I’ve also enclosed some real maple syrup. You might prefer the chemical-laden one, but I thought I would give you a taste of the real thing, given that it is Christmas, after all.
And I’ve enclosed some caramel. It’s not as good as the one I make, but it will have to suffice for this mission.
I have also included some photos of me, so that you would have something to stick in your pocket while moving about the gorgeous landscapes of Afghanistan.
One photo is of me on the beach. I felt like this one would help you to picture me there with you given the sand and all.
The second photo is a current pic of me here in DC surrounded by the cold winter. I’ve got my Starbucks in hand, and, by the way, I asked a stranger to take this photo of me because I was in a hurry to get it developed and mailed to you.
The third photo is a clue. You’ll have to tell me what you think it is.
I’m sorry this letter isn’t as long, but I want to cut it short in hopes that it might make its way to you before Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Matthew.
Truly,
Vivian
P.S. I hope you liked the snowflake confetti… ;)
Chapter Six
From: [email protected]
Sent: 1/6/16 23:11
To: [email protected]
Oh, my sweet Civilian Girl,
To say you confused me is an understatement. I got your email before I got your letter, so I was left scratching my head for a while.
Sorry for not responding sooner, but, well, life, and war.
I would suggest that in the future, we rely solely on one type of correspondence to avoid confusion, but I would not know which to suggest. Both have their benefits. Nothing beats email for instant gratification, but there is something to be said for holding an actual letter, and folding it, and keeping in your pocket to reread when you need a smile or a laugh. You made me laugh out loud for real, and that is no small feat. Before you think I'm a complete misery, I should tell you I used to laugh a lot, well, the normal amount—if laughing was on a bell curve, I would have not been more than a standard deviation away from average—but lately, laughs have been thin on the ground, again because of life and well, war.
So, thank you for the laugh. I really mean it, thank you. I feel you have given me back something I didn’t know I'd lost.
Right now, back to you, Civilian Girl. Vivian, no more regret or remorse. That seems to be a theme with you. You let loose, and there are these little sparks of what I am guessing is your true personality, and then you frantically try to stomp them out. Well, I’m here to tell you to let them burn. After all, you have nothing to lose with me.
Well, I mean, I guess I could cancel our wedding. Oh, and of course, there are our future children to think of…It would be a shame not to have them. I really am quite fond of little Patton and our baby girl, Dunwoody. I have to say, Vivian, I always knew I liked you, but when you decided to name our daughter after the first female four-star Army general, I was floored. That's when I knew we were soul mates. I’m not ashamed to say, I got a little misty-eyed It could also have been because you were squeezing my hand pretty hard during labor. You are surprisingly strong, even for a 350 lbs woman.
Oh, and while we're on the subject, don’t worry about your recent weight gain. I'll start working out more so I can carry you over the threshold. Failing that, I'll design a pulley system to gracefully hoist you into our marital home. I'd finally be putting my engineering degree to good use, so thanks again. We really should decide where out marital home is. I am assuming near DC, maybe Virginia, so you can be close to work.
But first things first: our honeymoon. Santorini is off the table, since we have both been there, unless you really want to go back. It might be fun to pick a place neither of us has been. Though, saying that, I am seeing the flaw in my logic. It is our honeymoon, after all, so we are unlikely to be doing much site seeing. Best we pick a place we have both been, so two weeks spent in a hotel room doesn’t seem like a waste of leave. Not that any time spent with you would be a waste. So, Greece for our honeymoon then, agreed?
Have I scared you off yet? Perhaps I should stick to answering your questions. I always forget to answer them, and then during the day, something will remind me. If you ever really want me to do something, put it on a list, or give me a direct order. I respond well to both of those things.
Question one: the weather. Can I just say I love that you check the weather in Kabul? Before I was stationed here, I assumed it would be hot all the time. This is a desert, after all. Well, it is a bitterly, freeze-your-balls-off cold desert in the winter. Imagine the worst day in DC, and then add a wind so cold it actually burns. Sometimes, it feels hot on your face because your nerve endings are so frozen, you stop feeling temperature and you just feel pain. And it's very dry here. My lips are always chapped, and bizarrely, so is the skin around my eyes. Even small kids here have wrinkles around their eyes because it is so dry.
Keeping warm is a full time job in itself. I don’t know how locals do it year after year. Actually, I do know. They don’t all manage. Some die every year due to exposure, mostly kids. We do our best to help with that, but there's not a lot to do when you’re up against Mother Nature. In the winter, we make fuel pucks and distribute those to the locals. Basically, they're a combination of saw dust and recycled paper mixed in a trash can, pressed into a mold, and then left to dry. They work surprisingly well. It's not part of our normal duty, but every Friday and Sunday, a group of us get together and make them. We start after dinner at about seven and work until our fingers stop functioning. Ultimately, it doesn’t make a difference to anyone. People will still freeze, and get shot and maimed, but at least they can warm their hands for a few minutes, or boil some water for a cup of tea, something, anything. That is what I tell myself, it's something. Anyway, that wasn’t your question. Your question was about the weather. The short answer is freezing.
Your other question was about my bed, of all things. Woman, you have a one-track mind, I mean between that and your offer of nude pictures, I’m glad we booked Greece for the honeymoon. Sounds like we are going to be, um, busy.
No, I don’t have a bunk. I have a cot. I have included a picture so you can see. Feel free to include a picture of your bed, or you in your bed, or your cat in your bed. You can come out of the feline closet, my little cat lady.
Now, my turn to ask questions. Where did you end up spending Christmas? What did you do? More importantly, what did you eat? Please tell me there was pecan pie involved. Oh, and eggnog. God, I love eggnog. I can drink a carton by myself. I’m lucky I’m so tall; it means I can eat more. And now that I am trying to bulk up to lift my voluptuous wife, it is game on.
Whatever you did for Christmas, I hope you weren’t alone, even if you didn’t go see your family. I get it though, not wanting to engage. Sometimes, it's the only way to get through. I’m sorry about your brother. I would like to say that it gets easier, but I have no idea if it does. Sometimes, I think it's getting easier, and then it's back—the wound fresh, torn open—and you wonder if you will ever feel happy again. But then you get a letter from a beautiful American girl, and you hear someone laughing, and you realize it is you.
So, on the whole, I can say there will be better moments for you. I hope I can give you some.
Happy New Year, Civilian Girl. I hope this year brings you lots of joy.
Sincerely,
Soldier Boy
P.S. Feel free to add Steven and Luke on Facebook. Luke is very shy and might not even acknowledge your request. He is a true introvert, except when he is with Steven. Steven, on the other hand, will confirm you and be your best friend by sundown. He will know every deep dark secret you have, and you won’t even realize you told him. He is impossible not to like. You really will love him. I can actually imagine you hanging out with him. How weird would that be, to have these two universes intersect? Anyway, I’m really off to bed. Tonight, I am
determined to sleep.
Thank you for the pictures. You’re right, I will carry them with me, even the third one, which I can’t figure out at all. It looks like a castle. I can see you, but I can’t tell what you’re doing. I might need a hint.
-Matthew
Chapter Seven
[email protected] Sent 1/7/15
[email protected]
Dear Soldier Boy,
I got this email last night, it was what I read right before falling asleep in my bed. I’m attaching a photo so you can see where I catch all my important Zzs. Thank you for including a photo of where you sleep (if you are able). Though, I would have appreciated it even more if you were in the photo rather than the indention of where your body lays. However, given the indention in the sheets, (which I was able to really zoom in on and inspect), I was able to get a better idea of your actual size. The mountain pic gave me an idea, but with the mountain being so big, and the photo being taken so far away, well, I think you get where I’m going here.
Anyway, Matthew, I think I figured out why you have a hard time sleeping. That bed is not big enough for you. Your indention is huge. That’s what she said. Haha! I couldn’t help myself. I know that joke is old, but does it ever truly get old? Well, I suppose you will have to tell me.
Now, the photo I’m enclosing of my bed is at its best possible impression for you. I have removed all fifty-seven of my stuffed animals (just kidding, I don’t sleep with any stuffed animals). And there is no cat or cat anything in my house. I really even hate myself a bit for typing cat again in an email to you, but I feel you must know that, though I joke about quite a few things, cats are not among them. *shudders*
I bought my comforter when I got my job offer from X Company. It was a proud moment for me, and to celebrate, I thought it would be great idea to buy a comforter to commemorate the moment. Little did I know, I would not be getting as much sleep as I had intended underneath these sheets. They’re lavender, by the way. You can’t tell from the comforter, so I thought I would tell you.
Enough about my bed, you already think I have a one-track mind, and given that mountain climbing photo, well, I might have imagined climbing—nope I won’t say. ;)
It hurts to think that your laughter has been missing. I imagine your voice and wonder if it’s raspy or really deep. I hope it’s not like David Beckham’s. I used to have a crush on him, and then it was ruined by his voice. Not his accent, as I do enjoy an accent, but the tone. It was small like a boy. *shudders again*
Looking back now, I can see how his voice matches his appearance in a way that I had never noticed before. He doesn’t look like a boy or anything, but I can see how his voice makes sense. Good grief, I can’t believe I just did a play by play of David Beckham’s voice for you. Yawn fest!
Seriously, though, I can’t imagine your voice being bad. I wish I could hear you, but then, not yet. I like the mysteriousness of it. Kind of like the fact that I don’t really have a close enough photo of you. I’m not sure if I saw you in a crowd that I would recognize you.
I did print out the photo, though, and have it on my desk at work. I wrote on the photo with a pink sharpie, “My fiancé.” I hope that’s okay with you? Haha! Can you imagine? And further, my coworkers would really question my sanity. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Either way, I haven’t done that.
I think movies can tell a lot about a person, and you mentioned your laughter being missing. What movies made you laugh out loud?
I’ll tell you the last movie that had me in tears was Bridesmaids (not because of the wedding theme of my letters), it’s a really funny movie.
Patton and Dunwoody? Oh Matthew, I’m not sure about those names. Dunwoody would have a hard time at school. Hopefully, Patton comes first and can protect her from all the bullying she’ll have to deal with given that name.
Thank you. I am strong, even given my obesity. I recently finished my first 5k. I bet that is nothing compared to your mile count, but it was a big endeavor for me. I’ve never been a runner or exerciser, etc. But I wanted to do it for my brother. He was always athletic, and after he died, I felt compelled to run (well, walk-jog, like I said I’m not a runner). Anyway, I started that Couch to 5k program, and then ran in the Turkey Trot over Thanksgiving. It was a trot for me. So many people were whipping by me, I felt like a turkey that was going to be gobbled up by the crowd. But I wasn't. I finished the race (before it ended, thankfully) and crossed the finish line. It was really a special moment. Somehow, and I know this is weird, I felt like Tommy was running alongside me, cheering me on.
But back to my strength, anyway, Tommy had always tried to get me into running, etc., and I never wanted to. I would go to his races in high school and cheer him on, but always from the sidelines. When he left, he told me that if I ever decided to take up running, then I needed to make sure to balance it with strength training. I laughed it—and him–off, and that was the last time we spoke.
So, now I run, and it makes me feel closer to him. And I strength train too, even though I hate lifting weights more than running. But hopefully, it will help counter the possibility of me getting osteoporosis, as I am getting up there in my years. ;)
Honeymoon planning! Yes, love the idea of Santorini. I looked out at the ocean while I was there and just knew, someday, I'd return with the love of my life. Now, it’s all coming into place. I love that you’ve been there too. I wouldn’t want to go to a place that I had experienced on my own first and then go with you….awkward.
Scared me off? Ha, not possible, Soldier Boy. I’m in this for the long haul. I’ve already gone overboard on my sappy emotions with you. If you haven’t given up, then I’ve got to do my best to keep you, as there isn’t any other person on this planet who'd have me and all my wacky thoughts.
Ooh, I like the idea of giving you a direct order. I’ll keep that in mind for later. ;)
Wow, I had no idea it gets that cold and awful in Kabul. Yes, I checked my weather app, but like I said, I knew you would be able to give me something that the weather app couldn’t. Well, there are lots of things you could give me that the weather app can’t. ;) Haha! I can’t help myself. I’m really not infatuated with the idea of sex and you. Well, maybe I am; who knows? I guess I’m the only one with that answer. Haha!
That’s so sweet of you to make the warmers. Who does that with you? What are their names? Soldier Boy, describe them to me.
Argh…my Christmas was a disaster. I know I shouldn’t say that, given how you probably spent yours. But I want to be honest with you. It was horrible. The worst Christmas of my life. And no, I’m not exaggerating. It really was.
So, on December 23rd, my boss came into my office and told me that everyone needed to go home and visit their families. Given all the heat and fire (the fan issue I had mentioned before), we needed to take advantage of the fact that we could be with our families when so many could not. I didn’t want to seem like a cold-hearted woman and not go, and I couldn’t lie about it. So I did it. I drove home, and it was so bad, Matthew, it hurts to even say. Everything was terrible, from the moment I walked into my parents’ house, until the moment I left on Christmas day. Yes, I drove home on Christmas day in a snow storm, no less. Not because I had to rush to get back—my boss gave us time off until the 27th—but because I had to get out. I couldn’t breathe in my parents’ house. It was awful not seeing Tommy. Every inch of the home is filled with memories of him. And being there on Christmas brought it all to light, the reality of it. Tommy is gone. Really gone. Not on some secret tour or hiding out. He didn’t go AWOL. He is dead. And it sucks so bad. I cried more tears than I thought could fall from my eyes. And after all my tears had fallen, and I finally felt like I might be able to make it through the rest of my visit, I was sitting at the dinner table with my mom and step dad, and he looked over at me and shook his head.
The disappointment and disgust in his eyes were more than I thought possible from one person, but there it was. He blames me. I
thought he might, but seeing him and his look confirmed it. So, I excused myself from the table, and I left. I haven’t talked to either of them since. I’m not sure if my mom feels the same way, but she definitely didn’t try to console me or stop me from leaving. Not that she should; I get it. But there you have it, my bad Christmas.
I probably should delete all of that, but I won’t. It’s probably best you know.
I’m sorry. I know I said I was going to try and be more sunshine (and now I know you do need sunshine because of the temperature) and flowers, but that is how I spent my Christmas. I didn’t even get to dessert.
After I made my way home, I was done feeling sorry for myself, and since I had no letters from you (insert trying to make you feel guilty emoticon even though the lack of letters was obviously not because you were able to, but I did miss hearing from you a lot). Anyway, back to sunshine and flowers. I downloaded this book about pecan pie. In fact, well, it was a romance. It was fun and it got me out of my “funk”.
And on to my New Years...by the way, how did you spend yours? Hopefully, not kissing anyone. After my boss gave us Christmas off, he must have decided that was a little too generous, so we worked until 1AM on New Years. Which was pure bliss, let me tell you. A few of my coworkers brought some champagne, and my partner tried to kiss me at the stroke of midnight. Thankfully, my weight lifting has paid off a bit, and I was able to push my partner away. But it was very awkward and uncomfortable at the office for the next few days.
Dear Soldier Boy Page 3