by Opal Carew
His hand stroked over her ass, then he smacked her cheek. The burn tingled through her body. He slapped again and she whimpered. His thumb glided along her slick opening, then he pressed it inside. His thick digit swirled inside her passage. She longed for him to press his cock to her opening and drive it inside, filling her to the root.
He slid his hand up her back to her head and pressed her cheek hard against the seat of the couch seat. She began to feel a little dizzy.
His thumb slipped from her opening and glided over her ass, then pushed against her back opening. The dizziness increased and adrenaline surged though her, sudden and unnerving.
“No. Stop,” she cried.
He kept pressing his thumb against her until it began to penetrate her.
Panic welled through her and she cried out.
She arched, trying to knock him free.
Shadows from her past loomed around her and… she felt tears well in her eyes.
Avi couldn’t believe how wet she was. Elle definitely enjoyed a bit of roughness in her love play. He pressed his thumb into her ass just a little, using her own sickness as a lubricant.
Her plea for him to stop sounded so real. She was really into this.
She wriggled beneath him and he had to be careful her movements didn’t cause his thumb to push in too far too fast. Her struggling was sexy as hell. But at the same time, he felt that something wasn’t quite right.
Maybe the anal play was making her nervous. He slid his thumb from her passage and spread her cheeks wide, then pressed his cock to her slick opening.
“No, please.” Her voice sounded desperate.
He slid his cockhead over her slickness, trying to decide whether to thrust in deep, or to tease her for a while longer.
But something about her struggles unsettled him. Even though she hadn’t used the safe word, his instincts told him to check on her. He slid the length of his shaft against her pussy lips again and eased his hold on her head.
Instead of arching back as he expected, she just lay there.
He leaned forward and… Oh, fuck. She was trembling. And tears were streaming from her eyes. His chest clenched.
“Elle?”
Chapter 11
Avi wrapped his hands around Elle’s shoulders to draw her upright, intending to take her in his arms and comfort her, but she shot forward, scrambling over the couch and to the floor. She twirled around, grabbing the coverlet from the armchair and tugging it around her. Her back was pushed up tight against the other couch, her breathing deep and frantic.
“Baby, it’s okay. You’re safe.”
But her eyes weren’t seeing him. She was in another world. Pain filled her beautiful blue eyes, tearing at his heart.
He walked around the couch and stepped toward her, but she jerked back tighter against the couch behind her.
He sat down on the floor facing her, giving her space.
“It’s okay. I won’t touch you. I just want to talk to you.”
She sucked in several shallow breaths, watching him with wide eyes.
“Elle. We were just role-playing, Do you remember?”
She blinked, her expression uncertain.
She was disoriented and he realized she must have been reliving some kind of trauma from her past. Fuck, their fantasy must have triggered it.
He moved a little closer, but she cringed, so he stopped.
“Baby, please believe me. I’d never hurt you.”
He tried to maintain an aura of calmness, even though his heart was pounding. She watched him warily, but as the long seconds ticked by, her frenetic breathing grew deeper and her eyes became more focused.
“Avi?” Her voice was small, quivering with vulnerability.
“That’s right. I’m here for you. Tell me what you need.”
She bit her lip. Then she dropped her face to her hands and started to sob.
The crippling fear started to subside and Elle lost herself to the painful aftermath.
It was Avi who was here with her. Not Giorgio. And not Giorgio’s friend.
Avi eased toward her slowly. As soon as his hand tentatively brushed her shoulder, she surged against him and clung tightly. His big arms came around her and he held her against his body. As her tears dampened his chest, he stroked her hair. She sucked in deep breaths, steadying her breathing.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m here.”
She listened to his heartbeat, letting it calm her. He held her tenderly, not speaking.
Finally, she lifted her head.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“No, baby. Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner.”
She shook her head. “You couldn’t know. I should have used the safe word.”
He tipped up her chin. “I assume you didn’t use it because you were in some kind of shock.” He stroked her cheek tenderly. “Did something happen to you in the past? Were you reliving it?”
Tears swelled in her eyes again and she nodded.
He stroked her hair back in a gentle caress.
“Please tell me.”
She bit her lip. “It’s stupid.” She sucked in a breath. “I was stupid.”
“I don’t believe that. Just tell me, sweetheart.”
She drew away from his embrace and leaned back against the couch holding the blanket tight around her.
“I went out with this guy for over a year. We were living together. We were both pretty adventurous in the bedroom. One day, he suggested a threesome. He said his friend was coming from out of town and he’d really like to share me.” She stared down at her hands. “I thought it might be really sexy, so I agreed.”
She glanced at Avi, fearing she’d see disapproval in his eyes, even with all she knew of him. But he nodded encouragingly.
“His friend came to town the next day and Giorgio surprised me by bringing him over to dinner. After dinner Giorgio put on a porn movie. Things were happening faster than I thought they would, but I went along with it. I’d agreed to the whole thing. But I started to get overwhelmed. They undressed me and then this strange man’s hands were on me. I tried to stay calm, knowing it was just nerves. Things progressed, but when I found myself bent over the couch, with Giorgio’s friend behind me, touching me in the same way you were with his cock…”
She sucked in a breath as she felt a surge of panic, remembering the man behind her, his hand pressing her head so hard to the couch cushion it hurt, his hard cock sliding over her wet flesh.
“Then he pushed his cock against my back opening and I panicked. I told him to stop.”
She shook her head, trembling now.
“But he didn’t. He pushed into me.” An echo of the same panic tore through her now as she remembered the pain. And fear.
“What did your boyfriend do?” Avi asked, his brown eyes laced with anger.
“He…” A sob broke from her throat as she remembered Giorgio’s rough hands on her. “He held me down.”
“Even though you were telling them to stop?”
“He said I’d be fine… it was just nerves… that I had agreed to this.”
She could still feel Giorgia’s hands gripping her shoulders, freeing his friend to hold her hips still while he kept filling her ass. His cock pushing inside painfully.
Avi cupped her face and lifted it until their gazes caught. In the depths of his deep, brown eyes she saw compassion, edged with anger.
“The man had sex with you while your boyfriend watched?”
She shook her head.
“Once his friend was inside me, then Giorgio…” She ran out of breath and stopped to suck in air. “He stood up and… they both….”
“Fuck, baby.” Avi pulled her close against him and held her tight.
She kept sucking in air, feeling faint.
“That was a terrible thing they did to you,” Avi said softly. “All the worse because your boyfriend should have protected you.”
She sighed and shook her head.
“I agreed to it, so I shouldn’t have protested.”
“No.” His brown-eyed gaze was fierce. “You did nothing wrong, Elle.”
Her breath caught. She started to tremble. “I said I’d do it.”
“And then you changed your mind. You said no. You’re allowed to do that.”
She stared at him, her chest clenched.
He ran his hand tenderly over her cheek.
“Baby, you really need to understand this. Those two men raped you.”
The blood in her veins turned to ice and she began to tremble. She couldn’t breathe as his words rippled through her.
He drew her against his body and held her close.
That horrible night hadn’t been her fault?
Avi stroked her back and all the tension gripping her so tightly shattered. She crumpled against Avi’s chest and sobbed.
Avi wanted to kill the bastard who had done this to Elle.
Her body shook against him as the sobs wracked her body.
He held her, his gut clenched, wishing there was some way he could make things better. But all he could do was be there for her.
When her body finally stilled, her crying now just a few snuffles, he swept her up in his arms and carried her to his room. He drew her into bed with him and kept holding her tenderly.
She gazed at him, her eyes shimmering.
“Thank you, Avi,” she murmured. Then she snuggled in closer.
He stroked her hair as she fell asleep in his arms.
Elle opened her eyes to darkness. Thick muscular arms were around her and she felt a hard, masculine body behind her. Her body stiffened, but then she remembered it was Avi and her anxiety eased.
Except that vague memories of a hand pressing down on her head, holding her helpless unsettled her. Her stomach coiled tight as she remembered what she’d been dreaming about. A man behind her thrusting into her body while another held her down, despite her cries of protest.
She covered her face and drew in deep breaths. Numbness washed over her, allowing her distance from the disturbing memories.
Oh, God, she hadn’t had a nightmare about what had happened with Giorgio and his friend for several months. She’d thought she’d finally put it behind her.
From Avi’s deep, even breathing, she could tell he was still asleep. She shifted slowly out of his arms and lay back on the pillow to look at him. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and she could make out his face in the dim light of the moon.
He was helping her push back the limits that had tightened around her after what Giorgio had done. Helping her open up to new things again. To embrace her sexuality again.
She rested her hand lightly on his raspy cheek, unable to resist touching him. He had been so patient with her. So caring. When she’d rolled into a ball, he hadn’t demanded she tell him what was wrong, or pulled her into his arms when she wasn’t ready. He’d sat patiently, drawing her out. Then when she’d told him what had happened, he’d been so wonderfully caring.
He’d insisted it wasn’t her fault.
He was everything she wanted in a man.
But… taking this adventure with him… opening herself up to him… had caused her to plummet back into a painful state. The nightmares would continue. And they’d get worse before they got better.
It wasn’t Avi’s fault. He was trying to help her. And she wanted to be that carefree, adventurous woman again.
But she wasn’t ready. The pain was still too intense. She just wanted to forget about it. Put it far behind her.
Continuing to be with Avi meant it could be triggered again at any time. She couldn’t allow that.
Chapter 12
Avi awoke to sunlight streaming in the window. Even before he opened his eyes, he knew Elle wasn’t still in bed. He stared at the empty pillow beside him.
Damn, he wished that last night he had realized her agitation before things had gone so far. His heart tore in two at the memory of her cringing from him, her eyes filled with dread.
He pushed away the covers and stood up, then pulled on his robe. He checked the penthouse for Elle, but she was nowhere to be found.
He walked back to his bedroom and into the en suite. There he saw a piece of paper folded and taped to the mirror with his name penned in Elle’s feminine handwriting. He pulled it from the glass and opened it.
Avi,
I’m sorry to do this in a note, but I think it’s better this way. You and I agreed that our arrangement would be short term and that when I decide to end it, you’ll accept that.
I’m ending it now.
Thank you for everything. Goodbye.
* * *
Elle
Avi raked his hand through his hair. What the fuck?
That was it? She was just gone?
He crumped the note in his hand, anger spiking through him. He strode back into the bedroom and his gaze flickered to the rumpled sheets. The memory of her in his arms… of her body wracked with sobs.
Elle was afraid. She was running away. Whether it was because she wanted to suppress this newly re-opened wound, or because she feared that other things—oh, God, he hoped there wasn’t more—would be revealed if they kept moving forward.
A chime sounded and he picked up his tablet from the dresser and flicked on the app to show the view from his video camera over the door.
It was Elle who had rung his bell. She stood in the hallway biting her lip.
Had she changed her mind? Hope soared through him.
He hurried down the stairs and pulled the door open.
“May I come in?” she asked, her mood subdued.
Then her gaze flicked to his hand.
“Oh, I see you already read my note.”
He glanced down and realized he still clung to the crumped paper.
“Come in, Elle.” He gently grasped her arm and guided her inside, afraid she’d change her mind and flee again.
Once he closed the door, she drew her arm free and wrapped them around herself as she walked toward the living room.
“I’m sorry about the note,” she said. “As soon as I got to the lobby I realized I couldn’t leave it like that between us. It wasn’t fair of me.”
“I’m glad you came back.”
“Okay, just to be clear. I’m not back.” She frowned. “I mean in the relationship. I just had to come back and explain. And…” She drew in a breath and her blue eyes turned to him, wide and vulnerable. “To thank you.”
“You want to thank me?”
She nodded. “I understand how much you’ve helped me… and I really appreciate it. I didn’t even realize how much I’d closed up after what happened with my ex. I used to love trying new things. But after that, I…”
She shook her head and walked to the window.
“Everly kept telling me I wasn’t the same person, but I shrugged it off, assuming I was just suffering from breakup blues.” Her gaze turned to him again. “But being with you opened my eyes. I had cut off a part of myself. A part that made me feel alive.”
A tear glimmered in her eye.
“Your compassionate words last night after you learned what happened… when you said it wasn’t my fault… I never realized I was blaming myself… hating myself…”
His heart ached and he stepped toward her. “Baby—”
She pulled back, shaking her head, and he stopped.
“I’ll keep reminding myself of what you said until I really believe it. I’ll really work on that.” She drew in a deep sigh. “But I can’t keep doing this with you. I finally realize how broken I am and…” She shook her head. “I need time to heal.”
“I agree. You do need time to heal. And we can do that together.”
”No.” The word was short and strong. Her gaze met his head on. “Avi, when I was doubtful about getting involved with you, you agreed that when I decided to end the relationship, that you would accept that. I’m asking you now to keep that promise.”
Elle sat on
her couch, her knees pulled tight to her chest, her heart aching.
It had been three days since she’d walked out on Avi. Three long, painful days.
The nightmares had continued and when she woke up, she found herself reaching for Avi. But he wasn’t there.
Oh, God, of course he wasn’t there. She’d run away and told him not to follow. She’d made him promise.
Now she was so confused and unhappy.
Avi had been everything she’d needed. He’d drawn her out of her shell. He’d known what she needed better than she did. And when things had gone wrong… when she’d lost it and started reliving the horrific incident with Giorgio again… Avi had noticed and stopped, even though she hadn’t said the safe word. Then he’d been gentle and patient with her. He’d held her close and she’d felt very protected.
And now he was staying away, just as she’d asked.
Why did she feel betrayed by that?
She sighed and rested her head on her knee, shivering.
A knock sounded at the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone. It was probably someone in the building collecting for charity. She usually gave when asked, but right now she wasn’t up to facing anyone. Her eyes were puffy and her emotions were on a hare trigger.
A knock sounded again. Louder this time. She hugged her knees tighter.
“Elle, It’s Avi. I want to talk. Please open the door.”
Her heart clenched.
“Avi?”
She found herself halfway to the door, before she even realized she’d moved.
She pulled open the door and her heart swelled at the sight of him. He wore dressy jeans and a soft cotton shirt that showcased his broad chest and narrow waist. His dark, wavy hair swept back from his face, with a small wisp trailing on his forehead that she longed to brush back.
His deep brown eyes fell on her face and she realized she must look a mess. Her eyes were puffy from crying, her hair was woven into a single, long braid, and she wore an oversized T-shirt and an old pair of jeans.