Part of me wanted to stay until he was up. Cowardly, I didn’t want to face him and what he would say.
After checking to see if he was breathing one last time, I left. I took my time closing the door, not wanting to disturb him. Then I tiptoed like a dumbass to the landing. When I heard a door open behind me, I double-timed it down the stairs. Before I could reach the door, someone called out.
“Hey, you’re Ashton’s girl, right?”
Okay, part of me preened at the notions until parts of last night came back. I turned around to find Jason, the cute dark-skinned boy I’d spoken to at Sawyer’s birthday party. I hadn’t seen him last night.
He saddled up to me, leaning his forearm on the wall as his eyes dipped down and back up again. The huge grin on his face said he liked what he saw. Some girls might be pissed at being ogled. For me, it was validation I didn’t often get.
“He claimed you as his, but if you’re not—”
Ashton claimed me? What did that even mean? I was more confused than ever. When I still didn’t answer, he prodded me some more.
“It’s your choice. I could take you out instead.”
He was cute, but I needed time to figure this all out. “I’m his.”
His lips pursed, but didn’t turn into a frown. “Figures. Wait here for a second.”
He held up a finger until I nodded. Then he disappeared through a doorway. Should I leave or stay? Before I could decide, he was back holding a black envelope.
“You should have this.”
He set it in my hand. This one didn’t bear my name. Instead, a gold crest was embossed on it. I stared at it, unsure what to do.
“It won’t bite,” he joked. “You should come. Otherwise someone else will take your place. And—” He put a finger to his lips. “You can’t tell anyone. I could get kicked out if you do. It’s just, I like you and him. I would hate for him to be forced to do something he doesn’t want to.”
He held my gaze as if trying to tell me more. But lack of sleep and a weird night, I couldn’t read between his lines.
“Later,” he said and jogged up the stairs, leaving me.
I closed my hands over the envelope, but didn’t open it. I needed to leave before anyone else saw me doing the walk of shame, most of all Ashton.
23
Ashton
* * *
I slapped at the phone, wanting it to stop. Finally, I gave in and blindly accepted the call before I managed to pry my eyes open.
“What the fuck, Ash? Did you miss practice to avoid me?”
Groaning, I moved the phone from my ear so I could get a good look at the time. It was well past two in the afternoon.
“Ash,” Sawyer said again.
“It’s not always about you,” I said.
Though I wasn’t sure he understood me because it sounded a fuck of a lot like I had gravel in my throat.
“You know what? Whatever.”
Before he could hang up, I said, “Wait.” Then I rubbed at my temple. Last night was a mystery. I remembered stopping to see Willow, then a fight with Sawyer. Everything else was a blank space.
“What else have I done wrong?”
Some of what Chance had been saying to me about Sawyer not being himself rang true from the lack of confidence in his words.
A flash of his face with his signature smirk flashed in my head. I wasn’t sure if it was a memory of last night or what.
“When did you leave last night?”
I could imagine his expression screwing up in the silence that proceeded my question.
“Right after we talked.”
Another flash of Willow’s face as she smiled at Willhouse, taking a key from him.
“You didn’t come back?” I asked.
“No.” I pinched my temple. “Why don’t you remember?”
I couldn’t tell him. I had to deal with this on my own.
“It’s nothing.”
I ended the call and slowly rolled to a sitting position. Oddly, I didn’t feel hungover, yet half my night was missing.
The messed up thing about it was I was pretty sure I’d been drugged. Rage bunched my muscles as I stood spoiling for a fight. I wasn’t angry because of what happened to me. I was pissed the fuck off because I hadn’t been the target. Willow had been? I needed to find her and make sure she was okay. I had no idea if Willhouse succeeded in getting some GHB in her system because I recognized that salty taste too late.
The air conditioning kicked on and a cool breeze alerted me that I was naked. I didn’t sleep naked ever for a very good reason. I pressed the heel of my palms over each eye, willing the night before to come back.
Nothing.
I got up and noticed a little blood on my sheet, but one look in the bathroom mirror and I spotted dried blood on my forehead. What the hell happened last night?
Ignoring the sheets for now, I made showering and dressing my first priority before I beat a path to Willhouse’s door. I banged my fist on it and got no answer. I double-timed it downstairs and found him and a couple other guys huddled near the useless fireplace.
I barreled forward, my thudding footsteps alerting them I was on my way.
The smug bastard turned and a grin the size of Texas split on his face.
“Nice night?”
The guys who stood behind him snickered.
I answered him with my fist. He saw it coming and had tried to dodge, but I’d course corrected and my knuckle connected with his jaw. It was the second time I put him on his ass.
Our frat brothers moved to hold me back.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” They held their hands up like the prey they were and stepped back. “If you hurt her, I swear I’ll kill you.”
Willhouse held his jaw as he sneered at me.
“I didn’t touch her, but I imagine you did.”
I didn’t like the smug look on his face. If I stayed any longer, I might have killed him. Besides, he wasn’t going to tell me the truth about anything. I was glad I grabbed my keys. I stalked out of the room, knowing I needed to find Willow.
I hadn’t been sure why I’d sent a message from her phone when it had been given to me. But it meant I was able to call her. When she didn’t answer, I left her a message.
“I need to talk to you. I’ll be at the spot for a while.”
I’d missed class and didn’t care. The last thing I wanted to do was to see people. My hatred of mankind was only amplified by the assholes I lived with.
There were only a few I considered worthy of the air they breathed. Chance, Kelley, and even Sawyer and his brother Finn were among them.
After parking my car and making my way around the pond to the place where the tall grass could shield me from the world, I also realized my tribe had grown to include Lenora, Brie, and even Shelly, the girls who had slayed my friends. But there was one more life that had begun to matter to me as well, Willow. I wasn’t even sure how or when that happened.
As I sat, I knew it to be true. I feared she wouldn’t show because of last night. Had any of my so-called brothers done something to her?
Her face full of innocence danced in my head. The image of her lying down with her hair fanned out all around her.
“Hey,” a serene voice above me said.
I glanced up, noting it wasn’t as bright as when I arrived. Clouds had come in and I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting there. But still the sun haloed her form.
“Hey.”
She tucked her hand under her short dress as she sat ladylike. There was no way else do describe her. She had grace in a way my mother could never hope to achieve.
“You wanted to talk to me.”
I didn’t want to think of Mother or compare her to Willow, so I kept my eyes trained ahead.
“I, uh—wanted to check on you.”
“Why?”
I felt her eyes on me, yet I couldn’t look at her. What if I’d been the monster of her nightmares, not any of my frat brothers?
&n
bsp; “Last night. That party. I want to make sure nothing happened…” I hesitated because what if she’d chosen to do something with someone? Was it my business? I fisted a hand in the dirt and forced myself to be cool. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. That nothing happened against your wishes.”
She sighed, and because I didn’t dare meet her eyes, I couldn’t interpret it.
“I take it you don’t remember anything.”
I shook my head.
“Are you into drugs?”
My head snapped in her direction, confused by the change in topics. “No.”
She bobbed her head. “Why do you think you don’t remember last night? Too much to drink?”
Though I needed to know her answer to my question, I felt like she needed the truth from me.
“No, some assholes thought it would be funny to spike my drink.”
Her face was blank. “How do you know that?”
I swallowed and glanced away. Though I felt compelled to be honest with her, some truths were only for me. How I knew about GHB, otherwise known as the date rape drug, was something even Sawyer didn’t know.
“I’ve had it before,” I admitted.
When next she spoke, there was steel in her voice.
“Your friends get off on drugging people.”
“No, but one in particular has a grudge against me.”
I faced her glare. “And you’re not angry?”
“I took care of it. With any luck, the asshole’s jaw is broken and they will have to wire it shut. Then I won’t have to hear him speak for weeks.”
Was that a grin on her face? I was hard-pressed not to mirror her smile.
“But I need to know. Did anything happen last night?” I asked again.
Though her face didn’t lose any softness, her expression turned sad.
Fear lanced through my heart and I pressed on. “Did I or anyone else do anything to you last night?”
She held my gaze as her hand lifted. Automatically, I flinched and watched her hand fall.
“No, nothing happened last night. I left shortly after you took the drink from my hand.”
The way her eyes bore into mine, I knew she’d connected the dots about which drink was spiked. But I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.
“Good.” I nodded more to myself and repeated, “Good.”
Then I followed a bird swoop down and land gracefully in the pond.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her shift, so she too was facing forward. She folded her hands on her lap, though she wasn’t holding still. That’s when I wondered if she was being honest with me. I closed my eyes, dreading what I was about to say.
“I know I asked before, but I have to again. If anything happened, even if it was me, would you tell me?”
24
Past
* * *
“Ashton,” Mother called sweetly. “Come into the kitchen, please.”
She’d never been nice to me a day in my life and had treated me even worse since everything went down.
I’d been on my way out the door. “I’m going to Sawyer’s.”
“About that,” she said. “I need you here tonight.”
I narrowed my eyes as she waved me over to sit across from her.
“Come, let’s be adults.”
She indicated the amber liquid in the glass tumbler that sat in front of me. She brought hers to her lips.
“Drink. I know you do over there.”
She was talking about Sawyer’s house.
“What do you want?” I asked, not feeling charitable.
“Ashton, things don’t have to be like this between us. We can help each other. Drink.”
I didn’t trust her.
“Oh, come on. It’s a little brandy, to cool my nerves. I’ve never asked you for a favor before, and maybe this will ease the way between us.”
That was true and the dare in her eyes made me stupid. I would wonder later why I was still so desperate for her to love me. I drank some. It tasted a little salty. I hadn’t had brandy before, as Ashton’s parents were big fans of vodka and tequila.
“Don’t be shy,” she urged.
I drank more and she did the same.
“Now, I really need you here tonight. I have guests coming. I really want my son to be here. They are looking forward to meeting you.”
I only remembered snatches of time after that.
First was being led into one of the guest rooms. There were two, maybe three people waiting there from what I saw through the haze that blurred my vision. One was female as she squealed in delight.
“Oh, he’s delicious,” she remarked.
I couldn’t see their faces because they wore masks.
I had a sensation of falling. Then I woke up with the woman bent over the bed with my dick in her mouth, a man wearing a dog mask grunting behind her.
The next thing I remembered was being on all fours as a familiar punishing pressure moved in and out of that horrid place inside me. A woman giggled, but I couldn’t turn to face her let alone breathe as my head was jerked up and down on whatever stole my breath.
Tears leaked from my eyes as I prayed for darkness.
I woke later with little memory of the events. Mother ordered me from the door to clean up like I’d created the mess in the room. There was a smirk on her face and shame in my heart. I hurt everywhere. By the time I made it to my room, I ignored the messages on the cell Sawyer had gotten me. I would take whatever happened that night to my grave. I would never tell a soul how stupid I’d been, especially after all he’d done to save me. Instead, I curled into a ball and thought about death as a real option for the first time in my life.
25
Willow
* * *
It would have been selfish to tell him the truth given his haunted expression.
“No. Nothing happened,” I said.
But I wasn’t selfless either. A part of my ego was bruised that he looked relieved by my answer.
“Would it have been such a bad thing if something did happen?” His imploring eyes dug more words to blurt out of my mouth. “You know, between you and me?”
His brows pinched. “I’m not the guy for you, Willow. You deserve better.”
If he’d stabbed me, it would have hurt less. How many times had I heard a version of this? Frustrated beyond reason, I said, “What is so wrong with me?”
I started to get to my feet, not bothering to hold my dress down so I wouldn’t flash him in the process. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen the goods, even if he didn’t remember.
“Wait.”
There was so much pleading in his voice, I sat back down and faced him, but kept my mouth firmly shut.
“You’re beautiful and any guy who doesn’t see that is an idiot.”
Even more exasperated, I let loose a snarky reply. “You sound like my mother. Did she call you?”
The last part was desperate levity to hide my vulnerability for admitting my lack of self-esteem.
His chuckle didn’t match his expression. “She didn’t, but she sounds like one of the good ones.”
The fact that he hadn’t thrown Mom in with some kind of quip led me to believe that maybe his mother was part of the reason such a beautiful man looked like the weight of the world rested on his chest.
“She is.” Silence fell heavy between us. Despite that, there was something about him, and that implored me to open up more. “I don’t know why this even bothers me. I’m used to it.”
His brow quirked, and it was as if he wanted me to unload on him.
“Have you ever felt invisible?” He surprised me by nodding, but not adding to the conversation. “I’ve felt that way ever since my so-called sister came into my life.” He didn’t have to speak to question me further. An arched brow did that. “Our parents married when we were about twelve. Ever since, people look right through me to her.”
“Celeste?”
Color me shocked, he knew her na
me? Then again, invisible. I nodded.
“She’s pretty, but she has nothing on you,” he said.
Talk about a bad case of blushing. I was as ripe as a tomato, but that didn’t stop my reply.
“Tell that to all the guys that dumped me for a chance to go out with her.”
Did I really just tell him that?
“Dumbasses, all of them,” he said with a faint smile.
“Yeah, well…”
It was almost like I could see him reaching out but holding back even though he hadn’t moved.
“Trust me, I know how you feel. But for different reasons. I don’t mind being invisible. At the same time, I had to walk away to find myself.”
“Do you have a brother?” I asked, wanting to know more about him.
His eyes shifted away to stare out into the distance.
“No. But he’s like a brother.”
He could only mean one person.
“Sawyer?” It came out so softly, but where we were, our voices only had to compete with the sounds of insects and small animals that inhabited the area.
His head whipped back in my direction. I shrugged.
“Does he know?”
I knew I’d gone too far when any compassion he’d held for me disappeared into a frosty glare.
“We’re just friends.” His words were like stones dropping into a river.
His vehemence was only further proof of his feelings.
“You know what, I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”
“You’re right about that,” he snapped.
He ran a hand through his hair.
I couldn’t even get mad for the way the conversation turned ugly.
“Yeah, I should go. I have a meeting with my professor.”
I was fairly sure she’d seen the footage of my failed attempt at rescue.
His eyes widened. “You’ve been caught.”
I shrugged. “Don’t worry, I won’t give you up.”
“You think I care about that? You can tell them about me.”
I shook my head and scrambled to my feet. “This was my grand plan. I’m not getting you in trouble.”
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