Because Jana getting pregnant didn’t take you away from me.
Maybe he should just say it, he thought morosely. Just put it out there. It wasn’t like he had much to lose at this point. Their friendship was toast, as things stood, so maybe he should finally suck it up and go for broke.
“It’s this thing with Jason, isn’t it?” she said quietly.
And any hope he had of telling her how he felt vanished. Because she had “this thing with Jason.” And though he was a grown man, secure in himself, confident about his place in the world . . . part of him was still that dorky teenager who knew he could never compete with the likes of golden-boy Jason Prescott. Ten years ago he hadn’t had to. Jason had screwed up his chance for the best thing going, all by himself. Leaving Grady to be the shoulder, be the one who put the pieces of her broken heart back together . . . even if it put an enormous strain on his own.
Now? Now it was too late. He’d wasted ten whole entire fucking years when he’d had the upper hand. Or whatever edge he’d ever had, anyway. Blown all to hell. Because of complacency. And his chickenshit heart.
“It’s not about Prescott,” he heard himself say. Because, when you got down to it, it wasn’t. It was about him not taking chances when he should have. And then unfairly taking it out on her when she’d moved on with her life.
“Sure it is,” she said, not buying that lie for a second. “You’ve never liked him, even before the stupid prom.”
So, okay, maybe it is a little about Prescott.
“I know it’s confusing after the big whoop I made about him in high school, to be going out with him now, but people change.”
“Not usually,” he muttered. Once an asshole, always an asshole. He wondered if the same was true about chickenshit hearts.
“Well, you and Jana will just have to learn differently.”
So, Jana was still on his side. That made him feel marginally better. “I don’t really want to hear the nitty-gritty about your dates, thanks.” Because they might be even worse than the ones I’ve already constructed on my own. “And I definitely don’t want to look at him across the table at Thanksgiving.”
“Actually, that’s something else I wanted to talk to you about. And partly why I’m here. I didn’t want to wait until the holiday to clear things up, because I’m not even sure that we’re having a holiday or what we’re doing. Or if we’re doing anything.”
He turned around, which had the added benefit of dislodging her hands from his shoulders, but the disadvantage of putting her that much closer to the one part of his body he didn’t need her close to. He tried not to think about it. Gripping the counter behind him to keep from grabbing her, he said, “What in the hell are you talking about? It’s Jana’s turn, right? I mean, I know she’s not feeling great, but—”
At the look on Lucy’s face, and her accompanying, “Shit,” he frowned.
“What don’t I know?” he asked.
She raked a hand through her hair. He took partial pleasure in the fact that, even with all the blonde streaks and the flatironing, at two in the morning, her locks still reverted to lumpy Lucy hair. He curled his fingers into a tighter grip on the counter, to keep from ruffling her bangs. He was a hopeless case, really.
She huffed and swore again. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell you.” She looked at him, all accusatory. “I thought you said you were talking to her.”
He lifted his hands. Tactical error. “I have! I can’t help it if she’s keeping something from me that I couldn’t possibly know she was keeping from me.” He needed to do something with his hands. Immediately. So he raked his fingers through his own hair, which only proceeded to tangle it up more. He needed to get a haircut. He always needed to get a haircut, but it was even worse than usual. “I’m too tired to be having this conversation.”
“Jana is going to Canada for Thanksgiving. Dave thinks his family can help her come to terms with being pregnant.”
“I’m an only child and a man, to boot, and even I know that’s a plan doomed to fail.”
“Yeah, well, she sort of hurt Dave pretty badly when she confided her fears about motherhood to him.”
“She did tell me about that.”
“So she’s doing this more for him than because she really thinks it’ll work. He just needs to feel like he’s doing something to help her, that’s all.”
“Which means . . . one of us is supposed to do Turkey Day?” Grady realized immediately why Jana hadn’t told him.
A second later, the light dawned on her face. “She’s playing peacemaker, isn’t she?”
Peacemaker, matchmaker, who knew what was going on in Jana’s head.
Lucy shook her head. “You know, if she realized just what a nurturing person she really is, she wouldn’t be so freaked out about the baby.”
“I don’t think it’s just about her ability to be a parent,” Grady said.
Lucy looked at him. “Yeah, me either. She’s worried about all of it. About her life, her career, whether she’s up to the dedication it requires. I think she’s worried she’s going to be like her mother.”
Grady snorted. “No way. She’s stable, married to a great guy, with a steady job. Three things her mother has never done individually, much less concurrently.”
“Or her father. Who didn’t even stick around to see her born,” Lucy went on, undeterred. “I’m not saying it makes any sense, okay? Just that she has little confidence in herself when it comes to this big step. She hasn’t even told her mother yet. And the only other people she can talk to besides Dave and his happy brood of reproducers, is us.”
“Who have the collective experience of navel lint when it comes to babies.”
“Exactly.” Surprisingly, Lucy smiled at him. There was a shadow to it, mostly in her eyes, which effectively crumbled any resistance or anger he might have left to hide behind.
“What?” he asked, because there was a message that went with that sad smile.
“Nothing. Everything. I miss this. You know. Talking. Figuring shit out. Communing as one. No one thinks the way we do about stuff.”
Not even fucking Jason Prescott? he thought, but managed by some miracle not to voice out loud.
“Jana didn’t tell you because she was afraid if she did, you’d work through Thanksgiving and we’d never get back together.”
And Jana was right. He probably would have.
“It would mean a lot to her if we could put aside this . . . whatever it is we’re having, and spend the holiday together,” Lucy went on. “We don’t even have to cook a turkey. We can get Chinese carryout and watch football all day and never even talk to each other. She’ll never know the difference. But she will know if we don’t see each other. She just will.”
“Yeah.”
Lucy rolled her eyes. “It’s like pulling freaking teeth, I swear. You’re so stubborn and you make me crazy on a regular basis and I have no idea why I’m killing myself to force a reconciliation between us. Except I refuse to consider the alternative.” She reached behind him and grabbed his coffee, downing half the mug before he could take it out of her hand.
“Hey!” he protested. “Get your own mug.”
“You weren’t drinking it.”
Only because he’d completely forgotten about it.
“So, can we at least agree to give Turkey Day a shot? My place is fine with me if it is with you. Or we can meet anywhere you want. Who knows, it’s three weeks away. Maybe by then we can have an actual productive conversation about it.”
Only if fucking Prescott gets hit by a truck.
“Maybe if it’s at some kind of normal daylight hour, that would help.”
“Like you have such a thing as ‘normal’ hours. But fine, name a time and a place and I’ll be there.”
Grady hoped Jason appreciated her loyalty and fierce tenacity. Grady did. Always had. He just wished it wasn’t focused on him right now.
He downed the rest of the mug, then mercifully turned away from he
r to rinse it out and sit it on the drain rack. “Can I get some sleep first?”
He felt as much as heard her sigh. “Sure. But don’t make me camp out on your doorstep again.”
“I won’t.”
He didn’t turn around, but instead went about dumping out the rest of the coffee and setting up the filter for the morning. Which was now only a scant few hours away.
She let out a long, disappointed-sounding breath, and moved to the door. “Well, that’s a start.”
He wasn’t sure about that. And as she let herself out of the apartment moments later and closed the door behind her, he could only think that it felt a lot more like an end to him.
Chapter 25
So, have you talked to him since?”
Lucy juggled the phone to one ear as she held up first one dress, then another, frowning at both. “Once or twice, but only for him to tell me he’s too busy to get together.”
She heard Jana sigh on the other end of the line. “Yeah. He’s working—”
“On a really top-secret project, I know.”
When Jana didn’t say anything, Lucy wished she hadn’t brought it up. “So,” Jana said with forced cheer, “where is hotshot taking you tonight? You’ve become quite the Capitol Hill socialite these past few weeks.”
Lucy smiled, but she didn’t feel as giddy about it as she wished she did. “He does move in interesting circles,” she said, discarding yet another dress. “I’m going to need a raise if he keeps taking me out to these fancy functions. My wardrobe can’t keep up.”
“Are they the same people? Can’t you recycle?”
“Yes, a lot of the same people. And no one recycles.”
“Well, I wish I could help you out, but somehow I don’t think anything in my closet screams ‘socialite.’ ‘Sociopath,’ maybe.”
Lucy grinned at that. But the next dress still went into the discard pile.
“So, how are things going with Jason? I mean, really going?”
“You mean, have we gone to bed together yet?”
“Actually, I was thinking about conversation, bonding, affection, but, yes, that question had crossed my mind.”
“Well, you know how it is, there are so many people at these dinner parties and he’s trying to make the rounds, be impressive where he needs to be, charm the ones he needs to charm. My job is just—”
“Arm candy. Got it.”
That should have stung, but it didn’t. Mostly because it was true. She’d become increasingly aware that Jason was using her, but she could hardly run to Jana with her suspicions. Not unless she wanted a big fat “I told you so.” And she wasn’t ready to hear that yet.
“But when he picks you up, or on the way home, don’t you two talk then? And he calls, right?”
Only to ask me to be his escort again. “Of course we talk,” she said. About how busy he is, how he wishes he had more free time. “But he’s a busy guy. I guess I should be glad he’s wining and dining me.”
“Sounds more like he’s wining and dining his clients, or prospective clients, I should say, and taking you along for show-and-tell.”
“Hey, can you believe Lucy Harper would ever be considered ‘show-and-tell’ for a hotshot lawyer?” she joked, trying to lighten the tone.
“Is that what this is for you? Just an ego-stroke thing? God knows, we all need that from time to time, but . . .”
“I know.” Lucy dropped any pretense she had about trying to paint a better picture. “He’s always the perfect gentleman. He kisses me hello and good night, but they’re not passionate kisses.” Not like that night at the dance. Or maybe that one hadn’t been, either, and she’d been so caught up in the moment that she hadn’t really noticed. “He always compliments me on how I look, makes me feel good about myself.”
“I’m not surprised about the first part, since that’s what he needs you for. But there’s more to making a woman feel good than flattering her outfit. Do you two talk about you? About your day?”
She wanted to say they would if they just had more time. But she didn’t have the energy required to try and pull that off. “I’ve been telling myself he would if we had more time. I guess I’m realizing we don’t have time because he doesn’t make time. And I can’t call him because he’s always in a meeting, or out of town. But a week hasn’t gone by when we haven’t gone out.”
“Have you ever gone out to something that’s not a business function?”
Lucy sat on the edge of her bed, her latest selection puddling in her lap. “He says he wishes we had time alone, too. But, no. No, we haven’t. He really is busy. And yes, I know that’s a lame excuse, but it happens to be true.”
“You won’t buy it from Grady, so why buy it from Jason?”
She started to say “Because I don’t want Grady to fall in love with me,” but stopped herself. Until that moment, what she thought she wanted was for Jason to realize the prize he really had on his arm. He kept asking her to be his date, so obviously he was impressed with her. Or maybe he was just impressed with her availability. “I don’t know,” she told Jana morosely. “Maybe I’m going out with him because other prospects aren’t lining up.”
“Maybe they aren’t because they think you’re spoken for.”
“So what do I do?”
“Just say no?” Jana quipped.
“Ha-ha.”
“Maybe you should,” Jana said, serious now. “Tell him you’re busy. See if that nudges him to give you more of himself than an arm to another business function.”
“If I say no, he’ll just go to the next number in his Yellow Pages–size black book. I think I say yes because I like it that he calls me first. I feel like I have an edge; I just have to exploit it.”
“And do you? Do you feel like you two honestly know more about each other than you did that first night at dinner? Has he made even the smallest effort to get to know you better?”
“Well, he’s not putting the moves on me, either, so it’s not like he’s using me for sex.” Much to her dismay. “He does seem to respect me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, but I think you’re being blind as a bat. He is using you as an escort service. And don’t take this the wrong way, but if he wants sex, chances are he’s hooking up with someone else for that. Sex with you would lead to expectations. You’re his No-Strings Business Party Date and they are his No-Strings Sex Hookups. It would be exactly his style.”
Lucy sat there, knowing Jana was absolutely right. “He’s supposed to pick me up in an hour.”
“So answer the door in your bathrobe. Tell him you’re sick and can’t go.”
“I should do that,” she said with absolutely no enthusiasm. It would mean never seeing him again, and though she should probably embrace that idea with everything she had, the truth was, she wasn’t ready to give that up.
“Are you really enjoying rubbing elbows with the upper crust?”
“At first it was a little exciting, sure. But I think that’s wearing off a bit. No one expects me to make conversation, which was a relief initially, but now it’s sort of condescending and irritating.”
“Lucy Harper, bimbo. Another title you never thought you’d have.”
Jana had said it kindly, and they both laughed. “God, I don’t know what to do, J.”
“You still want him in bed, don’t you?”
“Wouldn’t you? I mean, he’s gorgeous and he’s dating me, and hell, I haven’t had sex in, like, forever. Of course I want him in bed. At least once.”
“Yeah, because he’s proven himself to be such a giver. I’m betting he’s a lousy lay.”
Lucy sighed. “I’d defend him, but I’m too afraid you might be right about that, too.”
“Well, I do understand the neediness. Dave hasn’t made love to me since I confessed my deepest darkest. It’s like he doesn’t know what to do with my fragile emotions and he’s afraid he’ll hurt me somehow. And I’m needing the intimacy, you know?”
Lucy had no idea and cou
ldn’t imagine what Jana was going through. But she was miserable for her, that much she knew. “I’m so sorry.”
“He’ll come around in time. He’s too much a guy to go without forever.”
Lucy laughed with her.
“So if you really mean it about getting laid, why not answer the door in your sexiest slinky-little-nothing, with a bottle of champagne in one hand and a fist full of condoms in the other, and just seduce the guy. You know by now the kind of things he likes. He all but tells you how to dress, right?”
“It’s not like that,” she said, except it was just like that. Jana had pointed that out after their second date, and though Lucy liked to think it was flattering that he noticed what she wore and he always told her in such a way as to make her feel good, in the end, it was what it was. Jason being a control freak. “Maybe he’s a control freak in bed, too,” she said, then was disappointed when there was no accompanying shiver of anticipation to go along with that mental image.
“Maybe.” Jana didn’t sound too enthused at the idea, either.
“And maybe I don’t think I can seduce him. I mean, why risk ending this relationship on the humiliating note of yet another rejection by Jason Prescott.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
Her doorbell sounded just then and she leapt off the bed. “Oh, my God, that can’t be him already. It’s early. He’s never early. I was supposed to meet him downstairs and I’m not even dressed.”
“Maybe that’s destiny calling, then. Hang up with me and just go answer the door like you are. And let whatever happens, happen.”
“Jana, I’m in ratty sweats, with my hair in hot rollers and a green clay mask on my face.” She looked down. “And cotton swabs between my toes.”
“Oh, my God, you’re Patty Duke,” Jana teased.
“Shut up,” she said, even as she laughed. “No more TV Land for you. It’s just what I’ve gotta do. It doesn’t mean I like it.”
“You don’t ‘gotta do’ anything. You’re gorgeous just like you are.”
Lucy groaned as the doorbell sounded again. “Yeah. A real knockout. Listen, I gotta go do . . . something. With my face. With my . . . everything.”
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