This tree, I was told, was three hundred years old. It held a lot of secrets throughout the decades. How many lovers had kissed here? How many duels had been exercised under this tree? How many friends had revealed their innermost feelings here? How many maidens had given up their reputations here? There must have been a thousand and one stories to tell if the willow spoke a thousand words. But it just stood here, straight and proud, allowing it to be a stepping-stone for anyone who wished to use it, a quiet friend that spoke not of all it has heard over the years but loaned its bark to lean on to any passerby who wished to rest under it.
Nidal pulled out a carving knife from his pocket and carved a heart with our initials inside of it on the tree. He was so romantic, this prince of mine. He made me feel like a schoolgirl all over again. It was such a beautiful feeling. Our lips met once again as a drop of rain splattered on my face. We both looked up just in time to see the rain come pouring down. It was all so sudden. We stood under the willow and tried to stay dry, but we were soon dripping wet. The rain smelled so good. I looked up at the tree and spotted a few birds taking refuge on some branches. Looking around, no one was in sight except for the endless green pastures. We were the only ones within miles from here.
Nidal reached below my waist, grabbed my wet gown, pulled it over my head, and took it off. It happened so fast that I did not have time to dispute it. I was not wearing a single thing underneath, much to Nidal’s delight. Then he took off his clothes, and we were both under the willow tree, stark naked.
Nidal’s hands worked their magic as they slid down and caressed me lightly. He dropped down on the wet grass and pulled me to him. I lay on top of him, feeling his groin ready to take what belonged to him. We made love out here in the meadow, under the willow tree. The warm raindrops splashed on our heated bodies as we enjoyed the fruits of love. It was such an experience as nothing we ever had before. Wet, spent, and exhausted, we lay in each other’s arms and allowed the rain to dance on our skins. It was a nice hot day, and we welcomed the rain as it splattered all over us. It cannot get any better than this, I thought with a satisfied feeling.
After a while, the rain eased up, and the sun came out, shining its way through the sky and on to our bodies. We dried quickly and put on our damp clothes. We just lay under the willow tree, admiring the beauty in front of us.
I leaned my head against Nidal’s chest and closed my eyes. I pictured mine and Nidal’s children running across the meadow playfully. Maybe a little boy who had Nidal’s charms and good looks and a little girl who looked like me. That would be all I would ever ask for in this lifetime. I had everything else.
“What is on your mind, Loula? You are so quiet. Is something bothering you?” Nidal asked, patiently waiting for a response.
He always wanted to know everything. I sighed. I did not like to share everything on my mind. I felt like a child when I was always told to say everything that I was thinking and not allowed to keep some treasures for myself.
So I lied. “I was just admiring the view and enjoying being here with you, Nidal.”
There. That was easy.
“You are keeping your thoughts to yourself, Loula.” Nidal was frustrated. “It must be something you don’t want me to find out about,” he accused as he pulled up his body and leaned against the willow tree.
“Will there ever be a day that I don’t get accused of something from you, Nidal?” I was hurt. “You seem to always want to say hurtful things. You must accept what I say as the truth and stop trying to figure me out, Nidal, because it will hurt our relationship if you continue this way.” I tried to make him see reason.
But Nidal was Nidal, and he was one of a kind. I knew he would not change. I had to accept him for who he was because I loved him so much. “Nidal, stop stressing when there is no need for it. Just live your life with me and be happy. Always think positive, and you will see how that can change your life,” I said simply.
Nidal tried to analyze my words of wisdom, but he had trouble understanding them. I looked up into his face, and he seemed troubled with thought as he sat there quietly. “Nidal, I love you so much. I need you to understand this,” I pleaded.
“Loula,” Nidal moaned my name as if he were in pain, “whether I understand it or not isn’t the issue here. What’s at stake here is bigger than understanding your logic. I think I love you more than you love me, and that hurts,” he whispered painfully. “I am always feeling this when I am around you lately. I know I cannot exist in a world without you. I’d rather kill myself than live without you,” he moaned and ran his fingers through his hair.
He shifted his gaze toward the sky. I looked up, and far away over the rolling meadows was a rainbow. Its colors were brilliantly displayed for all to see. I rolled over from my sitting position and stood. I looked down at Nidal, square in the face.
“Nidal, I too love you more than life itself, and I know you know this. You just want to hear me say it again and again,” I laughingly accused.
Nidal pushed his body up and stood in front of me. His face got serious as he reached over and pushed the falling strands of hair away from my face. “Maybe it is what I need to hear to feel satisfied, Loula,” he said softly.
“Nidal, you will never be satisfied! You need me to constantly remind you,” I said laughingly. “So here I go. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, and I love you! There. Do you feel better now?” I teased.
Nidal just stood there staring at me, and suddenly he grabbed my shoulders, pulled me closer, and kissed me with such passion that he almost bit my lips. I matched him, a kiss for a kiss, as our passion reached the heights of the blue sky. No matter what, I knew that I loved him so much that I too knew there was no life for me outside his embrace.
Life is good, I thought as we strolled back to the palace. The sun was about to set. We had been gone for most of the day. From a distance, I noticed the queen was sitting outside with the king and a few of his men. As we got closer to the palace, Nidal’s steps quickened, and his hand tightened around mine when he saw the king’s facial expression. The king himself looked mad, but the queen had a satisfied grin on her lovely face. She looked happy to see us together and in love.
As we approached them, the king did not waste a second. “Where have you been?” he asked furiously. “I called a meeting hours ago. Nidal, you know how important the meetings are!” he barked. He shook his finger in his son’s face. “Have you no respect for your king, your soldiers, and your country?” He turned flamboyantly and marched into the palace. All his men quickly followed him, including Nidal, but not before kissing me and whispering for my ears alone his love for me.
I watched him leave my side with sadness, knowing he would not return to me until early morning. I turned and looked at the queen apologetically, and she smiled at me with understanding.
“I have not forgotten what it feels like to be in love, Loula,” she said sweetly. “The king will get over it, and as for your prince, he will be back before you know it.” She took my hand and pulled me toward the rose gardens. “Have you ever visited the gardens at night?” she asked sweetly as I followed her quickly along the brick path.
Torches were lit along the garden’s path, and as we walked, I saw the fountains, magnificent structural gems, that graced the gardens with beauty. Roses of all colors sprayed their perfume in the air, and all this beauty took my breath away. The queen turned to look at me, and I smiled in approval of all I saw.
The queen tugged my hand to follow her, and she led me to a place behind a big rose bush. “This is where Nidal hid from me when he was a little boy and knew he was in some kind of trouble,” the queen said sadly. “Now he is all grown up, and his attention is elsewhere,” she said helplessly. “It’s not easy being a mom and watching your beloved child grow up and replace you with someone else.” She turned and faced me. A tear slowly rolled down her face, and
then she smiled. “I’m so glad he brought you to us. The king and I love you so much. You are a beautiful addition to this family.” She gave me a warm, sincere hug.
Her words touched me. I felt welcomed in the palace, and it was good to know that the queen mother liked me. I hugged her too. I was glad that Nidal’s parents finally approved of me. We strolled in the gardens awhile longer before we decided to call it a night.
Chapter Eight
Loula
There was silence in the room when I woke up in the morning. Nidal was not in bed with me, and I looked around the room for him and saw him standing by the window. He kept running his fingers through his hair. I heard him sigh a couple of times as he stood rigid, staring out into the gardens.
I kept silent, knowing he had a lot on his mind. Something was bothering him, and I needed to know what it was. But knowing Nidal, he did not share stressful information with me, saying he loved me too much to upset me with stuff like that. But I had to know. I wanted to know everything that occupied Nidal’s mind. I guess I was turning into him, needing to know and understand him fully and in every way.
As I was getting out of bed, Nidal turned, and I saw the pain in his eyes before he quickly covered it up by throwing me a loving smile. We both walked toward each other and hugged. I felt loved and safe in his embrace. Our lips met, and he quickly scooped me up in his arms. We both landed back in bed, but I needed to talk to him and not get distracted by his kisses, so I pushed him away from me gently.
With a serious tone, I said, “Nidal, stop it! I know you are trying to distract me. I see you suffering, and I can’t stand it anymore. Have I caused this pain that I see in your eyes? Have I disappointed you in any way?”
Nidal’s expression on his face was full of love and concern as he grabbed me by the waist, pulled me close, and locked me in his arms. “No, my love,” he whispered softly. “It has nothing to do with you. I was just thinking about the meeting last night.”
His strong arms tightened his hold on me, and he brought his lips down on mine. This was his way of avoiding answering direct questions, and this angered me. He shared only the information that suited him and withheld the rest. I wiggled out of his embrace, tipped my head back, and looked him square in his eyes.
“Don’t you think, Nidal, that I should know what wanders in your mind? Isn’t it about time you share your thoughts with me?” I asked, frustrated. He was protecting me from something, and I needed to know what that was.
“I can’t tell you without hurting you. Don’t you understand how much I love you? Do you know me so little? Don’t you know that I would give my life for you? I would protect you from anything and anyone with my life! Telling you everything would make you scared and hopeless. Why would I want to do that to you, Loula?” he pleaded for me to understand.
“You are a hypocrite!” I accused. “You say all this, yet you want to know everything that’s on my mind! I love you, and if you are going through a rough time, I want to know. It affects me too, when you are suffering. I suffer when you suffer! Please try to understand my feelings too. Don’t be selfish!” I tried to reason with him.
“Selfish?” My accusations had hurt him. “You call me selfish and a hypocrite! The only reason I don’t want to tell you is because I want to protect you. It’s my job to make you feel safe.”
But he needed to understand that we were equal partners in this. He could not pick and choose only what suited him. “I insist that you tell me!” I yelled. “You say you love me, but you are not willing to share. I do not understand this love you say you have for me that only serves your purpose and not mine!” I said angrily.
“Fine, Loula. Ask me what you want to know, and I will try to answer the best way I can,” he sounded defeated.
I turned to him and went straight to the point. “I want to know everything about the meetings. I know something horrible is about to happen. I can feel it.” I knew as I waited for Nidal’s response that what he revealed to me might be more than I could handle.
Nida considered my statement and, without hesitation, asked, “Then why do you insist to know? It will only upset you.” He tried reasoning with me. “The less you know the better.” He was obviously genuinely concerned now for my welfare.
“No, Nidal, that’s where you are wrong. Not knowing, no matter how bad it is, will only make me sick with worry.” I tried to make him understand my logic.
Nidal knew he had lost the argument, and when he spoke, it was with great sadness. “Loula, in a few months, my beloved country will go to war.”
“War?” I was terrified. “Who will lead them to war?” I already knew the answer to that before he even responded.
Nidal just sat there staring at me without answering my question. But his silence confirmed to me what I needed to know. I threw myself on him, crying.
“No, Nidal! You cannot go!” I begged. “I won’t let you. Why do you have to even be there? Please, Nidal, don’t go!” I cried.
Nidal tried to calm me down, but I was hysterical. “That is the reason I chose not to tell you. I knew you would be upset, Loula. Tell me you understand that, please,” Nidal begged.
I looked into Nidal’s beautiful face. He was so handsome, and he was mine. The thought that he was going to put his life in danger drove me wild with worry. I did not know how to deal with such news. I hugged him, never wanting to let him go. I held him in my arms so tight. I wanted this moment to last forever. Tears rolled down my face, sobs tore from my throat, and I was trembling. I felt Nidal’s hold tighten.
“Now do you know why I did not tell you before this, Loula?” Nidal gently asked. “I knew how you would react. I do not want you to feel this way.”
“So what were you going to do? Run off to war without saying a single word? Did you want me to wake up one morning and realize you had gone to war?” I let out all my anger and frustration.
Nidal just sat there, not saying a word, which angered me even more. I started pounding on his chest. He didn’t even wince at the pain. He knew I was right.
“So tell me, Nidal. How am I supposed to live without you now that I have lived with you for so long? What if something happens to you and I never see you again? I will kill myself! I will jump in the river and drown myself,” I told him frantically.
In that instant, Nidal saw in my eyes the truth that I would do just that. He pulled me close to him and yelled hoarsely, “Stop it! Loula, stop it! Don’t say such things! I will lead my men to war, we will destroy the enemy, and then we will come home. You have nothing to fear,” he lied miserably.
I almost choked on my next words. “When are you leaving?” I stared him in the face without blinking. “Were you even going to tell me? Or were you going to leave without saying good-bye?” I knew what the answer to that was. “I am deeply hurt.” I sobbed and felt the pain in my chest squeezing me tight.
Nidal’s face flushed with shame. I pulled back and looked into his eyes, searching for answers. Nidal knew how to hide them well. He wanted to protect me from the truth. “Tell me, Nidal,” I demanded. “I want to know everything, every single little thing!” I cried.
And Nidal settled himself uncomfortably on the bed and looked serene, like he was almost relieved that the truth was about to come out. “I will tell you everything, and I know later I will regret this,” he said grimly. “But since you persist in knowing the truth, I will tell you all, but don’t interfere until I am done talking.” He sighed. “Every meeting I have gone to has been about the preparations for the war. I did not tell you. I wanted to spare you the awful details. I knew it would scare you to pieces, but you must know that I intended to tell you right before I left. Knowing before that would get you stressed out much sooner than necessary. I know you love me, and you would tell me to stay here with you, but Loula …” He paused for a second and wiped the tears from my face. “I have to go. I ha
ve my honor and my love for my country. I cannot let my men go without me. I am not a coward! I am their leader. They look up to me. They love me, Loula, and I will not let them down!” He averted his eyes as he said this because he could not look me in the face. He knew I would say that he would be letting me down if he went.
My shoulders dropped, and my head swayed back and forth as the tears rolled down my face. The sobs ripped through my throat as I cried out his name in fear for his life.
“Oh, Nidal,” I cried. “Nidal, please don’t go. What if something happens to you and I don’t ever see you again? What if you die in battle and they bring your body home in a bag? I cannot live without you! I won’t live without you!” I screamed.
Nidal tried to calm me down, promising he would return from the war. He wiped away my tears and held me in his arms until my sobs stopped and I went limp in his arms. I was exhausted. I did not move from this position; nor did Nidal ask me to. Within minutes, I fell into a deep sleep, as if I were drugged. I passed out in his arms. I was emotionally disturbed, and it was easier to sleep away the pain.
When I awoke, I was still wrapped in Nidal’s strong arms. The room was almost dark, except for a candle that was on the table. The flame, about to be extinguished,was casting shadows across the room. Nidal slept peacefully. I stared at him for hours. I could not get enough of him. I saw a wet tear on his lashes and knew he had been crying too. I knew I had no choice but to let him go. I would pray from the moment he left until the moment he returned back into my arms. I would beg God to spare his life. I would count the days, the hours, the minutes, and the seconds. I would light a candle every day until his return.
Excitement was in the air as the days were getting closer. The palace was getting ready for the prince and his men to leave. Everyone was bustling about, preparing for departure. I only saw Nidal at night in our bed. He was too busy during the day to be with me. He was still doing last-minute training, and the meetings were still going on. In the night when he came to me, he was exhausted from the day’s work, and my prince fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. I was too numb to say anything, and in the middle of the night, I awakened to quiet kisses and caresses and murmured words of love and promises that only God could make come true.
Sweet Obsession Page 11