His eyes bore into mine, and I glare right back.
Don’t be a dick, it says.
I check to make sure Alan is outside hearing range.
“Her Dean?” Rielle asks, her voice dripping with awww how cute. “Is that what you call him? Your Dean?”
Not on purpose. And Seth knows that.
I feel his presence behind me, thickening with every step.
“Yeah,” I say, louder. Seth has no right to be a jerk about this. It was one kiss, when we were both fired up from almost dying.
It was more than that, and you know it, a voice in the back of my head says. I grind my teeth. Seth is still being an asshole, whether it meant something or not. And it’s easier to be mad at him than to be anything else, so. If he’s offering an out, I’m going to take it.
“So?” Rielle asks. “When did you know?”
I force a smile onto my face, and Rielle elbows me.
“Come on, Charlotte. The world is shit, and I love remembering that there are good things still happening in this world. There are still moments of goodness and love and all that sappy shit.”
I do remember the moment I knew. I remember the feeling of swelling in my chest—a tightening that felt like it was going to shatter me into a thousand pieces.
“We were swimming at the public pool,” I say. “It was night.”
“The two of you?” Rielle asks, her eyebrow cocking. “Oh, I know where this is going.”
“Just the two of you?” Seth asks, and I shoot him a look over my shoulder that says don’t be an asshole. “You sure there weren’t more people there?” he presses.
Rielle rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Don’t listen to Seth. He’s just jealous because he hasn’t gotten laid since the end of the world.”
“Shut up, Rielle,” he snaps.
I remember the way his groan sounded as it rattled the back of my throat, and the grip of his hand on the back of my neck. I shake the thought away and turn back to Rielle.
“It was just us,” I clarify. And it’s true. Harlow said she was over swimming, but Dean and I weren’t. We stayed in as she went to take a shower in the girls’ bathroom. “And I just knew.”
Heat spreads across my chest as I remember. I was close to him as we joked about nothing and everything. I splashed him, and he splashed me. He lunged, pulling me close before picking me up over his shoulder and falling backward in a mock wrestling move.
I realized that, in that moment, I was drunk on him. I wanted to stay pressed to his skin as long as I was breathing. I wanted all of him.
“And he told you how much you meant to him, right?” Seth asks, and I look back at him.
Asshole, my gaze shouts. He meets my eyes defiantly.
“He didn’t have to,” I bite out.
Seth narrows his eyes. “But he has told you what you mean to him, right?”
“Geez, Seth,” Rielle breathes. “Lighten up.”
I clench my jaw and then step to the side of the path. Rielle gives me a questioning look, but I motion to my boot.
“I’ll catch up. Gotta tie my shoe,” I explain. Rielle nods and bounds ahead. I kneel down, pretending to redo the knot of my laces.
Hot, vicious anger claws up the back of my throat. I need to be able to believe that the kiss didn’t mean anything. I thought he would just let it go, and let me do the same.
This is going to be harder than I thought it would be, and it’s easier to blame him.
A shadow stretches over me.
Seth holds out a hand to me to help me up, and I ignore it. The group has moved on, and I stand, lengthening my stride. The last thing I need is to talk to him.
“Charlotte,” he calls, and I ignore him. I hear his heavy footfalls behind me. “Charlotte.”
I whip around, letting the rage fill my eyes. “You’re an asshole, Marsali.”
He holds his hands up. “I’m sorry. I just . . .”
“You just what?” I shoot.
Seth looks over my shoulder. The group is continuing, slowly hiking out of earshot. He sighs, and I see him deflate a little.
“I shouldn’t have taken it so far. That was out of line. I just . . .” His voice falters, and I stop in my tracks, turning around to face him. He sighs. “I want to make sure you’re okay. And I’m doing a shit job at trying to talk to you after—” He doesn’t finish the sentence, but the memory of the kiss floods back, bringing heat to my cheeks. I look away.
“Well, I don’t need you to make sure that I’m okay, Seth,” I snap, “because we’re not friends.”
The words fly past my lips before I can taste them. Before I can roll them across my tongue and decipher them as bitter. As lies.
Seth freezes, his yellow eyes boring into mine. He lets out a small breath. A humorless laugh. It hit him right where I wanted it to.
“Fine.”
“Fine,” I spit back, the falseness of it conjuring nausea in my gut.
That’s when I hear a small, shrill noise roll down the line and blood rushes in my ears. The whistle.
Something is coming.
Seth doesn’t hesitate. He grabs my arm and pulls me into the brush as Rielle signals for the Curseclean to hide, and they all jump off the road. Seth pulls on my arm, and I lose my balance. I topple, and he falls with me.
“Shit,” I hiss, feeling his arm around my waist as we both careen to the ground. I twist, landing on my back.
He lies on top of me, his elbow braced on the side of my head.
“Shit,” he growls.
The sound—a crack—splits the air. We both go still. The wind whispers through the trees, but no other sound rides the breeze. Still, neither of us is willing to chance a movement.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. His eyes find mine—and there is sorrow and regret mixed with the fear. He’s not talking about landing on me.
He shifts like he’s going to move, but I grab his waist as another crack rips through the woods.
“Don’t move,” I breathe.
His solid chest rests on mine. Heat blooms in my rib cage, sending goose bumps over my collarbone. I wonder if he can tell. If he can feel.
Fear wars with something else; something deeper that has started to churn in my gut.
“If I tell you to, you run. Run as hard and fast as you can. You get to the ship. Do you understand?” he murmurs.
My hands go rigid, my heart thundering against his chest.
“We talked about this,” Seth whispers, feeling my reluctance.
“You talked about it,” I bite back, swallowing the tightness in the back of my throat.
“Run south. Cut across and back down the path. Get to the water. Get to safety.”
The thought of leaving makes me sick. I yank my hands free and bring them down to his sides. I pull on his shirt, turning my head so that my lips are at his ear.
“If I run, they’ll kill you all on sight and take the Curseclean. If I stay, then we have a bargaining chip. We can find a way out of it. Like with the Cobalt.”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I know he doesn’t like what I just said.
“A bargaining chip? Are you insane?”
“I won’t let them hurt you,” I answer back, and he lifts up to look me in the eyes.
“I can protect them,” he says, his voice strained.
I blink, swallowing hard as my eyes flick between his.
“I won’t let them hurt you,” I repeat, emphasizing the last word.
And it hurts, how much I mean it. It hurts, how his face tightens as he looks down at me, how I can see his thoughts racing. It’s the truth I’ve been dodging for the past two weeks. It’s the truth that brought me to the deck under the full moon. The truth that sent me plunging into the sea. It’s the truth that has kept me awake in the middle of the night, aching for a touch I’ve never felt.
Seth is still, our hearts thundering against each other.
A whistle cuts through the air. One low, two high. All clear. But we don’t move.
/>
“I’m sorry,” Seth says again, quieter this time.
“I’m sorry,” I reply, and he’ll never know how much I mean it.
Seth shifts, just a little, and he’s going to get up, but stops as his body aligns with mine. I look up at him, his yellow eyes heavy-lidded as they meet my gaze. Restraint tightens his jaw, and his eyes drop to my lips. We should go. We need to go. I need—
But I know I’m hours away from never seeing him again, and it brings a sort of fluttery panic to my chest. I’m going to lose him soon.
I need this.
My hands slowly inch up his ribs, and he closes his eyes as he drops his forehead to mine, and something like a shudder makes his hips settle gently into me, bringing his lips even closer to mine. It’s a shallow movement, but I gasp, a jolt of electricity licking up the back of my spine.
I don’t know what we’re doing, but I know I don’t want it to stop. I let out a shallow breath, hitched as my mind unhinges from the darkness that has kept it tethered to reality.
I want him to steal the breath from my lungs. Our faces are so close.
This is a glass moment hovering above a marble floor, and we’re gripping it with everything we have. But sooner or later, we both know it is going to shatter.
Seth shakes his head like he’s fighting to find his thoughts before he turns and rolls off me in one swift movement, and I hate my body for hating his absence.
Seth secures his blade to the holster on his thigh, and I can see that whatever was kept alive in the heat between us has withered in the exposed air.
“We good?” he asks, his expression unreadable once more. Gone is the boy who made brownies in the microwave. The one who did a backflip off the stern. He’s the captain I met on the first night. And that’s what I wanted.
“We’re good,” I answer back.
My boots kick up wet dirt, and I savor the burn in my lungs as I walk quickly to try and catch up to the rest of the group.
I don’t know what catches my attention, or why I look to my left, where a small clearing lies, undisturbed.
But I look, and for a second—I see someone standing, shrouded in sunlight.
A woman, all in black, her light skin and blond hair stark against the emerald greenery.
But when I look again, she’s gone.
Chapter 29
THE SAFE HOUSE IS A MILE OUTSIDE CRESCENT City, deep in the Last Chance section of the California redwoods.
I wait with Alan and the rest of the Curseclean as Lucia and Seth scout the perimeter while Rielle and Thomas go ahead to collect wood and scope it out. With another whistle, they signal that it’s safe for us to come in.
I wince at the sound, and wonder if I’ll ever be able to hear it again without imagining the weight of Seth’s chest on mine and the blissful feeling of his ragged breath on my lips.
The safe house is nicer than I expected. I was thinking it would be a cabin with a Unabomber vibe, but it’s modern architecture—white stone and open stairwells. My favorite thing is the giant glass wall at the back that overlooks a creek snaking through the woods.
The cabinets are fully stocked, and Lucia brings a dozen sleeping bags out of a closet.
There’s even hot water in the shower, something I check before I crank it in the opposite direction.
I let the cold stream wash down my back like it can cure me of the heat Seth planted in my bones.
Rielle starts a fire and then says something about finding Lucia’s candy stash before sneaking upstairs.
“I’ll kill you,” Lucia calls from the kitchen, but she doesn’t move to stop her, so. We all know how this is going to end.
I curl up by the fire, loving the sensation of the heat on my face as my wet hair drips icy drops on the back of my neck. I need to savor this—I don’t know when I’ll get it again.
My socks are dry for the first time in months, it seems, and the cushion under my head is soft. If I close my eyes, I can almost pretend I’m home—that it’s near Christmas and my mom is playing the Judds on the record player. That Vanessa is helping with dinner, and Harlow is beating my dad at chess in the other room. I can almost hear his deep laugh as it mixes with fake outrage—those aren’t the rules, Harlow!
“Is this seat taken?” a soft, deep voice asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. I look up as Abel Lassiter steps around the couch. I scoot sideways on the rocky hearth.
“All yours,” I reply quietly, marveling at the strange sensation of seeing someone in real life that I’ve seen on a screen for years. He wears dark pants and a red sweater that smell faintly of mothballs. His hair is washed and trimmed, and it looks blonder now than when I found him. There are cuts on his cheek that are still healing, and a couple of bruises on his jaw that aren’t quite gone. Other than that, he looks the same as he did on the other side of the television.
“I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner,” he says, his voice low. He interlaces his fingers in his lap before pulling them apart again. He’s nervous.
“You don’t need to say anything to me,” I start, but Abel shakes his head as he pivots to face me.
“I do. First, you saved me. If you hadn’t found me, I would be dead. I just . . .” He bites his lip, considering his words. “You know, I’d always heard my father’s stories about war. About being a prisoner. I’d read books, and when I signed up for the navy, I knew there was always a chance that that could be my fate. But experiencing it . . .” He stops, forcing a smile on his face. “I just needed some time before I came to thank you.”
“Of course,” I say quietly. I don’t need his gratitude. I thought I was saving Dean. His rescue was a happy accident.
“But also . . .” He takes a steadying breath. “You’re the answer we’ve been looking for, Charlotte. Seth says you know where the Heart is.”
I nod robotically, and Abel smiles. “Then it’s over.” Tears spring into his eyes, and I swallow the bile that rises in the back of my throat.
Rielle appears at the bottom of the stairs, a plastic bag full of candy clenched in her fist. She jumps over the back of the couch. Lucia and Thomas slink out of the back room and take a seat on the floor. Lucia leans back against Thomas’s chest, stopping only to give Rielle a death glare when she sees the candy bag. It’s a strangely normal moment, a glimpse of how it was before. How it can be again.
“We’ll remake everything,” Abel says.
“For everyone,” Seth adds from the shadows. He’s standing by the base of the stairs, arms crossed over his chest. Abel looks at his friend, and I know from their looks that this isn’t the first time they’ve talked about it. He flips his knife open and spins the tip against his pointer finger.
Abel nods gravely. “For everyone. The way Evelyn would have wanted it. Without the threat of the Crimson, we will be able to focus completely on expanding infrastructure. There won’t be a lottery anymore. Everyone will have access to everything the Torch has to offer. And then, you can come home. Take your place at my side, like you were always meant to.”
“And my father?” Seth asks.
Abel leans forward, letting out a sigh. “I’ll deal with him when he gets back. I’ll let him know that his days in politics are done.”
Seth pushes off the wall, closing his knife with a flick of his wrist as he regards his friend.
“And I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner,” Abel says. He turns to me. “But we all have a chance to start over now. Maybe there is some light at the end of all of this.”
I bite my tongue and force a nod. I just need them all to go to sleep. Then I’ll find a way out of here. I’m silently making plans when Abel’s voice pulls me back to the present.
“We didn’t know what we were going to do when the Vessels . . . evolved. Didn’t know how we’d face that. We were outgunned and outmatched. But now we can rally. Whatever you need to get to the Heart, you’ll have it. Now, I know that you haven’t said where it is, which is what I would hope for. If the Vessels get to it first and st
op you from destroying it, this is over. But we will need to know eventually. And you might consider telling someone, should, God forbid, something happen to you—”
“Nothing is going to happen to her,” Lucia bites out. I glance up, and her bright eyes are fierce. I’m used to seeing them directed at me. But now, they’re burning for me. I look back down. Just like that, I’m one of her people.
“Fair enough,” Abel answers. “I’ll tell the Torch to mobilize and wait for further instruction.”
I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. I clench my jaw tight and muster a single nod. “And it’s not just the Torch that will be ready.” Seth’s voice cuts through the room, and my head snaps up. “We just got the scanner working. Word of you has spread. People are rallying. Settlements are sending their soldiers to the Rogue River forest near Gold Beach.”
“The scanner’s working?” Abel asks hopefully, at the exact moment that I whisper, “What?” not bothering to hide the fear on my face.
As Lucia leads Abel out of the room, Rielle smiles at me. “People know the Chosen One is alive, and that she’s on her way to find the Heart.”
It feels like my legs have turned to jelly, and nausea roils in my gut.
My hands shake as the realizations crash over me, getting worse with every second.
Rielle crosses the room and sits in front of me, grabbing my hand. “It’s going to be great, Charlotte. It’s happening. I know you’re scared, but we won’t let anything happen to you, okay? You’re one of us.”
The words hit me like blows, and I swallow back the dread that’s coating my throat so much it’s making it hard to breathe. They’re sending everything they have to this fight, leaving settlements defenseless. The Torch will be weakened—all because they think the Chosen One has arrived.
And when I don’t show up?
This is going to cost lives. This is going to start a war.
I’m going to throw up. I breathe deeply and try not to look as horrified as I feel—especially as Rielle heads to help upstairs, leaving me alone with Seth.
“Charlotte?” he asks, and he takes a step toward me. I put a hand up, stopping him.
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