"I know." In the pale light, her features looked worn from exhaustion. Anxiety darkened her eyes. "I've been thinking about it all day and I finally get it."
"Get what?" It had been his suggestion to talk, but he suddenly felt as if he were maneuvering around quicksand. "There's no excuse for what I did."
"You were there for me last night. Just like you always were."
"I should've said no, should've told you I wasn't ready.
She stepped toward him, looking up earnestly. The tantalizing scent of wildflowers and woman drifted through the room. "I was never there for you. Last night, I finally realized it. Or rather this morning. Why did you even put up with me as long as you did?"
The question him hit like an ambush. Rick stared at her. Of all the things he'd expected, this wouldn't have made the list. "Do you think I was such a jerk this morning because I was trying to get back at you? I wasn't. I thought I was ready. I wanted to be ready, but--"
"No, I don't think you pulled away to punish me or get back at me or anything like that. I don't think you meant to hurt me at all."
He exhaled a huge sigh of relief. "I didn't."
"But I do think you pulled away because you don't trust me. You don't trust that I won't hurt you again. And the reason you don't trust me is because all I ever did was hurt you."
"That's not true. It hurt when you walked away, but that's all."
"No, it's not. I was always crying on your shoulder, then taking off to deal with family problems."
"I never looked at it that way, Katie."
"Not once?" she challenged. "Be honest."
"What difference does this make now?" Frustration raking through him, he scrubbed a hand over his face. He didn't like the turn of the conversation. "It was ten years ago."
"I know you resented that. You still do."
"Don't put words in my mouth." Tension strung his body taut.
"Until we talk about it, until you admit it, how are we going to move on?"
The walls pressed in on him, squeezing his lungs. He stepped around her, gained a few feet of distance by walking to the bed. She was right. As much as he wanted to be over the anger he'd felt, he wasn't.
"I know one reason you can't trust me is that you think I'm going to run out on you again. Just tell me, Rick. Please. I want to get this out in the open. I want to fight for us, Rick, and I can do it for both of us if I have to. But I have to know the problem. You have to tell me."
He shoved a hand through his hair. "Okay, yes, I think about that."
"And you felt abandoned. Not just when I ended our engagement, but all those times I walked away before. All the times I left when you needed me."
"And you felt abandoned. Not just when I ended our engagement, but all those times I walked away before. All the times I left when you needed me."
"Maybe." He felt cornered, edgy. "I wanted to talk about what happened last night, Katie. I don't want you to dissect me."
"Why can't you admit you resented me? That you still do?"
There it was, black and ugly and cold. "Because I don't, I didn't." He skirted the end of the bed, found her right in front of him.
She touched his arm lightly, yet it held him in place like a truss. "What about that time your grandfather died and I left before the funeral to chase after Grace?"
The memory touched a raw place; he shook off her hand, moved past her. "Things happen."
"And what about when you made the All-State team in basketball, but I wasn't there for the announcement or to watch any of your games? I was with Grace."
"We both know all this, Katie." The light scent of wildflowers trailed him, knotting the muscles in his neck even more. "Talking about it won't change anything."
"I want to move on, Rick. I want to move on with you and I don't think you can trust me until we deal with this. You've got to tell me how I hurt you. I don't want to do it again."
Was she right? If they talked about it, could they put it behind them? She had this thing between her teeth and she obviously wasn't letting go. "But if I tell you, that will hurt you. Hasn't there been enough of that?"
"Please, Rick. I need to know."
"Damn." He paced to the closet on the far aside of the bed.
She followed. "Don't you think this will help? Can't you tell me? You told me I should tell Grace to grow up. You're the one who told me I should let go of the responsibility. I feel over my mom's death, and I think I'm doing that."
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I was angry when I said all that."
"Then I'll tell you." She sat behind him on the corner of the bed, pushing in that steel-velvet way she had. "I was never there for you. I made you feel second to my family, especially to my sister. And then I left you because of them." Her voice quavered. "How could you ever trust me again?"
He stared into those big, liquid eyes, amazed that she would open herself up for this. Maybe she was right. Maybe talking about the past would allow them to put it behind them.
"I want to trust you, but you're right." He finally gave in, sat next to her on the bed and looked her straight in the eye. "I wonder how long it will last. I wonder if you'll only stay until the next time Grace needs you or the next time she runs off. I wonder if you'll leave when I want something you don't want to give."
A tear rolled down her cheek, and he thumbed it away. "This isn't what I want. I don't want to hurt you."
"No. I need to know. I need to hear it from you." She reached out, took his left hand in both of hers. "I swear, Rick, I want to try with everything in me, but all I can do is try. I can't promise. This is all new for me, but all I can do is try. I can't promise. This is all new for me, too. But I want us, if you do. I can't swear I'll never look back, but I really want to look forward."
The plea, the total vulnerability in her eyes undid him. And it was her honesty that finally allowed him to admit the level of resentment he'd denied feeling. He searched her face. "I can't make promises, either. I'm not sure I can forget what happened the last time I let you in. You owned me heart and soul, Katie. I don't know if I can give that up again."
"That's fair." She squeezed his hand tightly. "I know I have to earn you trust-"
He placed two fingers over her lips. "You don't have to earn anything. I just need to be sure. We need to be sure."
She nodded, her eyes glowing. "I don't think our making love was a mistake, but maybe it was too soon."
"It was, for me. It made me lose perspective, Katie, and I need to keep that." Reaching out, he stroked a finger down her velvety cheek, tried to ignore how close she was to him, how easy it would be to make love to her and pretend everything was all right. "My heart wants to trust you, but my head keeps getting in the way."
"I understand."
He slipped one finger beneath her chin and tipped her face towards his. "I want you, Katie, but I need some time with the rest of it.
"Okay." A tremulous smile curved her lips, making his gut pull tight. She leaned forward, brushed a soft kiss against his lips. "I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere this time."
Her kissed her gently, deepening the contact only when she pressed him closer, her mouth opening under his. A new tenuous connection fluttered between them, fragile yet cementing the feelings that had never died.
She ended the kiss, pulling away with a sigh and cupping the side of his face. "It will work out. If we both want it to."
He wanted to believe her.
She smiled and stood. "Guess we'd better get busy looking at those property records."
"Right." His body ached for more of her, but he knew now wasn't the time.
He plugged in his laptop, trying to calm the steady thrum of want in his veins.
After an hour of poring over the reports, Rick groaned and flopped back in the chaise lounge. "I don't know what we're missing."
"Maybe it's just not there." Katie rubbed her neck, sagging back in the chair she'd moved next to him.
"Maybe not," he admitted.
>
She stifled a yawn. "I'm about ready for bed."
"Me, too."
She disappeared into the bathroom.
When she emerged, wearing her gown and robe, her face was scrubbed clean of makeup. Her short, dark hair was brushed into a sleek wedge. The room's fluorescent light picked up a hint of auburn in the dark brown.
She padded to the window but left the curtains closed. "Do you think the bald guy's out there?"
"I don't know." Rick ignored the ached that settled in his chest at the sight of her in that curve-hugging robe. Looking at her long, lean legs only reminded him of how she'd wrapped them around him last night.
"Do you think it will be much longer before Mary hears something on Edwards' background check?"
"I hope not. I'm not having much luck here. There are a lot more guys named Billy Edwards than I anticipated." Somehow, he tore his gaze from her. He needed to keep his focus on the case, sort out his feelings about Katie, not confuse them further.
"I know Mary passed on to my investigator that I wanted him to dig deeper, so hopefully she'll learn something useful soon. She'll call as soon as she does."
Katie smiled, her gaze softly devouring him.
Sensation hummed through his body. You shouldn't look at me like that."
"Close your eyes so you won't know."
He grinned, the want sliding deeper. "Carl called while you were in the bathroom. He said he's pieced together a trail of e-mails between Henderson and Tommy. Even one threatening Tommy's loved ones if he didn't do as Henderson wanted.
"Good," she said fiercely, her eyes shifting from dreamy to sharp. "I hope they're enough to put that jerk in jail."
"Me, too. I told Carl to get it over to Uncle Dwayne, let the FBI start compiling evidence." Rick sat up, sorted through his files until he came to the beginning of the property records. He might as well go through them again.
She walked to the bed, sank down on its edge. For a long moment, there was only the sound of his mouse clicking as he scrolled down and read a file.
"I don't guess you want to sleep here tonight?"
His gaze shot to hers. Images flashed through his mind, mirrored in her eyes. Their bodies moving together last night, the friction of damp flesh against damp flesh, the way she'd closed tight and perfect around him. He could still taste her, wanted to do more than that. "I don't think so. Probably not a good idea."
"I didn't mean..." A blush stained her cheeks. "I meant I'd sleep on the chaise or on the floor. This bed feels pretty comfortable. I don't mind if you want to use it."
"Oh. No, take it." His body already throbbed; it would be sheer hell to lie in that bed and think about her being in there with him.
"Let me know if you change your mind."
He nodded, watching her slip out of her robe and slide into bed, reach up to turn out the light just above her head.
He swallowed hard.
Her eyes glowed as they sought his. "Good night."
"Night." A tightness stretched across his chest, and he rubbed at it. For several seconds, he watched her. Her mouth was relaxed, her features vulnerable as she fell asleep. It was some effort that he pulled his gaze away.
She had hit upon his resentment like a sharpshooter. Surprisingly, he did feel better after talking about it. She amazed him with her willingness to open up, lay her feelings on the line after the way he'd hurt her this morning.
But he had no idea how far he could go from here. He couldn't reject her any longer, but he couldn't commit, either. Would he ever be able to?
The phone shrilled. Katie rolled and reached for it, only to realize the ring belonged to a cell phone. Rick's cell phone.
"Hello." His deep voice rumbled, rusty with sleep.
Groggy, she sat up, blinking the sleep from her eyes. Dawn-pink light crept into the room.
"Great." He rose from the chaise lounge where he'd spent the night. "Tell me what you've got."
"Is that Mary?" she whispered.
He nodded, moving to sit down on the bed next to her.
Only the sheet and thin bedspread separated them. His lean thigh silhouetted hers; his heat reached through the fabric. The sight of his dark, tousled hair and his black T-shirt wrinkled and untucked sent a surge of warmth through her. She had gotten some sleep, and Rick looked as if he had, too.
"Hang on," he told his office manager. Leaning forward, he jotted a note on the hotel's stationary pad that lay on the bedside table.
When he settled back, Katie breathed in the deep, woodsy scent of him. She curbed her impatience to know the news.
"Thanks, Mary. I'll give you a call and let you know what's going on."
He hung up and ripped the sheet of paper from the pad. "She heard from my investigator. The reason we couldn't find a cabin for Edwards on the Internet is that it's listed under his mother's maiden name, Coleman."
"So, where are we going?" His warmth coaxed her closer. Katie wanted to snuggle up to that broad chest, press a kiss on the side of his neck.
His gaze travelled over her face, lingered on her lips long enough to make them tingle.
Reflexively, she licked them. "Rick?"
"Yeah." He jerked his gaze to hers, and she saw desire flare in the black depths, saw him bank it. "Uh, let's see. We're going to Fort Towell. The cabin is located just east of there, on the edge of a wildlife preserve."
"Where's Fort Towell?"
"South Central Colorado, down by a town called Alamosa in the San Luis Valley."
"How long will it take us to get there?"
"Probably two and a half hours." His gaze dipped to the swell of her breasts, revealed by the scoop neck of her gown.
Her hands tightened on the sheet. She wanted him to kiss her, wanted to know if his feelings were the same as they had been last night before they'd gone to sleep. But he wanted slow, and she'd promised.
He looked away, stood. Walking to the window, he glanced at his watch.
"I'll shower and dress." Katie slid out of bed, her nerves shimmering. How could he notch up her pulse with just a look? "It won't take me long. Do we have time?"
"Yes." He turned, kept his gaze trained carefully on hers. "I'll jump in once you're finished. It's early enough that we should get there by mid-morning."
"And what about Ape Boy?"
He grinned at her use of the nickname he'd given their tail. "We'll keep an eye out. Once we get to Fort Towell, we'll stop for directions to the cabin. I only have an address. We'll also make sure we're still alone. Anyone following us will find it a lot harder to hide in such a small town."
"What if we don't see him? We didn't yesterday."
"If he's still tailing us, we'll spot him."
"And what if he's not?"
"We've either lost him or he's following Grace and Tommy."
She swallowed against the possibility, then told herself not to borrow trouble. She turned and walked into the bathroom.
An hour later, they were ready and in the car. While Rick filled up with gas at a convenience store on the way out of town, Katie bought two large, steaming cups of coffee and two sausage biscuits.
Leaving Pueblo, they drove south on I-25. As Rick smoothly maneuvered the Corvette through early morning highway traffic, she savored her coffee and watched him. Broad shoulders made the most of the moss green T-shirt he wore today. Beneath the aroma of roasted coffee, she caught a whiff of the hotel soap he'd used.
Her gaze slid over the flex of sinew on his forearm as he shifted gears, moved down to muscular, denim-clad thighs and scuffed boots. He was one gorgeous man.
He kept one hand on the wheel as he drank his coffee. His gaze switched frequently between the rear view and side mirrors. Kate regularly checked her side mirror, but she saw nothing suspicious.
They drove in the opposite direction of most morning traffic, and the number of cars thinned quickly. If the bald guy was still following them, and if he was still in the silver sedan, he'd be easy to spot on this flat stretch of la
nd.
Wildflowers along the side of the road provided an occasional splash of color against greening farmland. Just to the west and behind Katie's shoulder were the Wet Mountains, a subrange of the Rockies, their gray-purple face and snowy peaks wreathed in clouds. Katie's gaze kept returning to Rick, as did her thoughts.
She was glad he'd finally opened up to her about his resentment. For the first time in the days since they'd begun working together, he'd let her in.
Why had it taken her so long to see the way she'd put him second to her family? It had finally hit her after they'd made love, after he'd withdrawn from her.
At first, she'd been angry and hurt, but that had soon dissolved, leaving her to stare at the cold, hard truth. His distance from her had allowed her to see that she'd always done the same thing to him. When they'd been together before, she had only committed fully to him when they'd made love, holding back at all other times. She thought she needed to be self-sufficient, and she had been. So much so that Rick had believed she never needed him.
Shifting her gaze out the window, she admitted the real reason she'd left him in the first place. He'd wanted to relieve her of some of the responsibility she carried, and that had frightened her. She'd felt threatened. Because if she had let go, she realized, she would've felt she was giving up a part of her identity, the part that had taken over and become a surrogate mother to Grace.
It wasn't just being with Rick, but also the past ten years that had taught her that. During those years, she'd battled giving up that responsibility a fraction at a time. Could she live her own life without taking on her sister's? There was a balance somewhere, and Katie wanted to find it.
Her cell phone rang, and she pulled it out of her purse. "Maybe it's Grace," she said to Rick. "Hello?"
"Katie?"
"Yes." Her head came up and she grabbed Rick's arm, mouthing, "Tommy."
She slid closer to Rick, leaning over to hold the phone so they could both hear.
"This is Tommy. Tommy Harrington."
"Of course, I know it's you, Tommy." She bit back her impatience and the flare of worry that he, nor Grace, was calling her. "Is everything okay?"
"Grace is fine, yes. I wondered if you guys would meet me?"
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