by Becca Dale
He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. “Damn it, Kya, you’re not listening. You will not be allowed to stay with me.”
“So after you rescue everyone from Rork and put me on the throne, will you walk away and leave me there?”
“No.”
How could the man who claimed she belonged to him be having this conversation with her? “So you’ll have no problem knowing I’m forced to sleep with someone else? Thanks a bunch.”
“No. Damn it, Kya, losing you will tear me up, but I don’t see a choice if you return. I don’t make the laws, but I will defend them to the end unless it means hurting you. Your father wanted me to protect you. He would have wanted you to take his place when the time was right. I am willing to break my promises to him, to give up everything I believe in, if you will go away with me. I don’t see another option.”
Reaching for his hand, she pulled him close and traced the scars on his chest, the one she had helped put there and the other older ones she knew nothing about. A warrior stood before her. A man who lived and intended to die by antiquated rules because honor claimed he should. Her lip trembled when she placed his hand over her heart. “Stand and fight beside me, love.”
“I won’t risk your life that way. You should be queen.”
“We live in a democratic society.”
He shook his head. “You live in a democracy, little one. I live in a dictatorship with a token advisory council.”
“Is that the way it was under my father?”
“No. Canar fostered a representative monarchy but a monarchy all the same. You and your line rule by divine right.”
She groaned and shook her head. “This is getting us nowhere. The world is full of war and desperation. God has more important things to deal with than choosing the leaders of countries. That’s why we have free will. I want to be a veterinarian, not a queen. I have no clue how to lead. This makes absolutely no sense, Ja.”
Ja closed his hands over her shoulders and tugged her gently against his chest. “Why won’t you just leave with me?”
She studied him. Truth and duty shone in his bearing. Ja was a knight, born to protect God and country. “You would never forgive me if I did. I can see it in your eyes.”
“I can’t deny that I think the clan needs you, but I won’t forgive myself if you’re forced to submit to another. You can’t change the way an entire society thinks because you want something different.”
She turned in his arms; her face pressed to the solid thump of his heart beneath her cheek. “With your help I can. Think about it. If we go in there and remove Rork from power, he’ll no longer pose a threat. The people will listen to me if you’re at my side. We can show them the benefits of a people driven government. Once they understand that I have no desire to be queen, they’ll be forced to accept the change.”
He tipped her chin up and brushed a feathery kiss over her lips. “You’re lying to yourself, Kya. Every little girl wants to be a princess.”
She tipped back in his arms and stared into his eyes. “Maybe… When it’s all about the dresses and the shoes and the handsome guy. Not when it means responsibility and gut wrenching loss. I can’t live without you and our baby.”
“Then I’ll find a way to bring him or her to you when I can.”
She pressed her palm to his muscular chest. His arms encircled her, holding her close. “That’s not good enough, Ja. You’re right. When I was younger, I dreamed of what it would be like to marry Britain’s Prince William. Mostly because he was the only prince I had ever heard of and he’s incredibly good looking.” Ja stiffened. She wrapped her arms tighter around his waist before he could step away. “But something always seemed off. Now I know what that was.”
When she didn’t continue, Ja pulled back. “What?”
“He wasn’t you. He’s a far away fantasy. You are the flesh and blood, defend-your-country-or-die-trying kind of guy. You make me forget selfish things and dream of them at the same time.” She kissed the reddened skin beside his scar and whispered the truth against his chest. “I love you.”
Ja closed his eyes, shutting her out briefly before he tipped his forehead against hers. “You’re going to get us both killed, but there’s no way in hell I’m turning you over to the council after that comment.”
“So you’ll help me find a way?”
He chuckled. “Do I have a choice?”
“Always. Free will, remember?”
Strong arms swept her off the ground. She squealed and grabbed his shoulders to keep from falling until he settled on a stump with her cradled against him. “When it comes to you, little one, my free will flew out the window the first time you looked at me with those pretty eyes.”
“Oh, Ja, that’s not what I want. I’d rather you chose to stand beside me. I wish my father had never asked you to help.”
Ja shook his head and smiled down at her. “You have this all backward, Kya. You chose me long ago. You were around one maybe a little older, and I was nearly twelve. I wanted so badly to hang with the big boys, but you used to curl up against me and take your afternoon nap. It embarrassed the shit out of me the first time you toddled over.” He smiled and smoothed her hair back from her face. “You were such a tiny thing with wild, tawny hair and big eyes and a mouth that could be heard for miles. I tried to take you back home to your mother, but you screamed you head off until I allowed you to use me as a pillow. You settled against me with your thumb in your mouth and hiccupped yourself to sleep.
He laughed and dropped a tender kiss on the top of her head. “The other males gave me shit to no end until the day your father smiled at me and said, ‘It takes a big man to engender such love. My daughter is a very lucky little girl.’ After that I didn’t protest anymore, though you followed me everywhere. And the others left me alone even when you called me your ‘big, bwak keedy.’ They must have figured if the king approved, who were they to criticize? Your father entrusted you to my care because he knew I would give you my life. You had become my shadow, and I found I did not like it when you wandered far from my heels.”
She wanted to remember the story too. Wished she could remember the man who saw potential in a twelve-year-old boy. “That’s sweet, but still sounds like a soldier taking care of the king’s daughter.”
He grinned and hugged her closer. “I suppose to some extent. But in case you’ve missed it, you tend to foster pretty strong loyalties on your own. I remember watching you one time. You were standing on top of a skateboard ramp laughing because you had completed some stupid stunt that none of your friends could do, not even the boys, and they were all smiling and cheering. No anger or resentment because you had bested them, just an acceptance that you always would. I carried the image of that skinny ten-year-old girl in pigtails with me for years.”
She sat up and tried to picture a dark haired man close by that day but she could only see the excited faces of her childhood friends. “I remember that day. I thought I was so cool because I rode the board the full curve of the ramp and back up. I even stopped myself at the top instead of falling off somewhere in the middle. I was such a cocky kid.”
His deep chuckle rumbled through his chest. “When I found you again, I almost expected to see that knobby kneed little girl. Considering my intentions, I was a little freaked out. Instead, I found an incredibly desirable woman with my little tagalong’s turned up nose and amber eyes.”
She shifted away from him with a sigh. “I don’t believe you, Ja. How can you separate the king’s daughter from who I really am?”
Ja growled low in his throat and tugged her up for a toe-curling kiss. When he let her breathe again, he glared at her. “I can’t separate my images of you, nor do I want to. You’re the king’s daughter. And that sweet, little toddler. And the proud adolescent. And now, you’re the woman who makes my heart pound and my dick throb. Each part of your life has been a part of mine. Even when I lost you, I kept you with me. Don’t ask me to ignore that. I can’t say that
I stand beside you purely because I want you as my woman. All that other stuff plays a part in who you are and why you drive me insane. Just accept that you belong with me so we can figure out how the hell to make it happen. And promise me if I absolutely can’t find a solution, we’ll walk away together. I don’t want to ever be without you again.”
Ja’s tender sentiment melted her reservations. “I can live with that.”
“Good, because I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Twelve—Ja’s Departure
Shoulders stiff with worry, Ja paced in front of the patio door leading to the garden. “You can’t come, Kya. I won’t risk your life.”
“But you’ll risk yours? Damn it, Ja. Leave well enough alone until I can come along like you promised.”
A scowl darkened his features, and she could see the wildcat behind his eyes. “Rork knows I’m alive. He’ll send someone soon. I’m surprised he hasn’t already. I can’t allow him to hunt you, Kya. One of these days, he might get lucky and catch you without that wolf pack you call brothers. Someone needs to stop him.”
“But it doesn’t have to be you. At least not like this. Not alone.” She took his hand and drew him away from the window. The baby fluttered in her stomach and her heart clenched. Please, God, I can’t lose him. “Take some of the boys with you. Seth and Greg are Wyenko. Even if they weren’t raised by the tribe, they would blend right in. You said yourself they’re good guys.”
“I cannot walk in there with two unknown cats if I’m trying to gain support without drawing Rork’s attention. I’ll have a hard enough time going unnoticed as it is.”
“Then wait. You’ve held off for three months. What would be the harm in waiting a few more?” She rose on her toes to press a hard kiss to his mouth. He refused to see how much he meant to her. “I don’t want you to die, Ja. Is that so hard to understand?”
He practically growled as he shoved her down on their bed. He loomed over her, his powerful arms forming a gentle cage. “Do you think I’ll lose so easily?” His image shimmered in anger. Cat claws tore the comforter on either side of her head. His eye teeth lengthened as he fought to maintain his human form. “Rork will not win.”
Her heart jumped but she didn’t look away from the powerful being before her. He would not hurt her no matter how angry he became. “You could easily beat him in a fair world, but he is Dar’s father. He won’t fight honorably. What if his evil is more than your strength can overcome?” She touched the rigid muscle in his jaw, trying desperately to make him understand. “Please, Ja. He destroyed my family once. Don’t let him do it again.”
With a snarl, Ja pushed from the bed. “Thanks for your faith.”
She closed her eyes and counted to ten before she sat up and studied the stubborn, beautiful man. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
He did not look at her as he gathered his things, didn’t even acknowledge her worries. He slid a knife into his belt and jammed a few provisions into a small sack that he slung over his shoulder before he strode out the door and into the night.
She watched him leave expecting him to turn back. He could not face such a fight without saying good-bye. When she realized he would not yield, she raced after him.
Ryan caught her arm as she neared the front gate. “Let him go, Hannah. He needs to protect you any way he can.”
She shrugged off his hand. “I know that. He thinks I don’t trust him to handle Rork.”
“Is he right?”
“No. Of course not. I don’t doubt him, just the sanity of this plan.”
“Ja won’t see the difference.”
“I don’t care. I can’t let him go thinking that I don’t believe in him.”
Her biggest brother blocked the gate. “And if I tried to stop you?”
“I’d never forgive you. I’m not joking, Ryan.”
He hesitated for a minute before he stepped aside. “If you’re not back here in twenty minutes, I’m coming after you.”
She smiled, unable to resist ribbing the conservative man. “Better give me a little longer in case I decide to give him a proper send off.”
His brows nearly met above his nose as he scowled. “Gross, Hannah. Some images I don’t need.”
“Sorry.” She hugged him briefly then ran down the trail. The trees swallowed the sound of Ja’s footsteps. Darkness obliterated his tracks. Desperate, she searched for a sign of him. None came. The trees were silent. No bird chirped or bug hummed to indicate his passing.
“Ja! Don’t leave like this! Ja!” A sob caught her off guard, building in her chest, stealing her ability to think rationally. “Damn it, answer me!”
She felt her way blindly, searching the moonless night with useless human eyes. Her heart thundered in her chest, and her breath came in little gasps. Why had she stopped to speak with Ryan? Fear she would never see Ja again sent Hannah stumbling down an unmarked path. Why did he refuse to understand? Rork had killed her parents, murdered his own cousin for the sake of power. Why would he hesitate to destroy Ja if the opportunity arose?
She did not see the branch across the path until she slammed into it. The impact sent her crashing backward. She landed on her side and skidded over the rocky dirt path. Her face scraped along the rough ground. Fortunately, her shoulder absorbed the majority of the impact. She sat up gingerly to assess the damage. Blood trickled from her cheek and elbow. She could still move her arm so she had not broken her shoulder, but it hurt like hell.
Taking slow easy breaths, she rose to her knees. Unexpected pain shot through her right leg and she sat down with a scream. Her cell phone lay shattered at her side. Panic threatened to overwhelm her, but she fought it down. If she didn’t return in a reasonable time frame, Ryan would come looking for her. Carefully, she explored the abrasion on her leg. The skin was scrapped from ankle to thigh. The bone didn’t seem broken there either, but her knee had already begun to swell.
Damn Ja and his irrational need to charge into battle when caution made so much more sense to her. No one faced a monarch and his army alone. “Ja! I hope you’re happy! Do you see what you’ve done?”
The bushed rustled and his chuckle soothed her anger as he squatted behind her. Strong arms circled her shoulders, drawing her against his muscular form. “Don’t blame me for your foolishness, Kya.”
She turned and snuggled onto his lap. The pain faded with his gentle touch. “You left without saying goodbye. I had to stop you.”
“Why? What does it matter?”
His cold tone sent a shiver through her, but he did not loosen his hold. Finally, she gave up with a huff and settled against his chest. Her fingers lightly traced the strong lines of his bicep. “Whether you believe it or not, I do have faith in you, love. I even understand your need to stop him, but I can’t help my fears. You’re stronger and smarter, but he’ll fight dirty. He proved that with my parents. Promise you’ll be careful.”
Ja tightened his hold. “You didn’t answer my question. Why does it matter?”
“It matters.” Determined to make him hear her, she tipped her head back to find his eyes. “You claim that I belong to you, but you’re my heart. When I thought you’d died, I couldn’t breathe from the pain.” The scowl returned to his forehead. With a shaky smile, she smoothed it beneath her thumb. “I loved your strength and passion before I knew more than your first form. I’m not asking you to abandon your sense of justice to pacify my fears, just wait until we can do this together.”
“No. You’re too vulnerable.” He placed his large hand over the slight swell of her stomach and stroked their child. “I can’t stand by and watch while Rork’s henchmen destroy everything that matters to me. Don’t ask me to.”
Irritation rose at his typical male arrogance. Why did he get to make that decision? “Who will stop him from destroying all that matters to me?”
His kiss drew the sting from her fears. Ja’s strong arms cradled her close. “I have no intention of letting him get that close. My cousi
n, Savarn, and many others will stand beside me. I won’t be alone.”
“But I will be. Something feels wrong. If Rork knows you’re alive, why hasn’t he tried something before now? What if he got to your contact? What if all of this is a trap? He knows you won’t go down without a fight.” She snuggled closer trying to meld her body with his.
His heart beat, soothing and steady, beneath her cheek as he slowly stroked her back. “You might be right, little one, but I can’t sit idly by and wonder. It’s not in my nature.”
“You said once that Rork has kept you on his radar since he came to power. If that’s the case, he’s aware that you won’t wait for him to come for you.”
“I know.” Ja shifted to lay her on the ground. Careful to avoid her sore shoulder and leg, he stretched his long body beside hers, his arm solid and warm under her neck. “No matter what happens, this has to end.” He kissed her, his lips little more than a whisper across hers. “I love you, Kya. Never doubt that.”
Tender emotions burned her eyes and tightened her throat every time he articulated his feelings. “I don’t.”
“Then don’t question me. I have to do this. If I had a choice, I’d consider it.”
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tugged him down for a longer kiss. “Make love to me before you go. Give me one last memory, just in case.”
He groaned against her throat. “You kill my self-confidence every time you say something like that.”
Desperate to make him smile, she wiggled her hips against his erection. “What? Make love to me? Trust me, you have nothing to worry about in that department, big guy.”
He grinned and dipped his head to capture her mouth with his. His tongue swept between her lips and stroked against hers as his hand found her breast and kneaded gently.