I wanted to belong to him.
I reached for my phone, so eager to hear his voice that I didn't even sit up.
He picked up on the first ring. "Hey."
"Hey." The last bits of my headache vanished as soon as I heard his voice. I rolled back onto my pillow again and smiled up at the ceiling. "I missed you this morning."
"I missed you too." He sounded like he had just woken up too. "How are you feeling?"
"The water helped. The aspirin helped more."
"Are you okay?" He wasn't just asking about my headache, I could tell.
The remnants of my dream were still swimming in my head. The horror of the oncoming stampede, my complete inability to move when the danger was bearing down on me. I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'll be all right. If I can see you soon.”
"You can." I loved the slow honey in his voice. The ache for him - the one that never quite died away - clenched my core and held tight. "And besides," he added playfully. "We have to rehearse for open mic."
I had forgotten about our plan. That blissful moment turned ugly when Rebecca had spotted us. I swallowed down the bitter bile that flooded my mouth, but my nightmare was still nipping around the edges of my consciousness. Rebecca's ugly words were still ringing in my ears. "Of course," I said to drown them out. "You want to rehearse, huh? That's how you want to spend our time together."
His chuckle melted the ice in my veins. "We can do a lot of things together, I'll pick you up soon?"
"Yes." I exhaled and hung up, then stared at the ceiling. When the nightmare demanded I remember it, I sat up and then pushed out of bed. The act of moving seemed to be enough to keep ahead of the stampede, and while I'd been hampered by my skirts in the dream, in real-life, I could still move freely.
Right?
I'd taken a quick shower and was just pinning my hair up to the nape of my neck in order to let what little breeze there was in the humid soup of the morning play about my neck when I heard the distinct sound of Beau's car on the gravel of my driveway.
Just the sound of it. That was all it took, and my body almost vibrated with the need to see him, to be held by him.
To be loved by him.
I closed my eyes, but it was still right there. The word. Four letters. It hadn't quite taken form yet, but I could feel it. What this was.
I loved him.
"Shit," I muttered.
And then grinned.
I flew out of the house so fast that my braid came unpinned and uncoiled down my back. I didn't care, especially not when Beau caught me mid-leap and spun me around, then wrapped my braid in his fist so he could guide me to kiss him deeper.
"Good morning," he murmured against my lips as I smiled and kissed him again. "Wanna hear something funny?"
"What's that?" There was an outside world, I was fairly sure of it, but the only thing I cared to notice was the way his hazel eyes looked green today.
"It felt weird waking up without you in my arms." He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "I don't want to do that again. Do you?"
My heart felt like it was too big for my chest. Like someone had inflated it like a balloon. "No." I smiled at the idea. "I think we should never do that again."
Beau opened his mouth to agree with me. At least that's what he probably meant to do before he was interrupted.
"Hey there!" another voice rang out. "You coming?"
I blinked in confusion and Beau sighed. "I'm sorry. They insisted on coming."
I looked over at the car to see Claire's bright smiling face and Finn's gloomy one. "Oh." The balloon in my chest deflated so fast I sagged inward. "Okay, sure."
"I'm really sorry," Beau whispered, tucking my hair back again. "But maybe you can let me make it up to you later?"
I inflated again. "Sounds like a plan." I followed him around the side of his car and grinned when he opened the door for me. "What's the plan?"
"They got the house!" Claire interrupted before either of the brothers could speak. She grabbed my shoulder, shaking me with her excitement. "It was my idea the way they ended up working it out. See, it's like a rent-to-own thing—"
"I'll let Claire do the talking," Beau sighed under her chatter, making me giggle. He backed the car out of the driveway as Claire went on explaining that the owner agreed to a closing date a few months from now, with the guys renting it until that time. "They've still got to put down a deposit, which I told them was pretty stupid since they're going to be the owners in the end, so what damages are they putting down a security for—"
"Remind me whose house this is going to be?" Finn asked the heavens with a mighty eyeroll.
Claire smacked him. "You needed me." She wagged her finger under his nose. "I understand how things are done in Crown Creek. You all left so you have no idea."
A weird tension hung in the air. I glanced at Beau who may have shaken his head imperceptibly, or maybe he hadn't at all. I turned and looked out the window, eager to see the house the brothers had decided on. I planned on spending a lot of time there.
Beau reached out and squeezed my hand, then lifted it to his lips. "You okay?" he asked. I blinked at him, confused until I realized which road we had turned down.
I sucked air in through my teeth before I could collect myself. "I'm fine."
"You want me to turn around? We can take the long way."
I glanced back at Finn and Claire. They were both listening intently. Finn seemed confused, but Claire's sharp eyes saw everything. Including how my hands twisted in my lap. I consciously set them down. "No. It's fine."
We dipped down the slight hill that led into the broad valley. The valley I knew by heart.
The ominous clouds were still gathered on the horizon, but overhead, the sun pierced through the gray in shafts of light all around us. Lighting the places I knew best.
We were driving past the Chosen compound. "Slow down," I asked Beau.
He hesitated, but then did what I asked, slowing and pulling over to the shoulder. Gravel crunched under the wheels as I looked at the place that had been my home for twenty years.
"I don't..." I cleared my throat around the catch in it. I didn't want to get upset. I wasn't upset. "It's weird looking at it from this angle."
"Why?" Claire was pasted against her window, staring at the buildings like she could see through the walls.
"There's a back entrance. Down by the creek. It goes through the pastures and it keeps the eyes off us." It was strange how easily I slipped into the patterns of Chosen speech, even after two years away. I pointed. "See down that way, the gray building? That's the main meeting house, I guess you'd call it the church maybe? That's where most everything happens in the community. There's a reason it's the farthest from the road." If I closed my eyes, I could perfectly picture the dusty road down to the meeting house, but I couldn't see it from here. I was on the outside, looking in. Which was strange, but wasn't that how I felt in the secular world too?
Where did I belong?
"What about the houses up here?" Claire pointed at the cluster of tired looking but still proud houses barely visible through the trees.
"That one," I pointed and held my finger steady, so they couldn't see it trembling. "That's my family's. See the broken window by the cellar? My brother Jesse did that with a rock. I guess they still haven't gotten the money together to fix it." A strange tug pulled at my heart. I should send the money, I thought, out of nowhere. I cleared my throat. "All the houses are together like this because we're - they're"—I corrected when Finn looked at me—"a community. I could go to any house and ask for a snack or join meals." I was starting to smile in spite of myself. "I never really did, because I was a homebody, but my sister Rebecca—"
"The one I met?" Beau asked. He sounded like he was trying to keep careful control of his voice.
"Yeah, she's always been like that." Now I was grinning. "She's the polar opposite of me. Sometimes I envied her, and then I felt bad about it and tried even harder to be good to her." I sh
ook my head. "She doesn't make it easy." I leaned up against the glass. I knew it was silly to try to spot people from the road. Keeping out of sight of secular eyes was one of the first things any Chosen child was taught. We could walk into their world and observe them, but we never let them see us when we were in ours. But unlike secular eyes, mine knew where to look. I searched the rooftops for scrambling children, then down around the roots of the conifers for kids collecting pine cones. I watched the backs of the houses for women doing the home-gardening and getting the wash from the lines. But there was no one out. A sudden memory hit me, and I glanced at the clock in the car.
Noon. Of course. It was time for the breaking of bread. Everyone would be down at the meeting house. My cheeks heated. How could I have forgotten?
A faint sound caught my attention. I looked up to see that Beau, Claire, and Finn had all been watching me. I blinked. How long had I been staring longingly out the window?
"It looks like a really nice place to grow up," Claire said, tactfully interrupting the awkward silence.
I lifted my chin. "It was." For some reason, I felt close to tears.
"Must be weird," Finn piped up.
I licked my lips. I'd purposefully avoided coming down this road, but now that I had, I was glad. I was here in the car with them, but I didn't belong here. But I didn't belong there either. "A little," I finally said.
Beau exhaled sharply and then suddenly his hand was in my hair. With fire in his eyes, he pulled me to him, pressing his forehead to mine for one moment before slanting his mouth down to mine.
I inhaled sharply as the tears that had been threatening to fall suddenly burned away. A small sound escaped my mouth, but he swallowed it with his sudden, desperate onslaught. My hands trembled as they moved to cup his face, but once my fingers found his skin, they stilled. Even as my heart rate sped up, a kind of peace washed through me. Maybe I had no idea where I belonged, but when I was with Beau, it didn't seem to matter.
Maybe I belonged with him.
"Ah..." Claire coughed from the back seat. I reluctantly pulled back from Beau and shot her an apologetic grin.
"Let's go," Beau said, pulling away. I glanced in the side mirror, wanting to see the compound behind me, but we'd kicked up so much dust that it was blocked from my view.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Beau
I'd been planning it forever, but now that it was here, it felt like it was happening too fast.
I walked the perimeter of my childhood bedroom one more time, but I knew I wouldn't find anything I'd missed. The boxes that lined the walls were already filled with all my possessions. What was left behind, what I kept picking up and putting back down again were the things that belonged to my parents, but that I had always thought of as mine. The crazy quilt my great-grandmother had made which had covered my bed since I'd commandeered it at age six. It felt like mine, but it belonged to my mother - an heirloom that she deserved to keep. It belonged to her, not me. Just like I'd always belonged at this house.
But now it was time to move on.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I smiled a little, even though I didn't check the text messages that were blowing it up. I knew who it was. My oldest brother Jonah had been texting me plans all morning. The idea of getting the band back together had him ecstatic. Of course, being Jonah, he was busy trying to tell me what to do. I knew my text messages would be full of his advice and musings. I'd have time to read through them all later. In my new house.
If Gabe's PA called me back though, then I'd answer. Gabe was somewhere in Asia shooting his reality show, and the time difference meant it was hard to connect. I'd sent him an email, but I never really expected him to write back. Gabe wasn't one for sitting down and methodically committing his thoughts to paper. Finn had jokingly suggested we hire a skywriter to catch his attention, and I'd actually given it some serious thought.
Finn wasn't saying it aloud, but I could see that spark of excitement in his eyes when I talked about it.
And then there was my sister.
At first, I thought I'd need to clear it with my brothers first. Then I'd dismissed it as unnecessary. The idea of shutting Claire out of the band was not ours. In fact, we'd fought our old manager when he'd declared us the King Brothers and left our sister out of it. I'd always felt like we should have fought him harder, given how things ended up.
Now that my future was in my own hands, I had no problem asking Claire to join us. The only problem had been the ringing in my ears that persisted long after she'd finished shrieking, "Yes!"
The house. The tour. It was all falling into place. Careful thought and planning had gotten me here.
Of course, Rachel hadn't been part of the plan.
At this, I smiled and stopped fiddling with the hem of the crazy quilt. I stood up and smoothed my hand over it, leaving my bed made for my mother to find for probably the first time ever. No, Rachel hadn't been part of the plan, but she was something I wanted to start planning around. I didn't know what the future looked like past the concert, but I knew I wanted her in it.
It hit me like a punch to the gut. I actually doubled over and had to lean against the wall. I wanted a future. With her in it. I wanted to wake up next to her and be there when she unbraided her hair at night. I wanted to fall asleep listening to the sounds of her breathing. I could see one night stretching into thousands. I wanted her smiling at me, and singing her pretty hymns as we cooked side by side in the kitchen. I wanted her desperate kisses and the way she leaped into my arms every chance I could get them.
Oh my God. I loved her.
I straightened up. Already a plan was forming. A new plan. I needed everything perfect. I needed soft music. Candlelight. I needed to tell her.
And then I needed to show her. I'd make love to her slowly. So achingly slowly that we'd both go wild. And then I'd rest by her side, with her hair tickling my face.
And then I'd do it again.
The thought had my heart racing. I grinned. With one final pat of the old, familiar wall, I grabbed a box and headed down to the moving truck. Yeah. Everything was definitely falling into place.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Rachel
"Here it is." Beau could barely suppress his proud smile as he unlocked the door to his new house.
I stepped through the door and inhaled the scent of fresh paint. The windows were all open and the faint buzz of bees was the only sound outside but for the whisper of the wind through the pines. I turned in a slow circle, taking in the exposed wooden beams, the clean white walls and the deep, river stone hearth at the other end. The only furniture was a few scattered chairs and an out of place rug. "Wow," I said, and my voice echoed off the empty walls. "It's so big!"
"Lots of room for guests," Beau said as he pressed his hand gently to my lower back. "Let me show you the deck."
I let him lead me through the huge, high-ceilinged room and out through a sliding glass door. Out on the wide deck, the sun was beating down on us until Beau grinned and set a rusty wheel on the wall to creaking. A faded awning unfurled from its hiding place along the front of the house. "That's handy," I said and turned to look out over the front lawn. It swooped down to a reed-choked fishing pond. Behind that, tall woods rose up to scrape the blue sky. The sun was dipping lower now. "You've got a west view," I realized.
Beau came over and slid his hand around my waist. I sighed against him, resting my head on his shoulder. I could feel his voice rumbling in his chest before he spoke. "We can watch a lot of sunsets here," he said, turning to press a kiss to the top of my head.
"You and Finn?"
"You and me." He pulled me around so I was facing him. I rested my cheek against his chest and listened to the slow thump of his heart. "You're going to be over here a lot."
"I am?" The thought thrilled me down to my toes.
"Rachel." He leaned down and pressed his forehead to mine. The way I loved, where his eyes were everything that mattered. "I've been thinking a lot
."
"Me too."
"No, I wanted to tell you that—"
"I'm heading out now, k?"
I jumped back when the door creaked. I hadn't even known that Finn was still here and by the expression on his face, neither had Beau. "Yeah sure," he answered through gritted teeth. He looked so crestfallen that a traitorous laugh bubbled up from my stomach and escaped out the side of my mouth with a snort.
Beau grinned and looked back at me. "Are you—"
"I'm not laughing at you. I'm just—"
"What?" He twirled me around so my back was to the warm outside wall of the house. I heard the glass door swish closed as Finn made his escape, but Beau didn't even glance away. He kept his eyes on me.
I licked my lips. "You made a funny face."
"I make you laugh?" He brushed his lips against mine. "I’m glad," he said against my neck. "But I'd rather be making you scream."
I gasped when he slid the door open and then swept me into his arms. "Beau?"
"I had a new bed delivered already." His grin made my heart beat faster. "It's all ready for—"
"For?" I was panting. I couldn't say it. I needed him to.
He knew it. He knew me. As I tumbled backward onto his wide bed, he asked me. "You, Rachel." He kissed me. Long and slow until I was gasping and arching up into him. "Are you ready?"
There was no more thought. No more worry. No. I loved him, and I wanted to show it. "I'm ready."
"I'm going to be so good to you, angel."
"I know." I did know. "I trust you, Beau."
I wanted to say more, but it was swallowed in a moan. Somehow, in the past few moments, he'd lifted my shirt over my head and tossed it away, unfastened my bra with the same deft quickness and now his lips were on my breast. "Oh my God," I groaned as the warmth of his tongue slipped over my nipple. The warmth spread out, melting me into a puddle, and then he nipped lightly with his teeth. The jolt sparked across my skin, making me sizzle.
"Are you good?" He wound my braid around his fist and used it to tug my head to the side, exposing my neck.
Soft Wild Ache (Crown Creek) Page 12