by Sable Hunter
She wanted to.
“All right. I owe you. One date.”
Nathan would’ve jumped up and cheered if he’d been able. “You won’t be sorry.”
Clare wasn’t so sure about that. “Just keep it simple, there’s no need to plan anything elaborate.”
“You leave that to me.” He laid his head back, happier than he’d been since the last time he’d held her in his arms. “I’m just grateful we have this chance. I dread telling your brothers I tore up their rig.”
“That’s why they’ve got insurance.”
“Yea, I know.” He shook his head as a thought assailed him. “Hell, I oughta just spank your sweet ass.”
“What?” Clare glanced at him in confusion. “What did I do?”
“Risked your life. I’ve been so happy to be alive, so happy to see you, it just now hit me the scope of the risk you took.”
“I’m used to living on the edge.” Hopefully, he’d assume she was kidding. “What was I supposed to do, Nathan? Let you die. You know I couldn’t do that.”
“I know,” he whispered. “I’m just so thankful you’re unharmed.”
By this time, they were arriving at Estancia. Clare no more than parked the car before her brothers were opening their car doors. “Word travels fast,” she whispered as Mad pulled her into his embrace. “Hey, watch my boo-boos.”
“Sorry.” He hugged her anyway. “Brent saw it on the news and drove down there, but they wouldn’t let him get close.”
“I didn’t even see a film crew,” Nathan said as Storm clapped him on the back.
“We’re just glad you’re alive, McCoy.”
“Thanks. I wouldn’t be if it weren’t for…Clare.”
“Romy. He calls me Romy.” Clare stated flatly as Storm gave her a hug.
“And you? What were you thinking?” Storm chastised his sister for her heroics. When she didn’t answer him, he whispered in her ear. “Never mind. I know exactly what you were thinking.”
Clare didn’t contradict him. “Yea. Can I sit down now?” She was beginning to feel a little worse for wear.
“Yea, let me help…” Mad’s offer to aid his sister was supplanted by Nathan as he picked her up and headed for the door. “Well, that’s one way to do it.” The well-dressed man tugged on the bottom of his suit vest.
Storm managed to get to the door to hold it open for Nathan. “Take her to the couch in the living room. Ms. Robbins!”
Clare clung to Nathan’s neck as he lowered her to the cushion. She didn’t even protest when he stole a kiss from her cheek. In truth, everything was catching up with her – the news from the doctor and almost losing Nathan. “Thank you.”
“Are you all right?” he asked as he knelt at her side.
“I just need to rest.”
“Okay, I’ll leave you to it.” He took her hand. “Could I come check on you tomorrow? Plan our date?”
“Okay, I’d like that.”
“Good.” Nathan rose and left her in Ms. Robbins care.
Before he left, he spoke briefly with Storm about the loss of the truck and trailer. “I apologize. It all happened so fast.”
“There was nothing you could do. I’m just glad you’re okay. As scared as I am at the thought of Clare climbing into that burning cab to save you, I’m really glad she did.”
“I’m glad to be alive, but I’d never trade my safety for hers,” Nathan muttered.
“I know that.” Storm put a comforting hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “That’s why we’re rooting for you, McCoy.”
Nathan nodded, then set out to get cleaned up. Despite the seriousness of what they’d been through, the smile on his face was a mile wide.
The next day, Clare took it easy. She’d suffered a setback the day before. When she woke up out of breath in the middle of the night, she realized the extent of her problem. This, along with her dizziness and swollen ankles were serious signs of a low ejection fraction. For the first time in a long time, the idea of dying truly frightened her.
She wasn’t ready to leave this world.
Unable to fall back asleep, she made it to the rocking chair in front of the fire. The wood she was burning was some she’d found cut and stacked by her front door. Clare didn’t have to wonder who’d left it for her. The sweet gesture had Nathan McCoy’s name written all over it.
Staring into the flames, she tried to make peace with her dilemma. Even though she’d taken steps to conquer her heart disease, there was no assurance she would be successful. Praying for a new heart was a hard thing for her to do. After all, someone else had to die so she could live.
Giving Nathan false hope at this juncture would be premature. Yet, she could no longer deny how much she needed him in her life. How torn she felt, wanting to draw him close and fearing it would be a mistake. Even as this cruel limbo forced her to keep him at arm’s length, she couldn’t bring herself to let him go.
So…what could she do? She’d agreed to go out with him on a date. She ached to have him in her bed. Just being near him seemed to make Clare stronger. Dr. Shepherd told her she needed to find a reason to fight. What better reason could she have than a vision of a future with the man she loved? Oh, she’d already chronicled this fantasy, written page after page of what it would be like and how they would spend their years together.
Lost in thought, she pictured a forever with Nathan. Walking down the aisle to stand at his side to become his wife. The amazing moment of giving him a child. Making a home for them – baking cookies, decorating a Christmas tree – surrounded by their families. Building a home together filled with joy and love.
Leaning forward, she rested her head in her hands. Again she asked herself – what should she do? How could she be fair to Nathan and still play this dangerous game of what if? “Oh, dang. I don’t know what to do.”
As she struggled to find an answer, a light seemed to dawn in her mind. What if she told him without really telling him? Let him know she was trying to work through something huge – something she couldn’t share with him at this point in time. Would he accept such a vague reason for her strange behavior? A tiny voice in her mind told her she was trying to have her cake and eat it too. “Oh, baloney. I’m not even sure what that means.”
Rising, she returned to bed. Maybe one day soon, she wouldn’t have to sleep alone.
About five-thirty the following evening.
“Easy Lobo, we’re just taking a little ride. There’s someone I want you to meet.”
The pup squirmed in his arms, only settling down when Nathan began to scratch him between the ears. Despite his body being stiff as all get out, he felt good today. His spirits were soaring high as the clouds.
“Come on, Buck. Step up. Someone’s waiting for me.” He urged the stallion up the hill, anxious to see his Romy.
When Nathan entered the clearing he saw her in the garden surrounded by her animals. Even Koda was there. He wondered how long it had taken for the deer and raccoons to lose their fear of the big bear.
Picking up on the scent, Lobo started barking. Koda reacted to the sound, rearing up to give an ear-splitting roar. Immediately, the deer and the raccoons scampered into the woods.
“Settle down, wolf. This isn’t a fight you could win.” He gripped the pup tighter. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about a possible clash.”
Clare patted the bear on his chest. “Hey, be a gentleman. These are our friends.” As if he could understand English, Koda dropped to all fours. “Good boy.”
“Is it okay if I put Lobo in the house?”
“Certainly.” She gave the bear another apple. “Koda was just leaving anyway.” Clapping her hands, she made a hand gesture and the bear turned to amble off.
“You two could join the circus.” He waited for her at the door.
“Believe me, sometimes I feel I already have.” She moved toward him. “How are you feeling today?”
“Great.” He placed Lobo just inside the door. “Let me put Buck in the barn
and I’ll be right with you.”
“If you would, put him in the corral and let Luna out while you’re at it. She’s probably ready for some fresh air.”
“Sure will.”
As he led his horse away, Clare took a deep breath. “He’s here. Don’t mess this up and don’t get ahead of yourself.” Going inside, she took a minute to speak to Nathan’s pet. “Hello, Lobo.” She sat on the floor and coaxed him to come to her. “Hey, buddy. How are you?”
When he seemed hesitant, she went to the refrigerator and found several pieces of deli ham. “I bet this will change your mind about me.” To her delight, the pup took the meat, then crawled right up into her lap. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Never fails.”
Once she fed Lobo, she picked him up and carried him to the couch to rest on a soft cushion. “You take a nap and I’ll put on some hot chocolate.” There was no snow, but the weather was near freezing.
When Nathan returned, she was stirring the mixture on the stove. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Yea, I remembered. It’s your favorite thing.”
“I’ve changed my mind.” He came to stand next to her. “You’re my favorite thing.”
Clare trembled at his nearness. “I fed Lobo, he’s asleep on the couch.”
“Good deal.” Nathan glanced at his pet as he eased into a chair. “Yea, he seems to have made himself right at home.
“Have a seat. How’s your family?”
“They’re good,” he said, then shook his head. “No. Actually, Libby’s no longer in remission.”
“Libby?” She thought a second. “Aron’s wife. What type of cancer?”
“Leukemia.”
“God, I’m sorry.” Sometimes she was so full of her own problems that she forgot other people had them too. “How is she?”
“She’s doing a lot better than Aron. He’s scared to death.”
“I can imagine.”
“They’re planning on doing a stem cell transplant and if it’s successful – she could go into remission again. Hopefully, this time it will be permanent.”
“Oh, that would be wonderful. I know you’re all praying for that. They have children, right?”
“Twin boys. Colt and Cason.”
Nathan found the mugs for their hot chocolate. “I don’t know how Aron does it.”
“Does what?”
“Live with the uncertainty. I’ve watched this just tear him up. I don’t know if I could handle it.”
“Oh?” Clare’s heart sank. “He must love her very much.”
“He worships her. If anything happens to Libby, Aron will never be the same.”
“Love makes us hostages to fortune, does it not?”
“Yea, I guess. Of course, accidents can happen. Look what just happened to us. But…to live with such a dark cloud hanging over their heads, I just can’t imagine anything worse.”
“Of course. You’re right.” Clare started to pour the chocolate in the mugs, but she spilled some on the counter. “Oh, dang.”
“Here, let me.” Nathan took the heavy boiler from her, filling the mugs to the brim. “Thanks for making this. It’s going to hit the spot.”
“You’re welcome.”
Nathan reached out to push her hair from her forehead, revealing a small bandage. “I can’t believe you risked yourself for me.”
“It’s over. We’re okay. Let’s not think about it anymore.”
“Okay.” He took a sip. “Are you okay? You seem a little hesitant.”
“Oh, no. I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind.”
Nathan glanced around, seeing a canvas sitting on her easel covered with a cloth. “What are you working on? Can I see?”
“No. No.” She jumped up so fast she had to grab the table. “It’s not ready to be seen.” Why hadn’t she thought to put the portrait of Nathan away?
“Okay.” He patted the table. “Sit back down. I won’t bother it. You can show me when it’s done.”
She did as he directed. “I guess all artists are sensitive about their work.”
Nathan slapped the table. “Dammit, I just thought of something. I bought another of your pieces from that art gallery in Telluride. I lost it in the fire.”
“What was it?”
“A portrait of your cabin against the backdrop of the mountain. It was gorgeous.”
She rose to go to a trunk sitting at the foot of her bed. “I have another almost just like it.” Hearing his footsteps approaching, she knelt to open the lid, sorting through until she found the woven wall-hanging. “Here it is.”
Nathan took the beautiful piece from her. “I’ll gladly pay for it.”
“No. Please, take it.”
“Thank you. I’ll cherish it forever. This cabin is the place where all my dreams came true.”
Clare was at a loss. She felt more confused than ever. Hearing how Nathan felt about his brother’s situation made her question everything. “I’m happy for you to have it.”
Nathan helped her to her feet. “Okay, let’s plan our date. Let me tell you what I have in mind. First, how’s this Saturday? Good for you?”
“The day after tomorrow.”
“Yes. I thought we’d make a day of it. Go to the museum, the UFO watchtower, see the sand dunes, then end up at the restaurant you told me about.”
“I doubt you could get reservations so quickly.”
“Oh, I already have them. I made them first thing this morning.” He wouldn’t tell her how much of a bribe he’d had to pay the maître de for such short notice.
“Oh, well. I guess Saturday’s good then.” She couldn’t help but feel a thrill at the prospect of spending the day with him. But the rest of what she envisioned might as well be just castles in the sky. “I look forward to it.”
Nathan smiled happily. “Yea, me too.”
“So, what time should I be ready?”
“Let’s leave early. How about nine?”
“Okay, I’ll ride Luna to the ranch and meet you there.” When he looked a bit skeptical, she grinned. “I’ll bring appropriate clothes to change into.”
“I just wish I could pick you up at the door in a horse drawn carriage or my car at least.”
“That’s what I get for living on the side of a mountain.”
“Still…” He thought a minute. “Buck and I will come after you and you can ride in front of me.”
“Oh, that’s not necessary.”
Nathan frowned. “If you think I’m giving up an opportunity to walk you to your door, you’re just fooling yourself. I’m not about to forego my chance at a goodnight kiss.”
Clare felt her throat tighten. Sometimes she just wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all. “That’s sweet. Okay, I’ll be ready and waiting for you and Buck at...eight-thirty.”
“Good, that’s a plan.” Nathan walked with her to the fireplace. “Let me fill your bin.”
“Oh, thank you for the firewood by the way.”
“Not a problem. I’ll continue to do that all winter. You won’t have to worry about a thing.”
Clare let out a long, ragged breath. “I don’t know how to thank you.”
“I’m not doing it for thanks, Romy.” He patted the couch next to him. “Sit with me. Let’s talk.”
Talking wasn’t a promising idea, especially when you didn’t know what to say. “What do you want to talk about?” she asked as she took her seat between Nathan and the sleeping coywolf.
“You’re acting nervous. Did I do something wrong?” He reached out to take her hand.
“No, not at all.”
A horrible thought struck him. “Are you afraid of me?”
A soft, sad laugh spilled from her lips. “Of course not.” Clare’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m afraid of how you make me feel.” The instant she made her confession, she regretted it.
“And how is that?” Nathan asked softly.
Before Clare could stop it, an uncomfortable truth came sp
illing out. “You make me want too much.”
“Romy, I’ll give you anything in my power.”
She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the love on his face. She knew it was there, she could feel it in his gaze. “Unfortunately, what I want isn’t in your power to give.” Time, she wanted time – and a future. With him.
“Tell me what it is. I’ll get it. I’ll turn the world upside down for you, just ask.”
She shook her head. “Let’s go on the date and have a good time.”
“I want more than a good time from you. I know you know that.”
Clare picked up another small pillow from the floor and put it in her middle like a shield. “Nathan, I like you. So much.”
“You love me, Romy. I heard you say it at the accident.”
“You couldn’t have. You were out of it.”
“Not that out of it. I heard you clearly. You told me you loved me. More than once.”
“Nathan, please.” Her fragile heart was breaking. “Sometimes love isn’t enough.”
“I disagree. Love is everything.”
“There’s something you don’t know.” Oh, God – she hadn’t intended to say that.
“What do I not know? Tell me.”
“I can’t. I won’t. Not yet.”
“Why?”
“Because…it’s big. It may be insurmountable.”
Nathan felt like his world was spinning out of control. “Are you married?”
A giggle spurted from her lips. “No, I’m not married.”
Relief filled Nathan. “Well, then – there is nothing we can’t conquer. No battle I wouldn’t fight. Just point me in the direction of the dragon and I’ll slay him for you.”
If only it were that simple. But…she’d heard what he said about Aron, and Clare wasn’t willing to put him in such a position. “I need you to be patient. Time to work things out is the only thing you can give me right now.”
“I can do that, but I need one thing from you.” He went to his knees at her feet.
“What’s that?”
“I need a kiss. Will you kiss me, Romy? Please?”
She licked her lips, her eyes on his mouth. “Nathan, I can’t make any promises.”
“I’m not asking for a promise. I’m asking for a kiss.”