Blade shoved him backwards so hard the chair rocked on its legs. ‘Where is the boy?’
Butterworth fussily brushed at the front of his coats. ‘I left him in York.’ He looked over at Caro. ‘With his doting grandparents.’
They were too late. Legs trembling, Caro sank into the nearest chair.
‘Where were they headed?’ Blade asked. ‘If you lie to me, I will come and find you.’
Butterworth shrugged. ‘I have no idea. I am not party to their plans. I met the old gentleman in London, but it didn’t seem as if they planned to go any great distance.’
‘They have a house near Lincoln,’ Caro said, her heart plummeting to the soles of her shoes and perhaps lower.
‘Then we have overshot badly,’ Blade said. He was looking at her with sympathy.
A dreadful weight descended upon her chest. She was going to have to tell Blade the truth. And Merry and Tonbridge. She felt ill. They would despise her as much as she despised herself.
Blade glared at Butterworth. ‘Bait and switch. Very clever.’
Butterworth grinned proudly. ‘My idea, that. I know how you feel, lad. I was tricked the same way more than once when I worked for Bow Street.’
‘You are a Runner?’
‘Was. I find private work for the nobs a deal more lucrative.’
‘Tonbridge’s carriage? Was that you?’ Blade asked.
Butterworth made a face of disgust. ‘I made out my horse was lame, expecting the carriage to stop. The blasted coachman whipped up the horses instead. Nigh on ran me down. Then he went off the road. All for naught.’
Caro gasped.
‘Idiot,’ Blade said. ‘What did you expect in such troublesome times?’
The man blew out a breath. ‘I expected a bit of courtesy.’
‘The girl, Linette, was working for you?’ Caro asked.
‘Linny? She’d been working at the brothel for weeks. Saw my offer as a way out.’ He glanced over at Caro. ‘Seems you made some enemies in Skepton with your do-gooding ways.’
‘The madam at the brothel was also in on your plan,’ Blade said, sounding disgusted.
Caro cringed inside. She knew she’d made enemies, but never imagined they would harm her child. But people were cruel. They did not care whom they hurt.
‘For a generous payment. The lad’s family are anxious to get him back.’
‘Back?’ Caro almost spat the word. ‘They never wanted him.’
Blade gave her a sharp look and she bit her lip. If she wasn’t careful, he would guess everything and she still hadn’t decided what was best for Tommy.
‘Where is Linette now?’ Blade asked.
Butterworth made a face. ‘By the time we got to York, the little lad was clinging to her like a life raft. The old gentry mort offered her a position as nursemaid. Seems as how Linette preferred that to her former occupation. Naturally, I didn’t tell them what that was.’
‘I should have guessed there was something not right about that girl,’ Blade said, clearly blaming himself.
‘If she’s giving Tommy comfort, then I am glad of it,’ Caro said. But inside she felt as if her heart was breaking. Worse was the sense, the almost certain knowledge, that perhaps her son really would be better off without her. These past few weeks had proved her father right. She wasn’t fit to bring up a child. Slut. Wanton. The words echoed in her ears. If she had not been so easily seduced, so driven by her passions, Tommy would not have gone alone to the green with Linette, would he?
All these years she had tried so hard to be good, to be a respectable woman, to be what she should have been from the first, but the moment temptation had come her way, she’d succumbed.
* * *
Blade took one look at Caro’s face, read defeat in her expression and the slump of her shoulders, and he wanted to commit murder.
‘Leave,’ he said, leaning down to glare into Butterworth’s face.
‘Now see here,’ the man said. ‘I’ve as much right to my dinner as the next man.’
‘If you don’t go now,’ Blade said, lowering his voice to little more than a murmur, pressing the point of his hook between the rolls of fat below Butterworth’s jaw, ‘you will not have a gullet to take the food from your mouth to your belly.’
The fat man raised his hands in surrender and Blade stepped back.
Butterworth snatched the napkin from around his neck and flung it down. He lumbered to his feet. ‘I’ll leave you to settle my shot, then.’
Blade nodded. ‘It is a bargain, just to be rid of your company, but one thing you will not do is run to your employer.’
‘Why would I? I’ve kept my part of the bargain and been paid. Besides—’ he gave Blade a rather triumphant grin ‘—you will discover you are expected. Good day to you, sir.’
He stomped out with a venomous glance at Caro and a few minutes later could be heard shouting for the postilion so he could be on his way.
To Blade’s consternation, Caro didn’t move. She simply remained staring at her hands in her lap.
He stuck his head outside the door and found a waiter hanging about in the hallway looking confused. He stepped out to speak to him. ‘Do you have two chambers with a private parlour?’
The man nodded.
‘The lady and I will take them if you will be so good as to show us the way. Please arrange for dinner to be sent up as soon as possible.’
The landlord came along right at that moment. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘This gentleman is asking to bespeak rooms for him and the lady. A parlour and two chambers for the night.’
The landlord gave him a suspicious look. ‘The gentleman who just left told my stableman you was to pay his shot.’
Blade nodded. ‘I will.’
His expression looked a little less sour. ‘Whom do I have the pleasure of entertaining in my humble establishment, sir?’
‘Mr Bladen Read and Mrs Falkner.’
The frown reappeared. ‘This is a respectable house—’
Of all the self-righteous... ‘Mrs Falkner is my sister. My widowed sister.’
The man’s face relaxed into something resembling a smile. ‘Then welcome to the Blue Anchor, sir. I will have dinner sent up to the private parlour directly. If you would care to freshen up beforehand, William here will show you to your rooms. The two rooms at the front of the house, William, with the parlour between. Our best rooms, sir.’
And his most expensive, no doubt. But that was the price one paid for dissembling.
He returned to the dining room and found Caro sitting where he’d left her, her face white and set. Her eyes were cold as she looked at him.
Inwardly he winced. He shouldn’t have been quite so brutal with Butterworth. Not in front of a lady. Shame filled him at the realisation that he’d exposed her to the real him. The guttersnipe who hid beneath the guise of civility. Barely. Any gently bred woman would be horrified by what she had witnessed. ‘I apologise for shocking you. I would not have done what I threatened.’
She stared at him and said nothing. Damn it all, she thought him the worst of curs. He straightened his shoulders. Let her think what she would. ‘We will stay here tonight and turn back in the morning. I have booked rooms and a meal.’
At the widening of her eyes, the lips parting to object, he wanted to hit something. ‘Separate rooms. I told them you were my sister.’
The nod she gave him was of the numb variety. She heard him, clearly comprehended the words, but she had withdrawn into herself.
‘Let us freshen up, have dinner and then talk about our next steps,’ he said gently.
The footman escorted her upstairs while Blade went off to arrange for her bag to be brought up, as well as request the services of a maid. He also stopped by the stables to
let Ned know what was going on and have the carriage put up for the night.
As he sat in his bath in his chamber, he pondered their next steps while carefully forcing his thoughts away from the expression of disgust he had seen in Caro’s eyes.
* * *
Apart from the normal requirements of eating a meal, Blade had left Caro alone with her thoughts until they had finished dining. Not that she was hungry. The heavy lump in the centre of her chest was not conducive to the consumption of food.
At the start of the meal she had refused Blade’s offer of a glass of wine, despite his suggestion that it might help her sleep.
No matter which way she viewed what had happened, she could not see any way for things to return to the way they had been. It seemed very likely Tommy was lost to her. Under normal circumstances, the courts might favour a mother’s claim to a child over that of the grandparents, but in her case there really was no hope. Everyone at the Haven would have known about her and Blade. A clever lawyer would be quick to exploit any further fall from grace in order to shore up the bad character she’d already demonstrated by having a son in the first place. No doubt Butterworth had passed all he knew along to his employer. The courts could easily deem her morally unfit to care for her child.
She knew all this because she had spent part of the precious hoard of coins she’d saved when she’d first started her employment with Merry to discover what rights she had under the law. She had been shocked at how easily the rich and powerful could override the rights of the rest of society. She had also known she must maintain a spotless reputation if she wanted to stand even a small chance of keeping Tommy if his grandparents ever ran them to earth.
She wanted to scream.
But most of all, she wanted to cry.
Crying got one nowhere. She had cried when her father threw her out and when Carothers’s family refused their aid. It hadn’t helped then and it would not help now. What was important was Tommy. For years, she’d denied her selfishness. Convinced herself Tommy was better with her. But what if she was wrong?
With his grandparents, Tommy would lack for nothing. Oh, but how she would miss him if she let him go. She wished she knew for certain what would be the best course to take. For his sake.
‘Perhaps we should return to Skepton in the morning,’ she said, breaking the silence once the waiter had cleared away the dishes and left Blade with a decanter of port and her the tea tray. Just saying the words caused a stab of pain behind her breastbone.
He sat up in his chair, looking bewildered. ‘You cannot mean to abandon your son now?’
If he said any more, she might well cry. ‘It is not a question of abandoning him. I am thinking logically. His grandparents can provide so much more than I.’
His expression darkened. Filled with disgust. ‘Is it logical to leave him with people I presume are strangers while you merrily go on your sanctimonious way saving girls from iniquitous choices?’
She flinched at the anger and scorn in his voice. ‘I am thinking of what is best for my son. If you don’t mind, I would like to retire now. I will inform you of my decision in the morning.’
She crossed the room to enter her chamber, back straight, head held high while inside she shattered into a thousand pieces. He didn’t even know the full truth and thought the worst of her. So much for him being a friend.
He came up behind her, his fury a wild storm breaking at her back. ‘I won’t let you do it to that poor little chap. You are his mother. He needs you.’
Anger rose up, swallowing her grief in hot waves. She swung around to face him. ‘He needs more than I can give him. The Haven is not a good place for a boy to grow up. Surrounded by women who—’ she took a breath ‘—who are no better than they should be. Already he sees things he should not. Hears things. Soon those things will mean something. You saw him at the duck pond. He needs to play with other boys. Decent boys. Do you think those boys will be permitted his company? You heard what that boy said yesterday.’ And perhaps one day, he’d understand exactly what sort of woman his mother was and be ashamed. The thought was almost more than she could bear. ‘His grandparents can give him the life he deserves. The sort of life his father—’ oh, it was such a lie, but she had to say it, had to make him believe her, had to make herself believe it ‘—the sort of life his father would have wanted for him. Am I not being selfish, wanting to keep him with me and denying him that life?’
She collapsed in the nearest chair and buried her face in her hands, lest she disgrace herself and weep on his shoulder. She felt so torn apart.
He remained standing, towering over her. ‘Who are they, these grandparents who can give him everything and want him so badly and yet who hold their daughter-in-law in such aversion that they would steal her child?’
The emptiness of impending loss in the place where her heart should be spread outwards. She could prevaricate no longer. Once he knew the truth, he, too, would hold her in contempt. As would Tonbridge. And Merry. They would revile her for her wickedness and for her deceit. ‘Lord and Lady Thornton,’ she whispered.
She had the dubious pleasure of hearing him draw in a hiss of breath. He spun away, his booted feet carrying him to the other side of the room. ‘Harry Carothers’s parents?’
The pity in his voice said he had grasped the whole of the sordid story. After all, Carothers had been his friend, had he not?
‘Tommy was born out of wedlock,’ he said softly.
A kind way to describe it. ‘Yes.’
‘The bastard.’ He flushed. ‘I beg your pardon. I am referring to Carothers. How...? It is none of my business.’ He clenched his fist.
She swallowed the dryness in her throat. ‘It happened the night of the assembly.’
His voice was flat. Hard. ‘I presume he promised marriage before...’ He made a sound of exasperation.
All the old shame came rushing back. The bewilderment. ‘He made a number of promises.’ That he loved her and that if she loved him, she would prove it. ‘Your regiment left for foreign parts shortly afterwards.’
‘Did he know about Tommy?’
‘I have no way of knowing if he received my letter before he died. When I read of his death in the newspapers, it mentioned his parents’ house in London. I went there, hoping for help. They refused to believe my story, thinking I was some fortune hunter trying to get money. Apparently I was not the first woman claiming Carothers had left them in trouble. They turned me away. At the time, they had no need of an illegitimate as-yet-unborn grandchild.’ And certainly wanted nothing to do with his whore of a mother. The earl’s vicious words still stung. But the earl had been grieving the loss of his youngest child and she’d had no proof of her claim. ‘His older brother was still alive then. It was only when he was dying that they sought me out. I had left the address of a friend with them and she sent their letter on. It was clear from what they wrote that it was Tommy they wanted. I would be required to disappear from his life.’
His frown deepened. ‘Tommy cannot be their heir.’
‘No. They also made that clear. But he is something, when they have nothing. I wondered if perhaps the countess might have persuaded the earl of this.’
‘They have decided to believe your story, then?’
‘Apparently so.’ She wasn’t quite sure why, but there had been no doubt in the letter they had written. When she saw what they proposed, she had left Bath and gone to York, where she had hoped to remain undiscovered. Clearly Lord Thornton was far more determined than she would have suspected.
‘And you are giving Tommy up without a fight.’ The scorn was back in his voice. ‘Did you love him?’ he asked. ‘Carothers?’
Inside, she froze. Outside she hoped none of her roiling emotions showed. ‘I scarcely knew him.’
‘But—’ He stared at her. He came to kneel at her side, took her
hand in his as he gazed at her face, looking suddenly terribly dear and kind. A sweet pang tightened her chest.
He would weaken her, if she let him. She snatched back her hand.
He did not try to take it again, but he did not get up. ‘Caro,’ he said softly, carefully. ‘Did he force you against your will?’
A lump formed in her throat at the horrid recollections. Her giggles. At first. Her feverish excitement at his kisses. The roughness of the tree at her back. The groping hands at her skirts. The sound of his harsh breathing and grunting in her ear. The pain. The humiliation when he signified his dissatisfaction with her as a woman. She turned her face away, aware of the welling of hot tears. She swallowed them down. ‘No, he did not force me. I encouraged his attentions.’ The heady sensations rushing through her blood she had thought were love had been nothing but lust.
‘Is that what you think?’ he asked, sounding disgusted. ‘Oh, my dear Caro,’ he said, stroking her hand where it lay on her lap. ‘Do you think a man cannot control his base urges when confronted by a female he wants?’
He was trying to make her feel better. ‘It is what he said.’ What he had said as he leaned against her, breathing hard from his exertions while she had sobbed. ‘It is your own fault. You should have said you didn’t want it.’ Such an odd way to put it, she’d thought. ‘It is the woman’s responsibility to keep herself pure. It was what my father said, when I realised that there was no way to hide what had happened.’
‘Because you were enceinte.’
She nodded, breathing around the tears in her throat that made it impossible to speak. Tears of shame. And of pity for the innocent girl she had been. She forced down the tears, lifted her chin and turned to face him. ‘My father had forbidden me to go to the assembly.’
‘And Carothers convinced you otherwise.’
She risked a glance at his face and there was none of the condemnation in his expression that had been there before, that she knew she deserved. ‘I knew better than to disobey my father. And he was right, wasn’t he?’
‘I thought you were to attend with your mother. It was your first real dance, you had said.’
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