“I’m sorry this is painful, Helios.” His voice was surprisingly gentle.
I nodded, waiting for him to continue.
“Your wife, Cloris, died some time before the invasion. Your son is well and safe.”
Oh God. I was a father. My hands trembled, and his next words were almost lost to the rush of blood in my ears.
“We were invaded without warning. The battle for our kingdom and planet did not last long. Our fighters were unsurpassed in the field, but we were unprepared for invasion from space. They outnumbered us greatly, and a neighboring kingdom joined with them. My final duty was to remove your family to safety. We were overwhelmed, and I was badly injured. After a brief fight, you commandeered my forces. You broke away and led the soldiers away from your family. And from me.”
I had no memory of these events. None at all. And yet their telling tapped into an endless well of grief and need and mind-crippling fear. My hands ached to touch the face of a child I did not know and could not remember. My heart ached for a lost wife.
“How long ago?”
“Five years.”
The strength drained from my legs. I barely made it to the bed before collapsing, and there I sat, doing my best to process the information. An hour ago I was a whore with no worries, no ambitions or goals beyond a vague need to escape. Now I was a prince, a cleric, and a father.
“Our refugees have taken shelter on a small planet. It’s a harsh place, but we’ve begun to build a city, a civilization.”
“The king? The princes?”
“All gone now. Executed. You are our king.”
“No.” I shook my head in denial. Denial of my personal pain, of course, but more at the fall of an entire people. The loss of heritage and culture and the thousands of lives that must have been snuffed out.
He stayed quiet then, running a rag over the already gleaming blade in his hand. My mind raced like a hysterical child in a hedge maze, turning one corner after another, only to come to a wall.
And as always happened when I thought too hard, my muscles grew heavy with fatigue. Weariness settled over me like an old blanket.
“You’ve been searching for me?”
“Many of us have. We are watched, so we practice great caution. Most of our military is in space now. I travel under the guise of a mercenary.”
“Well, you certainly look the part.”
He grinned briefly and then shook his head. “I’ve actually made a good deal of money in this persona. It’s helped feed our people.” He set the blade gently down on the table and faced me. “Do you need food? Drink?”
I shook my head.
“Well, I’m damned hungry.”
“Go straight to the kitchen for food. For a little extra scratch, the cooks will make sure it’s hot and clean.” The waitstaff at this place left a lot to be desired, but the cooks were competent.
Wearily I crawled to the head of the bed. “Griffin.” He turned; his face was hard and without expression. “What you have told me frightens me. I won’t deny that. But you’ve given me the first hope that I can remember. Ever.”
He paused at the door, stared for a moment, and then nodded. “When I come back, we’ll talk about getting you out of here.” His eyes fell to the cuffs. “And out of those.”
“Thank you.”
I threw my arm over my eyes; my body and mind were nearly tapped out. I covered my eyes partly to block the harsh afternoon sun, but also to hide the tears gathering there. I’d seen the look of pity on Griffin’s hard face and didn’t want to see it again. My tears must be shed in private. My pain would belong to me and only me.
The door quietly opened and shut, and I was left alone with my memories of nothing.
LIO.
By the Sun above, it was Lio.
I stood outside the door, my legs weak, my breath short. I leaned against the cool earthen wall and shuddered, unable to support my own weight.
Alive. A slave. A whore. But it was Helios and he was alive and I—oh Sun. He didn’t know me.
He didn’t know himself.
I slid to the floor, squatting on my haunches, my face buried against my knees. Leather rubbed against leather, and I pressed the heel of my hand to the patch, imagining the burn of tears there. Helios had never seen me this way. Not the patch, and not the scars underneath. He’d never seen me cry. He hadn’t been there when—
Another thought I shoved aside.
I wiped my face and sat quietly, struggling to make sense of the situation. We’d come to this planet not as part of the search for Helios Dayspring, but for supplies. For Markus. He’d suggested we take a break, restock. He’d been overly casual with his suggestion, and my suspicions had flared.
Obviously, my copilot knew something and hadn’t opted to share. I’d given him the rope. Now I had the proof of his treachery. And he would pay.
My fury collapsed and my shame rose. Helios. My best friend and first love. My prince, and now my king. He didn’t know me. And I barely knew him. The Lio I’d known for so long would never have gone down on his knees for another man. He’d never before shown the sly, scheming genius that had obviously allowed him to survive whatever atrocities he’d experienced. He’d never acted sexually submissive.
Never.
So it was Helios, but a man who’d been changed on a deep, perhaps permanent basis. He had no memories. But surely his essential personality was still intact? If not, we should be looking elsewhere for our king. But we couldn’t.
Markus might be a traitor. Diedre was too broken and Alexander too young. There was only Helios.
I looked at the door to my left.
He was in there alone, possibly wrestling with all this new information while I was supposedly out fetching food. As though I could eat. I dragged in a deep breath and rose to my feet. But I couldn’t move. I couldn’t walk to the kitchen, though I should. I couldn’t return to the room, though I must. I stood in the hall, letting the wall hold me up, letting guilt, fear, and gratitude hold me paralyzed.
My face. The scars. My eye. I touched the eye patch again. Traced a finger down the scar that snaked under the leather. I didn’t need to touch down there to feel what else they’d done. The physical pain had faded. But the pain of torture never left one’s psyche.
I should go find Markus. But I couldn’t leave Helios’s side. Not for a minute. But I had to know what Markus was doing. He’d led me to Helios. Had he known? What had he planned to do to the missing king?
Awareness of the danger Markus posed triggered me into action. I dragged in a breath and straightened, automatically checking my weapons. I could stand guard here.
Or I could go inside. I could go and answer questions, fill in the blanks and do what I could to help Helios along. We had to get him off this goddamned planet.
I opened the door and froze, looking in. He was asleep, sprawled out on the bed as he’d always done. His face was softened by sleep. Even in the dim light, the tattoos around his eyes were visible. He was tangled in those stupid robes and the long rope-like braid of his hair snaked around his body, crossing over his chest.
“Helios,” I whispered. He didn’t stir.
His sleep wasn’t natural, and I remembered: this was a planet where slavery was the norm. The mines were harsh work and large, powerful men were the majority here. The sylph-like slave masters controlled their property with barbaric methods, most notably, mind-washing.
Helios had a chip embedded in his brain.
I groaned. Between the cuffs on his wrists and a chip in his skull, this escape was looking less and less likely to happen.
I shoved my hand into my vest pocket, assuring myself that the tiny bag of gems was still in place. When all else fails, there’s always bribery.
I sat on the edge of the bed and pried off my boots before lying down. I closed my eyes, knowing that I couldn’t sleep. I shouldn’t sleep. I looked at the man on the bed next to me.
Helios.
If it meant looking away, even for a moment
, I’d rather stay awake the rest of my life, just so I could look my fill.
I probably fell asleep with my eye still open.
Chapter Three
I SLEPT. I don’t know how long, but as I rose slowly into wakefulness, all that seemed important was the amount of time I’d wasted that could have been spent in Griffin’s company. I rolled to the right, meaning to rise, and encountered a large, solid body next to mine.
“Good morning.”
I blinked against the inky darkness of the room, seeing the sheen of stars still in the sky. It must be very early morning.
“I’m sorry, Griffin. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” I shifted and felt the coarse weave of the bed linen against my naked skin. He must have undressed me as I slept.
“Stress can cause weariness. As can malnutrition and whatever’s been introduced to your body to keep you compliant.”
That brought me awake fast. “What do you mean?”
“Think, Helios. Whenever you get stressed, whether from too much anger or fear, or even humor, don’t you become sleepy? Earlier you slept while under the table.”
I thought about that and realized it was true. All these years I’d been oblivious to that reaction, yet he’d spotted it within hours.
“I imagine you have a cerebral implant that keeps you placid. It probably also took your memories.”
At that, a sharp spike of pain ran through my heart. Slowly I dropped back onto the hard pillow. I could feel him next to me, a warm, solid presence in the darkness. Impulsively I turned into him, seeking the comfort of his body. When his arm settled comfortably around my shoulder, I knew.
“We were lovers.”
I tried to see him in the darkness, to see if he smiled or frowned. I saw only his profile against the night.
“Long ago. We were young.”
“In school? The military?” I wasn’t certain how old I was, but he seemed older. More competent.
“In the army. As is the custom of our people, our first lovers are chosen from our brothers or sisters in arms. We fight better next to those we love.” He ran his hand down the length of my braid. “This is new. I think I like it.” He tugged and I winced.
“It isn’t a handle.”
Immediately he let it loose.
“I’m sorry, Griffin. It’s just….” I trailed off, knowing he understood. He’d used it earlier when he thought I was just a whore. As had countless partners who had preceded him.
“Sometime I’d like to see it loose.” His hand rested on my braid again, but now he stroked gently. “It must be beautiful when it’s loose.”
We lay quietly for a time, and a comfortable drowsiness crept up on me once again. Maybe it was indeed a reaction to stress, but frankly, I believed it had to do with the absence of the chastity ring. It was hard to get a good night’s sleep with that thing strangling me all the time. Yet there was still so much I needed to know.
“How did you recognize me?”
My eyes had adjusted to the darkness; I could see his profile against the faint light of the window. His eye gleamed, and I noticed that he lay between me and the entrance to the room.
“That trick with your teeth.” He grinned, his teeth flashing white against his dark skin. “You always knew just how to send me over the edge.” He chuckled hoarsely. I couldn’t help grinning back.
“I’ve never done that to anyone else, you know. It just seemed to be the right thing to do.”
His smile faded a bit then, and I knew he was thinking about the years I’d served as a slave… a whore. I rose on my elbow to look at him. I could feel the weight of his guilt.
“Griffin. I survived it. I survived it with all the grace I could muster. Please allow me that.”
He swallowed hard. He choked back all the words that threatened to come forth. It was an admirable effort. Instead of speaking, he pulled me tightly to his body, and I reveled in that hold.
“How did we end?” I whispered.
“Not how… why.” The hand around my shoulder stroked my skin soothingly. Somewhere in my brain, I wanted sex. Perhaps my desire was some sort of soul-deep memory. His touch brought forth another need as well—the need to be held and comforted. I laid my head on his shoulder, feeling… safe.
“It happened fairly quickly. You expected an army career, but one of the Sun Priests had a vision. You were called to serve in the temple, and I was promoted to officer status. Your uncle deemed it wise to provide you with a suitable wife, and you were wed to Cloris. A few years later, Suzan and I married.”
That shot through me like an arrow. Married? He was married?
“Suzan was killed during the retreat. I wasn’t able to save her.” He looked bleak. Beaten.
“I’m sorry, Griffin.”
I got the feeling he was carrying a heavy burden of guilt. He must have been at my side when his family was killed. My stomach cramped. My heart experienced horror my mind couldn’t process.
“My children survived. They are living with my cousin and her husband.”
“Good. Good.” I hugged him tightly for a moment. “You must have sons.” I should have known this. I should know his children. But I didn’t.
“Daughters. Twins.” I could sense the smile in his voice. “One is fair like their mother, the other is dark like me.”
I lay a palm flat on his bare chest, feeling the beat of his heart. It sped up slightly at my touch. He knew what I was asking, even though I didn’t know the words.
“Your son’s name is Alexander. He favors you, with copper hair and gray eyes.”
My eyes were wide open in the darkness as I tried to visualize the child I had no memory of. “I guess I didn’t want to burden him with a silly name like mine.”
He laughed out loud, and I knew I was correct.
“Actually, his name is Helios Alexander Dayspring. Your family insisted on the first name. You insisted on the second.”
Past the bulk of his body, I watched the slowly graying sky. The outlines of the city towers were etched black against the horizon. I’d never thought of the city as having any sort of beauty, but there it was. Black velvet against silver gray, tiny stars twinkling with unsuppressed hope. Even the air smelled good. Why hadn’t I noticed these things before?
“Griffin.”
He turned his head slightly to look at me. I wondered if he’d slept at all. There was much to discuss, much to do if I was to get off this rock, but right now, this moment was out of time. It was ours, and no one could intrude.
“I know I have no right to ask, and I know you may not have the right to accept, but… I find that I need you.”
He let out a slight breath of air, as though he’d taken a blow.
“You have every right to ask.” He said, his voice husky with emotion.
“I’m not asking as your prince… or whatever. I don’t even remember you or what we had. But right now, I need touch. I need your touch, Griffin Hawke. If I had a room full of the most beautiful men and women from which to choose, you would be my choice.”
His hand settled lightly over my mouth then, and I knew that my tendency to babble on must be a habit of old. But then he drew his hand away, trailing heavy fingers over my lips. Much of my body was soft and pampered like a woman’s. My muscles were strong, but my skin was soft. The feel of his callused fingers drew shivers over my spine. For the first time in recent memory, my cock was free to express its happiness, and it did, rising up to meet his wandering hand.
He grasped me in his rough palm, then pumped and pulled, and his whiskered chin dragged along the skin of my chest. He licked my nipple, and then bit it hard enough to hurt. My back arched, pushing my cock tighter into his palm.
My breath shuddered from my chest on a moan when he fondled my balls, pulling them forward to meet my rigid, straining cock.
“How do you want me, Helios?”
My eyes popped open, and I looked down at his dark form. That was my question! My head dropped back on the pillow as o
ptions ran through my mind. What did I want from this big, hard man? What did I want for our first time together?
“Come lie on top of me, Griffin. Hold me.”
I brought my knee up, making room for him as he settled his weight on top of me. “Is this how we used to do it?”
He pressed a kiss on my lips. “Later.” His grin told me this position was new to us. He kissed me again, his tongue a rough intruder into my mouth. I sucked and bit and pulled, enjoying the harsh feel of his beard. My skin was baby smooth thanks to a permanent depilatory treatment. I had no beard, no hair anywhere on my body, and I never would again. It would be a permanent reminder of my time spent as a slave. One of many such reminders.
He left my mouth; his journey took him to my jaw. His tongue swirled into my ear, bringing my hips up to buck against his. Our cocks dueled; he raised his hips just enough to give them space to tangle and embrace. Our balls pressed together tightly and then released.
I wrapped my arms around him, lost in the comfort and bliss of simple intimacy.
We rolled, trading places, and he went so easily that I knew the movement was expected. I straddled his hips and looked down at the dark beauty beneath me. His ebony eye glittered with emotion, and those harsh, sensual lips parted slightly. The lines beside his nose grew deep as his face went dark with passion.
Continuing the visual tour, I gazed down to view the broad, muscular shoulders. His chest was layered with lean, sinewy muscle, and his arms were hard and delineated. He didn’t carry a spare ounce of fat on his body.
His belly was sculpted and flat; faint scars peppered his dark skin. They were remnants of battle, though some were the tokens of something much darker and uglier. My mind skittered away from that.
I scooted back to look at his lean hips; dusky hair trailed from his chest down his belly, leading the eye to the dark thatch that surrounded his cock.
I pressed my hips forward, catching our shafts in my fist. My light to his dark, my circumcision to his natural.
“That’s new.” His gaze was hot and fierce.
“My cock? I’m fairly certain it’s always been there.”
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