by Pamela Clare
“Unless you don’t want to,” she said, retreating.
Jay caught her hand and set it back over his growing erection. “I always want to,” he said against her lips. “You still drive me crazy after all these years. That won’t ever change.” He rolled onto his back and kept Terry against him, putting her on top where she loved to be. “Do your worst,” he challenged. Usually when he said that Terry got a gleam in her eye and tortured him within an inch of life, but now she stared down at him with all the love in her heart plain to see. When she mounted him and he sank deep in her body, the love he felt for her multiplied for the eight thousandth time. She loved him slowly, sweetly, as only Terry could do. And when they both peaked, the feeling most prevalent in Jay’s heart was hope. Hope for a new day and a new beginning.
Later, at the courthouse, his small ray of hope dimmed when he saw Jess and Tanner walking toward them in the hallway outside the courtroom. Jay hadn’t expected sunshine and light, but even the friendly bond that had been so evident between them was nowhere to be found. Terry noticed it too, and gave him a look that said trouble in paradise.
“Tanner, can I talk to you for a minute?” Terry didn’t wait for an answer. She grabbed Tanner’s arm and took him toward the bench down the hall, leaving Jay alone with Jess.
“Where are they going?” Jess asked, her eyes narrowed.
“I have no idea.” But as long as they had a minute of privacy… “Want to tell me what the problem is?”
Her head snapped toward his. “What do you mean?”
Jay glanced at the ceiling. No wonder Terry knew about them getting together. Jess really was a bad liar. “I mean, the wall of ice between you and Tanner is about ten feet tall. Should I not have left you alone with him last night?” All his protective-dad instincts reared to the front.
Jess rolled her eyes. “No. It’s just…” she searched for an explanation and the longer it took the more Jay worried about her. “He wants to wait. If I…you know…get convicted. And I told him not to. I want him to be free and live his life.”
The thought of her going to prison made him sick. His baby girl behind bars… But all she could think about was Tanner and his feelings. The trial hadn’t changed her nature. She was still a people pleaser, still trying to make everyone around her happy. Jay loved her so much. His eyes stung with emotion. He exhaled and gave her the best advice he could.
It was a tough call. “Isn’t it up to Tanner what he does with his life?” He got her don’t-make-this-into-a-lesson-I-need-to-learn face that was so familiar.
“Are you on his side?” Her whisper squeaked high and incredulous.
“I’m not on anyone’s side.” Jay lifted Jess’s chin. “If the man wants to wait for you, then it’s his prerogative.” He studied her tortured expression. “Is it that serious between you two?”
“He told me he loved me.” Jess’s eyes brightened with moisture, her voice soft.
Jay nodded and hugged her close. Didn’t need to ask if she felt the same way. It was all over her pretty little face. “You have to figure out what you want, honey.” Jay set her from him. “I can only tell you this…” He looked down the hall at Terry talking so seriously to Tanner. “If your mother and I were in your situation, I’d wait a hundred years. There just isn’t anyone else in the world for me.” Jay looked back to Jess. “If Tanner feels that way about you…I hope you’ll think long and hard about how you treat the situation, how you treat him. The guy deserves—”
Jess’s cell phone rang and she checked the number. “Oh, my God. It’s Bobby McBride.”
She answered the call, but did little talking. Her wide eyes told a story all their own. The boys rounded the corner as she spoke. “Really?” She paused. “Thank you.” She ran a hand through her hair. “Thank you. Yes… Someone will call you. Thank you.” She slid the phone in her bag, her face shell-shocked. “He loved it,” she murmured. She looked at him, her face a mixture of elation and despair. “He finally got a chance to read it last night and couldn’t put it down. He gave me carte blanche to hire the cast and crew and he wants me to direct it. He said he didn’t expect me to even answer the phone because of the trial, but he’s hoping for the best. If I can manage to walk out of here today, he’ll fund the movie. All of it.”
Jay didn’t know what to say. It was great news, yes, but they had a giant hurdle to cross before celebrating a victory that might never be. “Congratulations, honey.” He hugged her tight, his pride for her filling his chest with emotion he’d been trying to keep buried. He checked his watch. “C’mon, we should go inside and take our seats.” He didn’t have a good feeling about this. He’d barely touched breakfast, but what little he had threatened a revolt. He needed a miracle in the next thirty minutes. Because he’d already had one miracle happen when Tanner rescued the family, he seriously doubted that another was forthcoming. He motioned to Terry as they headed for the courtroom and his sons followed them in.
Jess nervously turned in her seat, surprised she didn’t see Tanner in the front row next to her brothers. He’d been out in the hall for almost ten minutes. They were about to close the doors. Had he left? Had she really pushed him away after all they’d been through? But wasn’t it for the best? He did deserve a life. He shouldn’t have to wait. But what if she was found not guilty? Her father’s words made her think. What if their love was the real thing like her parents? Even if she did go to prison, Tanner might never find someone he cared about as much as he seemed to care about her. Real love didn’t have boundaries. Hers didn’t. She’d love him until the day she died no matter where they were.
Hadn’t she been the one to tell him that his family loved him no matter what? That shutting them out was never the answer? Then she’d proceeded to do the exact same thing.
What had she done?
Just as panic washed through her veins, the door opened and Tanner walked in. He pocketed his cell phone and took his regular seat behind her. Relief made her sigh. Tanner deserved her honesty and she had to live with his decision to wait or not whether she liked it or not. Jess tore off a sheet of paper from her dad’s notebook and wrote a short nine-word note.
As the jury settled in their seats, Jess straightened the collar of her white blouse. Per her father’s request, she’d dressed conservatively in a baby-blue suit. It made her look ten years younger, which hopefully made it harder for the jury to put her behind bars. Her stomach had so many butterflies she felt sick. The next few minutes charted the course of the rest her life. The enormity of it made her dizzy.
Next to her, her father sat coolly and watched the jurors. He’d told her if they’d reached a guilty verdict that they’d most likely not be able to look her in the eye. Contrary to Tanner’s belief, she wasn’t brave enough to see for herself. Instead she watched the bailiff as he held open the door. She folded her note neatly into fourths, her palms sweating as the seconds ticked by.
Run. The word whispered through her brain. But she didn’t. Couldn’t.
Behind her, Jess felt the presence of her family. Her mother and little brothers had been there through every day of the trial. They’d all testified and given the accounts of the three days they’d been held by Paul Facinetti. They’d made sure the jury understood that Jess had been in an unthinkable position and only acted out of fear for them.
The two officers who’d been on Facinetti’s payroll had been taken into custody and the jury heard her accounts of their scare tactics. Whether they believed her enough to give a not guilty verdict was the question. Facinetti’s trial wasn’t scheduled until late next summer.
Even Tanner had testified, stressing the fact that Jess had never intended to harm Maurice, but had only wanted his help in saving her family. Her decision to trade him had only been a last ditch effort, and had he shown any compassion or will to help her, she wouldn’t have kidnapped him. Nor would he have died if he hadn’t drawn his gun.
Realizing that the fault lay completely at her feet, Jess had taken respons
ibility for kidnapping Maurice in the first place, but begged the jury to understand that it was never her intention to kill him.
The jury took their seats and the judge entered the courtroom. The nauseous feeling in her stomach got worse. Sweat slicked her palms.
The room seemed to fade as everything went into slow motion. Her life was about to change dramatically. Either she’d put this whole mess behind her or she’d spend the next ten or fifteen years behind bars.
The note in her palm nearly burned her skin. If she didn’t give it to Tanner soon, she’d lose the chance completely. How quickly would they take her out of the room after a guilty verdict?
Jess turned slightly and locked eyes with Tanner. He looked as nervous as she felt. He’d borrowed a suit from Eric, but he seemed just as imposing. His future was on the line as well, and Jess understood that. He’d been helping her all along. For the last six months he’d done nothing but support her. She owed him more than shoving him aside now. Her dad was right. Tanner could make up his own mind. If he chose to leave, then he deserved her support and if he wanted to stay, then she’d thank God she had a man who loved her enough to wait.
But first he needed to know the two most important things she had to tell him.
Everyone stood as the judge entered the room. Jess handed her note to Tanner as the court was called to session. The judge asked the jury if they’d come to a decision. The foreman, an older man with gray hair, confirmed that they had, as he rose and handed a piece of paper to the bailiff who handed it to the judge.
Jess glanced back at Tanner, watching as he scanned her note.
The judge read the slip of paper. “In the matter of the state versus Jessie St. John, the jury finds the defendant…
Jess swayed, not ready to hear the words. A familiar roaring in her ears drowned out sound around her. She couldn’t pass out. Not now.
“…not guilty.”
The room erupted and Jess held onto the table. Had she heard him right? Not guilty? She looked at her dad about to ask what happened when the judge continued.
“Miss St. John, I can only hope that you’ve learned a lesson from this experience. It’s always in your best interest to go to law enforcement officials in times of such crisis.”
Jess nodded, couldn’t say a word since she didn’t have a lick of spit in her mouth. She was free?
The judge thanked the jury and lifted his gavel. “This court is adjourned.” He banged the desk. Noise erupted in the room. Her dad wrapped his arms around her and one by one the rest of her family did the same until she was squished in the middle of a giant huddle.
It was really over? Six months of worry, of panic attacks, of preparing for the worst…and it was over?
Slowly, her family members parted. Tanner stood five feet away, his eyes bright with tears. “Hey.” His voice cracked as he moved in front of her. Her note dangled in his hand. “You look a little shell shocked.”
“I am,” she admitted.
Her family backed off a few steps and followed the crowd toward the door.
Tanner pulled her into a hug. “Congratulations.”
Congratulations? Nothing about her note? Her confession? She held tight until he stepped back. Frazzled nerves had her babbling. “Bobby called right before we went in. He loved the screenplay. He gave me a green light.”
A giant grin split Tanner’s face and just about knocked her socks off. “Looks like your dreams are coming true.”
“Some of them,” she agreed. But what about the dream that mattered most? She gazed up at him, ready to say the words that had been on her tongue and in her mind for the past six months. Ever since the day he’d saved her family. The words she’d written in the note but never had the courage to say before now.
“Just some?” he asked. “What if I want them all to come true? What would I have to do to make that happen?”
That was easy. “Be my partner.” Three words, but not the only three she wanted to say.
“Are you asking or is that an order?”
“I don’t know. Which one works better? Maybe it’s both.” She smiled at him, not sure where he was headed. Had he decided to leave anyway because she’d pushed so hard before? Uncertainty niggled in her belly. He hadn’t mentioned the note yet. Nothing.
Jess smiled and covered up the hurt. “Tanner, you’ve already done so much. I couldn’t have gotten through all these months without you.”
“Yeah, you could. You’re one of the strongest women I know. Just like your mother.” He knew her trigger. Knew there were very few things that mattered to her. Her family. Him. Her chest got tight, her heart ached.
“Look, you got me thinking earlier this morning.”
Oh, God. He’d decided to leave after all. The trial was over and her note wasn’t enough.
“I made a phone call before the proceedings started.” He looked at his shoes before glancing at her. “I called my mom.”
The sting of tears burned Jess’s eyes. She hoped with all her heart that if Tanner didn’t stay with her, he’d at least go home to the family that loved him.
“I told her I was sorry.” Tanner quickly swiped at his eyes and Jess couldn’t hold back the hot tears streaking down her face. “I told her I was wrong to push her and the family away.”
Jess put a hand to her mouth to hold back a sob. She understood the courage it took for him to call home after so long. In a flash, she understood why he’d done it. If his family could forgive him then he could forgive her.
“What did your mom say?” she asked, almost afraid of the answer.
“She told me she loved me. That she never stopped loving me.” His voice cracked, but he gave her a wobbly grin. “Hey, I almost forgot,” he said, handing her note back.
Jess wiped her eyes. Why was he giving this back to her?
“Go ahead,” he said. “Read it.”
Read it? She’d written it. Jess looked at her familiar handwriting.
I’m sorry I pushed you away. I love you.
But something new was added to the bottom.
I know. Marry me.
A broken sob escaped and Jess slapped a hand across her mouth. Her heart filled to a breaking point as she looked up at him. Was he serious? She’d never felt more full or more complete. Tears filled her eyes faster than she could swipe them away.
“If we’re going to be partners,” he said. “I figure we should round out the whole deal.”
There were so many things she wanted to say. She wanted to scream with happiness. Jump in his arms. She was a writer for God’s sake and all she came up with was, “Seriously?”
He grinned. “I got your mother’s permission. I should probably talk to your dad too, but he was busy talking to you, so… I want us to be together, Jess. Always.” He took her hands, searched her eyes. “I love you. Say yes.”
“Oh my God. I can’t believe this.” This was so far from what she’d expected. Instead of going to prison, all of her dreams were coming true.
Tanner shook her shoulders a little. “Jess?”
Jess leapt into his arms. “Of course. Yes. I love you too. I love you, I love you, I love you.” She couldn’t stop saying the words.
Tanner’s lips came down over hers and—just like her movie—Jess knew the ending to her story would be happily ever after too.
Epilogue
Jess gazed out the airplane’s window at the lush Colorado forest beneath. Right now it was covered with a thick dusting of pristine white snow. She loved California and its three hundred days of sun, but this amazingly beautiful sight nearly stole her breath. Christmas in Colorado. It didn’t get much better than this.
“Pretty, isn’t it?” Tanner said next to her. He squeezed her hand and she gave him her full attention.
“Very.” She smiled, tried to defuse his nervousness. Though he’d acted cool, this trip meant more than he let on. “I like this view too,” she said, looking into his eyes.
“You’re such a sweet talker,” h
e murmured. Then he kissed her softly.
“Only where you’re concerned,” she whispered at his mouth.
“You’re so full of shit,” he continued, but he was smiling. “You sweet talk every person you get on the phone. You’ve become the best producer in town on your first project. You can get anybody to do anything for almost nothing.”
It was true. Whether it was the notoriety of the trial or the fact that a lot of people just liked pulling for the underdog, Jess had managed to get an A-list crew to work for nearly half their going rate. She was way under budget and everything was progressing without a hitch.
“Yeah?” Jess ignored the Hollywood speculation about the timing of her movie or her part in Maurice’s death, and she couldn’t control the people who approached the media to discuss his morally corrupt private life. Maurice had nearly destroyed her while he was living and she refused to let him do it from the grave. Whether this film became a success or not, she still had the most important thing right in front of her. “Keep talking.” She teased his mouth with her own. “You’re making me hot.”
Laughing, Tanner pulled back. His face grew serious. “Thanks for coming with me. I…” He stopped. Seemed at a loss for words, but the emotion in his eyes said it all. “I really love having your support.”
Speaking to his mother that day in the courtroom six weeks ago had been a huge step for him. They’d talked a few more times and she’d asked him to come home for Christmas. Tanner wasn’t sure if the invitation stemmed from obligation and he hadn’t asked. The time had come to face the consequences of his actions whether he wanted to or not. He’d asked Jess to join him and she’d accepted.
“You always have my support,” she told him as the landing gear groaned and settled into place. “Besides, you promised to teach me how to ski. I’m holding you to it.” Jess squeezed his hand and gave him a quick buss on the lips.