When morning came, Billal asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him. I said yes, wanting to get some fresh air. After we cleaned up and dressed lightly, Billal held my hand as we exited the palace. My heart was heavy with pain, but I ignored it, reminding myself again that I was now the new me. The old Loula was buried in Nidal’s heart.
Our walk brought us to the meadows. I did not know how we ended up here. All I knew was that I was dead inside and someone else was standing here with Billal.
Billal bent his head and kissed my lips. I responded immediately. It was a hungry, heated kiss, and I knew exactly what I was doing. Billal started to unbutton my gown, and I let him. When it dropped to the floor, I was standing stark naked in front of him. Billal feasted his eyes on my body, and I could tell he was on fire. Some kind of stirring was inside me too. I reached and pulled the strings to his pantaloons, and they dropped to the floor. Billal pulled off his shirt, and he too stood naked in front of me.
My eyes roamed over his broad shoulders, traveled down his chest, and continued down his lean waist. His muscled, masculine thighs were spread apart, and I licked my lips when I lowered my gaze to his manhood. It was erect and massively big. A groan escaped Billal’s lips.
He was a handsome man with a beautiful body, and I had the honor of touching it. Billal took a deep breath and closed his eyes as I lightly stroked his chest, and when I lowered my hand, Billal grabbed it and looked in my eyes.
“Loula, are you sure you want to continue?” he whispered hoarsely. His breath was lightly teasing my face as I nodded in response to his question.
Billal slammed my body to his, and as our bodies touched, I felt his huge manhood piercing my thighs. He pulled me down on the grass with him and kissed me tenderly as his hands explored my naked body with expertise. He was a skilled lover. I stroked his shaft, and his body jerked violently at my touch. He inhaled sharply and lost all control, immediately positioning himself between my legs.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and cried, “Take me now, Billal. Please make love to me.”
Billal entered me with such passion that I almost came immediately. When we both reached our peak almost at the same time, it was pure heaven. Now I knew I was beside myself at this moment, not realizing the damage I had just done, not understanding I had just changed the course of my life at this moment and headed straight for the destruction of my soul. But even so, I ignored all reason and continued making love to Billal.
Billal held me in his arms so tenderly, and I knew at that moment how much he loved me. He was still inside me and unwilling to pull away. At that moment, I heard a horse galloping toward us, and I heard Nidal’s voice loud and clear as he yelled, “Oh my God, Loula! What have you done?”
At this moment, I realized that I had caused the damage that sealed our fates. I pushed Billal away from me and looked around for my clothing to cover up. I was ashamed of myself. I could not look into Nidal’s face. I dressed quickly and kept my eyes to the floor, not saying a single word.
Billal stood up, naked in all his glory, and yelled back, “What in God’s name are you doing here?”
Nidal jumped off his horse and punched Billal square in the face. Billal stumbled backward and fell on the grass, rolling a few feet away. Nidal turned to me, raised his hand to strike me, and stopped it midair. He looked at me disgustedly, spit on my face, got back on his horse, and rode away. I stood there, watching him leave. My knees were trembling, and they buckled, and I fell to the floor and passed out.
Nothing would ever be the same again. I had sealed everyone’s fates. I had done it singlehandedly with no one to blame but myself. I had made my bed, and now I had to lie in it. I would never smile again.
Chapter Seventeen
Nidal
Where do I start? Where do I begin to talk about the misery in my heart? It all started on the day I snuck into Loula’s room and made love to her. Then Loula told me off. She complained I was not man enough to claim her as my bride. She knew not what she was talking about. I explained to her that it was a very dangerous thing to do under the circumstances. The king despised her. Her appearance at the palace threatened him. Her life and my baby’s life were in grave danger. How could I claim her as my bride when it meant severe punishment, possibly even death, if I so much as admitted that I loved her and she carried my child in her womb?
Then, to make matters worse, Loula admitted to having feelings for Billal. I’d rather have someone stick a knife in my heart than have her tell me that she loved Billal, but even then, she fixed things, and our love flourished. My baby was growing inside her, and I was beside myself with great joy. We had stolen moments together, and we lived in our own world.
On the day of our picnic at the meadow, we made love again under the willow tree, not knowing it would be our last time ever that we touched each other in that way. Walking back to the palace, Billal saw us together, and after that, things were never the same between us again.
The next day when I awoke, the princess and her baby were sitting on the chair by the window. The baby was sucking her mother’s breast. I walked to the bathroom and washed up, and then I walked to the couch where my clothes were, and I started to dress. I felt Shaeena’s eyes on me. It was unnerving knowing that she was staring at me.
When I was finished dressing and I was about to leave the room, Shaeena words stopped me in my tracks. “Where are you going, Nidal? Are you going after Billal and Loula? They are by the willow tree making love. Billal told me yesterday that he was going to seduce Loula there today. Your precious Loula is going to have a taste of another male inside her. They are probably doing it as we speak,” she said with a satisfied grin.
My mind was blown away at this moment. Is it possible? Is Loula with Billal at the willow tree making love? I threw the door open, startling the servants, and marched hurriedly out of the palace to the stables. I grabbed my stallion and rode so fast that my horse almost collapsed on me. I could not think straight. I was very angry, and I could not accept the fact that there was a possibility that Loula would give herself to Billal. My horse galloped at a fast pace, and I saw from a distance two bodies on the grass, entangled in lovemaking. I could not make out who they were, but deep in my heart, I knew.
From that moment on, I was a broken man. As I rode closer, I saw them clearly. My heart broke in half, my mind froze, and I placed my hand on my chest, fearing I was about to suffer a massive heart attack. When I punched Billal and he fell, I was about to finish the job and beat the living fuck out of him, but at that precise moment, I realized it was not his fault. It was Loula’s fault! It was all her fault. I looked at her, and I saw a wanton woman in front of me. My father and Shaeena had told me so many times, but I would not listen to them. Loula had blinded me with her love. I was about to strike her, but I restrained myself. I did not want to stoop so low and hit the woman I loved. Instead, I spit in her face. I was disgusted with her, and I was done. Finished! Kaput! I released her image from my mind as I rode away from her and threw caution to the wind.
I reached the palace, gave my horse to the servants, and marched inside the palace and headed straight for my father’s room. My mother was sitting next to him, and he looked a whole lot better. His smile faded when he saw the mood I was in. I could only imagine what I looked like. My hair was disheveled from the wind, my face was red from the anger in my heart, and my hand was throbbing from the punch I had thrown at Billal. My parents both stared at me, waiting for me to speak.
“Father,” I said, loud and clear, “I have come to the decision that I want to marry the princess. She is my perfect match. You were right, Father. I will arrange for the wedding in one month’s time.”
My parents looked at each other, each with a different look. My mother was stunned at my revelations, and my father looked pleased. I did not wait for their response, for I wanted to run upstairs and tell Shaeena my decision.
Upon opening the door, I noticed that the baby was fast asleep in her basket and Shaeena was standing by the window, looking outside. I walked up behind her, and my hands wrapped around her breasts cupping them over her sleeping gown. A moan escaped her lips, and she pressed her body onto mine. I ripped the gown off her body and slammed her hard against me. She pushed her ass hard against my groin, and I lost my senses. I continued caressing her breasts with one hand as my other hand glided down to her womanhood, and my fingers played her until her body trembled in my arms and she moaned in ecstasy. I put my hands around her waist and turned her around.
Shaeena panted breathlessly as she pulled the strings to my pantaloons, and as they dropped, she kneeled down and, with her lips, worked wonders on my manhood. I was delirious, wanting desperately to be inside her. My shaft was swollen, and I needed to spill my seed fast. My fingers intertwined in her hair, and I pushed harder into her mouth as she continued playing her magic.
Seconds before I came, I pulled her up, grabbed her by the waist, and slammed her hard against the wall. Her eyes feasted upon my naked body, and she reached and grabbed my shaft and played with it hard and fast. My body shuddered, and unable to hold off anymore, I flipped her around and entered her with such force that she cried out with lust. Her palms were up against the wall as she cried out for me to move faster and deeper. I grabbed her by the hips and slammed into her ass, savoring the electrifying feelings that violently coursed throughout my entire body. I growled with pleasure.
At that moment, the door crashed open, and I saw Loula standing there with her mouth agape. Without thinking, I slammed harder into Shaeena while I still had my eyes on Loula. The princess moaned with pleasure, and I lost it and reached a second climax, so intensified and so powerful that it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Shaeena and I both called out each other’s name in the heat of the moment.
I turned and looked into Loula’s horrified eyes, and it brought me great pleasure knowing that she was hurting. I wanted her to see me screwing the princess. I wanted her to die a thousand deaths as I had when I witnessed firsthand the love of my life screwing my cousin. I started pushing inside Shaeena again, moaning with lust as I looked with a satisfied grin at Loula. At that time, Loula left the room and closed the door behind her.
I was confused and did not know which was the greater satisfaction: the enjoyment of having my shaft inside Shaeena or the wonderful feeling of the revenge I got when I climaxed inside Shaeena right in front of Loula. I could not make up my mind. Both ideas were powerful enough to make me want to spill my seed again inside this beautiful woman I held in my arms. I lifted Shaeena in my arms and brought her to our bed. I enjoyed another round of lovemaking with the princess, and this time, it lasted a whole lot longer than the first time.
The next morning as Shaeena lay asleep in my arms, with a smile on her face, I lay there next to her, staring at the ceiling. What the hell have I done? My remorse came unexpectedly and hit me like a ton of bricks. Never mind the tears that rolled down my face or the pain that tugged at my heart. Every part of my body, every inch of it, was hurting from the remorse I felt. The guilt and the regret I was feeling at this moment was hurting so much that I wished I were dead, for that would have been a better option at this time.
I was disgusted with myself. I was above and beyond saving myself. I wanted to die. I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth. Fresh tears rolled down my face, tears that spoke of shame and regret. I died inside, a thousand deaths, over and over again. I was so ashamed. I could not believe that I had climaxed in front of Loula while I was inside Shaeena. I wasn’t even drunk. I was sober! What was I thinking? I thought I was taking my revenge on her, showing her that I too can have sex with another. But what I really did was kill any love left inside her. I knew that nothing could turn the clock back, but I would give my life to undo what I had done.
Now it was too late. The king would definitely kill Loula and my child if I backed out of the wedding to Shaeena.
Oh my God! What have I done? How can I fix the hurt I have bestowed upon Loula? How can I take back what I have done to her? My heart cries out for her, even now. After everything, I still love Loula desperately. My love for her is even stronger today than any other time. I will never have sex with another woman ever. I don’t deserve Loula, but from this moment on, I will stay faithful to her, even if I marry Shaeena and even if Loula marries Billal. I will not sleep ever again with any woman unless it is Loula who lies beneath me.
Chapter Eighteen
Loula
When I was naked under the willow tree with Billal, making love, I sealed everyone’s fate. It was the beginning of the end. It is my fault entirely, and I took full responsibility. Even when I walked in on Nidal, my beautiful Nidal, the love of my life, the very reason for my existence. Even when I saw him having sex with Shaeena. Even when Nidal continued making love to her right in front of me. Even then, it was my fault and no one else’s. I will never get over the picture of my Nidal inside another woman, reaching his peak in front of me. I knew he was taking his revenge on me in the worst way possible.
Everything was my fault. I created the situation, and I did this and no one else. I would never get over it. I would suffer for the rest of my life. It had begun. The suffering had already started. The poison was dripping little by little. It would continue dripping until I died. My only concern at this point was my child. I must do everything to protect it. I had no desire to go on in this life, but I would push myself for the sake of my baby.
I sat on my bed, day and night. I did not talk to anyone, for I could not say a word. I knew I had fallen into depression, and I could not stop the process. The poison that dripped slowly into my system controlled me. I did not know what day it was. I did not know what time it was or what I was to do. I did know that I loved Nidal with all my being. Every fiber in my body was in love with him and begged for his forgiveness. I was waiting for him to come to me, but so far, he had not. Nidal is probably still angry with me. Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore. I did do the unthinkable to him. He probably just wants to move on with his life with the princess. He does not want me anymore, for if he did, he would have come to me by now.
Billal sat with me day and night. I saw and heard him cry every day. He does not leave my room. He feeds me, washes me, and lays me down to sleep. He talks to me all the time, telling me the love he felt for me. I loved him too, in my own way. I did appreciate all he had done for me, but I wait for Nidal, the only one who could wake me up from this depression I was in, and as the clock ticks away the minutes, I fell into deeper and deeper depression. Only Nidal can stop it from happening. All he has to do is come to me and tell me he forgives me and that he still loves me. Those words would awaken me from this sleep that I had fallen into. Only he can do it.
Nidal is the air that I breathe. My soul has left me, and my heart is about to stop beating. Already I have the poison so far in me that I am about to die. The baby is one of the reasons I hold on. The baby is innocent of sin. I am the guilty one. I deserve to die, not my baby. I think it is only a matter of time before he comes into this world. I hope Nidal comes to me before then, for I fear I will not make it after the birth.
I was in the last month of my pregnancy. I was big with child. Billal had already sent for the doctor because today my pains in my stomach have gotten much stronger, and still, Nidal has not shown his face. He doesn’t love me anymore. Billal was right when he told me that Nidal doesn’t care anymore. Tomorrow might be the wedding. Tomorrow, Nidal is to wed Shaeena. Maybe he will come to me tonight. I will wait for him. I will always wait for him until the poison takes me.
The pain intensified now. I could hear my screams. The pain was unbearable. I closed my eyes and prayed for Nidal to come. If only for one last time, I just wanted to ask for forgiveness. That was all I wanted. The baby was kicking hard. It felt like my stomach was ab
out to burst. The doctor just arrived. I saw the queen with him. She and Billal were crying. I screamed again, and then I passed out.
I did not know how many hours had passed. I was in and out of consciousness. I could hear the doctor’s worried voice. I heard Billal telling me how much he loved me. I could hear the queen’s sobs, but I did not hear Nidal. He had forsaken me.
Finally, I woke up in the morning. The sun was shining through the window, bringing bright light in the room. I looked around and saw Billal. He was fast asleep on the chair next to my bed. The room was quiet. I looked around for my baby, and I did not see it. My hands automatically went to my stomach, and it was flat, empty. No baby was there. Maybe the queen had taken the baby to bathe it. Maybe they want me to rest and she will return my baby when she knows I am awake.
“Billal?”
He opened his eyes and grabed my hand. He looked down to me. A lot of tears spilled from his eyes.
“Billal, where is my baby? Can you tell them to bring my baby here? I needed to hold him in my arms,” I said, already guessing why Billal was crying.
Billal would not stop crying.
My screams sounded like they were coming from someone else. They were loud screams that ripped into the air and echoed throughout the palace. Billal was sobbing now, and I heard my name being called from outside the door. It sounded like Nidal, but I was not sure. I heard the pounding and the screaming and the guards arguing outside the door.
I turned and faced Billal. “Was it a boy or a girl, Billal?” Already, I could feel the lump in my throat as I waited patiently for Billal’s response.
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