by Franz Kafka
No sooner had Karl succeeded in calming himself down a little with the help of such reflections and discreetly begun to count the night’s tips, for he sensed that they were especially abundant, than the head waiter uttered the words “Wait a little longer please, Feodor,” put the ledger on the table, sprang up, and shouted at Karl so loudly that all he could do was stare into the great black cavern of his mouth.
“You left your post without permission. Do you know what this means? It means that you’re dismissed. I don’t want to hear any excuses, you may keep your deceitful excuses to yourself; for me the fact that you were absent is entirely sufficient. If I tolerate and excuse this even once, it won’t be long before all forty lift boys abandon their duties, and I’ll end up having to carry my five thousand guests up the stairs all by myself.”
Karl remained silent. The porter approached and tugged Karl’s jacket, which was rather creased, no doubt so as to draw the attention of the head waiter to this slight dishevelment in Karl’s suit.
“Perhaps you became ill all of a sudden?” the head waiter asked craftily. Karl gave him a searching look and answered: “No.” “Then you weren’t even ill?” the head waiter shouted, even louder than before. “Then you must have fabricated some big lie. Out with it. So what’s your excuse?” “I didn’t know one had to request permission by telephone,” said Karl. “Well, that’s quite priceless,” said the head waiter, and seizing Karl by the collar of his coat, carried him, almost floating in the air, to the official regulations for the lifts, which were nailed to the wall. The porter followed them to the wall. “There. Read that,” said the head waiter, pointing to a paragraph. Karl thought that he was supposed to read it silently. “Out loud!” the head waiter commanded. Rather than read it aloud, Karl said in hopes of calming the head waiter: “I’m familiar with that paragraph; I did of course receive the official regulations and read them carefully. But that is precisely the kind of stipulation one forgets since one never has any need of it. I’ve been serving here for two months and never once left my post.” “You will now, though,” said the head waiter, and walking over to the table, he picked up the ledger again, as though he wished to go on reading, but slapped it down on the table instead, as if it were a useless rag, and began to walk up and down the room, forehead and cheeks aflame. “And all for such a rascal! Such excitement on the night shift!” he exclaimed several times. “Do you know who was about to go up when this fellow ran away from his lift?” he said, turning to the porter. He named a name, and the porter, who certainly knew all of the guests and could tell their worth, was so horrified that he glanced at Karl, as if only the sheer existence of the latter could confirm that the owner of such an illustrious name had had to wait in vain for some time at a lift whose operator had run away. “That’s dreadful!” the porter said, shaking his head slowly in boundless unease at Karl, who gazed sadly at him, thinking that now he would have to pay for this fellow’s obtuseness in addition to everything else. “Besides, I know you,” said the porter, extending his large fat index finger and pointing it stiffly at Karl. “You’re the only boy who consistently refuses to greet me. What on earth do you think you’re doing? Everyone who passes the porter’s lodge must greet me. While you may do as you wish with the rest of the porters, I expect to be greeted. Sometimes I act as though I were not watching, but even if you are absolutely quiet, I know precisely who greets me and who does not, you lout.” He turned away from Karl and, rising to his full height, strode toward the head waiter, who, instead of commenting on the porter’s affair, finished his breakfast and glanced at a morning newspaper, which a servant had just handed in to the room.
“Mr. Head Porter,” said Karl, who at least wished to sort out the issue with the porter while the head waiter was not paying attention, for he realized that although the porter’s reproach would do him no harm, his hostility surely would. “I most certainly do greet you. You see, I’ve not been in America long and come from Europe, where, as everyone knows, people greet one another much more than is necessary. I haven’t been able to give up that habit yet, and only two months ago in New York, where I happened to move in upper social circles, people tried to convince me continually to cease being so exaggeratedly polite. And yet you accuse me of not greeting you. I did greet you, several times every day. But of course not every time I saw you, since I pass you a hundred times a day.” “You must greet me every time, every time without exception, and whenever you speak to me, you must hold your cap in your hand and always call me Head Porter, not Sir. And all of this you must do every time, every time.” “Every time?” Karl repeated softly, remembering how many severe and reproachful glances the porter had directed at him while he was at the hotel, beginning with that very first morning, when, still not quite adjusted to his subservient position, he had questioned this very porter insistently and in great detail, and thus perhaps too boldly, as to whether two men had asked after him and possibly left a photograph for him. “Now you’ll see where that sort of behavior lands you,” said the porter, who had returned and now stood rather close to Karl, and he pointed to the head waiter, who was still reading, as if he were the representative of his revenge. “You’ll certainly know how to greet the porter at your next job however wretched a dive it may be.”
Karl realized that he had in fact already lost his position, for the head waiter had just made the announcement, the head porter had repeated it as an established fact, and in the case of a lift boy, they surely did not need confirmation of the dismissal from the hotel management. But everything had gone more quickly than he had expected, for he had, after all, served for two months as best he could and certainly better than some of the other boys. At the critical moment, though, such things obviously aren’t taken into account, neither in Europe nor in America, and the decision that is reached simply follows the verdict someone utters in an initial outburst of fury. Perhaps it would have been best if he had said goodbye at once and gone away, for the head cook and Therese might have been asleep still, and so as to spare them at least the disappointment and grief over his conduct, at least during a personal leave-taking, he could have said goodbye by letter, packed his bags quickly, and slipped away quietly. But if he were to stay even one day longer—and he certainly could have used some sleep—all he could expect was the escalation of his affair into a scandal, reproaches from all sides, the unbearable sight of Therese’s tears and possibly even those of the head cook, and ultimately perhaps punishment too. On the other hand, he was held back by the thought that he faced two enemies, and that one or the other would always criticize everything he said and put a negative construction on it. So he remained silent, taking pleasure for now in the silence that had descended in the room, for the head waiter was still reading the newspaper and the head porter was rearranging the pages of the ledger, which were scattered over the table, a task that, evidently due to shortsightedness, he accomplished only with great difficulty.
At last the head waiter put down the newspaper with a yawn, assured himself through a glance that Karl was still present, and switched on the bell on the table telephone. He shouted hello several times, but there was no answer. “There’s no answer,” he said to the head porter. The latter, who was, Karl thought, following the telephone conversation with particular interest, said: “Well, it’s a quarter to six. She must be awake by now. Try to make it ring louder.” At that moment, without further prompting, an answering call came through. “Hello, this is Head Waiter Isbary,” said the head waiter. “Good morning, Madame Head Cook. But I hope I haven’t awakened you. I’m very sorry. Yes, yes, it’s already a quarter to six. All the same, I’m truly sorry I gave you a fright. You should turn off the telephone when you go to sleep. No, no, I don’t really have any excuse, especially given the trivial nature of the affair I wish to discuss with you. But of course I have time, please go on, and if you don’t mind, I shall remain on the line. She must have run to the telephone in her nightdress,” the head waiter smilingly informed the head porter
, who throughout this exchange had been bent over the telephone apparatus with a tense expression on his face. “I did wake her. She’s usually awakened by the little girl who does her typewriting and who, quite exceptionally, must have neglected to do so today. I’m sorry I startled her; she’s already nervous enough.” “Why has she stopped talking?” “She’s gone to find out what happened to the girl,” replied the head waiter, who had already put the receiver to his ear, since the telephone was ringing again. “She’ll turn up all right,” he continued, speaking into the telephone. “You shouldn’t let everything scare you so. You really need a complete rest. Well, here’s my little question. There’s a lift boy, called”—he turned around and glanced inquiringly at Karl, who was paying close attention and could therefore help by giving his name—“well, called Karl Rossmann; if my memory serves me right, you took a certain interest in him; unfortunately, he did little to repay your kindness, left his post without permission, causing me great difficulties of still unknown dimensions, so I’ve just dismissed him. I hope you’re not taking this to heart. What do you mean? Dismissed, yes, dismissed. But I told you that he left his post. No, dear Madame Head Cook, I really cannot yield to you in this instance. It’s a question of my authority, there’s a great deal at stake here; it takes only one such boy for the entire gang to go bad. One has to be devilishly alert, especially with those lift boys. No, no, in this case I cannot do you a favor, although I always very much endeavor to defer to your wishes. And if despite all this I did leave him here, it would serve no other purpose than to keep my blood boiling; and indeed it is for your sake, yes, for your sake, Head Cook, that he cannot stay. He certainly doesn’t deserve the interest you take in him, and since I not only know him but you too, I realize that this would inevitably create the most grievous disappointments for you, and I wish to spare you those at all costs. I’m being very frank with you, even though the obstinate boy we’re talking about is standing only a few steps away. He’s dismissed, no, no, Head Cook, entirely dismissed. No, no, he’s not being transferred to some other work, he’s completely unusable. Besides, I keep on hearing additional complaints. For instance, the head porter, what was that again, Feodor; well, the head porter has been complaining about the boy’s cheekiness and impoliteness. Beg your pardon, you’re saying this won’t suffice? Listen, Madame Head Cook, you’re going against your own nature merely for the sake of this boy. And you mustn’t pester me like this.”
Just then the porter bent down to the head waiter and whispered a few words in his ear. At first the head waiter looked at him in astonishment, and then he spoke so rapidly into the telephone that Karl could not quite understand him at first and advanced two paces on tiptoes.
“Dear Madame Head Cook,” he said, “to be honest, I would never have thought that you could be such a bad judge of character. I just discovered something about your angelic youth that will thoroughly change your opinion of him and almost regret that it is I who must tell you. Well, this ever-so-fine youth, whom you call a model of decency, does not let a single night he has off-duty go by without running into the city, from which he doesn’t return until the following morning. Yes, yes, Madame Head Cook, this has been proven by completely unimpeachable witnesses. And maybe you could tell me how he comes up with the money for such diversions? How can he remain sufficiently alert to carry out his duties? And do you really want a detailed description of what he actually gets up to in the city? I want to get rid of that boy as quickly as possible. Please take this as a warning about how careful one must be with youths who just show up at the door.”
“But Mr. Head Waiter,” cried Karl, who was truly relieved by the great mistake that seemed to have occurred, which could conceivably lead to an unexpected turn for the better on all sides. “There has certainly been some confusion here. I believe the head porter has told you that I go off every night. That’s absolutely untrue, I’m actually in the dormitory all night, and all of the boys can vouch for this. When I’m not sleeping, I’m learning how to write business letters and don’t ever set foot outside the dormitory at night. That can be easily proven. The head porter is obviously confusing me with somebody else, and I can understand now why he thinks I don’t greet him.”
“Will you be quiet at once,” shouted the head porter, shaking his fist where others would merely have wagged a finger, “you say I’m confusing you with somebody else. Well, then I can no longer be a head porter if I keep confusing people like that. Listen, Mr. Isbary, if I get people confused, I can no longer be head porter. But in my thirty years of service I’ve never confused a single person, and the hundreds of head waiters we have had in the meantime would certainly confirm this, yet the first person whom I supposedly got confused was you, you wretched boy. You of all people, with your strikingly smooth mug. But how could there have been any such confusion, for even if you had run off every night into the city behind my back, one need take only one look at your face to see that you are an utter scoundrel.”
“Stop, Feodor!” said the head waiter, whose telephone conversation with the head cook seemed to have been suddenly interrupted. “This is a very simple matter. How he entertained himself at night is absolutely irrelevant. Of course, before he leaves, he may indeed want us to carry out a large-scale investigation of his nighttime activities. I can easily imagine that would please him. Then we’d have to summon all forty lift boys and interview them as witnesses, and of course all of them would confuse him with someone else, so we would gradually have to call the entire staff as witnesses, and then of course the hotel would have to be shut down for a while, and so by the time he was finally thrown out, he would at least have had some fun. But let’s not do him any such favor. He’s already fooled the head cook, who is such a decent woman, and that is enough already. I don’t want to hear one more word from you; you’re dismissed from the service this instant for neglect of duty. I’m writing out a note for the bursar’s office requesting payment for the wages you are owed, up to today. Besides, between the two of us, given how you have conducted yourself, I am simply giving this to you as a present, solely out of consideration for the head cook.”
A telephone call prevented the head waiter from signing the instructions right away. “But those lift boys, they’re giving me such trouble today!” he cried, on hearing the first few words from the other end of the line. “That’s really outrageous!” he cried, after a brief pause. And turning away from the telephone to look at the head porter, he said: “Feodor, please hold that fellow for now. There are still a few matters we need to discuss with him.” And he gave an order into the receiver: “Come up at once!”
Now the head porter could at least let off steam, which he had not managed to do as he spoke. He seized Karl by his upper arm, not with a steady grip, which would have been bearable, but rather by loosening his grip and then gradually tightening it, which on account of his great physical strength felt as if it would never cease and caused a darkening of Karl’s vision. Yet he not only held Karl but pulled him up in the air and shook him, as though he had also been given orders to stretch out his body, while telling the head waiter repeatedly, almost as a question: “So I’m confusing him now, so I’m confusing him now.”
Karl was saved by the entrance of the top lift boy, a forever-panting fat youth named Bess, who drew some of the head waiter’s attention. Karl was so exhausted that he scarcely greeted him, and to his astonishment, he saw Therese slip in behind the boy, pale as a corpse, dressed untidily, her hair bound loosely. A moment later she stood beside him and whispered: “Does the head cook already know?” “The head waiter telephoned her,” Karl responded. “Well then, everything will be fine, just fine,” she said quickly, her eyes animated. “No, it won’t,” said Karl. “After all, you don’t know what they have against me. I’ll have to go away; even the head cook has already been persuaded of this. Please don’t stay here, go upstairs, and I shall come to say goodbye.” “What’s got into you, Rossmann? You can stay here as long as you want. You see, the
head waiter does everything the head cook wants; he does love her; I just found this out recently by accident. So calm down.” “Please, Therese, go away now. I cannot defend myself so well in your presence. And I have to defend myself accurately since they’re bringing up lies against me. The more I pay attention and the better I defend myself, the greater my hopes of staying. So, Therese”—unfortunately, due to a sudden attack of pain he could not refrain from adding quietly—“if the head porter would only let me go! I really had no idea he was an enemy of mine. But the way he keeps on grabbing and pulling me.” “Only why am I saying this!” he thought at the same time. “No woman can listen to this calmly.” And indeed, before Karl could use his free hand to restrain her, Therese turned to the head porter and said: “Mr. Head Porter, please let go of Rossmann at once. You’re hurting him. The head cook will soon be here in person, and then it’ll become quite clear how unjustly he’s being treated in every respect. Let him go, what pleasure can you get from tormenting him?” And she even reached for the head porter’s hand. “It was an order, young miss, an order,” said the head porter, drawing Therese amiably toward himself with his free hand while squeezing Karl even more strenuously with the other, as though he not only wanted to cause him pain but also had special designs on the arm currently in his possession that were by no means realized yet.