by Debra Kayn
"Did you believe you had something going on with Remmy before he claimed Natalie?" he asked.
Her head snapped back, and she frowned. "No."
"He's Bantorus and has a woman now. Your place isn't—"
"I know my place. I don't need a nomad to teach me." She clamped her lips together, moved away from his touch, and walked away.
Her ass swayed, but her shoulders barely moved. Her hurried steps and fisted hands told him everything he needed to know. He'd pissed her off.
"Hey," Ink approached him and lifted his chin. "What's wrong with Shari?"
"Why do you think anything's wrong?" he asked.
Ink grinned, showing perfect white teeth. "Seeing as how Shari never gets upset with any of us or walks off in a snit, I'm guessing she didn't agree with whatever you said to her. That's interesting..."
Wanting to change the subject, he said, "When's the next scheduled ride?"
"Too long from now." Ink looked through the bottles of alcohol on the table, picked up the whiskey Lee drank from moments ago, and held it up in victory. "Until we get a date from Capiton MC, the bikes are on hold. Hang around and you can help put the guns together for the militia. They've doubled their order, which saved our ass from hurting since Lagsturns MC burned their colors."
"Yeah." He hooked his hand behind his neck and rotated his head, stretching his muscles. "Sounds like a plan. I'm even thinking about staying the winter if there's room."
Ink laughed. "Only furnished room left is cramped, bro. There's only a single bed and dresser in there. Unless you invite one of the girls in to soften the mattress for you, it's going to suck."
Lee chuckled. "You get around. Who would you recommend?"
"Jojo's got a mouth on her that goes forever." Ink swallowed some whiskey and continued. "Alana's quick. You practically look at the girl and she's coming. Then she spends the rest of the time making sure you get off. Monica's hands feel better than a leather fat seat under your ass."
"Jesus." He slapped Ink on the shoulder. "And Shari?"
Ink shook his head. "Never had her."
"Bull shit." Lee laughed, putting Ink at ease. "What are you doing, saving her for yourself?"
Ink pulled another drink from the bottle. "Say what you will, man. She's only had two men in her room, and I'm not one of them. Not that I haven't tried—hell, I try every fucking day—, but Shari's different."
"What? Does she prefer kissing lipstick?"
Inks coughed and quickly took another hit of whiskey, swiping his tattoo-sleeved arm across his mouth. "You'll have to ask her that yourself, or ask Sawyer. The kid hangs around her a lot. Remmy would probably know...but don't ask while Natalie's around. She's a lady, and Remmy doesn't allow any of us to talk about what happens with the Silver Girls around her."
Lee's shoulders tensed more. First Shari got upset when he mentioned Remmy, and now Ink warned him away from asking too many question. Usually, no talking meant someone knew something, and they weren't answering.
In a motorcycle club, when brothers kept information away from brothers, trouble wasn't far behind. He'd stayed on the road too long. At one time, he'd known everyone's schedule and would notice who was having a bad day or tottered on the edge of chaos.
Hell, he knew more about what Los Li was up to than his own club. Ever the outsider, he was lost regarding the dynamics surrounding the Federal Charter. His life consisted of too many killings, too many lies, and too many unanswered questions to grasp what was happening within his biker family. He struggled to inhale and could feel the panic sweeping through his chest. He hated not knowing. Bad things happened when he lost control.
"See you later," he said to Ink, and strolled away.
The energy to talk, to learn, to control what everyone was thinking overwhelmed him.
Federal wasn't his home. Even Pitnam stopped being home when he slapped his nomad patch on his vest. Home was an illusion that burst when his step mom came home scarred from Los Li and a former shell of herself. His dad took all the responsibility onto himself for the safety of his family, and Lee hated feeling left out.
As a kid, he'd had no choice but to let someone else control his life. Kurt had his back in those days. His dad was always there. But, he'd been on his own for sixteen years.
That fear, that unknown desperation, visited him often, but he fought to keep ahead of the debilitating anxiety, rarely letting the infliction catch him. Being home around family brought everything back. His past, his choices, his fears.
He couldn't run this time, because he'd promised Tango that this was it. He needed to finish the job with Los Li and stop working with the Feds. He was tired, hard, and numbed. He had to get out before he made a mistake and got himself killed.
Chapter Two
Half of the wardrobe Shari had stock piled in her closet now lay haphazardly on her bed. She held up the light blue mini sundress, one she saved for when they all went into Coeur d'Alene or the men took them to the casino. The outfit was the only piece of clothing she had that appeared normal, and wasn't a skimpy, torn, black, ensemble for the Bantorus member's enjoyment.
She slipped the dress over her head and let the slinky material float over her body. Though her shoulders remained bare and the hem fell two inches from the bottom of her ass, the outfit would do. She gazed down at the front of her. Her breasts pushed the boundaries of the scooped neckline, but there was nothing she could do about the body she was given. Everyone noticed her boobs, because they were hard to miss. Today was different, because Lee was here, and after being on the receiving end of his gaze, she felt inadequately dressed.
There was something tantalizing arousing about the way he watched her that made her more paranoid and self-conscious than normal. She could handle men looking, brushing, and even touching her body, but Lee aimed more attention her way than she was comfortable with...and being a stripper and a Bantorus bitch, that was saying a lot. It'd taken her almost a year of working for Risa before she concluded that men weren't really with her-with her, but using her. As soon as she figured that out, dancing was only another job for her to do.
Lee's ogling was different. She couldn't quite put her finger on why, but she'd figure it out.
Jojo, wearing a bandana in her adorable curly hair, stuck her head in the bedroom. "Ready?"
"Yep." Shari slid her feet into a pair of wedged flip-flops and followed her friend out of the cabin.
The sun beat down on her bare skin. Her and Jojo joined the other Silver Girls — Alana, Monica, Carrie. She was surprised to see Risa, who used to own the adult entertainment company where they'd inherited the name of Silver Girls, with the others. Risa retired to become the MC's President's old lady and brought the Silver Girls with her to become the bitches. Seeing Risa, she wondered who let it slip about the meeting they were all going to. Far as she knew, Jojo wanted the talk to stay between the Silver Girls only.
"Is everyone going to town?" Risa hugged Monica.
Jojo linked her arm through Shari's and pulled her a few feet away. "No...we're going to hang out in the club.
Confused, Shari looked at Jojo for answers about what was going on. Her outgoing friend was the most honest, sometimes brutally, out of all of them. Why would she lie to Risa?
"Ah, okay. I won't keep you then." Risa laughed and said, "Actually, do you have just a few seconds? I was coming to the cabin to talk with you all."
"About what?" Monica asked, gathering her black dyed hair and knotting it behind her neck.
Risa inhaled, still smiling, and blurted, "I'm pregnant. Kurt and I told his parents this morning, and he already told Lee last night. I wanted to make sure you all knew before the rest of the club found out."
A heavy feeling came over Shari. She forced herself to smile and moved forward. "I'm so happy for you and Kurt."
Risa hugged her. "Thank you. I never thought I'd ever have a baby, much less find someone like Kurt, and here I am, pinching myself to make sure this is all happening to me. I do
n't know the first thing about raising a baby or how I'm supposed to feel or act."
"You'll do great, and you've got us to help you whenever you need it." Shari kissed Risa's cheek, and moved away to let the others say their own congratulations.
Risa's happiness intensified—rightly so, she deserved every bit of goodness that came her way. Alana wiped the happy tears that wet her cheeks, rubbing underneath her eyes to catch the mascara before it smudged on her face. Monica stuck close and refused to let go of Risa's hand in her excitement. Shari rubbed her arm, trying not to sulk in jealousy and instead appear thrilled. At thirty years old, her biological clock ticked louder than a heavy-metal concert.
Jojo leaned against Shari. "Sorry, we'll have to meet in the club. I didn't want Risa to know something was up and ask to go along with us to town. I don't want to get caught in a lie, so we're going to have to change our plans."
"What's going on?" Shari whispered. "Risa's one of the girls. If she can't hear, then maybe we shouldn't have the meeting."
"No way, this is important. We'll just have to go inside, so Risa doesn't think—" Jojo laughed with the others to keep the attention off her and smiled at Risa before whispering again to Shari. "I don't want to raise suspicions, so we'll do it inside the club."
Shari kept her mouth shut. The bikers knew every little thing that happened at the club. If Jojo thought to keep a secret between the girls, she was in for a rude awakening. Hopefully, whatever it was that Jojo needed to tell them was unimportant to the men, and wouldn't get the girls in trouble. She'd hate to think of what Kurt would do if Jojo broke the rules.
"Does anyone know where Natalie is?" Risa asked.
Carrie, the quieter one of the group and quick to please, said, "I saw her and Remmy walking toward their cabin site earlier. You'll probably find her there. I think they're putting in the kitchen appliances today."
Shari looked over her shoulder up five hundred feet to Kurt and Risa's house, and then swung her gaze to the left two hundred yards. She could barely make out the tin roof of Remmy's almost finished cabin. Soon, he'd be able to have all the privacy that he needed to make his marriage work.
In a motorcycle club where everyone knew each other's business, it was hard to find space to live a life separate from the others. Even living behind the club in the cabin, she never had a moment to herself with four roommates sharing the house.
The Silver Girls walked as a group to the backdoor. Shari nudged Monica's arm for answers and received a shrug in return. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who had no clue about what was going on with Jojo.
Sawyer ran around the corner and skidded to a stop. Shari's mood lifted at the sight of one of her favorite bikers.
Mid-twenties, Sawyer retained his enthusiasm for life, a killer smile, and a soft heart. She lifted her hand and waved, and received a wink in return.
Sawyer lifted his Mariner's baseball cap from his mop of black hair and flashed his baby blue eyes. "Mornin', Girls."
"Hey, honey." Monica trailed her finger across Sawyer's abdomen.
"Looking good, Sawyer," Alana said, stretching to her toes, kissing him full on the lips. "Come see me later?"
Carrie moved in and lifted Sawyer's hand to her chest. "Thanks for last night."
Sawyer grinned. "Thank you, sweetheart."
"All right, girls, leave him alone. He was in a hurry before we stopped him." Shari wiggled her fingers and walked past her friend. "Talk to you later, honey."
Inside the club, the main room sat empty of bikers, and she hoped all the men would stay in the warehouse or keep otherwise occupied until Jojo finished talking to the girls. Shari sat at their regular round table in the back, near the pool table.
Nobody said a word, waiting for Jojo to get to the point of why she'd called the girls together, changed the location of the meeting, and wanted to keep everything hush-hush from Risa. She crossed her legs under the table and stopped herself from picking at her fingernail polish. A small part of her worried that her friends had found out she'd lied and wanted answers, or worse, wanted to toss her out. It'd been five years of hiding what brought her to Federal, and she'd become comfortable. Too comfortable.
Thank God, the residents and miners around town believed in personal privacy and never questioned her past or suspected she used a fake name. After all these years, it was easy to continue the charade, but living at the club every day reminded her of what she'd left behind. She wasn't sure if she lost a part of herself, or gained more for living a different lifestyle.
Bantorus MC was her family. The cabin she lived in was the closest thing to a real home she'd had since Uncle Ted came and explained the dangers of her staying in her apartment in California. The thought of leaving Federal and the safety she found here scared her. The friendships she'd developed with the Silver Girls made them feel more like sisters than coworkers or friends.
If the worst-case scenario happened and Bantorus kicked her out, she had no idea where she could go. The last message from her uncle told her to stay with Bantorus MC, no matter what happened. He claimed to trust the club with her life. Now that she'd lived with them for over a year, she did too.
Jojo placed her manicured hands flat on the table. "I'll be quick, because I don't want any of the guys walking in on us and asking what's up."
"What happened?" Monica whispered.
"Nothing." Jojo wiggled in her chair. "I've got an idea. You know how we jumped at the chance to come live at the club after the Sterling Building burnt to the ground?"
"Yeah, honey. It was only a year ago," Alana said. "It was a unanimous decision. Probably the best decision I've ever made."
"I know, me too, and Bantorus has been more than generous...giving us a cabin, money, clothes." Jojo lowered her voice. "But we've all complained to each other about all the free time we have when the guys are working, and how it makes us feel like sluts just laying around waiting for their attention."
"We're bitches," Carrie said, covering her mouth when she started to laugh.
Jojo waved Carrie's comment off. "You know what I mean. There's a difference between being bitches and being a slut, and we all know it."
"Honey, get to the point before someone walks in on us," Shari said, her patience running out.
"I think we should restart Silver Girls," Jojo stated.
Everyone's gaze landed on Shari at Jojo's announcement. Shari blew out her breath. That was not what she expected.
"Risa's retired," Shari said. "There's no way she'd start up the business. She's got a baby on the way, and Kurt...you all know how he hated her stripping."
Jojo nodded. "But you could run the company. We had a good thing going when Risa owned Silver Girls. There's nothing stopping us from starting again. It would be simple, nothing too extravagant or time consuming for any of us. The miners won't care as long as we dance."
"What about Bantorus MC?" Alana asked. "I don't want to leave them."
"Me neither," Carrie said.
Monica leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "I like being here, and I like the men."
Shari whispered, "The bikers wouldn't let us be with any other men, especially miners. Besides, I like belonging to Bantorus too. None of us are going to screw up a good thing, right?"
Jojo shook her head. "If we did open up Silver Girls again, we wouldn't sleep with customers, just dance, and entertain them. We could have the same rules that Risa held on to, but this time, absolutely no fooling around in our spare time like we did when Bantorus MC rolled into town and we all—you have to admit—jumped right on them. Bantorus owns us, and we'll respect that agreement."
"Why do you want to strip again?" Alana asked. "Aren't you happy here?"
"Sure, but I've worked since I was fourteen years old. It has nothing to do with Bantorus MC making me happy—they do. But what happens when I turn thirty or forty years old, and no man will want to look at me? Do you think the bikers are going to hold on to us? No, they'll go out and find prettier a
nd younger girls to replace us," Jojo said. "We need money in the bank for when that day comes."
Shari groaned. While not as young and adventurist as the others, she still had her body and the desire to find one man who loved only her. She closed her eyes an extra beat and let the ache of knowing she'd never have a husband like Natalie or a baby like Risa. She'd have no one who held her all night, woke up beside her in the morning, sat at the kitchen table, and shared coffee with her. She'd never be able to cuddle next to a man while watching television, and have him carry her to bed.
She was a Bantorus bitch. Her position in the club brought her security and a bunch of overprotective men to flirt with her all day and night long. Her chance of finding a man who would be able to see past the club, past her history, past her age, and past his assumptions about her grew slimmer every day.
The idea Jojo proposed would bring her into contact with the outside world and higher her chance of meeting someone. Granted, a slim chance, but a higher one than if she remained inside and surrounded by bikers all the time Maybe she'd even find the man who'd fall in love with her and let her have kids before she was too old.
The four years she danced, she was safe. Nothing happened. No warnings, no threats, and no visits from Uncle Ted. She scraped her teeth over her bottom lip. Her desires outweighed the fear of making a mistake. It wasn't as if she was leaving Bantorus or Federal. She'd come home after work, and spend time with the guys.
Besides, the schedule she kept prior to the Sterling Building burning down worked at the beginning, and the bikers had enjoyed watching them all dance. She valued her skills and enjoyed being a part of the community.
Shari reached over and held Jojo's hand. "It'd have to be only 2 nights a week, like Kurt allowed when he came and took possession of us. Only thing I ask is that you go through Kurt first. Until we have his okay, don't make plans, don't get excited, and don't mention a word to anyone else. We need to make sure we have the club's approval first, because none of us wants to lose our home at the club."