“Oh.” I swallowed hard around the disappointment lodged in my throat. “Okay.”
“I’ll see you tonight?”
Nodding, I gave him an awkward wave. “See ya.”
I couldn’t stop myself from ogling his ass as he strode away.
Since he was no longer trying to hide behind baggy clothes, I was seeing Ezra in jeans that fit his form for the first time. And damn, he had good form. With every step, the muscles flexed and relaxed in a hypnotic dance underneath the denim, making his flesh look firm and soft at the same time.
Mixed emotions warred inside me as I blatantly stared at his bubble butt.
What the hell just happened?
I was so fucking confused. During our short conversation, he’d totally been hot one second and cold the next.
Over the summer, I’d memorized every word of his letters. He’d even signed one with the word ‘Love’ at the bottom. The rational part of me knew it could’ve just been a general way of ending a letter—people did that, and it didn’t mean anything special.
But he’d said I had his heart. That I was his favorite thing in the world.
And now he seemed more excited about the party than spending time with me.
My eyebrows drew together, and a frown tugged at my lips. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I already got all that stuff out of my system in high school—the friends, the activities, the parties—and Ezra still needed to experience that phase of life.
Obviously he’d changed for the better, and I was happy for him. But the confidence I’d been feeling this morning morphed into doubt.
I remembered something John and Rob had once told me about romantic relationships: People are constantly changing, and either you evolve together or grow apart.
Sadness seeped into every cell of my body as I considered a possibility that had never entered my mind.
What if Ezra’s outward appearance wasn’t the only thing that had changed? And what if the new versions of ourselves were no longer right for each other?
Forcing myself off the bench, I trudged in the opposite direction to my first class.
As my feet carried me away from Kayla, I had to remind myself to stick with the plan.
Play it cool. Don’t look back.
But damn, I wanted to turn around to see her one more time. She’d never been more beautiful than she was today. Happy and just so… free.
She’d let her hair go natural and her skin was a little darker than I’d ever seen it before. Like light brown sugar. Sweet, mouthwatering, and gorgeous. I could see bikini-shaped tan lines peeking out from behind her tank top. That, combined with how her green eyes stood out against the contrasting colors of her skin and hair, made me want to lose control.
If I’d stayed for one more second, I would’ve mauled her right there.
That wasn’t part of the leave-her-wanting-more strategy I’d committed to.
Holding her and having her hands on me had been amazing, and I knew she wanted me to kiss her. It was obvious in the way she looked at me, but it wasn’t the right time or place. It needed to be perfect.
She deserved better than getting groped by a hornball in public. Romance and shit.
Even though my leg was a little stiff, I passed the bus stop, unwilling to take Pierre on as a service dog. Because then everyone would know there was something wrong with me.
I didn’t want to wear my weakness on my sleeve. People preyed on it. People judged it.
I couldn’t let that happen here.
I’d walked a lot today—first to my classes, then back to my apartment to get Pierre, then to the quad to meet up with Kayla.
But it was good exercise, and it was such a nice day. The warm sun felt good on my skin, but even the sunny skies couldn’t wipe out the persistent nagging feeling that ate at me as I made the seven-block trek to my apartment.
Cutting things short with Kayla on purpose left me unsettled and anxious. Right before I’d left, disappointment was written all over her face. She looked at me like I had let her down. That cut deep, worse than the twinge of pain in my knee.
Just as I shut the door to my place, my phone rang.
Jimmy. Exactly the person I needed to talk to.
“Hey,” I answered as I hung Pierre’s leash on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “Bon garcon,” I told him with a pat on the head. Good boy. “Rapporte las eau.”
“Are you speaking French?” Jimmy asked.
“I was talking to Pierre.”
“Oh, yeah. Almost forgot about the mutt.”
“He’s not a mutt,” I defended.
“He better not be for as much as Mom and Dad spent.”
I just grunted because I had no idea what they paid—they wouldn’t tell me no matter how many times I asked, insisting it wasn’t important.
After kicking off my shoes, I sat down on the gray couch. A wet nose nudged my hand, and I took the cold bottle of water from Pierre’s mouth. “Thanks, buddy.”
“So how’s your first day as the big hotshot on campus?”
I scoffed around my gulp of water, resulting in an unattractive gurgling sound. “I don’t know about hotshot, but it’s been a good day. Had my first two classes and I saw Kayla for a few minutes.”
“How’d that go?” he asked, and I knew he wasn’t referring to my classes.
“Great. I think my attempt at playing hard to get was a success.”
“Your attempt at what?” Jimmy’s voice was strained.
“Hard to get. I only hung around for about ten minutes, then I left.”
“Dude.” I could actually hear him smack his forehead on the other end of the line. “Hard to get? No. Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m supposed to?”
“No.”
“But you said, ‘just be cool,’” I reminded him. Jimmy had come back to Ohio for a short visit last weekend and I’d spilled everything about Kayla. He’d given me some brotherly advice, and I trusted him. After all, he’d always had a knack for attracting the ladies. “Plus, that’s what my internet search said.”
“Okay, one: Don’t ever look for dating advice on the internet. Sex stuff? Yeah, go to town on that shit. But when it comes to how women work? Absolutely not. And two: What I meant was, be yourself.”
“Then you should’ve said that,” I shot back, getting flustered. “If you tell me to ‘be cool,’ the last thing I’m going to do is be myself.” I ran a hand over my head, still not used to the short length. “Because I’m so… not that.”
He growled because he hated it when I put myself down. “I’m gonna ignore the self-deprecation and tell you this—always be yourself and go after what you want. How do you think I got Mackenna? By being coy? No. I pursued her hard. I’m not telling you to stalk Kayla or anything, but don’t act uninterested.”
I got out a piece of paper to take notes, because this was some complicated shit.
How To Get Kayla
Don’t stalk her.
But go after her.
Always be yourse—
“Are you writing this down?” Jimmy asked with a laugh.
I scowled into the phone. “How else am I supposed to remember what to do? You’re giving me some serious mixed signals right now.”
“Not any worse than the mixed signals you’ve given her,” he pointed out. The asshole. I hated it when he was right. “You guys have been talking all summer, and the first chance you had to see her, you blew her off.”
When he put it like that, it sounded really bad.
Groaning, I dropped my head into my hand. “Shit. Shit. I really fucked up.”
“Deep breaths, man. When will you see her again?”
“She said she would meet me at a party tonight. I’ll make it better. I can fix it.” I really hoped I could fix it.
“Good. Listen, she liked you before, right? So don’t play games with her. Just. Be. You.”
Relief flowed through me, because that was way easier than t
rying to be strategic in my interactions with Kayla.
Jimmy was right. She liked me when I had nothing going for me.
Now I was better-looking, my limp had improved, and I was a shoe-in with the best fraternity at McAdams.
Pierre nudged my hand, and I gave him a reassuring scratch behind the ear.
He didn’t like it when I got stressed or when I was in pain. He could always tell, even when I tried to hide it. I’d never been so emotionally connected to an animal before. We understood each other. And it helped that he was loyal as fuck. It was almost like he existed just for me.
Over the past week and a half, he’d become an important part of my life, and not just because he could do things for me. We went on walks together, played fetch in the backyard, and hung out while we watched movies. Man’s best friend, indeed.
“Okay,” I told Jimmy. “I’ll be myself.”
“Atta boy. Well, I gotta go since it’s about time for me to pursue my own girl.”
“Pursue Mackenna?” I asked, confused. “But you already got her.”
“Ah, see that’s another thing you need to learn. The wooing doesn’t end once you’ve got the girl; then you have to keep her.”
I let out a sigh, because I was in way over my head. I had no idea how I could be related to such a Casanova. Jimmy had hit the genetic jackpot—outgoing, athletic, good-looking, and he had charisma in spades. Good thing he was one of my favorite people in the world or else I’d be tempted to hate the guy.
“Love ya,” I told him, then followed the sentimental statement with, “even if you did give me bad advice at first, Jerk Face.”
“Shut up.” He laughed. “Love you, too, Doofus.”
After ending the call, I immediately sent a text to Kayla, hoping I hadn’t done any irreparable damage.
Me: Sorry for cutting things short. Can’t wait to see you later.
I’d just gotten my ice wrap out of the fridge when she responded.
Kayla: It’s okay.
Damn, I hated text. Was she pissed? I couldn’t interpret her tone in just two words and a period. I read it several times as I made my way back to the couch, overanalyzing every letter.
Placing the cold pack right where I needed it, I secured the Velcro around my thigh, then propped my leg up on the coffee table.
Me: Guess what.
Kayla: What?
Me: You’re still my favorite.
The five smiley faces she sent told me I’d said the right thing.
Looking down at my how-to list on the end table, I reached into my pocket and took out the gift she’d given me. As I opened the baggie, glitter flew up into the air like dust.
I laughed. Then I coughed because I’d inhaled some of the sparkly green specks.
Amused, I placed the pet rock on top of my list, finding it useful as a paperweight. More glitter sprinkled onto the table top and I decided to leave it.
I finished filling out the third line, then added a fourth.
4. Tell her she’s your favorite as often as possible.
Now I just needed to make her mine.
“Welcome to the first official Pi Kap party of the semester.” The guy just inside the frat house handed me a red cup and a raffle ticket. “The theme tonight is Musical Monday, and ladies drink for free.”
“Thanks,” I told him, already looking for the nearest garbage can.
My parents had instilled several college rules and one of them was that if I wanted to drink at a party, I had to bring my own alcohol and never leave my beverage unattended. When I argued that I wasn’t old enough to buy my own alcohol, they’d just smiled smugly.
Parents, man.
They were right, though. Plus, I wasn’t much of a partier anyway. Not anymore. I’d seen enough shenanigans get out of hand at Gavin’s over the years, but I held out hope that college parties would be more sophisticated.
That hope promptly died when a ping-pong ball flew past my face and two guys tripped over themselves trying to catch it.
Wrinkling my nose, I stepped over their tangled legs, then I discreetly tossed the cup and slipped the raffle ticket into my back pocket as I walked through the foyer.
The Greek housing on this campus was incredible, inside and out. The brick colonial-style mansions had tall white columns lining long front porches. Immaculately landscaped lawns had grass so green and perfect, I was afraid to step on it.
I gaped at the large staircase in front of me. My eyes traveled along the ornate wooden bannister up to a balcony overlooking the entryway.
Sparkling chandeliers. Crown molding. Gleaming hardwood floors.
Many of the members got to live here, which was a huge step up from the dorms. Even if I wasn’t interested in joining a sorority, I could definitely see the appeal.
Making a right, I followed loud music into the living room. The party was already underway and I searched the crowd for a familiar face. More specifically, Ezra’s face. I spotted him across the room, surrounded by several people.
Gah. More girls. Lots of them.
Self-doubt crept in again. This was a whole new world for both of us. And, unlike high school, this world was Ezra’s oyster.
Just be proud of him. You’re being ridiculous.
Ezra had been on the outside of the in-crowd for years. He’d had to sit on the sidelines, watching me live it up. And he’d been happy for me.
Apparently I wasn’t as good as him, because I couldn’t stop the jealousy burning in my gut. I turned away, wishing I hadn’t been so quick to trash that cup.
“Hey there, pretty lady,” a guy with dark hair in a white polo slurred, swaying into my personal space bubble.
Geez, he’d been right behind me. Creepy much?
“Hi.” Stepping back, I smiled tightly, searching for Ezra again. He was gone from where he’d been before.
“You a freshman? I’m a freshman. I’m gonna be a Pi Kap,” the guy announced proudly.
I gave him a polite nod. “That’s nice.”
I could spot his type from a mile away. The dark, over-gelled hair. The cocky grin. The air of confidence that didn’t come from hard work, but was a product of being told he was the best his entire life. The type who still lived in his glory days of high school. Real life hadn’t knocked him on his ass… yet.
“So…” he started. Peering at me closely, his glassy eyes roamed my face and my hair in a way I was all too familiar with. “What are you?”
Really? This again?
“I’m an alien from an ice planet in a faraway galaxy,” I replied with a completely serious tone. My lips twitched with a threatening smile, but I forced my expression to stay neutral.
He stared at me for several seconds. “No, but seriously…”
My mouth opened, ready to give him a snarky response, but he continued.
“Maybe sorta Asian? I like Asian girls.” Wobbling on his feet, he reached forward, obviously intent on copping a feel of my natural curls.
I tried to step back, but the heel of my flip-flop caught on the rug and I began to stumble.
Oh, God. My first college party ever, and I was going to make an ass of myself.
I felt my body going down. Tensing, I pried my eyes shut, bracing for the impact.
But a strong arm wrapped around me from behind, keeping me from falling. My back conformed to a warm chest, and Mr. Feely’s petting attempt was thwarted when a hand shot out, knocking his arm out of the way.
“I’m gonna have to ask you not to touch her hair.”
Ezra.
Even his voice was different. Deep and dominant. And if I wasn’t mistaken, a bit possessive.
So fucking sexy.
I relaxed against him, melting into his body. The strong, yet comforting grip he had on my waist caused a pleasant shiver to roll through me.
I gave Aaron a hard stare, pissed that he’d almost made Kayla fall. Enraged that he thought he had any right to touch her.
He held up his hands. “Whoa, okay. She’s you
rs. Got it.”
“She’s not mine.” The words were a little bitter on my tongue, but it was the truth at the moment. “She belongs to herself, and that includes her hair.”
“Party pooper. Ezra poops at parties.” He laughed at his own joke before staggering back to the keg.
I glanced down at Kayla, fully aware of every square inch where our bodies were touching.
Her head was tilted back and she was looking at me in a way I’d never seen before. Shocked and impressed. Like I was her hero.
“What?” I asked, blushing.
“That was… hot.” She turned in my arms to face me. “Thanks. He was creeping me out.”
Satisfaction ignited in my chest. This was the first of many times that I’d have her back—literally and figuratively. “Aaron is one of the more enthusiastic pledges. Enthusiastic, meaning rude as fuck.”
Laughing, she nodded her head in agreement. “Enthusiasm seems to be common around here.” She pointed at three guys lining up a dozen shot glasses on the dining room table. “I didn’t expect there to be so many people. Even the lawn out front is packed.”
“Yeah, it’s kind of crazy,” I said loudly. “Max wasn’t kidding when he said their parties are popular.”
We were practically yelling at each other over the noise of people and music. I guess having a meaningful conversation was out of the question, which sucked.
I had so many things I wanted to say to her, but any words I could’ve formed got stuck in my throat as I studied her outfit.
The light green satin of her sleeveless top hugged her breasts and fell loosely to where it was tucked into her white skinny jeans. Fuck, those jeans killed me.
Her makeup was heavier than earlier today, and the light shimmery eyeshadow brought out the mossy-green of her eyes. A simple silver heart necklace almost dipped into her cleavage and I imagined palming those soft tits. Wondered what her nipples would feel like under the pads of my thumbs.
Her breasts suddenly jiggled, and I realized it was because she was talking and animatedly moving her hands. I hadn’t heard a damn thing she’d said.
OUTCAST: A Good Guys Novel Page 9