by Cathy Kelly
‘I bet you say that to all the girls,’ she replied.
‘Tonight I mean it,’ he said, without relinquishing her hand.
‘Antonio, what would Erica say if she saw you holding on to this young lady so tightly?’ Vincente joked.
‘But she will not see!’ said Antonio triumphantly. ‘She is sitting down over there, look. I am not in her vision.’ He beamed.
After so much enforced staying in, Megan found the evening wonderfully relaxing.
‘Your mother is wonderful,’ Vincente informed her when Antonio had gone.
Megan knew he meant it. She’d been watching him and saw how often his eyes followed her mother, whether she was giggling up at the bar with one of her girlfriends, or chattering with one of their husbands. ‘She brings light into the world.’
‘I know. She seems very happy with you,’ Megan said. She’d never spoken to one of her mother’s men before with such frankness. Then, she wondered if she’d ever spoken to anyone with such frankness. It was hanging around with Connie and Eleanor. They’d created a filter in her head so that all words sounded fake unless they were coming straight from the heart.
‘I wish I was good at saying the sort of things people want to hear,’ Connie had said to her once. ‘You know, artless, girlish talk. I just can’t do it. What I think comes out instead and people don’t really want to hear what you think.’
They might not want to hear it, Megan thought in a wave of self-realisation, but it’s fantastic to be able to say it. Speaking the truth felt fantastic. She tried it again.
‘Are you going to get married?’
Vincente didn’t have a heart attack at this question. He considered it.
‘I have thought of asking her, but you know your mother. She is not interested in being tied down. In that, she is unusual, the most unusual woman I know. She is a free spirit, you cannot tie her down.’
Someone interrupted them at that moment, and the chance to reply was gone but Megan kept thinking about it. Her mother as a free spirit. Certainly that was how she liked to be seen by everyone and by the men she’d lived with over the years.
Keep it light, never let them know how you feel,’ she’d told Megan and Pippa.
But that didn’t always work out. Sometimes you had to let people know how you felt.
Keeping it light, concealing your true feelings, meant nobody knew you. You were a mystery, and being a mystery was all well and good, but it was a lonely way to live.
As they drove home to the Villa Aphrodite, Megan sat in the back of the car and listened to her mother chattering away to Vincente, discussing the evening and their friends. It was happy gossip from a couple who were comfortable with each other. So different from all the other men Megan could remember. Then, there had been so much effort on her mother’s part. Megan could remember no sense of ease. It was all hard work.
The car stopped outside the villa as the wooden gates opened slowly.
‘Tonight was fun, darling, wasn’t it?’ Marguerite said, turning back in her seat to smile at her daughter. The same hopeful look on her face, Megan realised, as she’d had all those years ago when she talked to Gunther.
Her mother had desperately wanted Gunther to marry her. She’d craved it. Not the ring so much as the security. There was no fun being the woman who raced around the world with her two little girls. She’d been prepared to put up with anything for the security and it had never come.
Even now, she pretended to be happy and carefree because that’s what she thought Vincente wanted.
Never let them know how you feel.
Marguerite had been trying to find peace all along, she just hadn’t known how to go about it. Just because her mother had lived her life that way, didn’t mean Megan had to copy her.
Her mother went upstairs to change her high heels and Megan went out on to the verandah where Vincente stood smoking a cigar.
‘Vincente,’ she said urgently, ‘do you want to get married to my mother?’
Of course,’ he said.
‘Ask her to marry you, then. She would love it.’
‘But she says we are happy like this, she is a free agent –’
‘Vincente, trust me on this: what a woman says and what she means are sometimes different things. If you ask her, I guarantee that she will say yes.’
‘You think?’
‘Yes,’ Megan said, ‘I think.’
‘What makes you tell me this?’ Vincente asked curiously.
‘Mum won’t tell you how she truly feels because she’s afraid of rejection,’ Megan said. ‘She doesn’t say what she thinks. Not that she lies,’ she added, ‘it’s not that at all. It’s just that she thinks it’s easier not to say what you really think instead of telling the truth.’
‘And you?’
‘I do the same. I’m a chameleon, I can change to fit the mood. But not any more,’ Megan added. ‘Nowadays, I tell the truth.’
She went upstairs to bed, thinking of what she’d left unsaid. That she was going to live the truth from now on too. Never again was she going to fall for a man like Rob Hartnell. Never again would she be that silly, naïve girl who believed in fairytale endings with the handsome, protective prince. She’d be her own prince, not wait for someone to rescue her. Megan would rescue herself.
Carole Baird was staring at the wall in her central London office, eyes on the photos of her famous clients, mind elsewhere. There were so many client photos, the wall itself was barely visible. She knew of one Los Angeles agent who kept photos on his desk. His assistants were charged with changing the photo library depending on which client was coming into the office.
She was so lost in contemplation that she barely noticed her private phone was ringing. When she didn’t answer her office line, it went back to her assistant after four rings. But this wasn’t the office line: it was the private line, for which very few clients knew the number.
She snatched it up. ‘Hello,’ she said briskly.
‘Carole, it’s Megan.’
Carole smothered a sigh. Megan made her feel simultaneously guilty and annoyed. Guilty because she wondered if she and Zara should have put Megan up for the role in Warrior Queen in the first place; annoyance, because Megan’s fall from grace had made their agency look unprofessional. No matter what the talent did, the agency were supposed to be on top of it. By not having a clue that Megan Bouchier was having a fling with Rob Hartnell, they’d looked like idiots.
‘How are you, Megan?’
‘Great,’ was the entirely unexpected reply.
Carole sat up a little straighter in her black leather Arne Jacobson chair.
‘I’ve made a decision. I’m going to come out of hiding and tell the truth.’
‘The truth?’ Carole thought the truth was over-rated.
‘Not the truth as in stand on a pillar and proclaim what happened, but I’m going back to work. Theatre, if you can get it for me. I think I’ll stay away from film for a while. And hiding is a mistake. This will never go away, I have to face it. I’m not doing a spill-the-beans interview. I’ll deal with questions whenever I’m promoting my next job.’
‘They’ll skewer you,’ Carole said.
‘I know.’ Megan’s voice didn’t falter.
‘Fine by me. It’s a good decision, brave but good.’
‘I was thinking that I’d try theatre in New York. Something off-Broadway, low-key but good training,’ Megan went on. This new life would have to be totally different from the old one if it were to work. She was saying goodbye to the crazy ‘it’ girl life and saying hello to proper training at her craft. She missed acting so much. It was time to get back to it properly.
‘One more thing. I want to talk to one person first.’
‘OK, shoot. Who?’ Carole was taking notes now.
‘Katharine Hartnell.’
Now Carole was surprised. Beyond surprised. ‘You want to talk to Katharine?’
She could understand Megan wanting to talk to Rob. It co
uld be the ‘You scumbag, why did you disappear on me?’ conversation or the ‘I love you, let’s try again, we could be a Hollywood power couple’ conversation. But Carole couldn’t envision any discussion between Megan and Katharine Hartnell that Megan would want to have.
‘Yes, I need to talk to her, if possible, as soon as possible.’
‘You’re sure about this?’
‘Absolutely,’ Megan replied. ‘Sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, right?’
Katharine Hartnell woke to the sound of pigeons squabbling under the eaves near her bedroom window. The noise hadn’t woken her up. Now, she woke before six every morning, pigeons or no pigeons.
Once, she’d bought a daylight alarm clock so that soothing natural light would wake her up on dark winter mornings when she had to get up for an early call.
The simulated daylight was meant to help the body clock adjust to morning better, although she’d never noticed the slightest difference. If only the makers had known about the shocking affect on the system of your husband betraying you, Katharine thought.
The Pain Stimulation Alarm clock might sell billions. And you woke up instantly: no fuzzy confusion about where you were. No, you knew it all straight away. Your husband had humiliated you in front of millions and you were in your superkingsize bed on your own.
At least she didn’t feel so shattered when she woke up any more.
She’d had seven months to recover from Rob’s betrayal. Seven months was too long to lie in bed all day and cry. She’d moved on to the next stage of grief: doing what she wanted, instead of what people expected.
She clicked on her bedside lamp, reached for the television control and lay back on her pillows, searching for something to watch. She’d watched a lot of television since Rob left. Soaps, movies, cooking shows. She loved the cooking shows most of all.
There was something faintly hypnotic about watching someone cooking in front of you. Even the ingredients were soothing. Crushed garlic, giant lumps of butter tossed to fizzle in a hot frying pan. Why had nobody come up with smell-o-vision yet?
Not that Katharine cooked or even ate much. She was an actress. Thin was where it was at.
It was too early for cooking shows. She watched a couple of bronzed girls with toned bodies try to sell a sit-up machine, but the sight of their taut abdomens was too much. Her own abdomen needed more than a contraption to help her do situps. She’d made a movie once where she’d had an ex-Israeli army guy train her. The workouts were agonising. She’d been in the best physical shape of her life for that film, but of course, it wasn’t sustainable for a normal human being. Within six months, the tone was gone.
Irritated, she got out of bed and went down three flights of stairs into the basement to make a cup of tea.
Once she’d made it, she climbed back into bed and began to plan her day.
That itself was a major improvement. When Rob had left, she hadn’t been able to so much as speak, never mind plan a day which involved rehearsals for a play and dinner with the director.
It was too early to phone her assistant, Tiggy. She’d have been lost without Tiggy for the past six months.
It was she who’d been there the day the news broke. They’d been going through Katharine’s diary at the time. She had charity functions to attend, fittings to set up for a children’s movie where she was playing an eccentric aunt and the opening night of a small production of Lear where an old pal from RADA was playing Regan.
‘There’s almost no money in it, but at least I’m working,’ the old friend, Anne, had said on the phone to Katharine. ‘You’ll come for moral support, please? And bring Rob, if he’s around.’
Bring Rob. Code for: It will do my standing no end of good if I can get Rob Hartnell to my opening night.
‘Yes,’ Katharine said automatically. ‘If he’s around.’
Rob wouldn’t be around, as it turned out. He was still filming in Romania. Katharine sat with Tiggy and wished she was the sort of person who could make up an excuse and not
go to the opening night. She wasn’t the person Anne really wanted there. She wanted Rob, exuding glamour and Hollywood movie money.
‘About the costume fitting,’ said Tiggy, running a Frenchmanicured nail down her list. Tiggy was not the beguiling Home Counties girl her name suggested. She was chic, wore little grey suits she sourced in Paris, and kept her glossy dark hair in a swinging bob. She was efficient and polite but never scary like some of the assistants Katharine knew. Many stars liked a scary assistant as the contrast was so favourable and the assistant made a useful fall guy.
‘It’s not me being difficult, it’s my people’ was the standard line for any outrageous demands.
Katharine never made outrageous demands. The very notion of such a thing offended her.
‘What about next Thursday? We have that photo on Tuesday, so you can rest on Wednesday, and the costume fitting won’t be too bad. You said you wanted to pop into Armani to pick up some things. We can fit that in too. I’ll phone to tell them you’re coming.’
A date for the fitting for the movie was set up. Katharine liked working with designers and wardrobe people. Clothes helped her fit into a role. They didn’t for Rob. He just transformed himself into it, like a speeded-up caterpillar becoming a butterfly in five seconds. She’d seen him walk on to a set as Rob Hartnell, and become another person in the steps it took to reach his mark.
‘It does sound like fun,’ Tiggy said, reading the email from the costume designer about the director’s vision: ‘“Aunt Astrid is a colourful woman with a velvet coat with a fur collar that’s actually her pet, a real live mink.” Oh, it says here: “We’ll be using computer generated images and live action – you won’t be acting with the real mink.” Pity,’ Tiggy said, grinning, ‘it might be fun to act with a mink.’
‘Cute but slow,’ said Katharine, who’d once worked on a film with several dogs. ‘Every time you get it right, the animal gets it wrong. It takes hours. I knitted an entire sweater on that doggie movie.’
‘I didn’t know you could knit,’ Tiggy had said with interest.
Katharine suddenly felt very old. Tiggy was a marvellous assistant and had been working with her for two years, but she was so young. Twenty-nine. Compared to Alice, solid dependable Alice who’d been Katharine’s assistant for the previous fifteen years and had seen her through all her successes and failures, Tiggy was a child. Doubtless, she’d do another year with Katharine before running off to become head of a major studio or something, but still, she was a child now.
Alice had seen Katharine knit, do tapestry, paint watercolours and practice Tai Chi.
‘I preferred the tapestry,’ Alice had remarked wryly when Katharine had taken up knitting. ‘You are the most awful knitter.’
‘That’s not the point.’ Katharine had laughed loudly. ‘I’m not asking anyone to wear any of these things.’ She held up a scarf. ‘It’s therapeutic.’
Why did Alice have to retire?
‘I can’t stay attached to your side forever, Katharine,’ she’d said.
And Katharine had had Rob by her side then. Had.
She and Tiggy had still been in the study that day when Tiggy’s BlackBerry rang.
Tiggy answered, listened and went pale.
‘It’s Rob, isn’t it?’ Katharine had stayed in her chair but it felt as if all the blood in her body had drained into the floor. She felt cold with fear. ‘He’s had an accident–’
‘No,’ Tiggy interrupted. ‘It’s David Shultz, the producer. Rob has been photographed in Prague with his co-star, Megan Bouchier.’
For a moment, Katharine thought she might laugh. Megan Bouchier, she wanted to say. That girl? Who next? The papers all want gossip and what’s better than pretending that a pair of actors onset are actually doing for real what they’re being paid to do on film.
Tiggy was back on the phone, listening carefully. ‘OK,’ she said at intervals. ‘OK.’
She took the phone
away from her ear. ‘Do you want to talk to him?’ she asked.
The confidence began to slide away from Katharine. There had been pictures over the years and none of them had meant a thing. Rob had never cheated on her. But she’d never received a phone call from one of her husband’s producers before. David Shultz was one of the good ones. A successful, charming man. A busy man who didn’t have time to be the one phoning her assistant to mention that some tabloid had photos of Rob and his co-star.
‘David, hello,’ she said cautiously.
‘Katharine,’ he said, and his voice was full of the regret of a man who has awful news to deliver. ‘There are these photos –’
‘There have been lots of photos, David,’ she said, still managing to sound calm. ‘Why are you phoning over these ones?’
‘Because this time, it looks as if it’s –’ He halted, then took the plunge: ‘As if these aren’t set-up pictures. They’re real. Megan’s phoned her agent in distress. They were in a hotel in Prague. I can’t get hold of Rob. He’s not answering his phone.’
‘But you’re filming in Prague,’ Katharine said, confused.
‘No, we’re not. Rob and Megan had the weekend off.’
Katharine breathed out slowly. Rob had lied to her. He’d said they were shooting night scenes and he mightn’t phone in case he woke her up.
‘No night scenes, then?’ she asked, and was instantly sorry she’d spoken. The lied-to wife.
‘No, no night scenes.’
‘When did this happen?’
‘I got the call this morning.’
‘Does Charles know?’
Charles LeBoyer was Rob’s agent, a Hollywood super agent who only slept when his two personal assistants were handling his calls.
‘He does,’ said David formally.
There was nothing more for him to say. Katharine had worked it all out. Charles knew everything. Rob used to say that when one of Charles’s clients sneezed in Ulan Bator, Charles knew about it in Los Angeles. It was why he was such a good agent. He missed nothing.
She realised that Charles must have known about this all along. He wasn’t shocked at Rob being photographed with Megan Bouchier. And he was in Rob’s camp, obviously, rather than in Katharine’s.