“You don’t own her, Kit.”
“I know.”
“Do you, though? Why do you care who dates her? Why do you feel like Finn needs to ask permission? Why do you feel like you have any say in who your sister dates?” I snort, shaking my head. “Esme is her own person, with her own thoughts and opinions, her own likes and dislikes. What you think doesn’t matter.”
Kit jerks his head back, staring. “I’m her brother.”
“Why do you feel you have ownership over her?”
Kit downs the rest of his wine. “I don’t have ownership over her.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“The problem is Finn didn’t tell me,” he says, leaning forward. He stares at me intensely, shaking his head. “I went down to California to meet my mother for the first time in fifteen years, and Finn went behind my back.”
“Okay. So why take it out on Esme, though? Why be a thorn in both their sides instead of accepting their relationship? Esme obviously still wants you in her life.”
“It’s not about Esme,” Kit says, his face darkening.
I don’t know why I’m needling him. I should probably stop. But this right here—this stubborn, pig-headed sense of entitlement—it’s the one big thing that scared me in Angelo. One thing I’ll never understand.
This feels personal. Even though Kit’s relationship with his sister has nothing to do with me, I want him to understand. I need him to understand.
He’s hurting his sister and his friend for no reason at all.
“Kit, look. This isn’t my life. Your relationship with Finn and Esme has nothing to do with me. But you being mad about it doesn’t change how they feel about each other. Do you want to be the one who’s on the outside? Do you want to stew in your own anger and bitterness forever and give up everything you love? I’ve only known you a short while, but I’ve never seen you as happy as you were today. You miss the skydiving business. You miss Finn. You miss Esme and your stepmom’s pumpkin pie. Why are you running away from it all?”
“Because it’s wrong. They weren’t there for me when I needed them most. They only cared about themselves and let me deal with the hardest thing in my life by myself. My mother died, Serena. I saw her once after fifteen years, and then she was gone. And they were sneaking around behind my back without even thinking about what I was going through. Why should I care if they hurt?”
Kit’s lips tremble and spots of red appear all over his cheeks. His hands splay over the table as he stares at me, the force of his emotion pinning me to my chair.
Kit sucks in a long breath, dropping his head. “I know I should get over it. I’m not mad at them for loving each other. Deep down, I want them to be happy.” He sighs, sniffling, and my heart breaks. In a soft voice, he adds, “But what about me?”
In a flash, I’m beside him. I run my fingers through his hair and pull his head to my stomach. Kit turns in his chair, dragging me in between his legs as I wrap my arms around him. His arms circle around my hips and pull me close as he trembles, emotion ripping through him like a chainsaw.
I can feel it.
I can sense the hurt pulsing through his veins. I can see the pain tightening his muscles, and all I want to do is take it away.
Taking a gentle finger, I tilt his chin up to look at me. I run my hand over his cheek as he sighs, leaning into my touch.
“Clinging onto your anger will only make it fester, Kit,” I say softly. “I’ve seen what that does to a person. It ruins them. Changes them. Turns them into a shadow of who they used to be.”
Kit’s eyes open as he stares at me. He lets out a long sigh, his hands tightening around my waist. I hold him close, running my fingers through his silky hair as he trembles against me.
I close my eyes, loving how it feels to have him lean on me. I can feel him building himself back up again as his emotion ebbs away, until he takes a deep breath and loosens his hold on my waist. As soon as his touch is gone, I miss it.
“I’ll clean up,” he says.
I smile, letting my hands drop from his shoulders and stepping back. When I turn to grab a plate, I feel his hand on my arm.
“I’ll do it, Serena,” he says. “You cooked. The least I can do is clean.”
Biting my lip, I try to hold back my emotion. I pour us both some more wine as Kit tidies up the kitchen and dining table, and then he leads me to the living room where we lounge on the sofa.
After a time, he glances over at me. “You’re right.”
“Can you be more specific?” I grin. “I’m right about a lot of things.”
He chuckles. “About Finn and Esme. My anger is only hurting them and hurting myself.”
I reach over to put a hand on his thigh. He covers my palm with his and brings my fingers up to his lips. My heart clenches as he kisses my fingers, and I long to move closer to him.
But Kit drops my hand, drains his glass, and stands up. “I’d better get to bed. See you in the morning.”
The lump in my throat stops my voice from working, so all I do is nod. I watch him disappear into his room and I stare at the closed door, feeling empty and hopeful at the same time.
Kit is hurt, but he doesn’t want to lash out. I saw the vulnerable side of him tonight, and I believe he wants to mend his relationships with Finn and Esme.
He’s not the type of guy who will let his wounds fester and destroy him. He’ll face his problems and try to heal, and for that, I respect him more than I did before. Seeing him grow before my eyes makes me feel hope.
Hope that I can find someone who will treat me better than Angelo.
Hope that some men have emotional intelligence and the courage to admit they’re wrong.
Hope that maybe these feelings budding for Kit aren’t unfounded and unreturned. My attraction to him isn’t a rebound. It’s not pathetic. In him, I see the promise of a man who can be strong and vulnerable at the same time. He doesn’t see forgiveness as a weakness. He might just be as good as he seems.
15
Kit
When I wake up, I go for a run and end up at the skydiving booking center in town. Jogging to the back door, I grab the spare key from underneath a potted plant and let myself inside. My shoes clang on the steel staircase leading to Finn’s apartment as my heart thumps. I’m not sure if it’s nervousness or the after-effects of my run.
My money’s on nerves.
When I knock on the door, I hear rustling on the other side. My heart bangs even harder against my ribs, so hard I’m afraid they’ll shatter.
Last time I was here, I told Finn I quit. I turned my back on our friendship and our business, and I walked out of his life.
Now, I want the opposite.
Esme opens the door, dressed in black from head to toe with her shaved head bare. She smiles, opening the door wider.
“Hey, Kit.”
“Hey, sis,” I say, reaching over to ruffle her buzzed head. She ducks away from me, groaning. In the apartment, I can see Esme’s influence. A few of her drawings are hung up on the wall, with a couple of extra candles on the coffee table and windowsills. There’s a new rug on the floor—black, of course—and the whole place feels, well, nicer. It’s not a bachelor pad above the skydiving shop anymore. It’s a home.
Esme and Finn’s home.
Finn appears in the hallway, his eyes wide. “Kit,” he says, surprised.
I take a deep breath, shifting my eyes between the two of them. “I wanted to apologize. I’ve been an ass.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Esme quips.
“Shut up, Es.” I grin, hooking my arm around her neck. I rub my knuckles over her head as she squeals, laughing. She pushes me away and I stumble, letting out a laugh as my whole soul sighs in relief.
Serena’s right. I’ve been pushing them away and it’s only caused pain. Forgiveness feels harder, but it’s the easier path in the end.
Roughing my hands through my hair, I glance at Finn. “You love her?”
&nbs
p; “Desperately,” Finn answers, completely serious. Esme smiles, hooking her arm around his waist. Her head barely reaches his shoulder, and he leans over to lay a soft kiss on her short hair.
Sighing, I nod. “Okay. I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry I didn’t get it.”
“What changed?” Finn says, his eyes shining.
“Maybe it was the plane ride yesterday.” I shrug. “Made me realize what I was missing.”
“Maybe it’s your new roommate.” Esme grins, arching a brow. “Nothing like a little female intuition to show you where you’re going wrong.”
A flush creeps up my neck as I shake my head, remembering the conversation Serena and I had last night. “It’s not Serena.”
Esme doesn’t look convinced. She jerks her head to the kitchen. “You want some breakfast?”
“I’m good,” I say, even though my stomach is grumbling. I’d planned on grabbing some coffees and pastries on my way home, as a way of saying thank you to Serena for knocking some sense into me. Seeing Finn and Esme together only makes me want to do it more.
I bid them goodbye and promise to come over for dinner next time I have a day off, then head back out of their apartment. When I get home, two coffees and a couple of muffins in hand, Serena is already up and emptying the dishwasher.
As much as I thought I enjoyed living by myself, I can’t deny how nice it is to have someone here. When she sees the coffees, her eyes light up. She takes a sip, letting out a low moan that makes my cock swell. I watch the way her throat bobs as she swallows. How she tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. How the graceful column of her neck looks so deliciously inviting, begging for the brush of my lips.
I turn away from her as the heat in my core becomes unbearable. “I went to see Finn and Esme this morning,” I say, stealing a glance her way again.
Serena’s eyes widen. “Yeah?”
“I apologized.”
“You did?”
“Why is that so surprising?” I laugh.
Serena shrugs, chuckling. “I don’t know very many men who would have the balls to do that, is all.”
I tilt my head, staring at her, and I wonder again what type of guy her ex-boyfriend was. I can see in her eyes that she’s been through a lot. She knows pain. She’s wise, and caring, and thoughtful, but she still doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who would take anyone’s shit.
How would a guy like Angelo get under her skin like that? Make her smaller? Scared?
Not for the first time, I wonder what exactly happened in her last relationship. It’s not that it matters, really, but I just want to make it all disappear. Make it all better. Make her forget about him and look to the future.
Maybe a future with me.
“You’re back at work tomorrow?” Serena asks casually. Very casually. She avoids my eye.
“Yeah,” I answer, and I think I see a bit of disappointment in her face.
“When will you be back?”
“In four days,” I say. “I stay at the staff quarters near the airport in Seattle when I’m flying daily.”
“Oh,” she says, forcing a smile as she looks at me. “Okay. I promise I won’t burn the place down while you’re gone.”
I laugh as my heart thumps. The thought of coming home to Serena feels good. Almost too good. It was like coming back to a home-cooked meal last night—something I never thought I was missing until I saw how great it was.
But as Serena mumbles something about getting dressed and slips back into her room, I know we’re just roommates. Nothing more.
Even though I’ve mostly forgiven Finn, I’m not going to turn around and do the same thing to Robbie. No way.
At least, not until I talk to him about it first.
It’s hard to leave Serena to go to work. Harder than I expect. When I get up in the morning, I glance at the closed door to the guest room and imagine what it would feel like to knock and say goodbye. To go in there and give her a soft kiss, tell her I’ll see her in four days.
Shaking my head, I leave the house.
We’re not together. She’s just crashing at my place. She’s not my girlfriend, and she’s going to move out as soon as she gets on her feet.
As I get in my car, my heart tugs. I realize I don’t want her to move out. She’s only been at my place for a couple of days, but even in that short amount of time, it’s changed the way I think about life at home. I like having her there. I like coming home to her. I like seeing her smile and catching a glimpse of the little purple jewel she wears in her belly button.
When I finally get to work, I meet Robbie in the staff lounge. He jerks his head at me, eyes hopeful.
“How’s my sister?”
“She’s good,” I say, guilt worming its way through my chest. I gulp, wondering if I should tell him how I feel.
But how do I feel? What’s going on between Serena and me? Apart from me lusting after her, that is. We were very clear with each other—just friends.
Is that because we want to just be friends, or because I pushed her away?
My attention snaps back to Robbie, who’s telling me about his days off. He realizes I’m not listening and tilts his head. “What’s up? Something’s on your mind.”
Yeah. Your sister.
I shake my head. “Nah. Just enjoyed the days off. Not sure about all this.” I wave my hand around the staff lounge and tell Robbie about my flight up in the skydiving plane.
He nods. “Ah. You miss it.”
I chuckle. “Yeah. A lot.”
Robbie chews the inside of his lip, tilting his head. “Why don’t you go back to it?”
“To the skydiving business?”
“Yeah. I’m sure your partner—what was his name?”
“Finn.”
“I’m sure Finn would take you back.”
I let out a chuckle. “I know he would. Serena convinced me to make nice with him and my sister.”
“There you go.” Robbie grins. He barks out a laugh, shaking his head. “Trust my sister to knock some sense into you.”
“What would you do if some guy started dating your sister behind your back?” I ask it like a hypothetical, but behind my words, the truth hides.
What would you do if I started dating your sister?
Robbie lets out a sigh, shrugging. “As long as it wasn’t Angelo or some dickhead like him, it would be okay. Everyone deserves to be happy.”
My heart squeezes. Robbie’s eyes search my face and he’s silent for a long moment. I try not to squirm, and I wonder if he heard the subtext of my question. If he saw the effect his sister had on me. If he would mind if I pursued her.
But instead of saying anything, Robbie checks his watch and nods to the staff lounge exit. “Time to go.”
I let out a sigh and get up, simultaneously relieved to have avoided an awkward conversation and upset I didn’t have the balls to ask him.
16
Serena
“I’ll be back for Christmas, Mom,” I say to my exasperated mother over the phone.
“You left without even saying goodbye!”
“It came up at the last minute.” I cringe, knowing I lied to all of them. No one except Robbie knew I was leaving, but after Angelo showed up at my house, I knew I had to go. “It’s not forever,” I say.
My chest constricts. I hate saying these things to my mother, because the way I feel right now, I wouldn’t mind being in Woodvale forever.
It’s nice here. More than nice. I can see a future here. Within a couple of days, I’ve met my future coworker in Sarah and been accepted into Kit’s group of friends.
My whole life in New Haven revolved around Angelo. Making him happy when we were together and avoiding him when we were apart.
Now, I’m free.
Free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want.
My mother tuts, and I can imagine her pinched lips. I know my leaving probably caused waves in the family, but as I glance around Kit’s living room—my
living room—I know it’s worth it.
“I have to go, Mom.”
“We’re not done talking about this, Serena.”
“I’m a grown woman. I don’t need your permission to take a holiday. I’ll call you tomorrow.” My voice is harsh, and I can physically feel my mother recoil through the phone. Pulling the cell phone away from my ear, I mash the end call button and let out a heavy sigh.
Anger and frustration swirl in my belly, carving out deep, red lines in my gut. Emotions burn the inside of my chest and stomach, making my face and neck feel hot.
I’m an adult. I can leave town if I feel like it. I don’t need my mother’s fucking permission.
As I toss my phone on the sofa and comb my fingers through my wild dark hair, I stare at the ceiling and let out a sigh.
Maybe it wasn’t just Angelo stifling me back home. Maybe it was the weight of my entire family’s expectations holding me down. They made excuses for his behavior when he showed cracks in his perfect façade. They pushed me to act the way they wanted me to act, not how I wanted.
I jump when the doorbell rings. Padding on the hardwood floors, I try to pat my hair down and straighten my clothes, pushing my conversation with my mother to the side. I’ll make nice with her later. Right now, I need to be my own person.
Esme stands on the stoop, her hands in her pockets. She’s wearing a puffy black jacket with a fur hood and those same ripped jeans and combat boots. Her black beanie is pushed back on her head.
With a hopeful smile, she nods at me. “Hi.”
“Oh, Kit is gone for work,” I say. “He’ll be back in four days.”
“I know,” Esme says, nodding to the door for me to open it wider. I do, and she steps through, shivering. “It’s bitter out there.”
“Do the winters get harsh here?”
“Not as bad as where you’re from.” Esme grins.
I give her a smile, wondering why she’s here but still glad for the company.
Her eyes glimmer. “Any chance you’ve got a bit of my mother’s pumpkin pie left over?”
Don't Need You: A Brother's Best Friend Romance (We Shouldn't Book 3) Page 10