by Natasha West
Ashley smiled and then pushed it down, all business. ‘That’s sweet but it’s bullshit. You’re meant to do this. It’s up to you how you do it, whether that’s the way Kim taught you or some better way, but if you’re this quick to give up on what you love, I’m not going to go out with you. It’s way too much of a red flag’ she told me with exasperation.
I couldn’t change my mind, not even for Ashley. So that was that. No career, no Ashley, probably not even the chips I’d come in for. It was time to leave it all.
‘I can’t, Ashley. I’ve let everyone down. You, my brother…’
I was eyeing the door, about to slink out, before I could do it, Ashley rolled her eyes and put her hand out. ‘Right, give me your phone.’
‘What?’
‘Just give it to me.’
I didn’t consider saying no. She was being so forceful. If I hadn’t been in the middle of a life crisis, it would have turned me on. As it was, I just handed her my phone and she took it, tapping a few keys and making a call. ‘Robbie? It’s Ashley, we met in the chip shop, do you remember.’
I was horrified. I hadn’t spoken to Robbie since the very day that Ashley was talking about. I’d wanted to call him a thousand times over, but I’d been afraid he wouldn’t answer. Yet he had picked up my call, even if he didn’t know who would be on the other end of it.
‘Yes, yes. Well, it’s nice to speak to you again too’ Ashley said warmly. ‘Look, I’m calling because your sister’s being an idiot.’ My brother then said something that Ashley laughed at. ‘That’s handy to know’ she replied with a glance to me and I rolled my eyes at the pair of them. And then Ashley dropped the bomb. ‘Look, Robbie I think she should speak to you because she’s giving up on film making.’
I heard an angry tinny yell come out of the phone and then Ashley listened for a further few seconds before handing my phone back to me. ‘He wants to talk to you.’
I put the phone to my ear and said hesitantly. ‘Hi, Bro.’
‘What the hell is going on over there’ Robbie yelled at me.
‘Robbie, if you listen, you’ll understand’ I told him. ‘It’s exactly what you said at Easter. Which, while we’re talking about it, I’m sorry and you were right. My teacher’s a piece of shit and I should never have listened to her.’
‘I do love being right, but what’s that got to do with you giving it up?’ he asked me passionately.
‘Robbie… I began, ashamed. ‘I treated people badly. I treated you badly. I got my head stuck up my arse and I lost myself.’
Robbie sighed loudly as though he were the older sibling and he was dealing with a toddler. ‘Well, are you finished doing that? Treating people badly?’
‘I… I think so.’
‘So what’s the actual problem then? Because you can be a shit to people in pretty much any career you choose. Or, you know, you could not.’
For fuck sakes. As ever, my little brother was right and I was a dummy. I’d had a shitty boss last year at the catalogue shop, so it didn’t matter what the stakes were, whether I was a film director, a hairdresser, a delivery woman or a house painter. It would be up to me to choose to do right. And as my brother was pointing out, I might as well be doing something that I cared about while I tried to be a better person. I was seeing the light, although Ashley and Robbie had to shine it directly into my eyes.
‘Fine, fine, alright! I’m not giving it up. Happy?’
‘Very. You coming to the house next week?’ he said conversationally, as if we hadn’t just been battling it out for my future. 'It’s my birthday.’
I huffed a little, annoyed at how quickly he’d bounced back to normality. It was our first major row since we’d been kids and he was over it, just like that. But that was Robbie. He was the smart one. He always had been, always would be. I decided to take his lead. ‘I haven’t forgotten. Is Deborah cooking?’
‘Yeah. She’s gonna make me a cake, red velvet.’
‘In that case, I guess I might come.’
He snorted. ‘Alright. I’m going back to sleep now. Say bye to your girlfriend for me.’
‘She’s not my…’ He’d already hung up.
I put the phone back in my pocket. ‘You win’ I said to Ashley, exhausted. ‘I’m not giving up.’
She looked at the floor, weighing things up. Then she looked at me shyly. ‘Then I’ll go out with you.’
‘You will?’ I almost yelled, amazed. It was almost too much to deal with. How was it possible for your life to go from near collapse to incredible in five minutes?
Ashley rolled her eyes at me and pulled me to her. ‘But you only get one date and if it’s not a good one, I’m off. I don’t have time to waste if you’re gonna fuck me about again.’
‘I’m not’ I told her earnestly. ‘I swear, I’m gonna romance your socks off.’
She smiled and kissed me. The man behind the counter clapped as we kissed, delighted. It was better than any applause I’d had all year. ‘Right, now that’s sorted, you gonna order some chips or what?’ he said a moment later, apparently over the romance. ‘I’m shutting in ten.’
But we didn’t stop, not for another two minutes. And then we got our chips.
Graduation
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I stood in line, at the foot of the steps leading up to the stage where I was about to be handed my film school diploma. Down in the front of the audience was Robbie, giving me the finger with a grin. I smiled and returned the flipped bird. To think there was a time I was worried he wouldn’t be here today. Next to him was my dad and Deborah. Deborah looked pleased as punch, as ever. It even looked like my dad had a smile on his face. But it might have been a trick of the light.
‘Watch out for that step’ Janey said from behind me. ‘I saw three guys off the lighting course nearly trip, one after the other.’
‘Thanks for the tip’ I told her, as my name was called. I promptly tripped on the step. I heard Janey laugh behind me.
I walked up the stage where the dean of the school said, ‘Well done’ as he handed me a certificate. I shook his offered hand and moved on quickly. This was the sucky part of the day, walking across the stage like a prize plum.
But after it was over, I ran straight to the bar where Ashley waited with my family. She’d gone up earlier and she’d somehow ended up with them. I kissed her on the cheek and my brother instantly went, ‘Awww, look at that - Allie’s finally found herself a girlfriend. And she doesn’t even mind the smell!’ I turned and punched him in the arm.
‘Pack it in, you two’ my dad cried automatically. Deborah leaned in and said, ‘She’s at her graduation. Be nice!’
Dad tutted and coughed. ‘Sorry’ he muttered and commenced playing with his beard. Deborah turned to me. ‘So, you two gonna be moving in together soon?’
I wanted to die. ‘It’s only been three months!’ I told her.
‘Are you saying you don’t want to move in with me?’ Ashley asked, her face hurt.
‘I… I…’ I stuttered, looking from the faces of my family to my girlfriend. And then Ashley broke into a cheeky grin. ‘Got you.’
Robbie laughed like an idiot and held his hand out, which Ashley promptly high fived. ‘Ha, you looked like you were gonna shit a brick’ he said.
‘Piss off, Bro.’
My dad chuckled. ‘She really did get you.’
My dad was clearly quite taken with Ashley, from the times I’d brought her back to visit. He seemed more pleased about my girlfriend than my job with Rose Perry, which I’d started a few weeks ago. I was learning a lot, as much as film school had taught me. It was a different kind of learning though. Watching the way Rose treated people, it was nothing like Kim’s way. She was smart and respectful, and people respected her right back. So she never had to play games because everyone she worked with wanted to listen. I vowed to myself, one last vow amid the many that had fallen by the wayside this year, that Rose would be the one to teach me how to make my way in this busines
s.
And while I learned and made a little money, I was working with Victor to find a script for us to make together next year. I knew there was a long road to getting it off the ground, but I was happy to have taken just a few steps. Because it felt like the right road.
As for my dad, I’d thought he’d be happy when I got a paying job, even if it was a freelance gig. But no, Ashley was the headline news in the Parker household. He’d told me as much when he called to find out the details of the today.
‘Is Ashley going to be there?’ he’d asked.
‘She’s graduating too so that seems quite likely’ I said, never able to resist a piss take.
‘I mean, will she need a lift?’ he said, rising above my sarcasm.
‘I don’t know, I’ll check.’
‘Do’ he’d said firmly. ‘She’s a good one’ he added quickly.
I was a bit taken aback but I said, ‘You think so?’
‘Yes. She’s a lot nicer than you and that’s important.’
I was about to go off at him when I decided that I’d rather hear exactly what was so important about it. ‘Why’s that?’
‘Because she’ll balance you out. That’s why I married Deborah.’
I was annoyed that he was trying to tie me in with his uptight ways. I wasn’t him. I’d never been him. ‘I’m nice!’
‘No, you’re not. You’ve never had much use for nice. But you’ll be alright. Long as you remember to be good.’
‘What’s the difference?’
‘If you don’t know, you’ll find out one day’ he said enigmatically and then he told me he had to water the garden while there was still light and then he was gone. It was a weird conversation. Me and my dad had never had such a deep conversation. It was just a shame I had no fucking clue what he was talking about.
But as I looked at Ashley, talking to my family, laughing, being sweet to them, I thought I might be starting to figure out what he meant.
Across the room, I spotted Cameron. She’d diligently avoided my eye throughout the ceremony. I was alright with that. She was talking to Jonny. I guess she still thought he was going places and was making a last-minute alliance in the hopes of riding his star to the top. I didn’t exactly wish either of them well, but I hoped they’d find out what I had, that it didn’t matter whether people thought you were successful. It mattered how you got there, if you stayed true to yourself while you did it. But watching the pair of them talk, maybe they were staying true. It would always be this way, the ones who wanted to succeed at any cost and the ones who weren’t willing to pay if the price was your soul. I hoped I’d learnt to tell the difference. And I hoped I could remember to be good, like my dad said. Time would tell.
I saw Jonny turn and spot me, giving me a sneery smile. I guess he thought he’d gotten his writer back from me and it pleased him to win. But what he didn’t know was that he was more than welcome to her. I gave him a smile back, a real one, with a thumbs up. His smile slipped.
After graduation drinks had finished, we all walked out to the multi-storey car park down the road. We were going to dinner at a restaurant, paid for by my dad in an astounding display of non-tightness. I slowed, falling back from the group and Ashley fell in step.
‘Zara and Mike have decided to split up’ I told her.
‘Have they?’ Ashley asked, pretending to be shocked. But we’d all known it couldn’t last.
‘Zara’s going back to France, so I guess they’re just cutting their losses’ I explained.
‘Is Mike alright?’
‘I think he’s relieved.’
‘And Zara…’
‘I reckon she’s really upset. I can tell because she’s even angrier than usual. I think she’s just starting to realise that Mike was about as good as she’ll ever do.’
Ashley tutted and then had a thought. ‘How you gonna make rent?’
‘That’s what I wanted to ask. You know that joke you made about moving in together…’
Ashley looked at me in utter shock. ‘I was just kidding! I didn’t really expect you to ask.’
‘Well, I’m asking anyway. I know it hasn’t been long, but I want you to move in’ I said, trying not to show how scared I was. But my dad was right. She was a good one and she’d given me another chance. I wanted her to know for certain that now that I’d let myself be in love with her, how deep that ran, how committed to her I was. ‘So…’
Ashley flushed and said, ‘Alright. But I get to repaint your room. I hate that beige.’
I grinned and nodded and it was decided, she was moving in. I knew that given half the chance, Ashley was about to make my world as beautiful as she was, inside and out. It would be a better world for it.
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In the meantime, feel free to enjoy these other books by Natasha West
Hawke’s Prey
Hawke’s Game
Hawke’s Flight
The Plus One
Plus Two
Something for the Weekend
A Marriage of Connivance
Joined at the Hip
A Mistletoe Moment
Real Love
Waiting for the Punchline