and movie thing, and that’s good, but not as fun as this. We’ll see wildlife and just enjoy what’s out there without having to deal with others.” He turned toward her and took her chin between his fingers. “This way, we can hang out and not have to deal with people staring at you or thinking that they need to call the cops because the big dude next to you must have hit you or something.”
She sighed and leaned into him. “Screw them for thinking that.” Though it had been on her mind. She’d noticed the few people who’d walked by and given Decker a wide berth. He was a big guy with tattoos and a beard that hid his smile unless you were close. And her face currently looked like someone had sprayed five different colors of paint on it with all the bruising. She kind of liked hiding behind the mask.
He leaned down and kissed her, and she melted. She really liked this Decker. He wasn’t affectionate in the weird way guys were when they weren’t comfortable with public displays of affection, or worse, were trying to mark their territory.
He touched her just enough to heat her up—she couldn’t get enough of him—but not enough to make either of them uncomfortable. She still didn’t know how they’d ended up here, together, with his lips on hers. If she thought about it too hard, she’d scare herself, afraid it wasn’t real.
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