He smiled. “Hurry, or you won’t make it.”
Ida paused, still surprised and pleased by his generosity. He gave her a gentle shove down the walkway towards the next train, and shouted after her that he would personally take care of her luggage.
The trip to Barstow was as uneventful as the trip to Sacramento had been. At least she had something to look at when they cut through the mountains, but down through California it was nothing but grazing cows as far as the eye could see. It stunk something terrible, and Ida had to be careful to breathe through her mouth, though even that didn’t seem to make much of a difference.
It was amazing to be out of the snow. The further south they traveled, the greener it got. When she spotted a tree full of green leaves, she nearly jumped in her seat. It was only the second day of spring, but there were blossoms everywhere. She had shed the gray stillness of winter for blossoming flowers.
The sun set on them again, but this time she didn’t fall asleep. They pulled into Barstow just as the sunlight leaked into the valley and she was another day closer to Kelly.
The next train for Los Angeles wasn’t scheduled to leave until later that afternoon. It gave Ida enough time to buy a ticket and some dinner, and secure a hotel room for a few hours of sleep. She took the time to send a quick telegraph to Lisa, informing her that she had made it as far as Barstow without incident.
Ida tried to sleep in her hotel room, but it was elusive. She had large bags under her eyes, and her skin was pale and stretched thinly across her face. Her mouth was compressed in a thin, tight line. She looked exhausted, but she was too excited to sleep. So instead she went down to the bench outside the hotel door and absorbed the sun as she watched the people go about their lives. They mostly ignored her, but occasionally somebody would wave, or smile, or stop to ask how her day was.
They assured her as she boarded the train that they’d reach Los Angeles in time for supper. Nearly one week to the hour after leaving Liam, she arrived safely and soundly to Los Angeles.
Liam was right about one thing. LOS ANGELES wasn’t anything more than a small cow-town. There was one hotel, and from what Ida could see from the depot alone, ten saloons. A slightly cool breeze caressed her face as she stepped out of the stuffy Pullman car, and she inhaled deeply, relieved and exhilarated. She felt like running up and down the streets shouting Kelly’s name. A part of her almost believed he would be at the train station waiting for her. She couldn’t stop herself from looking for him, but she didn’t see him.
She did, however, see somebody who could only be Olivia. She was standing by herself, off to the side, with a friendly, patient face. As soon as Ida stepped off the ramp, Olivia walked towards her, her hand outstretched.
“Ida Stevens?”
Ida didn’t miss that Olivia knew her by her maiden name. “Yes, you must be Olivia.”
She smiled warmly. “I’m so glad that you made it. Lisa wired me this morning to let me know you were on your way. Are those your things?”
A porter was coming with a large chest and a tight hold on the leash around Ranger’s neck. As soon as Ranger saw his mistress, he pulled free from the hapless young man and tried to jump into her arms. Ida laughingly pushed him down. “Yes, they’re mine.”
“Do you want me to put these in a wagon for you, ma’am?”
Olivia pointed to small, open wagon a few feet away. “That one, please.” She turned to Ida. “You look exhausted. And you’re probably hungry, too. Did you eat anything on the train?”
“I…I don’t remember, really.”
“Well, I just killed a chicken this morning, so there should be plenty to eat.”
“I’m not that hungry…”
“Ida, you have to eat. You’re going to make yourself sick otherwise.”
Ida blinked. She had expected to just run into Kelly as soon as she arrived. And yet, she was being dragged to some stranger’s house—for food and rest, true, but every second she was with Olivia, it was a second that she was not looking for Kelly. “I think I’d like to look around town first.”
Olivia put a gentle hand on Ida’s arm. “I understand, but it’s getting late, and this is no place for a woman to be by herself after dark.” Olivia paused then added, “Or a gentleman, for that matter. Things can get a bit rough around here.”
“I can take care of myself,” Ida answered defiantly.
Olivia shrugged. “I’m sure you can, but not if you’re sick with hunger and exhaustion.”
“Yeah…yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry for being difficult.”
“You’re not difficult,” Olivia answered mildly. “Climb on aboard.”
Ranger jumped in the back of the wagon, then Olivia picked up the reins and they moved forward. “I don’t live far.”
“Do you get a lot of…new people here?”
Olivia shook her head. “The town isn’t exactly booming. Not like towns up north, at any rate. Mainly we get cowboys looking to earn a little money during the spring for calving and the fall for slaughter. In a few weeks, the streets will be swarming.”
“Oh…so if a new guy showed up…say…in January or February…would anybody notice?”
Olivia shrugged. “Possibly. If you were looking for somebody, I’d try the saloons first, then the overseers of the cattle ranches that border the city. Check if they hired anybody. And then maybe the jails.”
Ida swallowed hard. “Jails?”
“Well you know, nearly everybody spends a night in the jail for drunk and disorderly conduct.” She chuckled softly. “Even the sheriff.”
“Oh.”
“You looking for somebody, Ida?”
“That’s why I’m here,” she admitted. “We didn’t have any precise plans. I just promised I would find him and he promised he’d be in this area.”
“Well, there’s a lot of places for somebody to wait around here. I’m sure you’ll find him.”
“I hope you’re right Ms. Maclay…”
“Olivia, please.”
“Well, then Olivia, I hope you’re right.”
“And if you don’t find him immediately, you’re welcome to stay with me.”
“I couldn’t take advantage of you like that.”
“Please, any friend of Lisa’s is a friend of mine. She spoke very highly of you.”
Ida blushed, and then yawned widely. “I must be more tired that I thought…”
Olivia didn’t respond immediately. She turned right up a narrow dirt road and navigated the bumpy path in the growing dark. Within minutes, they came upon a small cottage with brightly lit windows.
“We’re home.”
“Wow,” Ida breathed as she climbed out of the wagon and admired the various plants and trees that surrounded the cottage. “This is…it’s beautiful.”
“Thank you. All of these plants here, I use them for their medicinal value…and they taste good, too.”
Ida laughed. “They look gorgeous. God, I can’t believe it’s March and you have a garden like this.”
“That’s why I chose to live down here, despite the sacrifices I had to make…” Her voice tapered off and she looked up the sky, as if searching for something. Ida watched her silently until Olivia blinked and smiled again. “Come on in.”
“Do you want me to leave Ranger outside?”
“No, he can come in, too. I’ll just be a minute. I have to put the horse away.”
Ida stepped into the cottage tentatively and was instantly assaulted with various delicious aromas. There seemed to be a stew cooking over the fire, and bread dough sitting on the hearth, rising. A cool bucket of water was near the door, and Ida immediately took a long drink, wetting her parched lips and throat.
She sat down on a comfortable looking davenport, then kicked her shoes off and put her feet up. The house was much warmer than outside, and the heat went to her head. Her stomach growled but then settled, and Ida drooled at the thought of the rich stew simmering away. After days on a train, it felt odd to be sitting still instead of moving
in a constant rocking motion.
Ranger curled at her feet and almost immediately fell asleep, content. Ida closed her eyes and just let her mind wander. She could almost feel him. Like he was somewhere near. It felt like if she concentrated hard enough, she would be able to find him. Or she would be able to hear him, talk to him. She knew, she felt from deep in her bones, that it was almost over. That she had almost won. It was just a matter of time now…
She fell asleep on Olivia’s couch with a slight smile, and sunk into dreams of Kelly.
* * * *
Ida paced the cottage impatiently, counting the seconds until Olivia’s return. The morning after Ida had arrived, she voiced her intentions to start the search for Kelly, but Olivia didn’t think it was a good idea for Ida to go around asking after him herself.
“They don’t know you here,” Olivia explained gently.
“So?”
“If they know anything, they’ll tell me.”
“But…”
“Ida, trust me. If there’s anything, I’ll find it.”
She sighed. “Fine…I just hate waiting.”
“I know. I’ll be back in time for lunch.”
They had the same conversation every morning for a week. And every day the hours crawled slowly by. Ida was getting fed up with waiting. She wanted to go out to the streets and the bars and the hotels herself. She wanted to ride to the ranches and check the rosters of employees herself. She wanted to talk to the sheriff and the neighbors herself. She wanted to be outside where he could see her if he happened to be strolling by.
Olivia returned daily, tired and disheartened, late in the afternoon. Ida would pounce on her instantly, eager for news. Olivia just shook her head sadly, without fail, and hung her coat and bag near the door. “I’m sorry, Ida.”
“Nothing?”
“Nobody has seen anybody matching the description of Kelly.”
Ida sighed. “It’s possible he’s keeping a low profile. Did you…you know…see any posters?” She didn’t want to tell Olivia about Kelly’s status as a wanted criminal, but she felt she could trust her, and so Ida told her everything, from the first second she saw him until she got on the train. Olivia had listened calmly and thoughtfully.
“No, no posters. But that probably doesn’t mean anything.”
“Or it could mean he’s already been caught,” Ida answered bleakly.
“No, if he had been caught we would have heard about it. We’re not that cut off from the rest of the world,” Olivia assured her.
“Were you able to get a hold of any old newspapers?” Ida asked hopefully.
Olivia pulled a bundle of papers from her bag. “I haven’t looked through any yet, but the printer was more than happy to give me some back copies.”
“It’s something…I guess.”
“If he was here at all and did anything remotely noticeable, it probably ended up in the paper. There’s not much news to report around here.”
Ida sunk to the couch, disappointment sapping her strength. “It’s been a week, Olivia.”
“I know.”
“I’ve been here for a week, and I haven’t…I don’t have anything. And I can’t keep imposing on your hospitality…”
“Don’t worry about it, Ida.”
“I wish you’d at least let me pay for my own food.”
“Don’t worry, you aren’t breaking me.”
“What if he’s…what if he’s trapped somewhere in the mountains? What if he fell off his horse and broke his leg? What if Flash broke a leg? What if he was shot by wild Indians? What if he was shot by marshals? What if he tried to rob a bank? What if…” Ida began hyperventilating as a million and one different scenarios—each more horrible than the one before it—danced through her brain. Including the most horrible of all: what if it had all been a lie?
“Don’t lose hope. If he’s not here already, he can be here any day,” Olivia said encouragingly, rubbing her back in wide, soothing circles.
“It’s just so hard to stay positive. It seemed like if I could just get over one more hurdle, and then another hurdle, and then another hurdle, and when I finally thought I was done…there’s a whole mountain in my path. Why does this have to be so difficult?”
“Ida, life is never going to be easy for you. You aren’t going to be happy acting like the other girls and following tradition. And breaking tradition, being your own person, well, it’s hard. It’s going to be a lot of work your entire life.”
“What about you? Do you have to work this hard? Because you’re not…you know…normal.”
Olivia smiled. “No, I don’t have to work that hard. But then, I have much smaller goals, much different goals.”
“What about love?”
Olivia shrugged. “That’s where all the hard work is. I had…well, let’s just say I had love once, for a short time, and it’s enough.”
Ida shook her head. “Maybe I’m greedy, but even the months I had with Kelly were nowhere close to enough.”
“You’re not greedy, just braver than I am.”
“And yet, you’re the one living in this crazy town by yourself. I don’t know what I would have done if Lisa hadn’t given me your name.”
Olivia smiled. “You would have done what you had to do.”
After the second week, Ida refused to wait patiently in the house any longer. She was up every morning before sunrise, and dawn came earlier and earlier every day. She would put a rope around Ranger’s neck, and the two of them would calmly stroll along the streets. It wasn’t long before the people grew accustomed to her daily walks, and within a week, many waved and greeted her by name.
She did check each ranch, but the foremen weren’t eager to talk to her, until the rumor went around that she laid Lyle Pratt—a cowboy with a crooked sneer and an unbelievable stench—flat with a well-aimed punch to the nose. He had groped her breast and offered his help, if she would be so kind as to help him. She didn’t hesitate to hit him. He didn’t even run away, he just lay bleeding on the ground. After that, when they saw the small, blonde bundle of energy come their way, marching with a purpose, they were more than happy to talk to her. Mainly because neither a man nor beast among them could stand Lyle Pratt, and anybody who knocked him on his ass was okay by them.
Despite their willingness to talk, nobody ever had information. She went to the bars and ordered the awful home-made whisky and downed it like a man, but she never heard any news or saw his familiar, beloved face.
She started traveling with Olivia, going from house to house on the outskirts of town, where she helped heal all manner of illnesses. Ida fell into the pattern easily, and was always happy to play nurse. It would give her five minutes to take her mind off her other problems, at least.
“I don’t know what I did without you,” Olivia said one evening, after a particularly trying day at the Valdez Ranch. A bull had gone insane and gored and trampled four people before they could finally catch it. The poor men who were forced to rope the animal didn’t walk away unharmed, either.
“I’m sure somebody there would have been able to help…”
“Yeah, but I would have had more problems helping them help me.” She sighed. “You’re a natural at this, Ida, at helping people.”
“I don’t like to see them suffer,” she said softly.
Ida was establishing a life for herself, and she did so without realizing it. She had forced them to make room for her in their community, and in the process, made herself indispensable. None of that mattered to her because the nights were still cold and empty.
It was as though she had dreamed him. The only proof that he had ever existed was the dwindling money in her bag. But she could explain that away. Their time together took on a distinct, dream-like quality, hazy around the edges, softened in tone and expectations, a bright spot in dark dreams.
“Maybe I should go…look for him,” Ida finally suggested.
“Where?”
“I don’t know…east? Maybe south
?”
“Why not north and west?”
“Well, I have no reason to go…”
“Ida, you have no idea where is he. You could very well pick the opposite direction he’s heading.”
“Or I could run right into him…”
“You have a one in three chance of that. You have a three in four chance of wandering away, never to be seen or heard from again.”
“Then what do you propose I do?” Ida demanded. “I can’t just wait here.”
“You agreed to meet here. If he’s still…”
“What? Alive?”
“If he’s still out there, he’s heading this direction.”
“I just feel like I’m in some sort of holding pattern, like my life has stopped and I’m just waiting.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way. You can move on.”
“What?”
Olivia shrugged. “Move on with your life here. Help people here because they need it, not because you don’t have anything better to do. Visit the ranches to be social, not because you want to pump them for information. Live your life because you can, not because you’re waiting for somebody.”
Ida looked at Olivia with wide eyes. “You want me to give up on him?”
“No, I want you to stop pining away like a girl in mourning and act like the woman I know you can be.”
Ida was taken aback by Olivia’s direct words. She didn’t know how to respond, but a part of her was hurt. It seemed like no matter what she did, it was going to be a mistake.
“You don’t have to stop looking for him, Ida,” Olivia continued in a softer voice, “But you don’t have to dedicate your life to it, either.”
Before Ida could respond, there was a desperate pounding on the door. “Ms. Maclay! Ms. Maclay!”
Olivia hurried to the door and opened it. “What? What’s wrong?”
The boy couldn’t have been more than ten, and tears were streaming down his face. “There’s been accident. At the barn. Quick! We need you…”
“Okay…shhh, calm down. Ida?”
Without a word, Ida gathered their various bags and Olivia ushered them out the door to the wagon. She hitched the horse to it quickly, and within minutes of the first knock, they were heading down the road as the boy told his story in jerking sobs. They were breaking in one of the younger colts, when it bolted out of the paddock and drove headlong into the adjoining field. It started a stampede, and not everybody got out of the way in time.
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