I move to my wardrobe and decide on a compromise, a floaty summer dress that is both modest, yet cute, and a little short and flirty, paired with sandals and a cardigan. I won’t look obviously overdressed, but feminine and young, like I used to. Hair loose in its longer bob, I am trying to show Arrick how much better I am alone. How much more settled in my old skin I am.
Half an hour later I am ready, as my duo of sidekicks walk back in. Christian whistles, looking handsome in chinos, white shirt and loafers. Jenny is in a long jersey dress with shorts sleeves and leggings and looking curvy for once - equally cute with her soft features and gentle smile. I love these two to death and they complete a part of me that would be struggling so much worse right now if I didn’t have them. They are the only reason I have been able to stay strong and not cave, keeping me occupied and being my strength when I waiver. Without them I would have called him a million times in the past weeks.
‘You look really pretty Sophie.’ Jenny beams at me, dragging her weekend case behind her and propping it against the two cases we already put by the door. All ready for the dreaded two days home with him.
‘Some Dutch courage for the road?’ Christian lifts a bottle of Prosecco from his shoulder bag, smiling as we both nod in unison. Loving his forward thinking and knowing just what I need.
Think I should just marry Christian!
* * *
I’m seated comfortably in Jake’s jet, Jenny beside me while Christian is sprawled in a seat across the aisle looking completely at home. Jake is talking to him across a table while we wait on Arrick and Nate. My nerves are on edge, sitting tapping my foot restlessly and trying so hard not to keep looking at the open door at the far end of the plane. It has only been minutes, but already I am restless and antsy, barely able to keep myself in check and having Jenny slap my hands every time I start chewing my nails. Jake looks my way a couple of times, with fatherly smiles and I can only smile emptily back. He was a little cagey when we arrived, I think he expected me to pull him up on Arrick’s appearance and my lack of mentioning it is confusing him. I feel sick with nerves and just want this to be over with.
Jake has to know everything; Arrick always confides in him and I told Emma everything, which pretty much translates to Jake also knowing my side of events. I have avoided any sort of alone time to chat with him, other than our lunch dates every two weeks, but he tends to ask me about school and my apartment, and just generally helps me with my bills and stuff I should be doing alone. He asked me once, about three weeks after Arrick asked me to leave, if I wanted to talk about it, if I wanted to know what Arrick was doing or saying about all of it. I told him I didn’t, and he has left it alone ever since. Right now, he is entertaining Christian and talking fast cars, boxing and more fast cars. Something they both have a love of it seems.
I can tell that Chris feels relaxed around him, his camp flamboyant side is clearly on display and I keep getting weird glances from Jake, as though he is trying to assess if I know. It’s one topic I never thought of broaching with him; he asked me once if Christian and I were close, and I told him I loved him to bits, never dawned on me that he would read anything into that. Until now. He is most definitely doing the ‘I wonder if she knows her boyfriend is gay?’ look at me. I smirk, realising despite talking about Chris and Jenny; I have never actually told him I wasn’t dating him, and I guess he figured I was. I guess that means Arry thinks I am too, as Jake would have probably have mentioned it, although the restaurant would have been enough to tell him so.
Not that I care.
My head almost snaps up when I hear the tell-tale noise of people boarding the plane. Holding my breath, blood draining from my face as I stare at my exposed knees, and wish I could sink down into oblivion. My heart lurches and my stomach knots, I start inhaling slowly to calm all outward reaction to him boarding. Jenny reaches out, taking my hand in hers and squeezes gently. Reassuringly sweet as always and giving me just what I need right now. I take another deep breath to calm my outward persona and try to stay unflustered.
‘Hey all.’ Nathan is first in, one of Arricks most regular companions at all Carrero family functions, he has been to many a Huntsberger party too. He grins at everyone, eyes lingering on Jenny a little longer than appropriate and that little Casanova twinkle tells me he thinks he found his new plaything for the weekend.
I think not! She is far too sweet for the animal in him, he would snap her.
‘Hey asshole.’ I scowl my warning and get nothing but that infuriating wink from him which say’s ‘game on’. I will literally beat him if he dares mess with my new female bestie; Jenny has a boyfriend, okay maybe she doesn’t seem happy with him, but still. The girl doesn’t need Arrick’s lothario bestie, making moves on her innocent self and messing with her head. Nathan would crush her in so many ways.
He decides he really wants to sit opposite us with that and moves to slide in directly in front of us, moving over towards her side so he leaves Arry a seat facing me. I feel myself freeze, the urge to kick Nate so hard right now is undeniable, the asshole will be more than aware of what happened with us and I could honestly choke him. I scowl at him, catching that infuriating smile, he slides into the seat in one fluid movement whilst throwing Jenny his ‘Hi, good looking’ smile, that signals he is in predator mode.
Nate is handsome, I have to hand it to him, he’s also tall, muscular and pretty solid. But I also know he’s a commitment-phobe with a constant hard on and his bed count is even higher than Jake’s back in his heyday as a man whore! Arrick, at least, used to bed the same bimbo for a couple weeks before moving on, Nate is more like a couple of hours. He never backtracks, and he never keeps them around to remember their names.
‘Hey.’ Says Jenny, blushing furiously as she tries not to react to the overly male hormones sweeping her way and gets a wink from him in return. Jake and Christian nod his way with guy smiles, oblivious to Nates schmoozing, and everyone is back to silently awaiting the last passenger. There’s definite uneasiness in the air and I am not sure if it’s just me or if everyone seems to be holding their breath while we await the man of the moment. I guess maybe it’s true, everyone in here knows the story between us and they probably all think it’s going to be awkward or seriously explosive. I am counting on neither. I aim to be mature, act like I don’t give a shit and ignore him to the best of my capabilities.
Arrick hesitates when he boards a minute later, eyes immediately meeting mine. Almost as soon as he ducks in the door; it’s like some weird force that just makes us both look at one another and then away as quickly. I feel like a completely weak idiot, incapable of not looking when I should have kept my head down. My chest almost explodes with the effort of keeping my heart in place and my hands start to trembly involuntarily. My face tingling with the creep of heat and breathing a little laboured.
He moves down the aisle towards us; I keep my eyes on the book in my lap that I brought for this exact reason, pick it up and start to thumb the pages in a bid to appear nonchalant about his arrival. I feel like the whole plane is suddenly buzzing with tension and sixth sense tells me, all eyes are on me.
Arrick stops between the two sets of seats, his body heat and heavenly scent too close to be comfortable; we’re on his left, Jake and Christian on his right. Leaning in to give Jake a man half hug shake thing, seeing it as an excuse, he slides in beside his brother across the aisle instead of opposite me.
Thank god.
He is diagonally across from me instead of directly facing. I let out a tiny sigh of relief, letting out the breath I wasn’t aware I had started holding, knowing it will be less traumatic if I don’t have to dodge those sexy hazel eyes or stop myself from starting at that perfect square jawline every time I look up, or occasionally brush one another under the table, seeing as he has long legs, and this is not an overly huge space. My heart flutters; a little, although my nerves are in chaos and I feel like I have run a marathon with how light headed I am. I just keep concentrating on ou
tward calm, nonchalant expression and if needs must. The odd impassive gaze if he speaks to me.
‘Hey everyone, I’m Arrick… Arry.’ He nods towards Jenny; I catch it from the corner of my eye, I feel her move as she leans out and I guess he has offered her a handshake, the gentleman he always is. I hear him greet Christian too but keep my eyes glued to the book in a bid to ignore him.
‘Hey Soph’s.’ His voice hits me in the gut, I know his eyes are on me this time, and the familiar way he says my name hurts me more than I expected. I glance up quickly, so as not to draw attention to us and give him a quick half smile. That soft look and eyes trained on mine make me completely lose all resolve to be cold and distant, fumbling with my book in my lap.
‘Hey.’ It comes out a little too breathily, completely shaken and I feel the heat creep up my face even further, looking away fast so as not to let him know how much I fucking suck at hating him.
I just want to keep hating him so badly, keep being so crazy mad at him.
Almost gasping at how hard it is on my heart when his eyes meet dead on like that. Today they are greener than brown, and he is looking at me like he wants to say something. Despite myself I glance up at him, catching his eyes locked on me once again before his eyes flicker to Chris across from him and he looks away. I scold myself, shake myself internally and tell myself I need to get a grip on this and stop being so pathetic when it comes to him. I pick up my book, open the pages and pretty much stuff my nose inside, in an effort to get engrossed, and read this trip away.
Breathe, count to ten…. Read and ignore. Repeat.
‘Seatbelt Soph’s.’ Arrick’s soft tone cuts straight through my guise and I look up to see everyone belting up, his eyes on me as he does the same, hurting with the force of a tidal wave and reminding me how many times he would just lean over and put mine on. Like a weird habit, or impulse, from years of doing them for me when I was younger. I always had trouble getting them to latch, so he always did it, and then never stopped. I guess he is feeling it too, being in the same space and not doing it for me for the first time since I ever met him. I guess this will be the first flight, road trip, or whatever, that we haven’t sat side by side while occupying the same space.
I pull on my lap belt, half smiling his way and try not to let the tingles creeping up from inside hit my face, and show him that he still gets to me on every level. I struggle with the stupid thing, try to get it to clip before Jenny leans over and does it instead, I avoid his eyes, knowing fine well he’s watching and just feel like a dumb kid all over again. This is his fault, if he had ever just left me to do this alone, then maybe I would have learned by now.
So much for being so mature and having my shit together. Who can’t latch god damn safety belts? Me, that’s fucking who!
As soon as I feel the plane starting up for take-off and manoeuvring on the runway, I go back to my book in a bid to zone them all out, and act like I really couldn’t give a rat’s ass if the entire focus of three months of sheer hell is sitting three feet away from me and looking like my dreams. I don’t want to be here anymore, I feel like I am suffocating because he’s here. I’ll never do this again, I would rather get a four-hour sweaty coach trip, than this hell.
Nathan has already pulled Jenny into conversation about some movie they both watched recently, and I can hear Jake and Christian talking across the aisle about something mundane. Chris has gone back into ‘man’ mode and seems to be trying to act like he isn’t probably salivating over the two hot Carrero brothers, and making like a straight boyfriend. I feel Arrick’s eyes on me every so often, even without looking I know it’s him. No one else has ever made my skin prickle from just a look the way he does, and I just want him to stop. I don’t even know why, maybe it’s the hair, the revert to clothes like I used to wear long ago. Either way, he needs to just leave me alone and look somewhere else. I flick the page and absorb myself in the words on the page before me, in a bid to get into the story and zone out the audience.
* * *
‘You never told me that baby girl?’ Christian’s voice floats my way as Jenny nudges me gently and nods across the aisle. I had really gotten into my book after all, and blanked them all out as I was pulled into a magical world of Vampires and Werewolves fighting over human girls. I look up nonplussed, catching Arrick glancing my way with that infuriating unreadable expression and yet a softness to his face that I haven’t seen in a long time. He almost looks a little bit happy and it just makes me feel shittier.
‘What?’ I look to Christian, who is now leaning with elbows on his table casually and pondering me with an open expression, everyone seems to be looking at me. Which only makes me feel more antsy and confused.
What did I miss?
‘That you were some sort of adrenalin junkie adventurer, who used to do things like base jump and snow board with Arry here. He says he even taught you some self-defence moves when he was training, you’re like a little stealth ninja. Now all I can picture is some sort of blonde wonder woman in very tight ski suits. Woof Woof.’ He winks suggestively, I tense, hoping to god he realises the Carrero brothers are not people you can make any sexual or lewd remarks in front of, when it comes to me. I know what he’s like, and if he says anything a little less safe, they will both tear his head off. I throw him a wary look in a bid to be careful with what he says.
‘We just used to hang out; if he did something, I wanted to try it too, that’s all.’ I answer flatly, eyes on Christian in my serious ‘leave it alone’ look. I look back at the novel I am reading, hoping to become oblivious once more. My hair being used as a veil to hide behind, especially as I feel pale and nervous suddenly and thoughts of Jake ripping Christian’s spine out, flits through my mind.
‘Soph’s was always fearless, she saw everything I did as a challenge and always kept up with me.’ Arrick sits back in his seat, adjusting his jeans as he does so, inadvertently drawing my eyes to his crotch. I blush wildly and look away, turning a page quickly, gulping down the stupid reaction I am still having to him. Chastising myself that I even did that, looked there, and noticed he packs something worthy of noticing. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to notice.
Stupid girl!
‘Pretty amazing for a girl as dainty as her to not only try, but handle everything I threw at her.’ He finishes, sounding somewhat proud; I glance up catching the half smile at me, eyes more hazel again and looking at me as he seems lost in memory. A little moment of reminiscence between us that just yanks harder at the pain in my chest, and I cannot stay looking his way. I don’t even know what to say to that, it’s like he’s trying to make things okay between us, probably trying to make the atmosphere less tense. He has no clue how far down the road to no longer liking him I really am, and nothing can ever come of trying to be friends again. He ruined it, all of it and I have no desire to forgive him.
‘My little hellcat; could I love you anymore?’ Christian sighs my way with big adoring eyes that only makes me smile back at him, lifting my mood slightly. He has a way of making me feel lighter, even without meaning to and right now I need it.
I catch Arrick out of the corner of my eye, shifting in his seat, slightly frowning with that infamous Carrero glare, that almost mirrors Jakes normal frown, in Christian’s direction then looks away out of the window, and seems to be trying to bring back his usual unreadable expression. It is obvious he doesn’t like Christian’s affection for me, and as he is still playing it ‘straight’ and implying I am his girl, it gives me a little tug of power inside. A sense of justice, that he knows a tiny ounce of what it feels like to be on the jealous side, watching someone you have feelings for choose someone else, and be happy with them.
Christian is maybe onto something with this game of illusion. Fuck you Arry!
‘Sophie is easy to love, when she’s not being a class ‘A’ brat.’ Jake cuts in, sat back in his own seat casually and looking very much like a guy that is comfy in his own skin, he’s been unusually quiet for the last part o
f the conversation and seems to be observing. I wonder what that quick brain is summarising right now, he is most definitely in paternal mode and not cheeky brother. Normally he and Arrick are like twins in a laid back, casual way; but sat beside one another, it only highlights how unrelaxed and stiff Arrick is on this flight. He looks tense, sitting straighter than he normally does and a lot more reserved in his brother’s company than normal.
‘Thanks ‘Uncle’ Jake.’ I smirk, knowing how much he hates when I call him that, almost as much as he hates me calling him dad. I get perverse pleasure in always winding him up, as much as he does to me.
‘I am way too sexy, and young, to be your uncle, Sophie’belle. I can still throw you off my plane you know? Even while being in mid-air.’ Jake winks my way and I roll my eyes with a sigh, hearing Jenny giggle beside me. Nate is also unusually quiet, now the lull in conversation has happened on the long flight; he is watching my girl unusually intensely though and probably planning his plan of seduction, if I know him.
Since meeting the Carrero men Jenny has been giggling and blushing a lot, although a heck of a lot more since Nate sat down; she isn’t immune to them the way I am it seems, and has just fallen victim, like every other female in New York, to that old Carrero charm, and good genes. Sadly, also to that wolf like skill Nate has of entrapping innocent souls. I try not to glare at him.
‘Pretty sure that constitutes as child abuse.’ Arrick cuts in and looks pointedly at me with an icier tone to his voice, clearly still sulking over Christian’s adoration of me. He is trying to be his normal jokey self, but I can see through it, although subtle, I can see his jaw is tense ay his eyes have grown greener, and lack any warmth. The tone alone is devoid of his usual humour and despite the urge to bite and tell him to go fuck himself, I sigh sweetly. He has taken on the very cool and distant Arrick look, lost in his own thoughts and effortlessly locked away emotionally.
The Carrero Heart - The Journey: Arrick and Sophie (The Carrero Series Book 5) Page 3