by PJ Sharon
I had barely finished my thought when he pulled me against him, “You think so?” he asked, his voice low and his eyes lit with fire. And then, unexpectedly, he kissed me. I didn’t fight him. In fact I think I grabbed his hair in both hands. Questions could wait. His hands tightened on my waist and we stayed pressed together for a blissfully long time, his lips locked hard against mine, our tongues colliding in a breath-stealing frenzy. I tilted my head to match his rhythm but I felt dizzy and confused by this aggressive stranger. Before I could think, he pulled away, his face close to mine so his words came out husky and warm. “Still feel safer here?”
My fingers and toes tingled and my breath came in waves. I managed to steady myself. “I always feel safe with you, Coop.” My voice was a whisper, a sensual sound I didn’t know I could make. Afraid the moment would disappear too soon, I draped my arms around his neck and smiled. “I haven’t thanked you for saving me.”
Exasperated, he relaxed and held me close again, the gentle guy I knew reappearing. “You are impossible.” Then he laughed, a quiet chuckle in the dark, “Consider me thanked.” He kissed my forehead, a gesture that would never lose meaning to me. There was tenderness behind it I craved more than even I wanted to admit. Somehow it felt like a promise. I hoped I wasn’t wrong.
“I still have questions,” I said, caught in this tempting embrace neither of us could seem to pull away from.
His voice came out deeper and softer than usual. “You are relentless. Not to mention too trusting for your own good. If I was any other guy, you could be in real trouble.”
“If you were any other guy, I’d have knocked your butt on the ground and out-run you by now.”
He laughed and then grew serious. “I can’t spend a night alone with you. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.” He pushed my hair out of my face and stroked my cheek, sending warmth all the way to my toes.
“Haven’t you figured out that life isn’t fair?” I said quietly, the darkness filling in around us. “If anyone knows that, it’s you and me.”
He groaned in frustration, his fingers tightening around my arms. “What do you want from me, Jordie?”
I used the calmest, most self-assured tone I could muster under the circumstances—what with our bodies vibrating with tension against each other. “For now, I want you to start a fire and keep me warm. Then, talk to me and tell me what’s going on with you. In the morning we’ll walk up the hill and work it all out, okay?” I waited for his response. The truth was I didn’t know if I could be next to him all night without my hormones cutting loose, but all I could think about was lying in his arms and feeling his warmth around me. Getting some answers would be an added bonus. I fluttered my lashes in the dark, wondering if he could see more than the outline of my face. “I need you to do this for me, Coop.”
He let out a long sigh and released his hold on me. “Brig is going to kill me.” He scratched his head in defeat. “I’ll go get some wood.”
Chapter 21
Alex was remarkably resourceful. He brought back wood and plenty of tinder to start the fire. He’d been much more prepared than I, and had a small day pack with supplies, including a lighter, a folded up rain poncho, and some power bars. Oh, and then there was a flashlight with dead batteries, and a cell phone with no reception—signs we were meant to stay right there together, in my opinion. He threw me a gray, USMC sweatshirt, I slipped on my shorts, and before long we were sitting on the poncho next to a roaring blaze, sharing a vanilla almond super packed protein bar. I finished the last bite and chewed forever, my jaw tiring before I swallowed. My stomach settled down, feeling slightly less hollow. I took a slug off his water bottle and handed it back to him.
Alex sat close beside me, his body warmth shielding me from the cool air at my back. He tossed the wrapper into the flame and capped the water bottle, setting it aside. The crackling fire radiated heat to my legs, the numbness finally leaving my toes. His shirt, and a towel hung on sticks drying out. My hair had dried into a tangled mess I kept tucking behind my ears. I thought about what a close call today had been and I shivered again, leaning into the solid warmth at my back.
“Thanks, Coop. I owe you.” I glanced up at him.
He smiled down at me, spiky blonde hair looking like a halo in the firelight. He had gotten it cut short again since I’d seen him last. “Let’s call it even, okay?”
My heart lurched, catching the tender look in his eyes. Why did he have to be so darn cute? And smell so good? My mind spun with possible scenarios of how the night would go, but at least I was certain that by morning, I would know how Alex felt about me once and for all. I couldn’t take this cat and mouse game with him. I also needed him to level with me about everything he knew. I hated to ruin the mood, but the questions in my head wouldn’t stop churning. “Coop, if you really want to call us even, I need to know what that report said.”
I waited patiently, my heart in my throat. Alex stared into the fire, focusing intently on the flames. His voice seemed detached from his words. “If the report is accurate, Lee and I were told to stand down when it was discovered the house we were set to enter was occupied. The detail that was covering us from a nearby rooftop took the order and left their position to join up with the squad leader. Thirty seconds later, my voice came over the com saying ‘We’re going in.’ Ten seconds after that, gun fire broke out. Two dead Iraqi men and your brother and I were the only ones found inside. Since I was supposed to be lead man, and no one actually saw which of us went in first, the squad leader assumes I made the judgment to go in against orders, and…it resulted in casualties.”
“If there weren’t any eye witnesses, you don’t know if all that’s even true. Nobody does… unless you can remember.” I touched his arm and waited for him to look me in the eyes—to come back to me from wherever he had disappeared to.
His brows drew together, his jaw clenched. “Don’t you think I know that?”
“I’m sorry, Coop. I didn’t mean…” I sighed, frustrated and angry with myself. “I wish I could help. Have you been doing your meditation?”
He rolled his eyes at me and shook his head. “It doesn’t work for me. I can’t get out of my head.” His voice dropped in volume, sounding strained. “I close my eyes and all I see is Lee, bleeding out.” He glanced at me, obviously regretting his choice of words.
The image twisted something inside me and I closed my eyes. I saw my brother reaching out to me under the water, our fingers barely touching. I opened my eyes. “You remember Lee…dying?”
“Yeah. That’s all I remember.”
“Did he…did he say anything?”
Alex went very still, his voice lowering to barely above a whisper. “No…I don’t think so. I remember that he looked at me from across the floor…I couldn’t reach him…I couldn’t…help him.” His voice broke and he sucked in a deep breath.
I swallowed back tears that scorched behind my eyes as I thought of my brother’s final moments and wondered if he had been in pain or if he was scared. I imagined how painful it must be for Alex to live with such a terrible memory. I cleared my throat and stared into the flames, willing the tears back down, trying not to see the picture in my head of my brother’s life draining away and Alex lying helpless with his leg shattered. My stomach clenched and I squeezed my eyes shut tight trying to stay focused on my questions. I needed to know everything. I shook off the horrible image. “Why were you going into the house? What was on the computer you were supposed to hack?”
“I can’t tell you that. It’s classified. I don’t see why it matters.”
Frustrated, I flexed my fingers, balling them into fists to keep my impatience from surfacing in an argument. “You aren’t in the Marines anymore, right? So it wouldn’t be like breaking the rules to tell me.”
“I suppose you’re right,” he let out a breath and pulled away from me, awkwardly shifting to stand on his new prosthesis which probably wasn’t really made for the sand. He tossed another log on the fire
and grabbed the warm towel off the stick. Then he sat back down beside me, covered my bare legs, and curled his body around me again. I shivered against him, the anticipation killing me. Everything inside of me wanted to tackle him to the ground and make him talk, but I felt the fragility of the moment. I could sense that he was about to open up and let me in. I held my breath a second longer.
His body relaxed beside me as he took up the conversation, the moment of hesitation past. “The report said that the two men in the house ran a human trafficking operation. Kids mostly—selling them as servants or sex slaves to perverts. They use the money to fund terrorist activities. I didn’t know until I read the file.”
“Do you think Lee knew?” I sat up onto my heels.
He cocked his head. “I don’t know.” His green eyes sparkled with the reflection of the flames and my pulse jumped a beat faster. “What are you thinking?” he asked.
I hesitated. “My mom told you about what happened to Lee when he was little, didn’t she?”
“Yeah.” He looked down, avoiding eye contact. “I always wondered. Lee acted funny about stuff sometimes.”
I could see his cheeks flush and I moved on, not ready to deal with my brother’s abuse on any deeper level at this point. Then I thought of something Alex had told me when we were kayaking on Thompson Lake. “Wait. Maybe there was a witness.” I sat facing him, the fire warm at my back. “Remember you said you heard the sound of a kid crying? Is it possible there was a boy there—a kid in trouble?”
“There was nothing in the report about a kid, but there may have been someone else in the house before the team got there. I can think of crazier scenarios.” He glanced from me to the fire a few times before settling his gaze on the flame.
“Remember how Lee used to go mental with bullies
in school who picked on littler kids? If Lee saw or heard a kid being abused, I can’t imagine him standing by and watching. Maybe he rushed in to save a kid and you just went in after him. The call to your squad leader wasn’t specific about who went in first. It could mean anything.” I was on a roll and I thought he would stop me and tell me I was way off, but a flash of recognition came over his face.
Now I could see the wheels in his head turning. A smug grin curved his lips and I saw the old Alex emerge.
“What are you thinking?” I asked. I pushed my hair back over my ear, turned to face the fire again, and settled in next to him. He tossed another stick into the flames.
“I think you’re brilliant.” He flashed a heart melting look of pride my way and a warm puddle pooled in my chest. His expression shifted to serious again. “In hindsight, knowing what I know now, I can’t see any other reason Lee would have broken protocol.”
My shoulders tensed. “Unless he was trying to commit suicide,” I added softly, staring into the flickering light as if I could burn the image of Lee slicing a blade across his wrist out of my mind.
Alex wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “I told you. I don’t think he did. Lee was different over in Iraq. He felt like he belonged there. Like it was his chance to do something right. He was a good soldier. He never would have let me down.” Alex’s voice had grown quiet, and I saw him looking down at his leg.
“I’m so sorry, Coop…about your leg. You’re right. Lee would never have wanted this to happen to you.” I felt tears behind my eyes again and blinked away the stinging sensation.
Alex cleared his throat and pulled away. “I think we should try to get some sleep. Your mom and Brig are going to have half the state looking for us when we don’t show up tonight. Brig knew I was going after you, so at least they know we’re together.” He looked down at me awkwardly, a flash of guilt on his face. “We need to leave and get back by dawn. We don’t want the Rangers out combing the park.”
I thought of my family and how worried they would be about me. My mother must be freaking out. A twinge of guilt crept over me. She had lost so much—suffered so much. Worrying that she had lost me too must be killing her. Brig would keep it together—keep her together—until morning. I hated to think about the moment I had to face them both. I would be grounded until I went to college. Another pang of something beyond worry and near panic balled in my stomach. What would happen to me and Alex when I went off to college? Would he leave Thompson Lake and move far away? Was this my only chance to be with him? Mostly, I was worried that when we went back to our lives tomorrow, he might walk away again. Questions sprinted in my mind with no clear direction in sight.
Alex tossed several more logs on to burn and I moved back from the blaze, fully thawed from my earlier bout of hypothermia.
“If anyone’s searching for us, they’ll find us with a signal fire this big,” he said. Alex settled onto the poncho, sprawling out on his side facing me and the fire. He patted the space in front of him. “Come on. Let’s keep you warm. I’ll behave. I promise.”
I bit my lip to keep from showing how happy that made me. I crawled down and spread the towel over both of us and backed up against him as close as I could. His body tensed at the contact and then relaxed around me. I snuggled into him, my practically naked backside fitting into the firm curve of his body, his arms pulling me closer still. He covered me with the smoky towel and tucked himself around me like a cocoon, snug and toasty.
“Get some sleep, okay?” he whispered, his breath tickly and sweet on my cheek.
“Yeah, like that’s gonna’ happen,” I mumbled. Every nerve in my body hummed with warm fuzzies.
Chapter 22
I resisted the urge to toss and turn, sensing that every small movement I made exacerbated a rather embarrassing condition Alex was doing his best to ignore. “Hold still. Will you?” He groaned after I squirmed, trying to dislodge a stone from my hip.
“Ouch! Your leg is cutting into my ankle.” I pulled my leg free from under his prosthesis.
“Sorry. I’m not used to sleeping with this thing on, but I’m at a slight disadvantage without it, so…” he sucked in a breath. “Jordie, you’re killing me here.”
I had pressed my hips against him to get away from the hard, sharp stick digging into my thigh and felt…oh. I sucked in a breath too. “Sorry. I thought that was a…well…maybe if I turn over…” I flipped around and found myself facing a hot wall of smooth flesh. His chest was bare, his abs rigid and he was watching me with a tortured expression on his face, his cheeks red even in the firelight.
“I’ll stop moving now,” I said, snuggling down close to him and tucking my arms in front of me so we could both be spared my boobs touching him. Even through the sweatshirt, my breasts ached from imagining what it would be like for Alex to touch them. Heat radiated between us and I lay still, my breath shallow.
“Coop,” I said softly, “why did you come after me today?”
He sighed. “I guess I wanted to apologize. I know I left things…I know I hurt you. It wasn’t my intention.”
I lifted my chin so I could meet his gaze, his eyes so sad and serious. I wanted to erase the last two weeks of hating him for walking away that day. I smiled up at him. “Apology accepted.”
“Even though I’m a stubborn, pig-headed, pain-in-the-ass, jerk?” His eyes sparkled in the firelight, crinkling at the edges.
“Oh, you heard me, did you?” My face went hot. I stared at his chest. What a beautiful chest it was, too. Muscled, smooth, only a few coarse hairs down the center. I swallowed.
“I deserved it. Don’t worry about it,” he said.
“Good night, Coop.” I kissed the little hollow at his throat that I knew would feel amazing against my lips and sighed, wanting so much more but knowing the time wasn’t right. Not yet. We had a lot to work through. But this…tucked up against him, warm and feeling safe…this was a great start.
He settled his arms around me again and I felt him relax. Exhaustion from the day’s excitement crashed in on me, and I dozed in and out after a while. I woke abruptly and took a second to realize where I was. My muddled mind proc
essed all that had happened, trying to find answers to the questions that still hung between us. I had no idea what the future held for him…for me…for us.
Wrestling with my doubts was getting me nowhere. My body felt hot and achy in places that only seemed to come alive around Alex. I pushed the need down and closed my eyes. For now, I would lie there enjoying the feeling of his arms around me, our bodies close, the whisper in the trees, and the crickets chirping their song into the night.
Sometime later, I felt Alex tense, his alertness waking me instantly. “What is it?” I asked, my eyes trying to focus in the dark. The fire had burned down to a low flame; hot glowing coals radiated a dim circle of light nearby.
“Shhh.” We lay still for a few more seconds. “Something was out there. But it’s gone now.”
My heart kicked against my ribs. “What do you think it was at this hour?” I wondered if there were wolves or bears out in the dark and I shuddered.
Alex was quiet for a few minutes and then he wrapped his arms tight around me, relaxing as I snuggled in under his chin. “It’s nothing. Probably a skunk or a raccoon. Go back to sleep. You’re safe.”
Those words sent a tiny spear through my heart. Was I really safe with Alex? Physically, I knew I couldn’t be in better hands. But I didn’t think my heart could take it if he pulled away from me again. If I could only get him to see that we belonged together. That whatever he was going through, I wanted to be a part of it and help him through it—that we were always better together than apart. If I could help him see he was still whole and that he had an amazing future in front of him.
I stroked a finger along his collar bone and felt him tense in response, but he didn’t complain. His skin felt smooth and warm and his neck smelled so good I couldn’t resist the urge to kiss him there. When he didn’t pull away, I took the cue to nuzzle closer. My lips parted and my tongue found the tender flesh that rose with goose bumps along his neck and jaw. I pressed my hands to his chest and his muscles expanded, flexing in response. His heart beat against my hand like a bass drum, strong and rhythmic, racing under my touch. He arched his neck, giving me a better angle. A strangled groan of surrender escaped his lips as my kisses became less gentle and more urgent.