There is hope for a new beginning. I am sure of it. I know in my heart that we will prevail. Our love is strong. It is real, and I will stop at nothing to accomplish my goal. Gently, I pulled Loula up, looked into her eyes, and smiled. How long has it been since the last time I smiled at her? Her eyes looked into mine. Hope filled them. I could see all the love and trust that was there. I never set out deliberately to hurt her. All of it was unavoidable.
I would do anything for her. I would give up my crown, my family, and even my life for her. I never wanted to be a king. I just wanted to live a normal life. I envied the commoners. They did not have much, but they were rich in places of the heart. They were happier than I ever was. I would trade lives with them in a heartbeat if I had the chance.
I brought her hands to my lips and kissed them. Her eyes searched mine for answers. Clearly distressed, she asked, “My prince, what ails you?”
I spoke with conviction. “You know I love you deeply, and I cannot and will not live a life without you by my side. We have to figure out what to do and fast. Shaeena’s baby is to arrive soon, and I am under pressure to marry her.” The last words rolled off my tongue without thinking the effect it might have on Loula. Immediately, she gasped for air and choked back sobs that were threatening to rip from her throat.
“If you marry her, Nidal, I promise I will throw myself off a cliff. Do not think for one moment that I will not,” she threatened with a deadly calm.
Fear gripped me at the thought of that. I grabbed Loula’s shoulders and shook her, and with a sharp edge of anger in my voice, I yelled, “You will do no such thing. We will be together, and I will do everything in my power to claim you as my wife. I promise you. You must be patient, Loula,” I begged.
Loula kept her eyes averted from mine. I could tell she was hurting. A miserable silence followed, and it was agony for me to try to figure out what she was thinking.
I broke the silence by calmly asking, “Loula, do you think you could wait until I figure out what to do? I promise you I will not take too long. I know you want things to change now, but it’s not that easy. This is real stuff. People can get hurt, lives could get destroyed, the country could suffer, and I need time to accomplish our goals without hurting anyone more than necessary.” I hoped she understood what I was trying to tell her.
“I need time. Please be patient with me. I love you. You know that to be true. I need to think of a good plan. In the meantime, my love, we will pretend that we are not talking. Our affair will be a secret for now.” I knew my words were killing her slowly. But I continued, “We have no choice, Loula. It must be kept a secret until we figure out what to do. I will come to you when Billal is away hunting.” I hoped my words brought her some comfort.
She dropped her head in her hands and started to weep. My heart went out to her. I knew her pain. It was like a knife twisting in the gut, and it hurt so much. But we had no other choice. It had to be done as I said. There was no other way around it, and she knew this to be true.
In that instant, we heard the horses outside. They were back from their hunting trip. We quickly jumped to our feet and kissed each other hastily, and before I reached for the door, I turned and whispered my love to her. I opened the door, stepped quietly outside, and closed the door behind me. I had to get to my room before they entered the palace. I flew down the stairs and ran to my room just in time. As I softly closed my bedroom door, I heard the commotion of the men down the hall. I turned and looked at Shaeena, and she was still asleep. I went into the bathroom to gather my wits.
I could still feel Loula’s scent on my skin. I took a deep breath and recalled her soft body next to mine, her lips, soft and sweet, kissing me tenderly across my chest, and her hands traveling up and down my body. I could not take it anymore. I was on fire. I grabbed my shaft and masturbated until I came. Immediately my body trembled. I called out her name and groaned when there was no answer. My body was still shaking from the aftermath.
Spent, I looked into the mirror and saw myself. I felt no shame. Is it shameful to make love to the memory of the woman you love? When fate cast me this burden of living a life without her, I ran, but I cannot hide from her memory! When she is within reach but I cannot touch her, I was dealt with unfairly! The gods cursed me with a life of misery! I defy them!
I sighed, knowing we were dealt a life of pain. But I am master of my life, aren’t I? I could turn things around. I must, for I cannot go on like this. I walked out of the bathroom smiling. A light had to be at the end of the tunnel. Things will work out. I’m sure of it. I tiptoed to my blankets on the floor and dropped down, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep instantly. When I woke up a few hours later, I looked up and saw Shaeena looking down at me from the bed. I blinked a few times, trying to focus. If I blink hard enough, the nightmare will go away.
She smiled down at me, and I tried with all my power to smile back. My eyes slowly eased down to her stomach. She was huge. I swallowed. Is that my baby she carries, or is this all an act? How can I find out the truth? There must be a way! The days were closing in on me. In a few weeks, she would have the baby, and then by law, I would have to marry her unless, by some miracle, the baby was proven not to be mine.
I had to go to my father and ask him if there were a way around the law. He was, after all, the king. Couldn’t he change the law if he chose to? I quickly got up and dressed. I knew that Shaeena’s eyes were on me, making me feel uncomfortable. I walked over to the bathroom and closed the door. I threw cold water on my face, and I looked in the mirror and remembered last night. Right here in this spot, I had touched myself. My woman was upstairs with another man, and I had touched myself! I braced my hands on the porcelain sink and leaned closer to the mirror. A jack-off stared back at me. This is what I have become! But I felt no shame. All was fair in love and war. I ran my fingers through my hair, combing them into place, and then I raced out of there. I had to find my father. If anyone could help me, he could. I ignored Shaeena’s questioning glance and walked right past her to the door, where I exited.
The servants scrambled to their duties when they saw me coming, and if I weren’t in such a hurry, I would have laughed my head off. Even though they didn’t realize it, I envied them. Their lives were so simple. They cleaned the palace. I served the crown for a lifetime. I couldn’t run like the wind and live a life of pleasure and happiness. Instead, I was committed to serving a life of duties to the throne. I was told who to love and who to marry, and my whole life was planned out for me. That was no life at all. I would rather be a servant, a peasant. Servants had a much richer life full of happiness. True happiness is not measured in the amount of fame or money you have; true happiness is measured by all the love you have and feel. I am rich in money and power, but I am poor in love and happiness! I would trade places with the peasants any time.
I found my father in the tearoom drinking tea with Mother. They did not look too happy to see me, which made me hesitate a bit before I spoke. “Father, I come to you begging for mercy. I know you have been disappointed in me lately.” I stole a glance at Mother. She looked as if she wanted to box my ears off my head. “Father, I come to you not as the prince of Arabia, but as your son. Please may I ask you for a huge favor?”
The king put down the teacup and looked curiously at me. I could tell his patience was running thin with me. “I can’t wait to hear what you have to say, son, for lately you have been full of surprises,” he said sarcastically.
I took a deep breath and dropped the bomb. “Father, I can’t marry Shaeena! I know the law says I have to, but I cannot marry her in good conscience for I am in love with Loula! I want her to be my wife. She is the one I love.”
The king looked angry upon hearing my words, but my mother looked as if she were pleased with what I had just confessed.
My father was about to say something, but I quickly spoke, “Father, please, hear
me out. I beg you.” I kneeled down next to him and looked up into his face, begging for mercy. “Father, I know you are angry with me. I messed up. I know. But I meant no harm. I promise you. You know how I feel about Loula. You also know that I cannot live without her. Please, have mercy on me, Father. Change the law. I do not wish to marry Shaeena. In fact, I despise her! And I do not even know if it is my baby she carries!”
“Enough!” the king roared. “You made your bed. Now lie in it! Even from a young age, you disobeyed me! You ran like a bull and chased the wind! There are consequences, Son! You chose this, not I. Now you must live with it!”
He hit the table with his fists. The servants jumped out of fear, ran out the door, and disappeared. Mother put down her teacup and grabbed her neck. I could see fear in her eyes as she stared at me sympathetically. I stood my ground. My father did not intimidate me; nor was I about to run scared from him. He could rule his country, but he could not rule me.
“I will not marry Shaeena! I do not love her, Father,” I raised my voice to another level, knowing how that would infuriate the king even more.
In a very calm voice, the king smiled coldly. “Oh, yes, you will. Prepare for the wedding. It will be in two weeks,” he said with a finality in his voice.
I knew I could not say anything to change his mind. I felt defeated. Loula’s face came to my mind, and I thought about the promise I made her, how I would fix everything. I had lied. Deep in my heart, I knew my father would stick to the law. He was the law. He was hardheaded. I suddenly felt sorry for my mother, who had put up with him all these years. I looked into her eyes, and I saw tears there. I had won her favor, but I could not win my father’s. I stood, bowed, and walked away in silence.
As I stepped into the empty hallway, I felt deeply depressed. Knowing not what to do, I slumped against the stone wall and allowed my head to roll from left to right in agony. Upstairs was my lover, for whom I would give up my life, and I could not claim her as my wife. There had to be a way around all this. I would find a way.
I started walking past my room and down the corridor to the glass doors. I pulled them open and stepped outside. The fresh air hit my face, and I took a deep breath, swallowing the fresh air as it traveled down my lungs. I walked to the rose garden, knowing that my mother would meet me here in a few minutes.
I looked at all the beautiful roses, and a lump formed in my throat. I saw the roses for the first time through the eyes of Loula. She always spoke of their beauty. I saw the bright colors, and I smelled their perfume. I felt awful that I had never taken the time to appreciate them before this.
I bet the commoners took the time to smell the roses. They planted them in their backyards with their own two hands, and they took special care of them. I was always on the run, too busy for such pleasures. I never once took the time to smell them. I walked up to one of the rose bushes, grabbed a single rose, pulled it gently to my nose, and inhaled.
At that moment, I heard my mother walk up to me and sigh. She bent forward and smelled the roses too. Then she turned to me. “I’m so sorry things turned out this way for you, Son. I wish things were different. I know how much you care for Loula. I too want you to be with her, but your father insists you do the lawful thing,” she said regretfully. “You know your father always abides by the rules, and there are no exceptions. Not even for you, Nidal,” she said sadly.
“Mother, I will not marry Shaeena! I don’t care what Father wants! I am going to marry Loula. She is the one I love.” I hoped she would understand me. I paused for a minute, allowing her to grasp what I had just said to her.
“Mother, you have lived a loveless life your whole existence.” Before she even had the chance to reply, I told her, “Don’t even try denying it. I am a man in love, and I know what love is. You never had that with Father! Your whole life has been empty. Father is not in love with you, and I know you are not in love with him! Is that what you want for me, to live a life without love?” I looked straight into her eyes.
I could feel her pain. Maybe I had gone too far. But I needed to get my point across, and I did not know any other way. “I am not saying this to hurt you. I love you, Mother, but I know it is the truth when I say you do not love Father.”
“Nidal, you are wrong. I do love your father, and he loves me back!” she argued, but she wasn’t convincing enough.
“Yes, Mother, I believe you and Father love each other, but you are not in love with each other. There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. You and Father love each other as friends, spouses, and a family unit. But you are not in love with each other. Your eyes don’t shine when Father walks in the room. Your heart doesn’t beat faster when he looks at you, and you don’t even sleep in the same room as he does! You have not had a sex life with Father in years!” I yelled.
My mother’s eyes were wide open with disbelief. Now I knew I had gone too far and I had hit a nerve. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it shut, unable to say a thing. Tears were in her eyes. I hoped she understood my feelings for Loula now.
“Mother, when Loula walks in the room, I feel butterflies dancing in the pit of my stomach. My heart rate doubles, and I lose my thoughts. I know without a doubt that there is no life for me without Loula. She is my whole life. When I make love to her, our bodies unite and become one. I love her, Mother. She is my soul mate, and I will not choose another.” I hoped I was getting through to her.
My mother’s head lowered as she stared at the ground. When her head came up, she had fresh tears in her eyes, and she reached inside her pocket and pulled out something. “My dear son, you and Loula are truly soul mates. I know her heart. I do believe she is the one for you. Therefore, you have my blessings.” She stretched out her arm and placed something in my hand. I looked down and saw the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. It was my grandmother’s, which had been passed down to my mother.
I looked at her, questioning her actions.
“I want you to give it to Loula. She must wear this ring, not Shaeena. She must be the wife you choose. I want you to live a life filled with passion, not cold and empty like mine is!” She allowed the tears to roll down her face.
My heart went out to her. I took my mother in my arms and hugged her tightly. I loved her so much, and I knew I had said too much and it was very selfish of me, but I had to make her see the truth. I needed her to side with me.
She pulled away from me and quietly walked toward the palace without saying another word. I heard her sniffles, and it broke my heart. My mother deserved a better life, but instead, all she got was misery. I looked down at the ring, and it sparkled so elegantly. The pink diamond must be at least a total of ten karats. It felt very heavy in my hand. My mother wished for me to give it to Loula, and I would do just that. The ring belonged to the woman I loved. It belonged to Loula. I closed my hand and dropped the ring in my pocket. I had to find Loula alone and give the ring to her. She would be my wife. My heart sang with happiness at the thought of Loula and me getting married.
I stayed in the garden for the next half hour, just dreaming of the day when Loula and I would get married. It would be a joyous day. I would make it a national holiday. My heart swelled with joy. I was overwhelmed with delight. Walking back to the palace, I knew the king would stand in the way of my happiness, but I would overcome all the obstacles, and I would prevail in the end.
As I walked down the long hallway, I remembered when Loula and I were running on this marble floor, trying to get to our rooms hastily to make sweet, passionate love. I could almost hear her laughter echoing around the walls. I closed my eyes, and for a brief second, I swear I thought I felt her fingers caressing me. I opened my eyes, and I was standing alone, aroused and full of lust because that was what the thought of my love did to me. I quickly ran to my room and headed straight for the bathroom. Thankful that Shaeena was not there, I slammed the
door shut, locked it, and pulled the strings to my pantaloons. They dropped to the floor, and I reached inside my underwear and grabbed my shaft. I enjoyed the sensation that it brought me. My eyes were closed as I thought of her. Every cell in my body was responding to her memory. I pulled hard and fast. I thought of her kissing me and playing with my shaft. I thought of her silky skin touching mine; her breasts, round and soft; and her legs, long and slender. I thought of my shaft entering her and Loula moving to the rhythm with me. I could hear her moans as she called out my name. I bent down and kissed her lips, and she screamed in sweet ecstasy as I pumped my seed into her. Wild now with memories of her, my body reached its peak, and the spasms I was feeling electrified my whole being. A moan escaped my lips as I called out her name just as I climaxed.
Exhausted and spent, I still felt the tingling sensation up and down my body as I tried to slow down my heart rate. I washed up and ran my fingers through my hair. As I looked into the mirror, the face looking back at me looked at peace with himself. After tying the strings to my pantaloons, I reached inside my pocket and pulled out the ring. It sparkled in all its glory. I had to find Loula today and give this ring to her. I needed to find her alone. I would pour my heart out to her and present her with this ring. I would ask her to marry me, and when she accepted my proposal, I would announce my feelings for her to the whole world.
I happily exited the bathroom and stopped immediately in my tracks. Sitting in the chair by the window, staring at me with a menacing look on her face, was Shaeena. She was tightly clutching both sides of the arms of the chair that she was sitting in. Her piercing gaze alarmed me. Had she heard my moans in the bathroom? Did she know I was masturbating? Had I called out Loula’s name in the heat of the moment? If the answer to all these questions is yes, then too bad! She knew from the beginning that my heart belonged to Loula. And up until my last dying breath, that would not change.
Sweet Obsession Page 20