by Nhys Glover
His own heart hurt. It was the strangest sensation. His heart actually hurt him, there in the centre of his chest. And with the pain came the final, certain acknowledgement that what he felt for her was not just desire. And it was more than need…
He loved her. This glorious woman who had brought light and laughter back into his dark world, was his greatest love. She deserved so much more than he could ever offer her. She deserved to be the bell of a hundred balls, dressed in silks and satins, waited on hand and foot, idolised by handsome, respectable men of standing, who would treat her as she deserved. Who would treat her as a princess.
Not as a warden in a dank prison for monsters.
‘What is it?’ she asked, sensing his changed mood.
‘Nothing,’ he lied. ‘I am just tired. And I have to get my bath. The water will be ready by now.’
With more determination than he felt, he drew her off his lap, so he could rise. Then he patted her on the arm, and headed dejectedly for the door.
‘Sleep for a few hours, dear one. Jamey and I can take care of things for the first part of the night. You do not have to run yourself ragged this way.’
Byron didn’t bother to agree or disagree. It was easier that way. If he denied his need for sleep, she would argue with him. If he told her he needed to be there, she would feel insulted that he considered her incapable. If he tried to keep her from the danger, she would fight him. He knew her well enough by now to anticipate her. So it was easier just to deflect, and do what he would do. She was stubborn, but he was more so.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Phil went back to bed for another hour or two, knowing she would need her sleep for the night ahead. Even if Byron did get up to be with them, as she expected him to, she would not give up her post so readily. Last night had taught her something about herself. It had taught her that she was braver and more capable than she would ever have imagined. And now that she knew it, she was never going to cower behind a locked door again, leaving others to do the hard work.
It was still an hour before sunset when she tidied herself up, and made her way down to the morning room for supper. The rest of the residents were already present, and she took her seat between Jamey and Jasper, feeling really welcome, and one of them for the first time.
‘Do you think Bobby will be all right up there in that croft alone?’ she asked Jasper, as she nibbled at the cold meat, pickles and bread she had served herself.
‘If Byron said the place was solid, then he will be fine. By morning, with the place in even more chaos than it was last night, he will be starting to see the sense in being here. It is an awful feeling to wake up, alone, to the kind of destruction a werewolf can wreak. It is much less distressing to wake up next to comrades, in an empty cell that looks just as you left it, knowing you have done no harm.’
‘You think he will come back willingly?’ She pushed for reassurance. Bobby was her responsibility. It was her words that had led him to believe it would be easier than it was.
‘He has no choice in the matter. If he does not accept his lot, then it will be forced on him, for the good of others. The problem is that he is still very young and selfish. And he has never hurt anyone. Part of him thinks that if he denies it for long enough, the situation will change. But there is nowhere he can run that the wolf will not find him. Next time, he will not be so lucky. Next time, he will kill. Then his soul will be destroyed. We have to stop that happening, in whatever way we can.’
His tone was so hard that, for a moment, Phil hardly believed it was the gentle Jasper who was speaking. It was more what she would have expected to hear from Will. But everything he said made sense. Bobby was being selfish. He was thinking only of his own pain and fear. That he was now a danger to others was not even a consideration.
Last night he could have killed Byron. And if he had, she would never have forgiven him. Not because of his beast, which he had no control over, but because of his selfish disregard for others. Jasper was right. He was still very young and very self-centred. He would have to be forced into compliance, if he wouldn’t agree to it willingly.
At that moment, the door to the morning room opened, and Byron entered the room. She studied him closely. Although he was now clean and freshly dressed, his face was still drawn and haggard. If he had slept at all, it had not been enough. Anger rose within her. Why couldn’t he just let them handle things for him for a while? Why did he have to believe himself indispensable?
No matter how annoyed with him she was, she still couldn’t ignore him. Wordlessly, she and Jasper moved up the seats so that he could sit between them.
His plate of food, this time, was somewhat less overflowing. And though she wanted to lift his mood by making a flippant comment about it, her heart wasn’t in it.
All eyes were on Byron, as he sat down. They were all waiting to take their lead from him. If he was all right, they would be all right. If he was hollowed out and despondent, they would be, too. And so would she. He was their rock, and without him they would not hold. Without his strength, their burdens would be unmanageable. Each one of them, including Will, depended on their guardian’s calm, competent resolve, she realised.
Phil suddenly understood that his belief in his own indispensability was well founded. Though she wished it was not true, this man was one of a kind. Any thoughts she still harboured around him leaving this place with her, were now dismissed. She couldn’t take him away from these people, even if he agreed to go.
‘The boy will be fine,’ he said at last. ‘He is not the first to rebel. Nor will he be the last. Sooner or later he will come to heel. Until then, we will protect him from himself, and protect others from him. As you all do for each other.’
There were grunts of acknowledgement on all sides, and much nodding. The mood was lifting. He had given them what they needed. They were strong once more.
‘I think we should have a party. Your comment about me doing a jig made me think. What if we all did a jig? Or a dance, at the very least. We could invite family and friends. This place is big enough. And if we held it mid-way through the month, it would be perfectly safe. What do you think?’ she asked, looking around the faces at the table, trying to gauge their impressions.
Micky was the first to reply. His big grin was back. ‘They have a good group of musicians in Harrogate, so I’ve been told. We could bring them in.’
‘We could finish up before dark, so that most people could travel back to accommodation in Harrogate. It is only an hour or so away. That would reduce the pressure on the Keep.’ This was Rupert, weighing up options, as was he pattern.
‘I haven’t cooked for a party for years. We’d need to bring in more staff from the village. If they’d come,’ Cook said thoughtfully.
‘Aye, it might be a good way to convince them that this place isno filled with monsters…’ Will said, with some satisfaction.
‘Not all the time, at least,’ corrected Mary, speaking up more confidently than was usual for her. Phil felt her heart lift. They were taking to the idea.
‘We could all use a little amusement,’ Byron said, smirking at her. She grinned back, knowing he was referring to his earlier statement about her being amusing.
‘Let us do it! This place is so dismal. And once the summer is over, and the nights are longer, it will only get more so. I say, let us have a party!’ Charlotte clapped her hands like an excited child.
‘Party it is then,’ Phil said with delight. ‘How long? Shall we aim for six weeks? That should give us time to get family and friends notified, and make bookings for them in town.’
‘It can be your going away party…’ Will said.
Phil jerked around to glare at him. Why did he have to needle her about everything? When Byron came home, she had started to believe they had mended their bridges. But it was clear he was still determined to remind everyone that she was not one of them, and that they couldn’t assume her presence here was permanent. How dare he treat her like she was a rat de
serting a sinking ship! He would be the first one out the door, if he had the chance.
‘Yes, it might very well be my farewell party. Who knows?’ Her voice was harsher than she wanted, and she was uncomfortably aware of how it affected the people around her. They all drew back a little, as if she’d rejected them.
Acknowledging Will’s warning was like throwing a cold bucket of water over their excitement. She regretted her temper immediately, and wished she could have called it back. But how could she, when her words were the truth? She had learned her lesson with Bobby. Letting people believe something that wasn’t true, just to make it easier, didn’t serve anyone in the long run. And the truth was, though she loved Byron with all her heart, and had come to care for these poor, damaged souls, she didn’t know if she could give up her life to remain with them.
‘Whatever it is called, it will be a party to remember. I think it is a wonderful idea!’ Jasper surprised them all with his determined joviality. He was coming to her rescue, yet again. And she appreciated it more than words could say. If ever there had been a living embodiment of the English ‘gentleman’, Jasper was it.
And with that, it was decided, and they all set about preparing for their last night in their cells.
As Phil helped Ellen off with her nightgown the woman was more animated than she had ever seen her.
‘Will told me we are having a party with dancing. How exciting! I have not been to something like that in twenty years. I will not be able to dance, of course. But I will enjoy watching you young ones. And I will enjoy the music. He said we might get a band in from Harrogate.’
‘Yes. It would be a lot of hard work. But I think it will be something everyone will enjoy. Summer will be almost over by then. It will make it easier to handle the coming dark months. Give everyone something to remember.’
‘You are so right. I do not know why we have not done something like this before. Possibly because there was never someone like you here to stir us all up. You are a wonderful addition to this place. I wish your father had brought you here earlier. Then he would have been able to see how well you fitted in. But, like the rest of us, he was afraid.’
‘Afraid?’
‘Yes. Afraid you would reject what he was. It is very hard for many here to face the possibility that their loved ones will reject them. Look at poor Job. His whole family, including the wife he adored, turned their backs on him.’
‘Except for Jamey.’
‘Yes. Except for Jamey. But that kind of rejection wears on the soul… Oh, you better get moving, young lady. It feels like it is almost time. See you in the morning. Do not stay up cavorting with your young man all night.’ Ellen gave her one of her toothless grins that Phil found so oddly charming.
She giggled. They both knew there would be no cavorting tonight. But the idea was a pleasant one. Phil wanted to spend more intimate time with Byron, exploring the intense sensations he stimulated in her. She had no idea where such explorations would take her, and even if it was morally acceptable for her to give in to them. But she knew that, when the time finally came for them, there would be nothing that would stand in her way. Her innocence, her virginity, her morals… none of them mattered, when she thought of Bryon. She trusted him with her heart and body. He would never do anything to betray her. It was she who would be the one to cause heartbreak. It was she who might walk away, when the time was right.
That idea filled her heart with ice.
‘Is everything all right at your end?’ Byron asked, as he met her at the furnace.
She could see Jamey’s boots disappearing into the darkness of the stairs above. Everything was silent around them. The wolves were still dozing after the change, and the air was not yet heavy with their musky odour.
In this moment, she and Byron could have been alone in this subterranean place, just as they had been a month ago. She remembered the fear she had felt at that time, and how this man had materialised out of the darkness, like a demonic angel, to challenge her. But even back then, her body had known it could trust him. She had gone into his arms eagerly, even then.
Now she knew there was nothing demonic about him. He was all goodness and light. She had never known anyone as self-sacrificing as this man. No one was as dedicated to the needs of others, while denying his own, as he was. If she loved him for no other reason, she would love him for that. But there was so much more.
Something of what she was feeling must have shown in her eyes because he drew in a sharp breath, and reached for her. With practised ease, she moved into his arms, and rested there for several long moments. It felt so good to be where she belonged.
‘It is better that you go. This is no life for you. You deserve more than all this…’ He indicated their surroundings.
‘I don’t deserve you. You are an amazing man, Byron Carstairs. You have to know that. Any woman would be lucky to have you, no matter what surroundings came with you.’
‘Don’t. I would never inflict this life on anyone. Your father was right when he trusted that you had the courage to handle all this, but he was wrong to expect you to. And Will is wrong to resent you as he does. If it was the woman he loved, he would be the first to encourage her to seek a life apart from him here.’
‘Is that what happened? Did he have a wife or sweetheart that he turned away, when he came here?’
‘No. As far as I know there has never been anyone serious in his life. He had a tough childhood. He had trouble forming bonds, way before he was turned. Since then, it has been impossible. I know he seems hard and angry to you. But he is a caring man, underneath. He deserves better than this life he has now. So many of them do.
‘I think that is the part I find hardest to stomach in all this. If there was any justice in the world, it would not be people like Jasper or Mary or even Will who were infected. It would be people who deserved this punishment. These people have never done anything but act bravely in the face of a monster. And in return, they became monsters themselves.’
‘Jasper tried to stop a werewolf too?’
‘Yes. He was coming home from an all-night card party at his club in London when he saw a street urchin cornered by a beast. He attacked it with his walking stick, and the beast turned on him, grazing his face with his claws, before bounding away. He saved the child. That was one thing. But he didn’t report the incident, and so when he turned the first time, he was unprepared.
‘He attacked his housekeeper when she came up to see what the noise was all about. The woman died from her horrific injuries. And his wolf utterly destroyed the house, before morning. When he came back to himself, he was confronted with what he had done. At first, he did not believe it was he who had caused the calamity. But then the brief glimpses started to come through. When he realised he was responsible, he was inconsolable.
‘The Task Force identified the situation as soon as it arrived on the scene. They brought Jasper straight up here as soon as the full moon was passed. His parents know. And they accept him. But he will not see them, because he does not accept himself.’
Phil snuggled into his arms for comfort, as the first howl echoed through the tunnels. She couldn’t stop the shiver that ran up her spine. The sound was so eerie and mournful. All the anguish those poor souls experienced was expressed in those howls.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
They had remained together all night long. Jamey had tried to stay up with them, but two sleepless nights had taken their toll on the lad, and he was sent off to bed just after midnight.
Then they had settled in together on the floor beside the cellar door, wrapped in each other’s arms, only separating long enough to stoke the furnace, and check on the wolves. It was a remarkably quiet night, Byron thought, as he nuzzled in to his love’s neck. If it had been a bed beneath them, they might well have slept the night through.
But it wasn’t safe to sleep that soundly. So the floor was the best option. And truth be told, if he had this beautiful woman in a soft bed, he wasn’t sur
e sleep would have been the only thing on his mind. It was getting harder and harder to resist her. He knew heartbreak awaited him down that path. But he was helpless to resist it. Only his honour kept him from claiming her fully.
As first light lit the hallway from the open door to the morning room, Byron edged the sleeping woman from his arms. She was instantly awake. Groggily she looked about her, as if trying to work out where she was.
‘Another night over. Do you want to put that porridge out?’
‘I will give it another half an hour. Until they all start coming up. Then I will move it into the morning room. I now know they will not be ready to eat for a while yet.’
‘You learn quickly, my dearest. You would have made a wonderful soldier. It is a pity you were not born a man.’
She eyed him mischievously, her dimples appearing in her cheeks. ‘You want me to be a man?’
‘Not me. But you might have preferred the freedom it offers. The opportunities to succeed in the world.’
‘I rather like being a woman, when I am with you. I would not be in any hurry to change my gender, while ever there was the possibility of a kiss from you.’
He grinned, willing to let her tease him into a better mood. Knowing that she was hinting, he obliged her with a kiss. For several long minutes they were lost in their embrace.
Then he reluctantly stood up, and offered her his hand. She reluctantly allowed herself to be drawn to her feet.
‘Next month we are going to find a more comfortable way of doing this. I ache all over,’ she complained.
‘You can go to bed. You do not have to stay up with me.’
‘So you can be the only martyr to the cause? I think not. Ouch!’ She gripped her back as her face registered a stab of pain. He turned her around so he could feel down her back. The whalebone corset gave nothing away.