Pausing outside her door, Karen took a deep breath then let herself in. Brittany was in only her bra and panties, standing in front of her closet, staring in with an intent expression as if the answers to all life’s deepest mysteries could be found amongst her blouses and shoes.
“Hi there,” Karen said, speaking loudly to be heard over Taylor’s lamenting about being done wrong by a faithless boyfriend.
Brittany threw up a hand in a wave as she reached into the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans so small that they looked more appropriate for a Barbie doll. Not that it would be a problem for Brittany. She’d gone on an extreme (and Karen thought potentially dangerous) diet over the summer and lost 60 pounds. Her body was trim and lithe, synthetically tanned to a golden brown like the top of rolls cooked just right.
Karen sat on the edge of her bed and kicked off her sandals. “I didn’t think you’d be here. Don’t you have Bio lab now?”
“Skipped it,” Brittany said after squeezing herself into the jeans. She chose a midriff top with a deep V-neck that showed ample cleavage. And Brittany had ample to show off; pretty much the only place she hadn’t lost weight was on her chest.
“You’ve been skipping a lot of classes lately.”
“Gee, sorry, Mom. I’ll try to do better.” Brittany smiled as she spoke, but her words were biting. “Derek asked me to meet him at the cafe. I couldn’t say no.”
“Derek?”
“Yeah, he’s in my World Civ class. Totally gorgeous.”
“I thought you were seeing that baseball player.”
“Kevin...I am. But we’re not engaged or anything. A girl has to keep her options open.”
“And yours are certainly open.”
Brittany paused in brushing out her long, bottle-red hair and glanced at Karen. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. It’s just that we’ve only been in school a little over a month and this is...what? The fifth guy you’ve gone out with?”
“It’s called playing the field. I’m making up for lost time. You might get some action yourself if you didn’t always dress like a bag lady.”
Karen looked at her outfit. A flowing ankle-length, floral skirt and a loose-fitting T with Salvador Dali’s melting-clock image with the logo “Time Drips When You’re Having Fun” underneath. Her fashion esthetic had always been a little on the funky side, and Brittany used to like that.
“Look,” Brittany said, her voice softening as she came to sit next to Karen. “I’m not trying to be a bitch here. I’m trying to help. You could be pretty if you just put a little effort into it. Otherwise you’re going to be as dateless as you were in high school, sitting at home every night writing that depressing poetry of yours.”
This stung, and Karen shot back, “You weren’t exactly Ms. Popularity in high school yourself if I recall. You couldn’t even get that guy from the World of Warcraft club to take you to the prom and you spent the night at my house watching Easy A.”
“That was then,” Brittany said, the razor-sharpness coming back into her voice. “We’re in college now, a chance to completely reinvent ourselves. No one knows who we were in high school. We can make ourselves into anyone we want to be, but here you are just being the same old Karen you always were.”
“I happen to like who I am.”
“Well, good for you, because you may be the only one.”
The words hit Karen like walking into a glass door, causing her both pain and embarrassment. Her eyes burned, and she clenched her hands into tight fists. She wanted to say something nasty, some vicious barb that would pierce at Brittany like an ice pick to the heart, but words failed her.
Something clattered on the other side of the room. An old coffee jar that Brittany used to collect loose change had fallen off her desk and onto the floor. It hadn’t shattered, but coins had scattered everywhere.
“Shit,” Brittany said, hurrying over. “I must have set it too close to the edge. I do not have time for this. Karen, could you please...?”
Karen held on to her anger for a moment, then rolled her eyes. “Go, I’ll clean it up.”
“Thanks, you’re a saint,” Brittany said, then was out the door.
“Saint, right,” Karen said as she got down on her knees and started scooping up the change. “If I was a saint, I wouldn’t have caused the mess in the first place.”
* * *
The second time Karen saw Bobby was by the lake. She often liked to relax and read in the grass by the clock tower. Today she reclined on a beach towel, reading a collection of Ray Bradbury. She knew she should be studying for a Psych test coming up next week, but she’d had just about as much of Freud and his perversions as she could take for the moment.
She became distracted from the story when the hairs on the back of her neck prickled, and she sensed someone standing behind her. Putting the book aside, she looked up to find Bobby smiling down at her.
“Hey, you,” she said, shielding her eyes from the sun. “You’re not stalking me, are you?”
Bobby’s smile faltered, and he chewed on his bottom lip. “No. I mean...well, not really.”
“Not really?”
“Ever since we met I have sort of been keeping an eye out for you.”
Karen felt a blush spreading into her cheeks and glanced down at the grass. “How come?”
“I know it’s silly, we only had a brief conversation, but...it’s just that, it felt good to find someone I could really talk to. I guess that just makes me sound even more like a stalker, huh?”
Karen looked back up, meeting his gaze. “No, it sounds very sweet. And I feel the same. You want to have a seat?”
Bobby took a step toward her, paused, glanced across the lake toward the campus, then lowered himself to the grass. “What are you reading?”
“Dandelion Wine.”
“Oh, I always liked Bradbury. Never got around to reading that one though.”
“Well, you can borrow my copy when I’m done.”
“Thanks.”
They fell quiet, first glancing at one another, then away. Karen tried to think of something witty or interesting to say—or just anything to say—but her mind was suddenly as empty as a poor kid’s piggy bank. Bobby finally broke the silence. “This is beautiful.”
“I know, it’s one of my favorite places. So quiet and peaceful.”
At that moment, as if to belie her words, two girls from her Art Appreciation class jogged by on the path around the lake. They glanced Karen’s way, whispered amongst themselves, then laughed.
She was positive their mirth was directed at her.
She turned her gaze toward the lake, watching the water lapping at the shore and concentric circles spreading across the surface.
“You okay?” Bobby asked.
“Yeah, it’s just...do you ever feel like nothing ever really changes?”
“I don’t know, about some things I guess. But I’ve gone through some pretty big changes in my lifetime.”
“I just had this idea of college, you know, what it would be like, and....”
“And it doesn’t live up to what you thought it would be?”
“Not exactly. I mean, I didn’t expect it to be Nirvana, but I also didn’t expect it to be so much like high school.”
“Meaning?”
“Cliquish, you know. It’s still about wearing the right thing, looking the right way, who’s in and who’s out. I was hoping all that kiddie crap was behind me.”
“Well, a freshman in college isn’t really all that different from a senior in high school. Maturity doesn’t happen overnight.”
“I know, but in a way, college is even worse than high school. At least then I had a best friend to commiserate with, someone who made me feel I wasn’t entirely alone.”
“And now you don’t?”
“Well, I do and I don’t. That just makes it even worse.”
Bobby tilted his head like a quizzical dog, his lips twisted in a half frown/half sm
ile. “Not sure I’m following.”
“Brittany and I have been friends since before kindergarten. I can’t really remember a time we weren’t having tea parties together, playing dolls, having sleepovers and watching Beverly Hills 90210. It was kind of like we shared the same brain and personality. We both liked alternative music, enjoyed reading, had a retro fashion sense...and were both considered massive losers by the kids at school. In junior high we got the collective nickname the Bow-Wow Twins.”
“As in Bow Wow Wow?”
“What?”
“It’s an 80s band.”
“Never heard of them. We were the Bow-Wow Twins as in dogs.”
“Oh, sorry. Kids can be cruel.”
“Yeah, but it didn’t really get to me then. Okay, that’s not entirely true. It hurt, but having Brittany there really helped a lot. When we became seniors, the prospect of being separated frightened us both. So we made a pact to go to the same college. Even arranged to be roommates.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“Brittany...she just isn’t the same girl I grew up with. I mean, it started at the beginning of summer. She was determined to transform herself. Diet, hair color, fake tan, new wardrobe. She had this idea that she could make herself into someone entirely different for college.”
“Well, I doubt she’s the first person to ever have that idea.”
“I know, but it isn’t just her looks. She changed the music she listens to, the shows she watches, the way she talks. And the way she looks at me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, it’s like all I am now is a reminder of what she used to be, what she never wants to be again. So now I’m completely alone.”
Bobby smiled. “You’re not the only freak on campus.”
“You don’t seem like a freak to me.”
“You just don’t know me very well yet.”
“We should change that.”
“I think I’d like that.”
“Want to go to that Coffee Underground place I was telling you about sometime?”
Bobby abruptly stood. “I, um, I don’t do real well with crowds.”
“Oh, well, that’s fine, we could just hang out in my room maybe.”
“Sure, that’d probably be okay.”
“Well, why don’t I give you my number. You can call or text me sometime.”
“That’s okay, I’m sure we’ll run into each other again.”
And with that, he scurried away, leaving Karen confused and dejected. She’d thought their conversation had been going well, they’d been bonding and sharing (although looking back, she’d done almost all the talking), and then he’d freaked out when she’d suggested they get together.
Perhaps he’d thought she was asking him on a date, and he might not be looking for anything like that. Not that she’d meant it that way.
Or did I?
Either way, she had a pretty clear indication of how Bobby felt about the situation. Probably for the best anyway. He was cute but obviously had some issues.
Karen picked up the Bradbury and tried to get back into the story, but her concentration was shot, and after a few minutes, she packed up her stuff and headed back to the dorm.
* * *
When Karen walked into her dorm room, she froze halfway over the threshold. Brittany was on her bed with some dark-haired, muscular guy. They were kissing and groping and moaning like they were auditioning for a porno. They were still clothed, but the guy had his hand underneath Brittany’s shirt.
They seemed unaware that they were no longer alone, and Karen wondered if she should just back out and close the door behind her. But no, damn it, this was her room, too. She cleared her throat and shut the door, walking to her side of the room.
“Oh, hey, Karen,” Brittany said with a giggle, sitting up on the edge of the bed and straightening her blouse. “I didn’t expect you back so soon.”
“So I gather.”
Brittany’s wrestling partner started to rise, thought better of it, and sat back. He just raised a hand in Karen’s direction. “Hi, I’m Derek.”
“Ah, World Civ Derek.”
“That would be me. Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise, I’m sure.”
“Derek, hon,” Brittany said, rubbing on his leg, “why don’t you run on to the dining hall. I’m going to freshen up, then I’ll meet you there.”
“Sure thing. Can you hand me my backpack?”
Holding his pack in front of him, Derek smiled at Karen then left the room.
Karen sat at her desk, pulling out her Psych book. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“It’s okay, later we’ll pick up where we left off.”
Karen glanced at Brittany, who was primping in front of the full-length mirror on the closet door. “You seem all giddy, and you’ve been seeing this Derek guy for...what? A week now? That’s a record, isn’t it?”
“Derek is absolutely the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. I think he might be the one.”
Karen raised an eyebrow. “The one?”
“Well, not the one. I’m not talking marriage and fat little babies, but I don’t feel the need to see anyone else right now.”
“So Brittany’s becoming a one-man woman, huh?”
“For the time being. Now if we could just get you out of the mutant club, maybe we could score you a date. I mean, seriously, look at you. You look like you let my grandma dress you.”
Karen turned her back on her friend, staring down at her textbook but not really seeing it. “You just can’t let any opportunity pass to shit on me, can you? You’ve become as bad as all those assholes that used to make fun of us in high school.”
“Karen, I’m trying to help you,” Brittany said, her voice softening. She almost sounded like her old self, the girl who had confided her deepest secrets and fears to Karen in the wee hours of the morning during sleepovers. “We’re not the Bow-Wow Twins anymore. That’s all in the past. We can put it behind us and move on to new things, better things.”
“You mean if I play my cards right, before long I too can be getting felt up by some random guy.”
“Derek isn’t just some ‘random guy.’”
“Oh yes, of course, he’s the one…for the time being, at least. How could I forget?”
Karen could feel Brittany’s glare and the anger coming off her like radiation. She risked a glance over her shoulder; she imagined the expression on Brittany’s face was what Thomas Alexander saw just before the knife slid in.
“Fine, you want to be a friendless loser the rest of your life, be my guest. Some people just can’t be helped. You’ll probably still be a virgin when you graduate.”
“Well, excuse me for not judging my worth by whether or not I’ve gone to bed with a guy.”
“Forget that, you’ve never even been kissed.”
“For your information, it just so happens I met a guy recently.”
Brittany put her hands on her hips and cocked her head to one side, her trademark sceptical stance. “Oh really?”
“Yes, I met him at the library last week, and then we hung out today by the lake.”
“Would this be one of the queens from the theater department?”
“No,” Karen said, her voice strident. “He’s a nice, handsome guy.”
“Mm-hmm, live on campus?”
“No, he’s a local.”
“You got his number.”
“Well...no.”
“But he has yours?”
Karen turned back to her book, her face burning. She didn’t bother to answer.
“So do you guys have a date planned or anything?”
Karen remained silent.
“Yeah, sounds like a torrid affair you got going on.”
“Just leave...please,” Karen said through gritted teeth, trying to keep hold of her temper lest it burst forth like a pit bull breaking its leash.
Karen waited until she heard the door slam, then she squeezed her ey
es shut and placed her palms flat on the desktop. She could feel the entire desk shaking beneath her hands and heard her pens, books, and photos rattling. The desk actually rose a few inches, but she took a few deep breaths, willing herself to be calm. After a moment, the desk returned to the floor with a thud and she heard glass shattering.
Opening her eyes, Karen found her desk in disarray, but the only thing that had actually fallen was a framed photo of her and Brittany when they were ten, dressed as Power Puff Girls for Halloween. Karen gathered the broken glass and dropped it in the wastebasket, then stared at the faded picture, a hollowness spreading inside, before putting it into a desk drawer.
As she straightened her desk, Karen mused about the close call she’d just had. If Brittany hadn’t left when she did...well, Karen didn’t know if she’d have been able to contain herself much longer. Still, she was getting better at controlling this freaky talent of hers. She tried to get back to her studying, but she just couldn’t concentrate. Her mind kept drifting from her confrontation with Brittany to her strange meeting with Bobby. “Screw it,” she said after reading the same passage in her Psych book three times and still not understanding it.
She pulled out her laptop and stretched out on the bed, going online to check her email and Facebook. While she was logged on to Facebook, she decided to do a quick search for Bobby. She typed in his name but only got one result, a woman from Oregon. She thought everyone was on Facebook these days, but apparently not Bobby. Unless he was on there under some assumed name.
Frustrated and restless, Karen opened a blank Word document and started writing a new poem.
Chapter 2
“Sitting down on the job?”
Karen started and turned quickly in her chair. She was sitting at a table in the corner of the library’s second floor. She had thought she had the place pretty much to herself. And apparently she hadn’t even heard Bobby approaching.
“What? Oh, I’m not working this afternoon, just studying.”
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