by Pamela Clare
Tanner finally opened his eyes. Saw her contemplating his erection. He couldn’t help but smile, couldn’t keep the spark of elation from shooting through his body. When she smoothed her thumb up the length of him, he stiffened and immediately lost the smile.
She was going to kill him. This wasn’t going to be quick. It was going to be torture.
Taking her time, she smoothed the drop of pre-cum around his cock head and he groaned. She took him fully into her hand, or tried to anyway. A little sound, almost like a hum, vibrated in her throat and he wanted her to make that same noise while he was in her mouth. Wanted to know what it felt like.
Her tongue snaked out and tasted the tip and Tanner about came off the bed. He wanted to hold her head steady and guide her over him, but he didn’t. Her tentativeness gave him a clue, so did the way she explored him. She might have been on the other side of twenty-five, but that didn’t make her sexually experienced. She hadn’t been a virgin, but she was no slut either and the longer she took to take him into her mouth, the more he wanted to be there.
“Jess.” The word was strangled. A plea if he’d ever made one. “Go ahead. Please sweetheart. Take it.” God, he was already panting like a fucking dog. Waiting, wanting.
She met his gaze with glittering eyes, and a silent promise, before covering the tip with her lips. Every muscle in Tanner’s body went rigid. He lifted his arms over his head, dug his hands under the pillow to keep from holding her steady and driving deep into her mouth. She was in dangerous territory and didn’t realize it. But Tanner did. He struggled with himself, struggled to let her go at her own pace no matter how much it killed him.
Her tongue circled and swiped at the top before she took him deeper in her mouth.
Ah, God. “That’s it.” He moved his hips, forced her to take a little more. “So good, Jess. It’s so damn good.”
She made that sound in her throat and it vibrated through his cock and straight up his spine. Fuck. Sensation swirled up his center, coiled his body tighter. When she pulled off, he silently swore for pushing her too far.
Moonlight shone down from the high window over the bed and lit her face. “Tell me if I do something wrong,” she said. “I’m probably not very good at this.” Then she licked him from base to tip and the wet heat of her tongue made his eyes roll back in his head. Jesus, was she wrong about that. She adjusted over him for a better angle and wrapped her hand around his shaft before going down again.
Holy fucking God.
He’d become some sort of science project, a guinea pig for her use and she used him so well. Minute by minute, she worked him over, alternating with her tongue and going deep, taking him until he felt the back of her throat. Just when she hit a rhythm one way, she changed to something else, driving him crazy with inconsistency and hurtling him to the finish.
Second by second she brought him closer to heaven and he held on by a thread, loving her mouth on him, her hands on him, the way she moaned and licked him. A firestorm of heat built at the base of his cock, in his balls. She was five seconds from pushing him over the edge.
“Jess…” God, he could barely speak. “I’m not going to last.” He felt obligated to warn her. She hadn’t struck him as a girl who went this far, but she didn’t stop. “I’m serious. I won’t be able to…” Ah, God, he couldn’t hold back. “This is it,” he rasped as she took him all the way. Instead of pulling off, she grabbed his hips and held on, gripped him with nails digging into his skin and her mouth covering his cock.
Watching her sent him over as much as her actions did and Tanner gave into the release. He pumped his hips as his come jetted into her mouth, down her throat. She took everything. Pleasure roared through him, bursting from the middle and rippling to the edges in unparalleled waves. Gritting his teeth, he forced his hips still and concentrated on complete satisfaction. On the way her hands stroked his skin after his orgasm crested. On the tight sheath of her mouth.
The moment when she slowly and carefully pulled off and looked at him branded in his brain. A glimmer of pride lurked in her sparkling eyes. The tiniest of smiles curved her swollen lips. She was the sexiest woman he’d ever known. When she glanced away, Tanner saw the sudden blush creep into her cheeks and he refused to lose the bold woman who’d taken control. He pulled her up and rolled her beneath him, taking her mouth in a warm kiss. He tasted his tangy essence on her lips, drove his tongue deeply into her mouth. He could kiss her all night. All day. Her soft lips conformed to his, her warm breath mingled with his. Her hands stroked along his nape and kept him close.
She made him feel valuable. Not because of the great sex, but along with it. Like he might actually be worth something and when was the last time he’d ever felt that?
“That was the best wake-up call I’ve ever had,” he whispered, brushing his mouth across hers. She was one hundred percent pure sweet, hot woman and she needed to know it. “That was amazing.” He kissed her again. “Outrageous.” He held her face in his hands and stared into her bright eyes. “Thank you for that.”
She smiled shyly. “You’re welcome.”
He slid his hand down her side, across her stomach and down to the soft patch of curls between her legs. She was slick, more than ready for him. In another five minutes he’d be able to go again, but he didn’t want her to wait. Her eyes widened when he slipped two fingers inside. “Look how wet you are,” he murmured, watching her. Her gaze skittered away and Tanner didn’t have to see her blush to know she had. “Look in my eyes, Jess.” Moving slowly, he stroked his fingers inside her. When her gaze locked onto his, he circled her clit with his thumb and pressed down. Tanner took her gasp into his mouth. He’d wanted to watch her, to see her eyes when she came, but also wanted to be in her everywhere at the same time, his tongue in her mouth, his fingers in her body. Her hips moved in time with his thrusts and Tanner kissed her deeper, harder. Her cream covered his fingers, slicked up his palm as he teased her. When he finally hit the spot she needed, it only took another minute before she came hard, clenching around his fingers with spasms that rocked her the same way his had rocked him.
Breathing hard, she stared up at him with sated eyes, stroking her thumb across his cheekbone. It was a look he’d never forget. “You’re pretty good at that,” she whispered.
“Yeah, go figure. I’m pretty damn rusty too. Imagine the possibilities with a little practice.” He meant it as a joke, but her smile faded. So did the glow in her eyes. Yeah, he shouldn’t have brought up the possibilities because clearly she wasn’t thinking along those lines. Whatever her life had in store, it didn’t involve him. At least not in the long run. Not that he wanted any type of long run, but he wouldn’t have minded a few months of having her all to himself. She had too much going to think about the next time she’d be having sex with him. But he got that.
It didn’t change the fact that he wanted her. A lot. He could spend the next month in her bed and not think about anything else. That was probably normal for a guy who’d been celibate as long as he had. He’d managed to deal with it, but now that the drought was over, he couldn’t imagine going without.
Tanner shifted Jess onto her side and brought her up close against his chest, spooning her body and keeping his palm on that sweet, wet heat between her legs. He smoothed his lips across the soft skin of her shoulder, gently kissing and nipping, content to touch her because he suspected she wouldn’t give him the opportunity once this night ended.
She was in a state of flux. He understood it since the same could be said about him. He didn’t know where he was going or where he’d end up. One thing he did know… Jess was a damn fine detour. He couldn’t stop touching her, didn’t want to. That was normal. Right? Because he hadn’t been with a woman in so long, it was natural that he couldn’t keep his hands off her…or his mind from thinking about her. This was only temporary. Didn’t matter that it felt great having her in his arms. Didn’t matter that their time was limited. He’d lived in the “now” for a lot of years. He�
�d had to stay focused on each day, each minute and he wouldn’t change because his circumstances had.
But damn if he wasn’t going to enjoy Jess for as long as he could. She was incredible softness and tinsel strength all meshed up in one small package. She was shy and bold, innocent and wicked. She was a contradiction in every term.
“Where are you from?” she asked softly.
The question came from out of nowhere. But maybe she was feeling a little self-conscious, a little uneasy. Maybe she just needed some reassurance that he wasn’t from Mars.
“I grew up in a little town south of Denver.” Lush green country he missed more than he wanted to admit.
“Are you going back there when you leave here?”
Shit. Apparently answering one question meant that an avalanche of more followed. He could cut her off, but that would probably send her out of his arms and he didn’t want to lose this time with her.
It seemed inevitable that he would leave here, but he hadn’t figured out where to go. “No. I don’t know.” He was lying because he knew damn well he wouldn’t—couldn’t—go home. Not after what he’d put his family through. “I doubt it.”
Jess turned in his arms. Her face gleamed in the moonlight, silky smooth. “How come?”
She had no idea she was swimming into rough waters, landing on a topic he didn’t want to discuss. For years he’d put his family in the back of his mind. Doing his best to forget they existed, only to have their memories rise up and bite him in the ass when he least expected it.
Jess squeezed his arm. “Tanner…tell me. How come you won’t go home?”
Tanner probably owed her some answers, if only to say thank you for the incredible sex. “I hurt my family when I landed in prison. I don’t want to hurt them anymore. They don’t need me showing up now after all this time.”
“What makes you think that?” Her eyebrows quirked up in question.
“Davis is a small town. A lot of gossip. I embarrassed my parents when I got convicted. My mom doesn’t need me coming back now and starting up all the gossips again. I wouldn’t do that to her or my sisters.”
“What about your father? You haven’t mentioned him. How does he feel?” The girl was a pit bull when it came to wanting information.
He remembered his dad going through his first bout of cancer, telling him how Tanner would be the man of the house, how he’d have to take care of his mother and sisters if he died. His dad had survived that go-round, but not the next. Instead of graduating college with a degree, Tanner had gotten himself arrested and thrown in jail, so that when his father had died, he hadn’t been any good to his mother and sisters. He’d been stuck in the pen.
“He died while I was in prison.”
Jess lifted up on her elbow and stared down at him. “Oh, Tanner. I’m sorry.” Her face had a look of horror mixed with concern. “That must have been so hard.”
The hardest news he’d ever heard. Worse than the judge’s sentencing at his trial.
“But that’s even more of a reason to go home. Your family needs you.”
Tanner shook his head. “They don’t need me. They’ve been living without me for this long, they don’t need me.”
“That’s ridiculous. Of course they need—”
“Jess!” She flinched, but didn’t move away from him. Damn, he hadn’t meant to do that. “Look,” he said, after taking a deep breath. “I haven’t had contact with them since I went in, okay? They don’t want me around, I can guarantee it.”
Her eyes narrowed. “No contact?” She shook her head. “Didn’t they write to you? Or visit you?” She didn’t give him a chance to answer as she sat up. “How could they do that to you? I can’t believe they’d just—”
“Slow down.” Tanner pulled her back down next to him where he had her soft skin at his fingertips. “They didn’t do anything. In the beginning they tried to visit, but I wouldn’t see them. I didn’t open their letters either.”
“Why? Why would you do that?” she asked softly, searching his eyes.
Did it matter if he told her? He’d kept his feelings buried so deep for so long he wasn’t sure he could even talk about this. “I was ashamed, all right. Embarrassed. No one in the family tree had ever been arrested, much less be convicted of a felony and do time. I couldn’t face them. I didn’t deserve them. I blew it.”
“Oh, Tanner. I’m sorry. But you didn’t blow it. You got railroaded. You can’t ignore your family because of something that happened to you. Because of something you had no control over.”
Tanner forced a smile. “I blew it by hanging with the wrong crowd. Alex Juneau was not your average college student.” Instead of living on ramen noodles and peanut butter like the rest of their buddies, Alex ate steak and drove a convertible. Thinking about Alex only brought up the anger and resentment, and those two emotions had kicked Tanner’s ass enough already.
He eased Jess beneath him and trailed his lips to her ear. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“But—”
He silenced her with a kiss. “Shh.” Then he made her forget about everything but him.
Jess woke with a start, her eyes opened wide as her heart thundered in her chest.
A dream. She’d been having a dream. More like a nightmare. She’d seen her family bloody and bruised and she’d been running, trying to get to them, but no matter how hard she’d tried, her legs had felt like bricks. No matter how close she’d gotten, they’d stayed out of her range. Blake had been calling her names from their childhood. Screaming at her. Teasing her.
She took a steadying breath, became of aware of Tanner holding her closely, their bodies skin to skin, her back to his front. She’d never met a guy who touched as much as he did. Her past boyfriends had been happy to sleep in their own zip code after sex, whether it be on the other side of bed or literally a different zip code.
Not Tanner. He touched, kept her close. He made her feel protected when her life seemed to be crumbling around her.
He’d opened up to her too. Let her see a little into his world, into his family. She wanted to know more. Wanted to know about his mother and sisters. Wanted to know if he was the oldest, youngest or in between. She wanted to know the man he was before prison.
“You okay?” His husky voice whispered in her ear. She’d woken him up.
She nodded. “Bad dream.” It was still dark out and Jess avoided the clock again. She’d rather not know how little sleep she’d had all night.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked.
“No.” She shook her head. Didn’t want to think about her family bloody or bruised, or dead. She could barely remember the last time she spoke to them with the exception of that horrible phone call from the other night. Her memory seemed fuzzy since this whole thing started. Her time frame had gone to hell. Minutes had turned into hours and into days but she didn’t how many had passed. She’d barely slept, barely eaten…
“What are you thinking about?” Tanner gave her a small squeeze, his warm hand on her bare hip. When she didn’t immediately answer, he lifted on his elbow and pressed her shoulder back so she had to look up at him.
“I keep hearing their voices from that phone call.” He nodded as if he understood who she meant. “The way they sounded…” She couldn’t describe it.
“What?” Tanner asked. “You’ve got a funny look in your eye.”
“I’m just thinking about what Blake called me.” Tanner lifted curious brows and she clarified. “He called me Smelly Feet. He hasn’t called me that since we were tiny.” He hadn’t been the only one to call her a name from her distant past. “Eric called me Junior. That was weird too.”
Tanner smiled, the gesture softened his face, put lines around his mouth. “Junior? Is there a story behind that?”
“Mom still hadn’t married Dad when I was born, but they were seeing each other. He’d been proposing for months, but Mom kept saying no. She didn’t want him to marry her for a baby, she wanted him
to marry her because he loved her. Which he did. Mom was just too stubborn to see it. Anyway, Dad wanted the baby to keep the first name tradition in his family and said the least Mom could do if she wouldn’t marry him was to give him that courtesy. So they named me after Dad. Well, kind of,” she explained. “His name is Jessie, but everyone calls him Jay for short. Everyone’s always called me Jess.
“Anyway, Eric used to tease me and call me Junior because I was named after Dad and he wasn’t.”
“Junior sounds better than Smelly Feet. Where’d that one come from?” Tanner stroked his fingers through her hair and the sensation zipped along her nerves with devastating effect. It seemed incongruous for him to be so gentle when everything about him screamed hard, tough and knocked around.
“Mom had taken us all out one day and when we got back in the car, I took my shoes off. I hadn’t worn socks and the stink hit fast and hard.” Jess grimaced at the memory. “The boys were all little and kids are so damn honest…there is and was no diplomacy when it comes to little boys telling their sister she has stinky feet.”
Tanner chuckled. “How old were you? I’d think it wouldn’t bother you.”
Jess had to think back. “The boys were really little and I had to help Mom a lot to keep them all corralled. “I was eleven. Fifteen years ago.”
“Fifteen years ago,” Tanner repeated. His face changed. His smile disappeared. “Didn’t your mother say something about fifteen years?”
Queasiness blossomed in Jess’s stomach and she sat up. “Yes. She did.” Jess recalled her mom’s words specifically. “She said it felt like she hadn’t seen me in fifteen years.”
“Did your brother call you Junior when he was that young?” Tanner asked, sitting up next to her.