by Shandi Boyes
“Let her fucking go!!” I want to scream, but the intense pain in my head radiates down my face causing it to become paralysed.
Ryan can’t take my Emily away from me, she is mine and I need her. He has been there every time something bad has happened in my life. He was at the scene when my little brother Michael died in the traffic accident. Ryan was the one that found Chris in the bathtub and he was the one that told me he had committed suicide, and now he is trying to take Emily away from me too.
I watch as Ryan approaches a police patrol car and that is when my vision catches a pile of wood sitting in the middle of the ground. Adjusting my eyes, I realise it is the remnants of the guitar that Emily had brought me for my birthday. No, not the guitar she had worked so hard for. I could feel my heart racing as it slowly starts to crack. Emily is being taken away from me, the guitar she had brought for me is shattered and my body is beyond broken. As my blinking starts to lengthen, I allow the blackness to take over.
My eyes open wide in shock as all my memories come flooding back in. Oh my god, it’s me! I am the one that is leaving her.
“No” I breathe out harshly, while I drop to my knees in front of Emily.
“I’m sorry beautiful, I am so fucking sorry. I wanted to come back to you. My brain just got confused, I am so sorry” I apologize into her beautiful light brown eyes that are filled with tears.
I want to touch her, I want to wipe her tears away because I fucking hate when she cries, but she just looks straight through me.
Michael takes a step closer to me and I turn to face him, my tears streaming down my face. My eyes pleading to him, begging him to let me stay with Emily. I love my brothers, but I love Emily more and I can’t leave her.
“I’m sorry beautiful, I’m so sorry” I tell her over and over again.
Until the whiteness of the room becomes blinding that I can no longer see Emily standing in front of me.
Chapter 33
Emily
“We have a bit of a problem” states Dr Morgan, causing my heart to drop into my stomach.
He turns the monitor to face me and I glance at the black and white grainy picture in front of me. I can’t see anything on the monitor that resembles a jelly bean, let alone a baby.
“You have a condition called placenta praevia” advises Dr Morgan, as he uses his index finger to point out a blob looking image on the screen.
My gaze turns towards him confused. What is placenta praevia?
“It means you baby’s placenta is sitting low in your uterus. That means if you wanted to attempt a natural delivery it could be blocking the baby’s exit. But you still have a few weeks before we have to worry about that, it could move out of the way by the time you are full term” he advises.
All I heard in that whole sentence was the word baby, I wasn’t paying attention to anything else he said after that.
“So there is a baby in there?” I question quickly, causing Dr Morgan to let out a deep chuckle.
“Yes, there is a baby in there” he replies, smiling brightly at me.
“and it’s ok?” I interrupt, panicked from the bleeding I had experienced this morning.
“Yes Emily, everything appears to be going well” he advises as he clicks buttons on the ultrasound machine, before moving the ultrasound wand along my belly.
“See” he states with a small smile on his face, motioning his head to the monitor.
As I turn my gaze back towards the monitor, I see our baby kicking and wiggling on screen. It looks like a real baby to, not like how little Jasper looked the first time I saw him on the ultrasound monitor. Happy tears instantly spring to my eyes, while looking at the precious baby I had created with Noah, our baby nestled safely in my womb.
“According to our measurements you are approximately twenty-one weeks pregnant” announces Dr Morgan, causing my mouth to drop open wide in shock. This once again causes Dr Morgan to chuckle.
“Did you want to know the sex?” he questions me. I instantly start shaking my head, I don’t know if Noah wants to find out the sex of our baby or not, and I am not willing to make that decision without him.
Dr Morgan moves the wand away from tummy, before using the white cotton sheet to wipe the remnants of ultrasound gel off my stomach. Once it is all cleared away, he gently assists me to a sitting position on the bed.
“Here you go” he says as he hands me a black and white photo of our baby.
“Thank you” I whisper gratefully while pulling the photo close to my chest.
“We will keep you on four weekly appointments until you third trimester. We will also organise an ultrasound in the last trimester to make sure the placenta has moved out of the way. The bleed may have been from lying down, as sometimes small bleeds can sit in little pockets along the uterine wall and once you move to an upright position it causes it to gush out, making it appear to be a larger volume of blood than it actually is. Bleeding can be common with placenta praevia but if you start bleeding again or get any cramps, immediately call my office” instructs Dr Morgan as he gently rubs my arm.
“Okay” I whisper softly.
“I will leave you to get dressed and then I will meet you at the reception desk to make your next appointment” Dr Morgan advises.
Once he leaves the room, I lower down the ultrasound photo from my chest to gawk at our precious little baby, my heart beaming with happiness. I quickly get dressed back into my stretchy black pants and white one shoulder shirt, before meeting Dr Morgan in the hall, smiling brightly with excitement.
My smile is soon wiped off my face when I follow Dr Morgan right to Noah’s mom sitting behind the reception desk.
“Maree we need to book Emily in for an appointment in four weeks’ time, I would also like you to organise a morphology scan for her, she is already twenty-one weeks pregnant so the sooner the better” he advises.
Noah’s mom never once falters on her chirpy receptionist face while Dr Morgan was talking to her, until he turns towards me, her eyes instantly narrowing to small slits.
“I will see you in four weeks” states Dr Morgan before he turns and walks back down the hallway.
Maree starts typing on the keyboard and once Dr Morgan is out of earshot she venomously whispers “The bastard child is having a bastard, how fitting” while handing me an appointment card.
I storm out of the doctor’s office. I like Dr Morgan, but I am going to have to find another obstetrician. I am not going to let that vicious cow ruin mine and Noah’s joy.
As I walk back into the entrance of Ravenshoe Private Hospital, I decide it is time to tell Noah about our precious little surprise bundle. Maybe if he knows he has something more to come back for, he will come back to us sooner. I stop at the end of his corridor to pull the ultrasound photo out of my purse. Glancing down, I smile brightly at the image of our little baby that is curved in a little ball. His legs pulled in closer to his chest, while showing off the side profile of his face perfectly. I can’t wait to share my surprise news with Noah.
“Code Blue, room 34, Code Blue” gets screamed over the hospital speaker.
I turn to face the commotion of the nurses and doctors running into a room in the corridor. My heart instantly sinks when I realise they are rushing into Noah’s room. I drop the ultrasound picture and my purse to start running frantically towards Noah’s room. My heart racing faster with every step I take. The instant I turn the corner to enter his room I notice Jacob leaning over his bed, grasping his hand tightly.
“Noah, just hold on, help is coming. I need you to fight Noah. You have to fight” yells Jacob panicked. I race to Noah’s bedside, grabbing his opposite hand.
“Please baby hold on” I plead to him as the heart monitor at his bedside sirens an alarm, the lines showing he is flat lining.
“Move now” screams a nurse at Jacob, pulling him away from Noah before she lowers Noah’s bed down flat. It causes the hand that Jacob was just holding onto to flop off the side of the bed, lifeless like.
“We need the defibrillator” screams the nurse to other nurses out in the hallway.
Jacob moves away from the bed as he starts to pace swiftly back and forth, running his hands over his head. The veins in his jaw ticking and his fists clench tightly.
“You need to let us help him” advises a nurse. I shake my head; I can’t leave him.
As a nurse runs a machine towards Noah’s bedside as Jacob quickly grabs me by the waist and pulls me away from Noah.
“Noah” I scream as the tears start streaming down my face.
“Please Noah fight!” I request, never taking my eyes off him lying lifeless on the bed.
He can’t leave me; he can’t leave us. He was doing so well, what happened while I was gone? I should have never left him. The nurses and doctors move around him quickly, gathering equipment and placing pads on his now exposed chest, they had to remove the guitar pendant Jacob had given him from around his neck.
“Charging, fully charged, stand back, clear!” states Dr Kirkpatrick as he shocks Noah’s heart with the defibrillator. I watch as his torso moves off the bed as the electricity surges through his body.
I begin to feel faint and nearly fall to my knees before Jacob grabs a hold of me. He cradles me close to his chest, but I can’t take my eyes of Noah. He can’t leave me, I need him, we need him.
“Still no cardiac output” advises a nurse to Dr Kirkpatrick.
“Charge again” he advises as he starts doing CPR compressions roughly on Noah’s chest.
“Come on Noah” he whispers harshly as he climbs up onto the bed, kneeling on his knees to ensure the compressions are hard enough to shock Noah’s heart.
“Fully charged” states a nurse as she hands the shock paddles to Dr Kirkpatrick.
“Stand back” he yells before shocking Noah again “Clear” he advises as they all rush back towards him. Dr Kirkpatrick commences the compressions on his chest again, while the nurse pumps oxygen into Noah.
“Please, I am begging you, please don’t take him away from me” I silently beg while looking towards the hospital ceiling.
Then I hear a faint beep causing my eyes to turn back towards Noah, then I hear it again. Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep as his heart starts pulsing again. Jacob roughly squeezes me tight when he notices the heart monitor beside Noah’s bed starts showing his heart rhythm has returned.
“Normal cardiac rhythm returned” advises a nurse.
Dr Kirkpatrick stays kneeling beside Noah, running his hands roughly down his face, before he slowly climbs down from his bed. I immediately seek his gaze.
“What happened?” I ask panicked.
“I don’t know” he answers shocked “patients normally go into cardiac arrest before they are comatose, not after” he states while glancing between Jacob and I.
“I will have a heart specialist come to check on him and I will need to assess if the lack of oxygen to his brain has caused any damage. But the fact he went into sudden cardiac arrest in a hospital is a good thing. It means his brain shouldn’t have been denied oxygen for a long enough period to cause any permanent damage” he advises.
Dr Kirkpatrick offers me a small smile, before he walks over to talk to the nurse that is still monitoring Noah next to his bedside.
“He just scared the fucking shit out of me” Jacob says roughly, as he wraps his arm around my shoulder.
“Me too” I reply, while wrapping my arm around Jacob’s waist.
Chapter 34
Noah
My god it is so fucking white; my eyes are straining trying to adjust to the blinding light. I continue to blink rapidly trying to adapt my eyes to my surroundings. I can smell Emily’s vanilla scent; she smells like she is close to me. A few more rapid blinks and my vision starts to clear that I notice Jacob standing over my bed gawking at me. His ugly face wasn’t the first I had expected to see, but I will take anything I can get.
He smiles brightly at me, while he lifts his finger to his lips telling me to be quiet. As I attempt to move my arm to give Jacob the finger I realise why I can smell Emily so close. She is snuggled in close against my side, sleeping peacefully.
“Oh thank fuck” I state silently; she came back to me.
I lean my head down close to Emily’s dark locks before I take a long inhale of breath. She smells as good as I remembered. I gently move my arm to wrap it around her tiny waist, causing her to let out a little moan, as she snuggles in closer to the crock of my neck.
“I’ll be back, don’t fucking go anywhere” Jacob quietly chuckles, before he walks out the door.
I can’t believe she came back to me; I am finally home with Emily. My hand is gently wrapped around her waist when I feel something move underneath her shirt.
“What the fuck” I whisper as I pull my hand away in fright. That is when I hear Emily’s beautiful little giggle, the sound is heaven to my ears. She grabs my hand I had just moved away and places it back onto her curved stomach.
“You came back to us” she whispers into the crook of my neck as she places small delicate kisses along my jaw. Her belly continues to move against my hand.
“Us?” I question, my heart racing a million miles an hour.
Emily lifts her head and her beautiful light brown sparkling eyes stare directly into mine.
“Yes us” she whispers softly while moving her delicious mouth towards mine to give me a gentle soft peck on my lips.
“You’re going to be a daddy” she whispers against my lips, causing my eyes to pop open in shock.
“You didn’t lose the baby?” I question her, as I pull her back from my lips to stare into her eyes.
Her eyebrows pull together in confusion, before she slowly shakes her head. Oh my god, Emily didn’t lose the baby. My heart is racing with excitement as I pull Emily’s delicious pouty lips back to mine by the back of her head. She giggles again as I express my joy that Emily came back to me and that our baby is safe through our kiss. She tastes so good; fuck I have missed her.
Then it suddenly dawns on me, the baby was moving in her stomach. Pulling away from our embrace, Emily’s bottom lip drops in sadness.
“How far along are you?” I question, as her face breaks into a beautiful smile.
“Twenty-three weeks” she whispers softly as she bites down on her lip.
“and how long does a pregnancy last?” I question, causing Emily to giggle again.
“Normally forty weeks” she replies while she runs her hand gently down my cheek.
Holy fuck, I am going to be a dad in a matter of months. I can feel my heart racing even faster now. I do a quick calculation in my head, in seventeen weeks I am going to a daddy, a dad to a baby I created with Emily. Fuck yes!
Emily is watching me curiously with her eyebrows slightly pulled together. I quickly scoot to the side of the bed, my face constricting with pain when I suddenly try to move my leg. The excitement of having Emily back with me and hearing I was going to be a dad made me forgot my body is still pretty fucked up.
“Are you ok?” Emily questions panicked. I quickly nod my head at her as I continue scooting to the furthest edge of the bed.
“Lay down” I request to Emily; she looks at me confused before she does as I requested.
Only once she is lying down flat can I see the small curve protruding from her belly. I gently place my hand over the curve, as Emily smiles brightly. It doesn’t take long to feel the tiny movements from her belly.
“He seems to like his daddy” Emily whispers.
“It’s a boy?” I question her shocked.
“No, I don’t know. I just think it is boy” she replies, whilst she smiles radiantly.
“Hmm, we will see” I reply. I don’t know why but the image of a little girl with dark curly hair and light brown eyes instantly formed when I put my hand on Emily’s belly.
“Well he finally decides to wake” declares a voice in the hallway.
Turning my gaze, I notice a medium built lady, who appears to be in
her late twenties with long blonde hair. I recognize her voice, but I can’t place her face.
“I knew you would eventually come back” she declares cockily as she walks into the room. I swear I have heard her voice many times before these past few months. No…. it couldn’t be?
“Dr Miller?” I question, causing her to wink at me as she smiles brightly.
Emily glances over towards me curiously as she moves into a sitting position, before her gaze turns back to Dr Miller.
“I told you the cochlear nerve was the last to go” Dr Miller advises to Emily.
Now Emily isn’t the only one confused. The lady I had completed rehabilitation with is in my room, talking to Emily and me. What the fuck?