by Debra Kayn
Alone in bed, she sat, prepared to have him order her out of the room or worse, walk away from her as if she hadn't seen true emotions behind his eyes. But she had seen through the shield he wore and listened to the words he spoke to the man inside. That realness was the part of him she wanted, and as of tonight, she needed.
Lee walked out of the bathroom, stopped, and stared at Shari on the bed. She scrambled off the mattress and walked naked to him. Already, he'd started slipping away from her.
She laid her hands on his chest. "Don't."
"It's all good." He kissed her forehead and stepped around her. "Tomorrow night you open Silver Girls. I bet you're excited for that."
She tilted her head, studying him. He avoided eye contact, and pulled on his jeans sans underwear.
"Yeah." She followed him to the other side of the room. "I am," she added quietly.
"You'll have to rest up and make sure you've got enough energy to last all night." He sat on the bed and pulled his socks on, slipping his feet into his boots. "First time working after a break can wear a person out."
"Lee?"
"Risa's pregnant." He laced his boot. "The militia's bringing bigger orders to the club. That'll keep me busy."
She laid her hand on his thigh. "Lee?"
"Shit happens, but it'll feel good to get back on the road this fall and make a trip to Arizona before winter sets in. Not sure about how I'll deal with the snow in Idaho and not riding, but I guess it's the same as living in Pitnam and dealing with the rain all fucking winter."
"Lee, stop," she said.
"Doll, I'm giving you your out," he said, looking through her. "I gave you all that I'm capable of tonight, but that's all I got."
"You're not making sense." She gathered his hand and held it on her lap. "Listen to me for a second."
He lowered his chin. She squeezed his shaking hand, not understanding what was going on with him, but knowing she wanted to get past whatever stopped him from being close to her.
"We had sex." She sighed, frustrated with her inability to explain what'd happened with her. "Really good sex. The best, but that's not what I'm questioning you about. I'm taking it for what it was, sex. So, don't confuse what happened between us as anything else."
He picked at the rip in his jeans. "Then what do you want from me?"
Everything.
All of you.
Inside your head.
For whatever reason, he refused to think beyond the act to what was happening within him. She scooted sideways, facing him. "Just look at me."
He turned. "That's it?"
"No." She raised her hand and cupped his face, stroking the skin at the corner of his eye. "See me?"
He chuckled. "Yeah, doll. You're right in front of me."
"Lee, look at me and tell me what I'm feeling," she asked softly.
He frowned and tried to turn his head, but she brought his eyes back around to her. Her heartbeat pounded in her chest, and she wanted to shake him. Somehow, she'd get through to him.
"You're pissed?"
She shook her head. "No."
"How am I supposed to know this shit?"
"You do." She leaned closer. "When you first kissed me, you—"
"You kissed me," he mumbled.
She smiled, because his hand stopped shaking the longer she talked. "I kissed you."
"You could try to kiss me again." He grinned. "I'd let you."
With his teasing came honesty, so clear and vibrant, the depression lifted from the room. She took the challenge and kissed him. Soft, slow, and completely.
He laid his forehead on hers, and rubbed his nose against hers. Her stomach tingled, and she pulled back with a gasp.
"What?" he said.
"That...thing you do." She touched her nose, warmth filling her. "I remember."
"Remember what?"
Memories she'd forgotten came back to her. She grabbed onto him. "My mom and dad died when I was six years old. There are so many things I wish I remembered about them, and I don't, no matter how hard I try. But you do that thing with your nose where you rub mine before and after you kiss me. My parents did something similar when they said goodnight. They called it..."
He held her face and leaned closer, a breath away, then slowly rubbed the tip of his nose against her nose, back and forth. "This?"
"Yeah," she said.
"Eskimo kissing." He kissed her fast. "My dad used to do that to Kurt and me to make us laugh."
Her fingers caressed the base of his neck. "Yeah, except it's not so deliberate and a lot sexier when you do it to me."
"I like slow kisses. That time leading up to touching your lips." He grunted and shook his head. "Never realized it came out that way."
She held him still. "I like it. Don't stop."
"We have to. What we got going on is sex, doll. It's nothing else." His mouth firmed into a straight line.
Deep down, she knew he spoke the truth. That fact didn't stop her from wishing things could be different and she could explore the attraction she felt for him. He had no clue he'd mentally left her when he came out of the bathroom. He'd verbally talked his way into keeping his distance, and she'd brought him back.
He lifted his brow, gazing at her, waiting for her to agree. She kissed him softly and whispered, "Okay."
Lee remained silent. She leaned her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his back. If he'd protested more, she would've believed him. His silence only encouraged her.
Saying nothing said more than if he talked her ear off.
"Do you want me to go back to the cabin?" she asked.
The side of his jaw ticked as he worked through his thoughts. She gave him time, but she wasn't going to let go of him until he forced her to leave. Maybe nobody ever stood up to him or pressured him to try to cope with having more than sex with a woman, but she wasn't going to give up. She believed they had something special, and for now, she'd have faith for him until he could take the responsibility upon himself.
"You want to stay?" he asked.
She nodded against him. "Only if you want me to, Lee."
His body jolted and quickly relaxed. She raised her head. He chuckled silently, and she grinned.
"You want to sleep in my bed?" he asked.
She smiled. "Yeah."
He laughed, sharing that joyous sound with her. "I hate that fucking bed."
"They gave you a prospector's room. You know that, right?"
"Yeah." He stood, took off his clothes again, and flipped off the light. "They do that to every nomad that puts on a patch and stops running. In three months, I'll get a bigger bed and a bigger room. We all have to pay our dues somehow."
She scooted to the wall and crawled under the covers. There were so many things about him she wanted to know. What sent him away from his family to a lonesome life on the road? Did he ever miss his parents, his brother, and the lifestyle while he rode around the country? Did he ever settle down long enough to have a relationship?
He slipped in the bed, rolling to his side to fit, and pulled her back up against his front, spooning her. "Better get some rest."
She closed her eyes. Tomorrow would come fast, and she was due to dance. She was out of practice and clumsy with her routines, but she suspected the miners wouldn't care. After finding out today that Uncle Ted was alive and near, working outside the club seemed trivial, an afterthought to keep her mind off wondering when she'd get to leave and go home.
Lee yawned and pulled her tighter against him. She laid her hand over his on her stomach. There would be no way she could sleep without knowing one more thing about Lee.
"How do you know my uncle?" she asked.
He inhaled deeply. She held her breath, pleading silently for him to let her inside his secrets. She wouldn't beg, but she wanted to know.
Finally, he said, "I'm not a Fed."
She half turned, lying on her back. "You're a nomad."
"No, I'm Bantorus," he said. "That's all you're
getting."
She studied him in the dark. "Is Bantorus in danger?"
"Bantorus has had heat on their back since before I was born. There's nothing for you to worry about." He turned her around, cuddled up behind her, and continued.
She lay there working through everything she'd learned tonight. She snuggled down and closed her eyes. There were pieces that confused her. Uncle Ted brought her to Federal to keep her away from the threats made on her uncle's life. She'd tried to stay in California and convince Uncle Ted she was perfectly safe, but when she found her tires slashed and her apartment ransacked the next day, she willingly started over in Federal—where her uncle swore she'd be safe. Now she found out that her uncle knew Lee—a nomad turned Bantorus MC member—and trusted him enough to hand over her deceased father's most prized possession, she wanted to know more. The fact that she happened to belong to the same motorcycle club that Lee was a member of was not lost on her.
The first time she'd seen Lee was a year and a half ago when a couple tourists attacked Risa. She twined her fingers with Lee's. He'd been a stranger and barely stayed at the club, and he hadn't even noticed her. The extent of Risa's injuries, coupled with all the whispers and lack of information had her doubting the reasons behind her recovery. The story fed to Silver Girls was pure bullshit, but it was club business.
A year later, Natalie showed up and Remmy disappeared. He'd come back to the club hurt with no explanations. Again, it was club business, so she wasn't privy to the information. This time, Lee showed up at the club and stayed.
She had to find out who was hurting the club and trying to go after Uncle Ted. Somewhere in the answers, she'd discover the connections that linked them all together. Her mind wandered to Lee and her body relaxed. She yawned. Tomorrow, she'd pay more attention to what was going on right in front of her, and find out why Lee always showed up when something bad happened.
Chapter Fourteen
Lee closed the door and set the pile of clothes Jojo brought up to his room for Shari on the bed. He then rubbed his face, and tried to gather the energy to get going. He'd overslept, and he couldn't remember the last time he got more than four hours of sleep in one night. Not because he was too busy to go to bed, but sleep always eluded him.
Despite the narrow bed, the interrupted sleep to wake up and have sex with Shari again and again, he'd slept better than he had in years. He stretched, inhaling deeply, pushing away the urge to crawl back under the covers.
Shari walked out of the bathroom wearing one of Lee's shirts. Her wet hair dampened the material covering her breasts, grabbing his attention. He ogled the sight, watching her nipples peak. Jesus Christ, the last thing he wanted to do was go work in the warehouse today when Shari was more than available to him.
"Hey, you're awake," she said, dropping her purse onto the bed.
He motioned with his chin to the dresser. "Jojo woke me up when she knocked on the door and handed over a pile of your clothes."
"Oh." She glanced down at the black Harley Davidson shirt with the sleeves cutoff covering her body. "I guess I'll change then."
He grabbed her wrist, bringing her closer. "We good?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "Sure."
He tilted his head, studying her. "Remember to keep the business with your uncle under wraps like you've been doing."
"I know." She stuck out her lip and blew. "I'm not going to jeopardize Uncle Ted."
"Good." His thumb caressed the inside of her wrist and the sensation left her fidgety, which amused him. "Did you sleep well?"
She laughed softly. "Better than I thought I would."
"Yeah, me too," he said, but the tension in his jaw intensified.
Lee walked over to the dresser and grabbed his vest. He'd always treaded easy around women, afraid they'd read too much into having sex. Shari was no different. She'd be a bad habit to start. He had a feeling she couldn't separate sex from what her heart was telling her. She watched him too carefully, and thought too much, questioning his motives, and formulating her own opinions.
Opinions that'd never end well the more she spent time around him. While he was confident she'd keep information about her uncle to herself, the pressure to make sure she stayed unaware of his relationship with Tango grew stronger.
He finished putting his wallet in his jeans and latched the chain to his belt. He'd take her downstairs to breakfast, and then go to the warehouse to put in a few hours on the order for the militia. He'd continue his normal routine, until Tango called and he could put an end to everything.
"Doll?" Lee said, turning around.
She jolted, dropping his shirt she'd taken off. "Yes?"
Her breasts, large, round, and all natural stared back at him. His muscles tightened, tingled, and hardened.
"I..." He whistled on an exhale, forgetting what he was going to say.
The slight blush, the almost virginal expression, and the eagerness in her gaze undid him. He let his head fall back on his shoulders and stared up at the ceiling. He recited every contact he had with Los Li, named every criminal he shot, every raid that ended with him wondering if it'd be the last time he lived to see justice served.
Nothing helped.
His cock hardened, reminding him of what it was like between Shari's legs. He'd give up today to have another taste of her.
He looked at her again, and she had him by the balls. "Come, and get some, doll."
Her face transformed in front of him, and she caught her lip behind her teeth, letting her arms fall to her sides in relief. The blind trust wrapped around his heart and squeezed. He'd spent his life alone, stretching himself beyond what he thought possible, living a style that damned him to hell. He'd fucked up repeatedly, and he saw nothing good in his future.
Yet, Shari stood before him, offering everything, and making him breathe. She forced him to feel, tempting him to throw it all away for one more time with her.
"What are you doing to me?" he whispered.
She shrugged her shoulders, her hands opening. "Being with you for the moment."
"If I could go back..." He held his breath, burning his lungs with regret. "I can't change who I am for you. For this. For what we're doing here. I'm a fucked up mess."
"Nothing's impossible," she whispered back. "Everything can change if you try."
"You have no idea," he said, not sure if he spoke out loud, because his heart throbbed inside of him, muffling the sound of his thoughts, his senses.
With her, he could almost imagine having her here in his room when he ended the day, and standing naked seeing him off on a ride, and then counting the seconds until he came back. And, he would rush back to her, because she'd be the best thing in his life.
"Lee...look at me," she said, standing by the bed. "Don't leave me yet."
"I have to." He stared, wishing things were different.
"Nobody's making you," she said. "I'm a Bantorus bitch."
"You need to walk away from me." He fisted his hands. "Everything would change if I tried to become who you need. You were right. I'm a nomad in my heart and it's filled with my past. You deserve a true lifer or a citizen that'll take you far away from the club, someone dedicated to giving you everything you need. I'd only hurt you, and if I wasn't hurting you, I'd disappoint you."
She shook her head. "You're ignoring what's between us. Don't take the easy way out and excuse what is happening."
He snagged his pistol off the dresser and shoved it into his back pocket. The steel in his hand supported his resolve. "Get dressed. I'll take you down for breakfast."
Her gaze narrowed, and she turned her back to him. He grabbed an extra clip for the gun and added it to the inside pocket of his vest. Shari's attitude aimed his way was nothing new to him, and he could handle the detachment he created. He'd rather have her pissed than realizing he fucked with her life. She'd never forgive him.
Her sweetness would be the death of him. She had him wondering if one more day, one more week, would hurt. Those thoughts
he kept to himself.
She walked over and slipped on her flip-flops, opened the door, and strode out into the hallway. He flexed his shoulders, exhausted despite the extra rest last night.
Lee shut the door, and Shari rounded on him. "I don't know what you've been through, and right now, I don't care. I did care, because you gave me a part of yourself I believe you don't share with anyone else, and for a moment, for one short amount of time, you had me feeling special."
"Stop," he said, not liking where she headed.
"Okay, I get it, I'm a Bantorus bitch, but not once had I ever felt like a whore while living here...until you walked in here and flashed two sides of your personality," she said, fairly hissing the words.
"You've slept with the other men," he said, wanting her to walk away. "It wasn't just me who got in your bed, doll."
"Men? No." She poked him in the chest. "One man. Ask any of them, and they'll tell you the truth, because unlike you, they're not hiding from the past."
His stomach churned. "Who?"
She clamped her lips together and glared at him. He grasped her upper arms, set her against the wall, and repeated himself. "Who did you sleep with?"
"Not that it's any of your business, but Remmy. We were friends and enjoyed having sex, that's all. I never once believed it was anything else, because he respected me and never once played any power game over me the way you do. Once Natalie came to Federal, Remmy never came to me again," she said.
He shook his head. Ink had already given him the details. She was lying. "Yeah? Maybe in your bed hopping, you've forgot one or two men. Or maybe you're protecting Sawyer, because you're crawling under his skin too, and making him want something more."
Her hand came up and he caught the slap before she could hit his cheek. "Doll, I've killed men for doing less than slapping me."
"I've never slept with Sawyer," she said, breathing heavily. "He's like a kid brother, and club life is hard on him. He needed a friend, someone he could talk with, and I'm that person. Obviously, friendships are something you can't understand."
He stared down into her eyes, skittish with anger, heated with passion, and realized she was telling the truth. "Fuck this."