by Shandi Boyes
By the time we reach the side of the stage the energy is electrifying. The crowds roar is nearly deafening as I stand in the dark red curtains at the side of the stage. We are waiting for the roadies to give us our queue to go on. AT&T Park is a massive outdoor stadium that is normally used for baseball games. It has amazing views of the San Francisco bay directly behind the stage. Marcus had stated earlier today they are expecting an attendance of over thirty thousand at tonight’s concert. That is pretty impressive considering it is a Thursday night. The lights dim on the stage signalling that it is nearly time for us to go on. This is it, right here, right now is the beginning of the end for ‘Rise Up’. I gently squeeze the wooden guitar around my neck, I close my eyes and I lift my head to face the sky.
“I love you beautiful” I whisper to my angel in heaven.
Within the loud roar of the crowd that sounds when the lights dimmed, I swear I can hear Emily’s voice whisper softly back “I love you Noah” causing my heart to start racing a million miles an hour. I pop open my eyes, quickly darting them around the area surrounding the edge of the stage, trying in vain to find Emily. But I can’t see her anywhere, I can only wish that she was here standing beside me right now.
I take in several large breaths to calm down my emotions, when I feel the warmth of my hand being grasped. I look down and notice a small delicate hand with the fingernails painted bright red holding my hand tightly. Lifting my gaze, I see that Jenni is standing next to me with a small smile on her face.
“Emily has always been so proud of you Noah” she whispers while giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
Chapter 7
“Rise Up kicked off their first night of a five-week concert schedule at AT&T park last night as a supporting act for the ‘O’Reilly Brothers’. Lead Singer Noah Taylor seems to ooze the bad boy sex appeal as he strutted around the stage. When you first see the band you could assume they are just a bit of eye candy and you hope that they may be able to hold a tune. But once they start to perform you realise that they have some real talent hidden under their layers of sexiness. The raw edge and heart break projected from ‘Rise Up’s’ lead singer while he performed the bands song ‘Hollow’ caused goose bumps to break out amongst the tearful crowd last night. Their complete set was considerably short only lasting thirty minutes, and noticeably absent from their playlist was the band’s number one hit song ‘Surrender Me’. But Noah and the band seem to still have the devotion of their beloved fans that flocked to see them perform live. “It was great; the best band I have seen live in years” gushed one fan as she departed from the concert. If you like a performance that is gritty, sexy and slightly haunting then ‘Rise Up’ is a sure fire band for you. I give them four out of five stars” recites Cormack as he reads a review from his laptop.
“All the reviews we have been reading today are very similar scripted to this one” advises Cormack proudly to the band. We have all gathered in the hotel lobby preparing to depart for our next concert at San Jose tonight.
“They loved the performance but they all mention that it was to short and that ‘Surrender Me’ was missing from the line-up” he advises as his eyes shift over to me.
I had already told them that I was not fucking negotiating about singing that song. But by the time we were thirty minutes into our one-hour performance last night, the sound engineer advised in my ear piece that the next song they were preparing for us to perform was ‘Surrender Me’. I was pretty well intoxicated, so I wasn’t sure if I had heard him right until I looked back at Nick and noticed that his eyes were open wide in shock and he was frozen in place staring at me.
Looking over at the side of the stage, I saw Delilah standing in the wings smirking. That fucking bitch thought I wouldn’t have noticed that she had just altered our playlist since I was so drunk. I finished the current song we were performing before I swung the microphone out into the crowd. It let out a large “donk” as it was caught by a fan a few rows deep. Then I turned towards Delilah, lifted both of my middle fingers into the air, flipping the bird directly at her shocked face, before I stumbled off the opposite side of the stage. The remaining members of ‘Rise Up’ followed closely behind me.
“That fucking bitch” yells Nick angrily the instant we start walking back to our dressing room.
“Let’s just go pack our shit and go home. I am sick of that lady and her fucking power plays” declares Marcus angrily. Marcus seems more pissed than I have ever seen him. Normally nothing affects his cool and calm composure.
The sound engineers and roadies were left scampering trying to get the ‘O’Reilly Brothers’ performance ready thirty minutes early than expected. We had left the stage halfway through our set, but they never once approached us to try and convince us to go back on. I think they could tell by our pissed off expressions that we were not going to be returning to the stage tonight, let alone if ever again.
I don’t remember much of the night after that, as I was quickly ushered away from the stadium by Jacob. It is probably no surprise that I ended up getting rip roaring drunk. I had only just woken up an hour ago after being thrown in a freezing cold shower by my asshat of a best friend. The band had obviously decided to continue with the tour last night, as they were all ready to head out again this morning. I don’t know what caused their sudden change of heart, but I will follow through with the promise I made to them.
“I’m not fucking singing it” I reply to Cormack as my stomach starts to swirl.
I feel like I am going to be sick, I can’t tell if it is from how much I have been drinking, or because of the deep pit that is in the middle of my chest. It had taken so much fucking effort from me to get up and perform last night. Then Delilah tries to play a power trip by changing the playlist while we were in the middle of a set. Every time the song is even mentioned all I can see is Emily’s beautiful face smiling back at me, and then my vision flashes to her coffin being lowered into the ground.
I close my eyes and try to hold down the contents of my stomach, but the images of Emily’s coffin continues to flash before my eyes that I quickly bolt from my chair to the restrooms that are located in the hallway of the foyer. I emptied my entire stomach contents on the bathroom stall floor, narrowly missing the cistern I was aiming for.
“You don’t have to perform the song Noah. I have already spoken to the executives at the label this morning and they have agreed that you don’t have to perform it. Delilah overstepped the boundaries last night and she has been advised that her behaviour is no longer acceptable” Cormack advises, staring at my reflection in the mirror while I splash cold water over my face.
“But you have to finish the entire set or we are going to have a lawsuit on our hands” he declares firmly, before walking out of the bathroom.
The next five weeks of the concert tour goes quickly and they were a total fucking blur to me. Delilah never once attempted to change the playlist again and she was noticeably absent from a majority of the tour. Jacob still shadows me pretty much everywhere I go, but I have started to feel grateful for the fact he is staying by my side throughout my grief, instead of leaving me the way Chris had left me after Michael died.
‘Rise Up’ is still receiving rave reviews on our record labels website, and our album has managed to stay in the number one spot for the past five weeks. Hollow has ended up taking over ‘Surrender Me’ as the number one single on the billboard charts, with ‘Surrender Me’ slowly dropping back to number nine. ‘Hollow’ is doing so well as it is the one song I can perform without even needing to think. It is about devastation and despair; all the things I am currently feeling.
We have three remaining concerts to complete in Los Angeles and then our entire tour will be complete. I would like to say that as the weeks went on the devastation I am feeling from losing Emily has lessened, but that would be a lie. It hurts every single fucking day and I miss her all the time.
The trip from San Diego to Los Angeles was delayed due to peak hour traffic. I end
ed up washing down an entire bottle of whiskey that was in the liquor cabinet to occupy my time. It causes me to slightly stumble as I walk towards the check in counter at the hotel the record company had booked for us. There is a pretty blonde girl behind the desk who smiles brightly when she sees me approaching.
“Hello, welcome to Boulevard Hotel, how can I help you today?” she greets, her eyes glancing slowly over my body.
She doesn’t even realise she is only looking at an empty hollow shell of a man.
“Noah Taylor, checking in for three nights” I reply quickly.
I have become accustomed to the flirting I have been getting from women the past few weeks. I have been handed numerous hotel room keys when I go down and drink in the hotel bar, and I even have had a couple of groupies back stage try an offer me sexual favours for additional concert tickets. To start with it use to really piss me off, I thought it was so disrespectful to Emily for them to seductively glance over my body or proposition me. But then I realised they didn’t even know I had lost my fiancé only a few weeks ago. I never accepted any advances that were made, no matter how fucking drunk I was, I couldn’t betray Emily like that.
The check in clerk, whose name tag states her name is “Mindy”, clicks her fingers swiftly over the keyboard before her eyebrows pull closely together.
“Oh” she whispers, before looking over her shoulder and motioning to the gentleman behind the desk to come over. He walks over and Mindy points out something on the computer screen to him, before he lifts his gaze to look at my face.
“We seem to have a problem Mr Taylor” he states firmly.
“It seems that the last time you stayed at our hotel you had done a considerable about of damage to your room” he advises while looking directly at me.
Looking around the hotel foyer, I soon realise the last time I had stayed at this particular hotel was the night Ryan had told me about Emily. I remember smashing the vanity mirror with my fists, but because of how heavily intoxicated I was I don’t recall if I had done any other damage.
“Sorry” I apologize, while looking between the check in clerk and the supervisor. I wasn’t exactly sure what they expected me to reply with, but my whole world was shattered that night.
“We have a very strict policy at our hotel Mr Taylor, and behaviour like yours is not acceptable, whether you are a rock star or not” he states with a hint of distain in his voice.
“My fiancé died that night” I reply angrily “I am sorry if I fucking broke your mirror in the bathroom, but I wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind at the time” I sneer angrily at the weasel of a man that is standing in front of me.
He and the check in clerk stand frozen, staring at me with their mouths wide open, before I turn and start walking quickly out of the hotel lobby.
“Noah?” Jacob questions, as I bolt past him.
I need to get away from the bad fucking memories in this hotel that I am practically running out of the large glass spinning doors.
“Where are you going?” he asks breathless, once he catches up with me on the footpath.
“I can’t stay here” I reply while running my fingers roughly through my hair, trying to keep my emotions under control.
Jacob’s concerned gaze turns from me to the hotel sign that is swinging in the entrance way.
“Fuck, sorry Noah, I didn’t even realise” he apologizes, before pulling out his phone and calling us a taxi.
Chapter 8
By the time Jacob had organised a taxi to take us to another hotel, it was already too late. The memories from that night came flashing back hard and fast, and no matter how much alcohol I tried to consume, I couldn’t stop playing the events of the night on replay, over and over again in my head. I remember how surprised I was when I first saw Ryan standing outside of the studio. Then seeing the devastation in his eyes, when he broke my soul and shattered my heart into a million pieces.
“Why were you in Los Angeles that day?” I ask Jacob, who is sitting on a small double sofa near the window of our hotel room.
We lived a six-hour plane flight from LA and it was a Tuesday afternoon. There was no reason for Jacob to be in Los Angeles the day he was there. Jacob stops flicking through the gossip magazine and places it back down on the coffee table, before he starts scratching his eyebrow. His eyes then slowly turn to face me as he exhales a long harsh breath. I had already drunk a fifth of whiskey, but because I have been drinking so heavily the past six weeks my body has started to accommodate my increase in alcohol, that I have only just started to feel the effects of the whiskey. I stand to walk over next to him, only slightly fumbling, before I ask Jacob the same question again.
“Why were you in Los Angeles that day Jacob?”
“I was there as part of a surprise from Emily” he replies softly, while staring directly into my eyes.
“What surprise?” I ask roughly.
Jacob stands up from the sofa to stand directly in front of me. His chest slowly rises and falls with each breath he takes, as he runs his hand down his face.
“Emily wanted to surprise you, she had organised it all the weekend she went and visited Jenni in Ravenshoe” Jacob responds sullenly.
I flop down harshly on the single sofa seat, placing my head into my hands trying to work out if I was going to be strong enough to hear what Jacob is about to tell me.
“You had asked her marry you the night before you came back to LA and she had logged an application for a marriage licence that same week. She said you wanted to go to Vegas and get married” Jacob advises.
I remember asking Emily to marry me that night, I wanted us to get married immediately. I wanted her to know that she was all I ever wanted, and if I had been able to get her on a plane right then and there I would have. I had made so many mistakes the two months before that weekend and I was trying so hard to make amends with her for everything I had put her through. I wanted her to know she was my number one priority.
“The marriage licence was approved, so she was coming to you to keep the promise she had made” Jacob continues quietly.
Oh Emily, it was all my fault, the reason she is no longer here is all my fault. I try to hold in my anger. I try to simmer it down by guzzling the last bit of whiskey I have in my glass. But I can’t control the fury that is building rapidly it feels like it is tearing me apart from the inside out. I am the reason why Emily is gone; it is my fault. She was coming to keep a promise she had made to me.
I kick my leg out hard against the coffee table and send it flying towards Jacob, causing the magazines that were sitting on top to go flying onto the floor. I stand up from the sofa and look at Jacob, my blood surging through my veins.
“Noah” Jacob states firmly.
His tone clearly indicating that he will once again use his size against me if need be.
“Fuck you Jacob” I spit out venomously.
Three more fucking days, that is all I have to try and make it through, is three more fucking days. Once this concert is done, I am done. I can’t handle this fucking shit life anymore. I grab another bottle of scotch out of the liquor cabinet and make my way over to the bed, before unscrewing the lid in an attempt to try and drown my sorrows.
The next morning, I attempt to blink open my eyes. My head is thumping ten times worse this morning than it has the previous six weeks. Last night I had consumed double of what I would normally drink when Jacob told me that Emily died travelling to see me. I could have only wished that I had choked on my own vomit while I was sleeping, but as I rapidly blink my eyes, in an attempt to lubricate my eye sockets, I realise that I am still in the land of the living.
“It’s all over the media” Jacob advises, as he leans over in front of me, his voice is full of distress.
“What is?” I ask, not that I even care what he is talking about.
“Emily is” Jacob replies softly. Causing my eyes to dart open, I quickly sit up the bed, making my stomach lurch in protest.
“Someone
leaked your engagement” Jacob advises, while showing me the front copy of the LA times.
Glancing my eyes over the paper, I read the headline in large black ink “Noah Taylor Lead Singer of ‘Rise Up’ Fiancé Killed in Tragic Accident”
“It’s all over the news broadcasts this morning as well” Jacob states sullenly.
I turn my gaze towards the TV that is on mute across the room, just as they display a picture of Emily on the screen. It is the same picture that had been used for her funeral. I fumbled for the remote control on the bedside table and quickly hit the sound button.