Vivian shook her head again. “I don’t blame you for Tommy. I never did. You are a moron. Only you blame yourself for that.” Her hands balled into tight fists, like she was thinking of punching him. “It is war. My brother died in a war, not because of you. You are giving yourself far too much credit. He—”
“Is it because of my leg?” He cut her off. He needed to know. Could she get past this?
“How can you even ask that,” she gasped. “You think that little of me!”
Matthew squeezed her hand tighter when she tried to pull away.
“Did you miss the heart-ripping and stomping part? You broke me, shattered me. There are pieces I won’t ever find. You did that to me.”
“Oh Vivian, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She pulled her hand away. “No. I can’t do this. I thought you weren’t real. I thought I had made you up. You made me question my own sanity. Do you know what that does to a person? To think that you had created this perfect person and had this amazing romance with them? Do you have any idea?” She wiped her cheeks. “Because I do, Matthew. I died inside the day I got your death letter, the letter I was given for closure.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too…but I guess now we both got our closure.” Her eyes left his.
She turned and ran.
“Vivian, don’t go. Don’t leave me, please.” His voice broke. “Please,” he begged. But she was already gone. Even if he had both legs, he would not be able to catch her because she didn’t want to be caught.
Matthew watched the door at the end of the hall for a long time, hoping, praying that she would come back, but she wouldn’t. He had made sure of that with every decision he had made since they met, even before they met. He let out a long stream of air. He rolled his chair back into his room so he could shut the door. He didn’t need an audience.
He had failed. At life, with her, with everything. He balled his hands into fists. He stared at his reflection in the full-length mirror behind the door. He took it all in: the missing leg, the disfigured eye, the scruffy I-don’t-give-a-shit beard. He was a mess.
But he wasn’t a quitter.
He didn’t give up on anything, but especially not on her. If there was anything worth fighting for, it was her. He pulled out his phone. He had a lot of work to do. Lucky for him, hard work never put him off. He glanced at the clock. Shit, there was a lot to do.
He used his thumbs to write a list on his phone. And then he texted her. Before he sent her business card in the letter, he'd saved her number. Thank God he had.
Chapter Forty-Three
Matthew took a deep breath. She wasn’t coming. It didn’t matter that it was Christmas. She wasn’t his. It wasn’t meant to be. His gift had been the letters with her. This was asking too much. Vivian was too much. She was more than he had ever imagined. Christ, he should have made contact. It didn’t matter about his leg. She didn’t care about that.
This was the longest he had stood in three months. His armpits ached where his crutches bit into his skin, but he loved the sensation. If it hurt, it was because he was pushing himself. He would keep pushing himself until he could walk on his prosthetic unaided, and then he would keep pushing until he could run. He wouldn’t stop until he succeeded. Like Ranger School, this was pass/fail, and there was no failing. He looked into the metal eyes of the Franklin Delano Roosevelt statue. FDR was now his favorite president. He had always been partial to Lincoln and Jefferson, but now it was all about his man, Franklin, another determined man in a wheelchair. “Frank. I think I’m going to have to recycle this phase. I’ll get it, though.”
“Talking to statues now. I thought I was supposed to be the crazy one.” A soft voice asked.
Vivian. She came.
Matthew turned to face her. She was bundled in a light blue jacket, but she still looked cold. Her nose and eyes were red, but tears were the most likely reason for the red eyes.
His chest ached at the thought of making her cry.
“You’re here,” he murmured, barely believing it.
“Yes,” she sniffed. “Because, apparently, I am a masochist. You shaved. You look...you look handsome.”
Matthew shook his head. “Are you sure your vision wasn’t impaired in Afghanistan?”
“Don’t. Don’t be funny. I can’t take funny and handsome.” Her lips trembled.
Matthew took off his scarf and wrapped it around her neck. He reached for the buttons of his jacket. “Here, take my coat.” He carefully balanced as he wedged his crutches under his arm so he could maneuver enough to take off his jacket. Thank god he didn’t fall, because his ego did not need that blow.
“No, I don’t need it. I’m fine. Thank you.”
“That would be more convincing if you weren’t shivering.” He draped his coat over her shoulders and took the opportunity to brush the back of his hand over her face. “Thank you for coming, Vivian. I know I said I wouldn't contact you again if you didn’t come, but it was a blatant lie. This stupid soldier has your number, and he is going to keep using it.”
“Matthew. I—”
“I haven’t spoken to anyone in three months, so I have a lot to say. Let me get it all out, and then you can tell me whatever you need to say.”
Vivian bit her lip and nodded. “Okay.”
“You may have noticed, we're not at the Lincoln Memorial. Remember, we had plans of meeting there. We were going to run the Mall, and then I was going to kiss you in front of there. Remember that? That was a great plan. I loved that plan. It kept me going. But it didn’t happen. Things changed. I changed, we changed.
“Matthew—”
He held up his hand. “No, please, let me finish. I have a lot to say.”
She nodded again.
“I didn’t want to meet there because that was a fantasy. I need real. I can’t run. I can’t take you to the top of a mountain. Not yet. But I will. I will work my ass off to do all of those things. I will do physical therapy sixteen hours a day. I will take you running.”
Vivian shook her head. “I think I’m good on running for a while. I did it to stop worrying about you. Matthew, I tried to run through my memories of you. I tried to forget about you. But it didn’t even work.”
Matthew smiled. “Woman, we are running. We are taking Duke to the Doggy 5K, or whatever it is called. We will run. We will climb.”
“Will we kiss?” Vivian asked with a timid smile. “Because that was the only thing on the list I really wanted to do anyway. The rest of it was you. My contributions were reading romance novels and having sex. Lots of sex. Sorry, I’m just putting that out there so you know that the whole being sporty thing is not a deal breaker for me.”
Matthew laughed. “It is always about sex with you, woman.”
Vivian’s face paled. She glanced down at his crotch. “Oh, no…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean. Oh, God…foot in mouth.”
Matthew laughed again. He had forgotten the sound of it. “I lost my leg, not my penis.”
Color rose in her cheeks. “I know. I mean…if it doesn’t work…um…well that is…that is…um…it…”
Perversely, Matthew was enjoying watching her dig herself a hole. She was adorable, the way her eyes widened and her cheeks went the darkest shade of pink. Everyone should look that good with their foot in their mouth. “Woman, my penis works fine.”
“Oh, thank God!” She grabbed her chest in relief. “Oh, that sounds awful. I’m sorry. It’s just, I really have been looking forward to sex. With you, obviously, in case you were wondering. Sex with you.”
“If you say sex again, I will have proof of how well my penis works.”
Vivian’s eyes widened further still.
“Oh, that reminds me. I have something for you. A few somethings. Here.” Matthew reached into his bag. “I have taken the liberty of going through the Kama Sutra and marking all the suitable positions. The ones with green tags are the ones we're good to do right now. And by that, I mean I will be doing them
to you tonight, and all day tomorrow, and most of the next day. Number ninety-six might actually facilitate recovery. Yellow are ones that I can’t manage at the moment, but give me six weeks, tops, and we can add them to the repertoire.”
Vivian smiled as she thumbed from the pages. “What about this one. It has a red tag.”
“Oh, The Bridge? Yeah, no, not going to happen. That is on the no fly list, but to be fair, I couldn’t have managed that with two legs. My back does not bend that direction.”
Vivian smiled and then handed the book back. “I’ll bend for the both of us. You should see me do the Firefly.” Her eyes sparkled and then left his face. “Matthew, you have no idea how much I want to be with you. To know that you are real and what we had was real. But, I’m broken inside. You hurt me. I can’t trust myself. My prideful self told me to stay home today, not to come, that I was being foolish and making a big mistake. That I was setting myself up to fall hard again, and then what? I just got over you. No, that’s a lie; I just got to the point where I am strong enough to fool everyone around me that I’m fine. You crushed me, Matthew. You have no idea how scared I was when I didn’t hear from you, and then when I found out you were okay but did want me, I was destroyed. I can’t do that again.”
Matthew pulled Vivian tight against his chest. “I’m so sorry. I am an idiot. And I’m a coward. I was scared. I was so scared that you wouldn’t want me, so it was easier just to push you away. I took the coward’s way out. I’m so sorry. But if you forgive me, I will spend every day of my life making it up to you.”
“Matthew—”
“No, I’m not done. Let me finish before you say anything. I have another gift for you.” He reached into the bag and produced a flat box with red metallic paper. “Open it.”
“I didn’t get you anything.”
“You came. You gave me everything I want.”
Vivian tore into the paper. She didn’t carefully take off the tape and pull back the layers like he would; she just ripped. Good, one of them needed to just dive into life. That would be her job.
She looked up when she reached the polished mahogany box. “It is a chess set. But it’s missing a piece.” Matthew reached into his pocket and took out the white queen. “I will always protect the queen, for the rest of my life, if you let me. Do you know what I’m saying, Vivian?”
Tears welled in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.
Matthew reached into his pocket again. “I’m saying that I love you, and I will always love you. For as long as you let me, I will love you and take care of you. I was weak before, after the attack. Sometimes, I will be. Those are the times you will need to be strong for both of us. But I’m strong now. With you, Vivian, I am strong. Will you do me the honor of marrying me? I would get down on one knee, but I would need help up, and I don’t think you’re strong enough to lift me, so that would be a mess. A real mood killer, I'd say. And we'll have to tell Patton and Dunwoody that dad made an ass of himself and ruined the proposal.”
“Stop talking.” Vivian launched herself at him. Luckily, his crutches had anchored him in the snow, or they would have both gone flying. Matthew bent down and kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her until they were both breathless and there was no doubt that his manhood was very much fully functional.
Vivian pulled back and laughed as she wiped away a fresh torrent of tears. “If you hurt me again, Matthew, I swear I will—”
“Don’t say cut off my other leg. My brother has already threatened me with that if I screw things up with you.”
Vivian laughed. “Speaking of…it’s okay Duke, you can come.”
A large German shepherd dog came rushing to where they stood. Matthew took in the dog. He knew the dog would be big, but that was an understatement.
“Duke, we finally meet.” Matthew reached down and patted the dog on the head, offering his hand. Duke licked it, almost as a sign of acceptance.
“I knew he would love you.” Vivian’s face lit up and the gold flecks in her eyes sparkled.
“What’s not to love?” Matthew laughed.
“Exactly.” Their lips met again.
“I think your brother and I will get along really well. I haven’t even met him, but I love him.”
“He is pretty fond of you too. Do you want to meet him?”
Vivian nodded vigorously. “Of course. He's my family now. I want to meet him, and Steven, and Delette. We should go—”
Matthew interrupted her with a high pitched whistle. Moments later, his brother and Steven rounded the corner, pushing the baby in a red stroller.
“Your brother is here? Wow! There is confident, and then there is arrogant, Soldier Boy.” She smiled. “What if I had said no?”
“I would have reminded you how good my head is going to look between your thighs, and you would have capitulated. That was my strategy in operation “Marry Vivian”. I was going to use your horniness against you.”
“Fair enough. I was going to use Nutella. Maybe spread it all over me and only let you lick it off if you promised never to let me go again.”
“Never. I’m never letting you go. And, yes to the Nutella all over your body. Add that to the green tag list.”
Matthew tore his gaze away from Vivian long enough to look up at Luke and his family.
“Hey.”
Luke reached his hand to shake Vivian’s. Steven gave him a swat with the back of his hand. “This is Matthew’s bride. Honestly Luke, she'll be your sister-in-law. Hug the woman.” Before Luke could listen to his husband, Steven wrapped his arms around Vivian and enveloped her in a full embrace. “Welcome to the family.”
“Thank you.”
Luke awkwardly embraced Vivian and smiled. “A woman who plays chess and puts up with my brother is one I am happy to welcome to the family. Does the ring fit?”
Vivian looked down at her hand. “He didn’t actually give it to me. I just grabbed him and kissed him”
“Honestly, Matt.” Steve sighed. “Put the ring on her finger already. Lock this one in, bud.”
Matthew opened the ring box.
“No wait!” Steven said. “Wait, let me get out my phone to take a picture. This needs to be commemorated.” He patted his pockets. “Babe, where did I put my phone?”
Luke shook his head and pulled out his phone. “I’ll take the picture.”
“Last chance to change your mind,” Matthew said.
“No, chance.”
“Good, because I was lying. I won’t let you change your mind.” He slipped the diamond and ruby ring onto her finger. “It’s too big. Grandma Kay was more of a zaftig woman. Here. I'll get it sized.”
Vivian pulled her hand back. “You will do nothing of the sort. You gave it to me, its mine. This is a binding contract, Soldier Boy.”
“She’s right. I’m a lawyer. I know these things,” Steven added.
Vivian looked into the stroller. “This aunty needs to hold her niece. May I?”
Luke nodded. “Of course.”
“Oh, hello, my beautiful girl. Aren’t you precious? I could just take you home.”
Matthew kissed the top of Vivian’s head. His heart was too full; it almost hurt. He might not deserve any of this, but nothing would stop him from enjoying it. He loved her. And she loved him, a stupid, wounded soldier.
Matthew swallowed past the lump in his throat. “You know you'll have to give her back eventually.”
Steven and Luke looked at each other and shared a knowing look. Luke said, “Oh no, she can keep her for a while. Daddy needs some sleep.” Steven nodded.
“Give them back their baby so we can go home and practice making one of our own,” he whispered in her ear.
Vivian smiled up at him, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.
“Take me home, Soldier Boy.”
The End.
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Dear Soldier Boy Page 16